Beyond the Edge (25 page)

Finally, his sounds increased as he began moving faster and a little more roughly. He cried out in absolute ecstasy as he came suddenly and hard. “Tate…oh, Tate…” He moaned as he shook with pleasure.

I groaned in agony, so desperate now to come and wishing I could enfold him in my arms. I wouldn't be able to hold off much longer. He'd said I could come when he'd finished…

I felt his naked hand wrap around my cock and stroke me hard as James released the clamps from my nipples. The pain and pleasure surged through me. I convulsed in release, Sebastian's cock filling my ass, the streams of jizz shooting from my tortured member as I let out a succession of garbled cries. And I became something else, something beyond myself, a purely sexual creature gaining its longed for satisfaction. I pretty much let everyone know it. It was heaven and hell at once, the pain from the released clamps and the stretch on my balls lending a heightened sense of power to my orgasm, so that it went on and on and on until I became a quivering mass of exhausted flesh. I gave myself up to God or my two masters or the singing angelic voices—it was all the same. My ego transcended my humble form and floated to the sky.

§ § §

The two men released me from my restraints and led me up to the bed in James’ room. They laid me out on a towel and gave me a thorough sponge bath as I watched them both with dreamy, sated eyes. I was so, so sleepy, I could barely keep my eyes open. When they were done they dressed me in pajama pants and tucked me beneath the covers. I heard the shower running as they cleaned themselves. I must have fallen asleep because when I woke to darkness I felt them both cuddled against me under the warm blankets. I had never known such happiness.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

New Developments

When I woke again it was seven o’clock and the room was dark. James had gone, and Sebastian slept soundly beside me, so I took a moment to watch him, since he looked so beautiful. I still felt overwhelmed with the feelings that had arisen within me today. After a little while I slipped out of bed and pulled on a t-shirt. My stomach growled as I quietly exited the room and headed down to the kitchen.

James sat at the breakfast bar in his pajamas, drinking tea and munching on some cheese curds. He looked like such an average guy, not the Dom with the dirty mouth and the yen for power plays that I knew so well.

I stopped and stared for a moment because I forgot sometimes how extraordinarily handsome he was. It only struck me when I caught glimpses of him like this. When he acted as my Dom, it was par for the course, or something. When he sat here in his black and grey plaid pajama pants and white t-shirt, he still made my dick stand to attention, even after all the kinky play over the last couple of days.

He smiled. “What?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. You just…I forget how good looking you are sometimes.”

He laughed. “Well, thanks Tate. I think that's a compliment?”

I sat down on the stool next to him, holding out my hand for a cheese curd. “It is.”

He held a cheese curd above my hand. “Say please.”

“Please, Sir,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Ooooh, you're lucky we're not still playing, young man. That would earn you at least a few smacks to the backside.”

“Can I ask you something?”

He shrugged. “Sure. Anything.”

“Do you think what we do is normal?”

He looked me in the eyes with a frankness that was startling. “Define normal.”

“Well, y'know. Like everyone else.”

“How do you know what everyone else does behind closed doors?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, Tate, I don't. I have no idea if what we do is normal and I don't really care. It's consensual, it's ultimately trust based and designed for the pleasure and fulfillment of all parties. We're safe, we're honest with each other, and there are limits in place.” He looked at me, concerned. “You've never expressed any issues with what we do here before. What's going on?”

“Nothing. I don't really have any issues with it. I just…I’ve been to church with Sebastian a few times now. It felt kind of weird being there and…remembering everything we'd done. I mean, I can’t help thinking about what we do here, when I’m there, watching him. It seems wrong.”

“What we
do
here, or thinking about it in church?”

“Well…both, kinda. I don’t really think what we do is wrong. But when I’m in church, I guess I sort of wonder if it is or it isn’t. It’s hard to explain.”

“Ah.” He smiled. “What would Jesus think if he saw what we did?”

I breathed an inward sigh of relief. “Exactly.”

“How do you know Jesus wasn't a kinky freak?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“How do you know he wasn't into self flagellation? A lot of the monks have done it.”

“Oh.” I thought about it. There was a larger question here. “Do you believe in God?” I asked finally.

He put his chin in his hand and looked at me, raising his eyebrows. “Not the way a lot of other people do. I don't think of God as this old man looking down at us from Heaven. I have my own idea of what God is.”

“Would you care to enlighten me?” I asked, grinning.

“Oh Tate. I enlightened you about four hours ago.” He winked.

“What, intense physical pleasure? You think that's what God is?”

He looked shocked. “Tate, if all you experienced up there was physical pleasure, I'm not doing my job properly. Isn't it a bit more than that?”

I thought back to how I'd felt when I'd finally come at their hands, and suddenly I understood what he was saying. It had been a transcendent, glorious, mind/body experience. Something that religious people speak of but few probably really understand or attain.

“Are you saying that what we do up there together is a religious experience?”

He grinned. “Well, not always. But when everything works well and I can get a sub to let go and just experience to the fullest capacity, it becomes more than just something physical.” He steepled his fingers, gazing at me sincerely. “The sacred and profane are closer to each other than you may think. They're both inside of us. By addressing the one we can achieve the other. It's not so big a stretch. And when one thinks of the masochistic things religious zealots have done in the past to experience spiritual awakening, it starts to make some sense.” He leaned back, assessing me. “And now I'd like to ask you a question.”

“Okay,” I said, seeing the look on his face that I'd seen the other night, after the three of us had gone to bed together.

“I'd like to take you out to dinner this week.”

“Uh. Just me?”

He nodded. “Just you. I have an idea that I want to explore with you. Something I've been thinking about for quite some time.”

“Not as Dom and sub right? I mean, as equals?”

“Yes, absolutely. Equals. You are my equal in every way, Tate.”

I felt a bit uneasy. But Sebastian and I had a very new relationship and we hadn't yet discussed whether we would be exclusive. I certainly had the right to go out for dinner with a mutual friend. “Sure. That would be great.”

He grinned. “Excellent. I'll email you with the details. Is Wednesday good for you?”

“Yeah. That's fine.”

“Should we go wake up Sleeping Beauty and get some supper before you boys head home?”

I nodded, still a bit dazed by his proposal of dinner.

§ § §

I dropped Sebastian off at his place with a heartfelt kiss, but I didn’t go upstairs with him. It had been a revelatory weekend for me and I needed to be alone to absorb it all. I promised to call him after work the next day.

I went home and checked my emails, but there was nothing important, just one from my dad telling me he would be in town in two weeks and wanted to take me out for dinner. Wow, the dinner invites were coming from all angles now.

I watched some TV to numb my mind and then hit the hay.

I had a strange dream that night. It took place at the zoo or somewhere, in front of this big cage. But inside the cage wasn't a tiger or any wild animal. Just a big friendly looking German Shepherd sitting there with his tongue hanging out, looking at me out of big warm brown eyes as if he wanted me to spring him. When I approached the cage he jumped up, licking my face, and I saw that the door to the cage was padlocked securely. I struggled with the lock, trying all sorts of keys that, in the nature of dreams, I happened to have on my person. But I couldn't get it unlocked.

Then someone appeared in the cage with him. It was James. James petted the dog and the dog was all over James, licking him and rubbing against him. I called to the dog and he looked over at me. Then when James touched him again, he turned and lunged at the tall man, growling viciously and tearing a bite from his leg.

That's when I woke up feeling strangely affected by the dream. It took me a while to go back to sleep.

§ § §

I found myself tired at work and almost screwed up a document because I didn’t save it properly. These weekends with James took a lot out of me, literally and figuratively.

When I got home I crashed on the couch for a couple of hours, then woke to the sound of my phone ringing.

I fumbled with it, checking to see who it was. Sebastian. Shit, I'd been planning to call him.

“Hi babe,” I said.

“Hi,” he said shyly. “I hope you don't mind that I called. You didn't call so I…”

“I'm sorry. I just woke up. I kinda crashed when I got home.” I yawned. “I'm glad you called.”

“How was work?”

“Boring and annoying. You?”

“Same. I miss you.”

I laughed. “You are so sweet. I miss you too. Do you want to come over?”

“Yeah, if you're not too tired?” He sounded eager and excited.

“Well I'm too tired to do more than cuddle probably. But I'll feed you. Unless you've already eaten?”

“Well I had some peanut butter toast after work but no supper yet. But don't go to any trouble…”

I couldn't help smiling. “It's no trouble. I'll come get you. Are you ready now?”

“I'm ready.”

§ § §

We ended up getting take-out on the way back to my place, since we both just wanted to eat and relax together, being tired, hungry, and worn out.

Back at my place we ate our Chinese food off the coffee table and watched trash TV for a bit. We were killing ourselves laughing over Toddlers and Tiaras when I got that familiar feeling in my groin. He was so damn sexy, especially like this, the mirth erupting from that perfect mouth as he threw his head back and howled. But there was no urgency to my need and I watched him, just enjoying this freedom, for a long time.

When the train wreck of a show finally ended, he looked at me, his eyes widening in instinctive recognition of what he saw in mine. I crawled over to him, putting my plate on the table. I touched my hand to his cheek that was starting to stubble—he hadn’t shaved today – and I stroked the roughness, delighting in it and drowning in his blue eyes. We kissed, tenderly and for a long time. We lay back on the couch, him under me, and made out slowly for ages. My cock stirred and his too, but we were content to just kiss and snuggle and enjoy each other in a purely sensual way, without the need to fuck. It felt wonderful.

Finally, I took him to bed. I undressed him, pulling him under the blankets with me and cuddling him until we both drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

§ § §

In the morning my alarm went off at six as usual but I reached a hand out and shut it off. I didn’t give a fuck about work because Sebastian slept peacefully beside me and that was all I cared about. I watched him for a moment, wondering if I should wake him. Would he be mad that I’d let him sleep in?

“Sebastian…” I whispered. “It's six a.m. I'm calling in sick later. Do you need to go to work?”

He mumbled something unintelligible and snuggled closer to me. I took it as a no and went back to sleep.

It was almost nine when I woke up again, alone in my bed. I heard Sebastian's soft voice in the other room, talking to someone on the phone, presumably calling in to work.

I got out of bed and padded into the living room. Sure enough, Sebastian stood in the kitchen making a pot of coffee, talking on the phone. He saw me, smiled, then spoke into the phone again. “Yeah. I'll be in tomorrow for sure. Just gonna rest up today. Okay. Thanks, Hannah.”

He put his phone on the counter. “Good morning, gorgeous,” he said to me. “I'm making coffee.”

“I can see that.” I yawned. “I guess I should phone in too.”

I grabbed my phone from the coffee table, calling the office with some excuse about an uncontrollable cough. I hammed it up, pretending to have trouble talking, and they bought it. I told them I'd try to come in tomorrow.

When I hung up, Sebastian stood beside me with two cups of coffee. “You take two sugars and no milk, right?” he asked, handing me mine.

I nodded. “Thanks, babe.”

We lounged on the sofa in our pajamas, drinking coffee and watching the Toronto news. I couldn't stand the local Ottawa news station. The production values of the Toronto news station were so much better, the anchors way more interesting and amusing, and the views out the window of Queen Street West reminded me of many visits to the big city. Of course, it meant I didn't get any of the local news, but so what? Nothing major ever happened in this stupid town anyway. They were probably featuring some cat that got stuck up a tree or something, and on location at the local bakery. Fascinating stuff.

I scrambled some eggs and made bacon for breakfast. It felt so nice to just hang out with each other, eating and talking about all sorts of nonsense. Of course, eventually, one thing led to another and we ended up back in bed together. As if in response to the intensity of our weekend, we had gentle vanilla sex, and dammit if it wasn't almost as good as being strapped to the bed in the loft and edged within an inch of my life. It felt very different, but the emotional component, now that Sebastian and I had gotten to know each other well, proved exciting and intimate. Our mutual experiences with James lent a definite spiritual quality to even plain Jane sex.