Beyond the Pine (10 page)

Asher

I’d known she’d be waiting for me to return, but after my talk with Reverend Tucker and all that transpired, I’d not been able to get back to her until late. I thought about sneaking to her cabin, but thought better of it.

Although I’d spent more than my fair share of sneaking in and out of women’s homes in the darkness, something told me it wasn’t a great idea here.

Not only that, Riley deserved better.

Just thinking about her, tasting her name on my lips made my chest begin to buzz with anticipation.

No woman had ever made me feel this way before.

Riley had given me strength, the direction and the desire to be a better man for her. I’d spent so many years running from anything of substance that falling for her had thrown up red flags everywhere.

As I’d obsessed over her for the past few weeks, I couldn’t understand why she was different, what it was about her that I couldn’t leave alone.

I was no good for her. I was a drifter, someone who had nothing to offer a woman like Riley.

Riley was a woman who not only deserved but expected the man she’d give herself to behave in a certain manner.

I knew all of this, but I still couldn’t leave her be.

For the first time in my life, I felt as though I’d found someone who understood me. Someone who would take me as I was, baggage and all, and not just accept it, but help me unpack.

Although we’d come from two totally different walks of life, that spark I’d felt the first moment I laid eyes on her wasn’t something I was willing to ignore. She was everything I’d ever wanted, but no part of the man who found himself wounded and dying in the fields that day deserved her.

Although I’d never spent a lot of time in church, I’d always been a spiritual man. My church had always been the asphalt beneath my wheels, the trees whipping by me as I felt the wind on my skin. While I preferred to worship my way, I knew that just wasn’t the kind of life Riley had led.

The Reverend hadn’t given me much by way of reassurance, but one thing he did get right was reminding me the need to reflect.

His sinister words to Riley reminded me that sometimes, a gentle shift in perspective was all that was needed to find a solution.

I hadn’t been the man she deserved before we met, but I could damn sure be that man for her now. I’d be lying if I said I believed in everything this place stood for. Community, structure, even the gospel that had become its very lifeblood was a stranger to this nomad’s heart in too many ways. I believe in Riley, though. I believe in the man I can become if it means getting to keep her.

Right now, that’s enough.

I’d give up everything I loved, everything I’d ever
known
to spend my days alongside the woman who makes me feel the way she does.

I wanted nothing more than to tell her all of this last night after my talk with the Reverend, but it had all happened so quickly, I couldn’t.

All I could hope for was that it wouldn’t be in vain.

As I made my way to the church this morning, I couldn’t deny the feeling of excitement in my chest. For the first time in my life, I was taking a leap of faith. Leaving the safety net of my nomad lifestyle behind for something more...
someone
more.

The morning I’d had my accident, I remember thinking I’d taken my final ride.

I’d never imagined that road would lead me to my salvation.

Riley

Although I’d selfishly prayed for his eyes to find mine once more, the moment I meet Asher’s gaze, my heart drops.

I thought he’d left. A part of me even hoped that he had, but the way my skin tingles as his arm brushes mine, the heat filling me as his eyes dart to my mouth, wetting his lips with his tongue... it’s all the proof I need to know the man I prayed for is still very much here.

He’s here and everything is about to fall apart.

“Asher,” I breathe, my voice coming out in a shallow pant that seems to affect him on a level I don’t understand. “Asher, what are you doing here? I thought you left. I thought...”

“I’m sorry,” he says, his expression holding a combination of apology and regret before his lips gently curl up on either side. “I’ve got so much to tell you, Riley. There’s so much for us to talk about.”

The Reverend’s voice fills the chapel once more, replacing my feelings for Asher with all-consuming dread. An almost silent sob escapes me as I hold the eyes that own my heart, hating the way his gaze falls.

“Asher, I’m so sorry,” I manage, my words leaving me in a breath.

“For what?” he whispers, his eyebrows quirking together in concern.

“In addition to welcoming Brother Asher Reed to our humble congregation,” Reverend Tucker’s voice sounds out across the building, causing my heart to sink further as he discreetly traces my fingertips with his own.

“Asher...” I gasp, the fear pulsing through me second only to my heartbreak.

“I don’t understand… I thought you’d be happy?” he asks, taking in my shaking chest with unveiled confusion. “Riley, we don’t have to hide any...”

“It’s my blessed honor to announce the engagement of my son, Tobias, to Sister Riley Chapman.”

There are collective gasps, cheers of congratulations and words of blessings coming from all around us, but I don’t hear any of them.

All I can hear in this moment is the sound of my own heart shattering as I hold the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen.

Before I can process anything else, Asher releases his grip on my hand, rises and leaves the chapel.

Riley

If you’d asked me what today’s sermon was about, there’s no way I’d ever be able to tell you.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t go after Asher when he left the chapel. I was desperate to make sure he was okay, do my best to explain everything I’d not yet had a chance to say. However, the commotion of the announcement followed by a particularly lengthy sermon didn’t leave me with a choice.

Although he hadn’t said a word when he left me, it was obvious in his eyes that he’d been just as heartbroken as me. I wanted to explain myself, make sure he knew my hands were tied, but I couldn’t.

I couldn’t and it was killing me.

The minute I’m able to break free from the other members of the farm, I set out to find him. I can’t blame him for whatever anger and betrayal he’s feeling toward me. However, one thing I couldn’t accept was for him to believe that our time together didn’t mean anything. I couldn’t bear the thought that he might think it didn’t mean anything when it did.

It meant everything.

For some reason I can’t identify, my instincts lead me to the stables. Checking carefully so I’m not seen slipping in through the entrance, I let myself in and release a breath of relief when I see him on the ground, beside his bike.

Although I know he hears me enter, he says nothing, refusing to meet my gaze even once as I stand there, staring down at him.

I have no idea where to start, but in this moment, my heart pushes me forward despite my fear.

He probably hates me.

If he does, I’ll have to accept that, but I can’t accept him not knowing how I really feel about him. I can’t accept him believing that what we shared together was meaningless.

Releasing another breath, I swallow my fear and take a step forward. I’m prepared to pour my heart out, beg him for understanding when his low, gruff voice cuts me off.

“Is it true?” he asks, finally giving me his eyes only when I don’t speak.

I can’t yet.

Instead, I cowardly nod my head, glancing down at my hands when he releases a long, low breath and begins pacing the floor in front of me.

“Asher, I’m sorry,” I start, hating the shake to my voice. “I tried to tell you, but I never got a chan...”

“You don’t owe me any explanations, Riley,” he cuts me off, glancing over at me, briefly holding my eyes before he diverts his gaze. “Whatever we were doing, it didn’t... it didn’t mean anything.”

“That’s not true, Asher,” I argue, hating the way his words bite at my heart, breaking it further.

“Sure it is,” he shrugs, tossing a tool into the box and selecting another before he sinks back down in front of his bike. “I mean, we were just having some fun, taking the edge off, so to speak. What the fuck else would it have been?”

“Is that what it was to you?” I ask, hating the sting of the tears that are threatening to spill over onto my cheeks. “Asher, I thought...”

“What?” he asks, finally giving me his tortured gaze as a sarcastic laugh leaves his lips. “What, you thought we were going to be together? That I was going to change everything about my life for you? Become an honest man?”

“I just thought...”

“How was that all supposed to work out, Riley? Did you think me, you and your fiancé,” he cuts me off again, the last word tainted in disgust. “What, we’d all just live together in your cabin and everything would be just hunky fuckin’ dory?”

“It was never like that, Asher. I never wanted...”

“It doesn’t matter, Riley,” he says, his voice softer as he swipes the back of his hand over his brow before taking a small step away from me. “This was all a big fuckin’ mistake anyway. I shouldn’t have ever gotten involved with you. I knew better.”

He turns away from me, running his palm over his face and smoothing it over his beard before he releases a deep sigh, shaking his head to face me.

“You know, the bitch of it all is that none of that even would have mattered to me, Riley,” he continues. “But it would have been nice to know before...” he lets out a long sigh as he shakes his head. “Whatever. Who fuckin’ cares, right?”

“Asher...”

“We don’t need to talk about it, Riley,” he cuts me off. “It’s not a big deal. Let’s just drop it.”

With that, he falls silent, not even looking at me again as he goes back to work on his bike. He stands after a moment, reaching for another tool before returning to the bike, pretending to look it over without a word.

His sudden silence sends a jolt of sadness through my chest. I want him to say something...
anything
, but as his jaw clenches slightly, he holds his silence.

Finally, it becomes too much for me to bear.

“Please talk to me, Asher. I can’t take this,” I manage, my chest constricting in pain as the tears I’ve been fighting finally begin to spill over. “I know you’re upset, but you have to know that everything I said, everything that happened between us, it meant something to me.”

“What do you want me to say, Riley?” he asks, his voice holding an edge of sadness I relate to far better than I’d like to admit. Before I can answer, he cuts me off. “It obviously didn’t mean enough for you to talk to me.”

“Asher, I couldn’t!” I retort. “I tried, you have to believe me! I was going to tell you everything, but you never came back! I thought you left…”

“You had every opportunity to talk to me before yesterday, Riley. You say you didn’t have a chance, but how many more chances could you have had, sugar? We spent every day in here, you had every opportunity...” he trails off, stepping closer to me still, his unique, masculine scent stealing my senses. “If I meant so much to you, how could you let me find out like that? Better yet, if this meant so much to you, why’d you agree to marry another man, Riley?” he asks, shaking his head. “You should have been honest with me. You should have talked to...”

“How?” I cut him off this time, the anguish that’s been threatening me since this morning finally planning its escape. “How could I talk to you? How could I tell you how much I thought about you, knowing it was for nothing? That no matter what, I could
never
have you?” I continue, holding his gaze as he becomes blurry through my tears. “How could I tell you that I got this ache in the pit of my stomach every time I had to leave the infirmary because I didn’t know if I’d see you again? How could I tell you that I fell in love with you before you ever woke up? That I spent my days tracing your fingertips, wondering what it would be like to be held by you? That I cried for you every night, Asher? Knowing that no matter what I did, what happened between us, I’d still be forced to say goodbye? That somehow, even before I really knew you, I felt like I’d known you my whole life? Like we were destined for each other, knowing we could never. ever be, Asher? How could I tell you that?”

I stand still, the emotion coursing through me as I let every word I’d kept locked inside for weeks linger in the air, the silence between us only making them heavier.

Asher says nothing.

Instead of screaming at me, telling me how wrong I’d been, he simply stares at me, the secrets I’d planned to take to my grave hanging heavy between us once I’ve revealed them to him.

I’d known for weeks this infatuation, these feelings could go nowhere. While I knew there was no fighting it, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t spent countless hours fantasizing, imagining what it would be like to finally tell him everything.

In all those daydreams, though, he’d never reacted like this. He’d pledged his love for me, swore he loved me like I love him... completely.

Now that the words have finally left my lips, he does none of those things. He doesn’t speak, barely even reacts.

In this moment, my tarnished fantasy meets reality and it’s nothing like I’d planned.

In this moment, I’m sure I’ve lost Asher forever.