Beyond the Breaking Point (18 page)

Then Orlando had happened and he’d gotten a taste of Cassidy. His respect and admiration had blossomed into full-blown infatuation. At age thirty-two, he was too old to be experiencing a lust-based, schoolboy crush. It was the main reason he’d stayed away from Cassidy this last month.

He’d gone out on dates. He was a single, heterosexual male in his prime. Recently, he’d contacted a few old flings and tested the waters, but had quickly remembered why they hadn’t lasted. He’d even had no-strings-attached, let’s-just-live-in-the moment sex with a few, but none compared to the night he’d spent with Cassidy. Max was afraid the woman had ruined him.

Cassidy was so guileless, so responsive, so incredibly sensuous that he’d been unable to stop himself from turning to her again and again, all night long. She was so open with her reactions, withholding nothing. It was addictive. She’d made him feel like the greatest lover in the world. There were no studied, seductive moves. With her he hadn’t felt as if his performance and expertise as a lover were being evaluated and weighed. She’d simply thrown herself headlong into the encounter and God help him, he wanted to experience it again. If he hadn’t noticed the mass of bruises, he’d have taken her again that next morning. Phillip and Amber be damned.

As usual, thoughts of Cassidy produced the predictable hardening in his lower body.

Max had rinsed out his dishes and set them in the dishwasher when the doorbell rang. He hoped it wasn’t Susan, looking for a hookup. He’d thought she understood that after Amber, he wasn’t looking to rush into another relationship. Susan had said she did and that all she wanted was a little sexual relief with a safe familiar partner, but since their night two weeks ago, she’d been calling and dropping by at odd moments, hoping for a repeat.

Resigning himself to having to deal with her in what he hoped would be a firm but kind manner, he went to the door and looked out. It wasn’t Susan.

Max snatched open the door. “Cassidy.”

 “Max, hi. Sorry to drop by so late, but I didn’t know where else to go,” she said, looking nervous and unsure.

He reached out, caught her by the arm and tugged her inside. “You know you’re welcome anytime. What’s wrong? Why can’t you simply go home?”

She shoved hair out of her face and Max took a good look at her. Her face was pale, causing the dark circles under her red-rimmed eyes to stand out, and she’d lost weight. Cassidy was already so slender, she couldn’t afford to lose any more. She looked fragile.

“I don’t mean to be so dramatic. No one’s after me. It’s just…I’m pregnant,” she blurted. “I just found out and Phillip, he’s been haunting my apartment, trying to get me to take him back. I just can’t deal with him right now. Your place was the only one I could think of where he wouldn’t look for me, but clearly I’m not thinking straight. I should have gone to a restaurant, or the mall or somewhere else.
Anywhere
else until I think he’s gone. I’m sorry. I’ll leave.”

She tried to squeeze past him, intent on leaving.

“Whoa, whoa! Slow down a minute.” Head reeling, he tightened his grip and towed her into the kitchen. Pulling out a chair, he maneuvered her into it and then stood for a moment, blocking her way so she wouldn’t leave. “Did you say you’re pregnant?”

Cassidy bent over at the waist and hung her head between her legs. To the floor she said, “I’m not dealing well with the news.”

That makes two of us, he thought.

“I was a good child. Never got into trouble, even when I was a teenager. I made excellent grades in school, went to college, got married, became a doctor. So how did I end up in this predicament?” she wailed.

Max had never seen Cassidy this rattled. Her obvious upset forced him to push past his shock and give Cassidy the comfort she needed. He knelt in front of her, tugged her into his arms, and spoke the thought uppermost on his mind. “So, there’s a possibility the baby is mine?”

Cassidy laid her head on his shoulder and laughed, but it sounded more like a sob. “I don’t think so, but what do I know? I’m an obstetrician but didn’t recognize signs of pregnancy in my own body. That’s all this situation needs to make it a true cluster fuck.” She winced and straightened quickly to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounds. I filed for divorce today and then discovered I was pregnant. Now I don’t know what to do. A child needs two parents, doesn’t it?”

She filed for divorce and she might be pregnant with my child
. For a moment he imagined the possibilities, and then the rest of what Cassidy said registered. “Yes, a child does need two parents, but staying married simply because you’ve discovered you’re pregnant is not the answer,” he said.
Especially if that’s my child you’re carrying.

She dropped her head onto his shoulder again. “I know. I know. I told you, I’m not thinking straight.”

Max allowed himself the luxury of stroking her hair. It was so different from what he was used to feeling. Though straight, it wasn’t as silky as his. The texture was smooth, but somehow thicker. He remembered wrapping it around his wrist as he fucked her from behind.
And thoughts like that will have Cassidy pulling away from you in a heartbeat if she feels your reaction.

“Let’s get you off the floor.”
And me behind the table so my erection isn’t so readily apparent.
As he helped her into the chair he asked, “Would you like anything to drink, to eat?”

She laid a hand on her stomach and he remembered doing something similar the morning after their night together. “I threw up when the test results showed positive. I don’t know if my stomach will hold anything.”

Max stared.
Whoa! Unflappable Cassidy threw up?

He spun a chair around and sat on it backwards. “Cassidy, we’re friends, right? I mean, I’ve known you for almost as long as you’ve known Phillip. This doesn’t sound like you. Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on here? It can’t just be the pregnancy.”

She looked at him a long moment, and he wondered if she would tell him. Then she gazed over his right shoulder, but he didn’t think she was seeing anything. “You know, as an OB, I counsel a lot of women. Never-before mothers who’ve just discovered they’re pregnant. Older women who are experiencing what they think is menopause but turns  out to be a change- of-life pregnancy. Teens, girls so young they break your heart, and every age in-between. I’ve seen their emotions run the gamut from excited, to speechless, to terror-stricken, and to numb with horror. To the latter group, my advice has always been the same. ‘Don’t make any rash decisions. You’ve been given a beautiful gift. Take time to let the idea settle and you’ll see things aren’t as bad as they look right now.”

“Sounds like good advice.”

She switched her gaze to him, some indefinable emotion in her eyes. “Every last one of them should have slapped me for uttering something so trite when they were going through a major life crisis. What the hell did I know? Me, with my medical degree and ‘we’re all women’ nonsense. I’ve never been pregnant. How dare I presume to tell them what to do, how to think?”

“Cassidy, I’m sure you didn’t mean it like that. You’re a very compassionate woman who believes firmly in what you do. It was sound advice. I’m sure a lot of them thanked you afterwards,” he said, watching her closely.

She waved that away as if it were of no consequence and pressed a trembling hand to her forehead. When she looked at him again, he had no trouble reading the emotion. Her words simply confirmed what he could see.

“Max, I’m scared. Terrified. I’m not even sure I want children, but if I did, it would have to be under certain circumstances. I want my children to have what I did—two loving parents who are married to each other and are financially secure. What am I supposed to do with a child? I just started divorce proceedings. I work long, unpredictable hours. What kind of mother will I be? The only child I’ve really been around is Macey.”

“And you’re wonderful with her.” He’d noticed that much the night they were all together.

She pushed up from the chair and paced. “It’s easy when it’s someone else’s kid. How am I supposed to handle two a.m. feedings and still be able to function on the job? And if I lose my job, how will I support my child? We’ll end up on welfare, that is, if we don’t end up on the streets. And what kind of life will that be. And…and…”

“Sweetheart.” Max rose and caught one of her wildly gesturing hands and used it to tug her into a hug. “Breathe. Come on now. Take a deep breath.” Cassidy clutched his back so hard her nails bit into his skin and took a deep, shuddering breath. “Now another one.”

Max ran a hand up and down her spine as she followed his instructions. “You’re getting yourself all worked up. You need to follow the advice you gave those women and calm down.” When she relaxed enough to sag against him, he tilted her chin up with his forefinger and said, “What you need right now is sleep. I can see the exhaustion on you.”

Cassidy opened her mouth to issue what he assumed would be a protest. He placed his finger on it and interrupted her. “I’m not sending you home. You’re in no condition to drive. You’ll stay here with me where I can keep an eye on you. That’s an order.”

“All right.” 

No arguing? Simple capitulation? For Max, this confirmed all Cassidy’s defense mechanisms were down. “Good. I’m glad you’re seeing things my way. Go take a hot shower. It will help you relax. I’ll bring you something to sleep in. Towels and wash clothes are in the linen closet. The guest bedroom is the second door on the right. It has an attached bathroom.” He walked her to the hallway leading to the rear of the house and gave her a small push. “I’ll be along in a minute. Leave the bedroom door unlocked and I’ll set the things on the bed.”

As Cassidy docilely walked off, Max returned to the kitchen and braced his hands against the countertop, head hanging low. The woman who’d been starring in his illicit fantasies for the last month was under his roof, in the process of divorcing her husband, and might be pregnant with his child. What was he going to do about it?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Another man might take advantage of her fragility, but he couldn’t. If anything romantic ever developed between them, it would have to be because Cassidy wanted him as much as he was beginning to want her. Not because he slipped under her defenses in her moment of weakness. She’d bounce back. Cassidy was too strong to allow something like an ill-timed pregnancy throw her for long.

Right now she needed a friend, and tonight the friend was him. That settled in his mind, he went to his room and pulled out a large T-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. These should do. Max went to the guestroom and knocked on the door. When there was no response, he opened it and placed the clothing on the bed. He could hear the shower running and figured he might want to take his before she used up all the hot water.

Later, showered and dressed in a pair of pajama bottoms, Max lay in bed thinking of Cassidy’s pregnancy. What if the child were his? That he’d support it went without saying. No child of his would go without. Max also knew he wouldn’t be content to sit on the sidelines and be a part-time parent. He wanted to be fully involved in his child’s life. What he didn’t want was his time as a father being restricted to every other weekend and alternating holidays and birthdays.

Don’t get ahead of yourself, Max. You don’t even know if the baby is yours
.

But deep in his gut, Max knew Cassidy carried his child. He wondered how Phillip would react to the news his wife carried another man’s child. Max’s eyes narrowed. Phillip could be a bastard when it came to women, but in his own twisted way, he really loved Cassidy. Max doubted Phillip would do anything to hurt her, but the man did have a temper. He shook his head.
I’ll talk to Cassidy. Convince her to let me be present when she tells Phillip about what happened between us.

Next his thoughts went to whether the child would be a boy or a girl. Like most men, he wanted his first child to be male—someone to carry the family name—but as long as the babe was healthy, he’d be happy. Either way, he’d insist the child carried his last name. He didn’t believe Cassidy would take issue with it.

Max was half-asleep when he heard the guest bedroom’s door open. He came awake, concerned Cassidy would hurt herself in the semidarkness.
Maybe she’s hungry. She said she’d thrown up earlier and hadn’t eaten since. Or she might be thirsty.
He should have pushed her to eat or drink something. Given her a bottle of water to take in the room with her, or some of the crackers in the cabinet. Pregnant women ate crackers, didn’t they?

Max rolled out of bed and by the green glow of the LED clock on his bedside table, made his way to the door. Before he reached it, Cassidy’s shape appeared in the open doorway.

“Max, are you asleep?”

“No.”

She gasped and her outline jumped.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I didn’t expect you to be right there. I thought you were in bed.”

“I was, but I heard you leave your room. Looking for the kitchen?”

“No, actually I was…can I sleep with you?” she finished in a rush. “I can’t turn my thoughts off enough to go to sleep and the truth is…” She took a deep breath. “I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Max cursed himself. He should have thought of that. She must have thought he was going to say no because she continued, speaking fast. “I don’t expect sex or anything. It’s just, sometimes it’s hard sleeping alone, not hearing another person breathing beside you in the darkness. Not being able to curl into the warmth of another human being.” She paused, and then continued in a much lower voice. “I miss it.”

Hadn’t he been thinking along similar lines earlier? “Give me your hand.”

They fumbled a bit before connecting. Holding her hand securely in his, he led her to the bed. “Climb in.”

She got in and scooted over to make room for him. Max climbed in beside her and waited while she fussed with the covers until they were to her liking. Then he put an arm around her waist and drew her closer until they were almost, but not quite, touching.