Beyond the Pine (9 page)

Riley

I make my way to the main house, eager to tend to Sister Rachel and get back to the infirmary to wait for Asher. I’ve no idea what Reverend Tucker means to talk to him about, but I’ve got a feeling in the pit of my stomach that says it isn’t something that will help put my troubled soul at ease.

As I make my way up the clean, white steps, I find the Reverend’s wife, Rachel, resting in a white rocking chair similar to the one my mother left on our own porch. The light afghan lying over her legs offers her some warmth, but her frail body shivers as the breeze blows over her skin. The gentle creak in the steps as I approach her pulls her gaze to mine and I can’t stop the gentle smile that touches my lips.

“Good afternoon, Sister Rachel,” I greet her, making my way to her side.

“Riley,” she smiles, her warmness radiating as I bend to crouch beside her. “How are you, my sweet sister?”

“I’m well, thank you,” I say, hating the clench in my chest as my words come out less than truthful. “How are you feeling today?”

“Weak,” she admits with a sigh before she squeezes my hand in hers. “But blessed. The Lord gave me yet another day with my boy, so there’s no sadness in this tired heart.”

“Amen,” I smile, nodding slightly as I take her in.

My mother and Rachel had been good friends for years. Having spent time together as young girls, they’d spent many days together before she’d been betrothed to Reverend Tucker. However, the duties of a reverend’s wife were many, and as my mother had told me before, time and distance had caused them to grow apart. However, when my mother fell ill, Rachel made it a point to stop by and see her as often as she could in the last months of her life.

Per tradition, I didn’t have many visitors in the weeks following her death. The unwritten rule here on the farm is for the community to leave the mourning to deal with their loss among blood relatives.

Unfortunately for me, after I lost my mother, I had none.

Aside from Josiah, Sara and Rebecca, Rachel was the only member of the community who reached out to me, doing what she could to comfort me when the only family I had had left me behind.

Rumor had it that the Reverend had ridiculed her for coming to my side, but it didn’t deter her. During a time when the world seemed to turn its back on me, she was one of the few that pulled me into her arms. It’s something we don’t talk about now and also something I know I’ll never be able to fully express my gratitude for.

“What can I do for you?” I ask, looking up at her to assess her condition. “Would you like to try and eat? Or can I make you a cup of tea?”

“Thank you,” she smiles small, patting my hand again before gently shaking her head. “That won’t be necessary. The Reverend asked Brother Abraham to tend to me today,” she starts, gesturing behind her through the window where I could see him walking toward us. “He’s collecting herbs for my tea now. Would you mind just sitting with me?”

“Of course,” I smile, nodding to him as he makes his way out to us. “Hello Brother Abraham.”

“Sister Riley,” he nods, tipping his large hat before facing her. “Sister Rachel, I’m about to head into the garden for a spell. Will you be alright?”

“Yes, thank you,” she smiles. “I’ve got Riley here to keep me company. Riley, would you like something?”

“Sister Rachel,” Abraham starts, something nervous about his face catching me off guard. “I’m not sure Sister Riley should... the herbs in your tea are strictly medicinal. Praise God our good sister isn’t in need of these today.”

“Well, you’re right about that, Abraham,” Rachel says, squeezing my hand in hers. “But I’m sure we could come up with something to her liking, should she want it.”

“That’s very kind of you, Sister,” I start, placing my hand over hers in gratitude. “But I’m just fine. Thank you.”

Abraham sets out with a small basket, plucking at the bushes and plants surrounding the wide, white wooden porch as the gentle breeze blows over our skin. I glance over to Rachel to see her taking in the fields around us, her eyes closing ever so gently as another breeze blows passed.

“Are you feeling cold? Would you like me to get you a heavier blanket?” I ask, only to be met with a wide smile.

“No, thank you, Riley,” she shakes her head, a weak chuckle leaving her lips.

“What’s so funny?” I wonder aloud, my lips unable to shake the upward quirk in each corner.

“You,” she admits, releasing a sigh. “You remind me so much of your mother, God rest her soul,” she says quietly, filling me with a mix of pride and longing. “From the day I met her, even when we were girls, she had a need to help others. A need to care for those who’d been weakened, whether it was from illness, sadness... obstruction of light. So often as I look at you, I see that same need, pouring out of your heart. It’s such a great gift, Riley. It takes a special heart, a blinding light to carry such a burden, but you and your mother, you do it so well. It’s just second nature to you. I’ve always admired that about you both.”

I’m so surprised and touched by her sweet words, it takes me a moment to reply. When I do, I blink back the tears in my eyes, genuinely touched by the sentiment.

“Thank you, Rachel,” I manage. “That really means more to me than I can express to you.”

“You don’t have to,” she says low, the soft smile still resting on her lips as a loose strand of her ash blonde hair flows over her chin. “I know how much you love her, miss her. I just wanted you to know that she’s with you at every turn, no matter what this life thrusts in your path. She’s with you, Riley. There’s a piece of her in all the hearts she touched.”

There’s a certain warning in her tone, an unspoken edge that I can feel all the way to my bones. I want to ask her about it, but before I can, Abraham returns with a steamy cup in hand.

“Sister Rachel, your tea,” he says quietly, giving her a curt nod.

“Thank you,” she sighs, giving him a smile of appreciation, although the weariness is clear in her eyes as she takes her first sip.

“You’re welcome,” he starts, watching as she takes another sip, nodding encouragingly. “I know you don’t care for it, but Reverend Tucker seems assured the herbs in there will help your condition. You just have to drink all of it.”

“I will,” she promises. “Thank you again, Brother.”

“Of course, ma’am,” he smiles. “If Sister Riley will be with you for a moment, I’ll go and collect a few more clippings before nightfall.”

“I don’t mind staying,” I offer, adjusting the blanket resting over Rachel’s legs before returning his smile of thanks. “What kind of herbs are in this tea, Sister? Perhaps the infirmary could utilize them for other patients?”

“Perhaps,” she answers. “Unfortunately, I’m not sure what Abraham’s put in here. It’s a remedy John found in our records, I just know he collects them from the herb garden we planted out back.”

The way she refers to the Reverend by his first name catches me off guard for a moment, but only just. I redirect my attention to Abraham, watching him make his way around the garden, carefully selecting buds from each plant as he works further back and gently places them in his basket.

We sit in comfortable silence for a long while, Rachel sipping her tea as I gently hum to myself, praying for her health and Asher’s well-being. When I raise my eyes, I savor in the gentle breeze, taking in the beauty of the garden before us.

“What’s troubling you, Sister?” she asks, her voice sounding heavy as it pulls my attention to her once more.

“Nothing,” I lie, hating the ease of it. “Actually, I was admiring your garden. I don’t get over here as often as I’d like and I always forget how beautiful it is. I don’t know what many of the plants are, I’m afraid green thumb wasn’t among my blessings,” I admit with a soft smile. “But I’ve always loved looking at yours.”

“Thank you,” she smiles, patting my hand. I don’t miss the slight slur in her speech, but think better than to mention it. “I’m sure you know which are the roses and the lilies,” she continues, pulling a nod from me. “Well, the pink ones there,” she points. “Those are peonies. The yellow are daffodils, all bordered with English ivy,” she continues, her voice slowing.

The subject seems to put her at ease and it keeps my mind occupied, so I decide it’s as good a subject as any. Eager to remain quiet and keep her happy, I decide to gaze out into the garden, finding safer things to discuss.

“How about these purple ones?” I ask, mesmerized by their subtle beauty.

“Those are larkspur,” she manages. “And beside that are my azaleas, moonflower, fairy bells and oleander.”

“How do you remember all of them?”

“Years of practice,” she replies. “This garden is sometimes a labor of love... other times a means of escape.”

A means of escape?

The look in her eyes as I glance over at her tells me I wasn’t meant to hear the last part, but I can’t help but wonder about it. I’m about to ask her when I see her nodding off, a small glisten of saliva slowly making its way passed her lips.

Gently, I lift the handkerchief I keep tucked in my pocket to her chin, wiping it clean. Her head weaves to the side and I lightly pull the cup she’s still holding from her hand, intent on setting it to the side. When she grips my wrist, it surprises me, causing me to drop the teacup, the porcelain shattering as it makes contact with the porch.

“Oh!” I gasp, quick to ensure the last of the hot liquid didn’t spill and harm her. “Sister Rachel? Are you alr...”

“’Do not reveal the secret of another or he who hears it will reproach you,’” she cuts me off in a harsh whisper, her grip on my wrist tighter than I thought her capable.

I slowly bring my eyes to hers, both of them wide with warning as she recites the vaguely familiar scripture.

“Sister Rachel?” I start, my voice quivering with fear as I take in her harried expression.

“Riley, you mustn’t...” she starts, but is quickly cut off by Brother Abraham rejoining us on the porch.

“Sister Rachel? Are you okay?” he asks, his eyes moving quickly from the shattered glass to her firm grip on me. “Riley? What happened?”

“She fell asleep,” I start, struggling to keep the shake from my voice. “I tried to catch the cup, but it happened so quickly, I... I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he says, bending to get a better look at her before looking over at me once more. “What did she say?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Sister Rachel,” he says, his eyes curious. “What did she just say to you?”

“Oh,” I start, shaking my head clear as I glance over at her, now asleep. I consider her words for a moment before I replace my gaze to his. “Nothing. It was nothing. Just gibberish, I’m afraid.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, seeming to accept the mistruth. “Well, unfortunately, that’s become normal.”

I help him lift her, gently placing her onto the couch right inside with a warm blanket over her. Once she’s comfortable and I’m convinced she’s fast asleep, I stand, meeting him on the porch.

“I need to get back to the infirmary,” I say quietly. “I’ll be back to check on her when I can.”

“Yes, Sister,” he nods appreciatively. “Be blessed.”

As he walks me to the bottom of the steps, I give him a nod of thanks, slowly making my way down the long, winding path to the gate.

Once I round the corner that will take me back to the infirmary, I stop, trying to process everything. There has to be a reasonable explanation for what just happened, for Rachel’s words.

I sit there beneath the pine trees until it’s near dusk trying to make sense of it all, but as I stand and make my way back to the infirmary, only one resounding thought is clear to me.

Asher and I aren’t the only ones keeping secrets.

Riley

I return to the infirmary and consume myself with my duties, impatiently waiting for Asher to return to me.

I stay later than usual, but by the time the crickets begin to chirp outside, my heart is heavy as I finally relent and collect my things.

I pull the door to the infirmary shut behind me, stepping out into the night, the fireflies the only light on my way back to my cabin. It’s not until I finally find myself comfortably alone inside the only walls I’d ever called home that I let the tears come.

Once they start, I let them consume me as I slowly slide down the length of the door, coming to a slow stop as I reach the cold, wooden panels beneath me.

I did everything I was supposed to do, everything I’d been taught.

I waited and I prayed more than I’d done in months.

I’d done everything I could to bring him back to me quickly,
safely
, but all of it was in vain.

He’s gone.

***

As I wake the next morning, my body feels heavy with a combination of burden and resignation.

Today is Sunday.

For my whole life, Sunday had been my favorite day. It was symbolic of the day reserved for worship, family and rebirth. The start of a new week, new possibilities.

Today, all I felt was despair.

I pull myself from the threadbare sheets, forcing my thoughts away from those of Asher.

If he did leave, it’s for the best. Regardless of our feelings, my fate remains unchanged.

By the end of this day, everyone in our community would know of my engagement to Tobias and the feelings I have for Asher won’t matter to anyone but me.

Maybe its best that he’s gone
, I think cowardly to myself.

Although I’d love nothing more than to see him again, taste his lips on mine, I know any feelings Asher may have had for me would be diminished if he’d stayed

As hard as it would have been to face him, both of us knowing we could never be, it would have been even harder if he knew I’d kept this secret from him.

I push him from my thoughts once more, trying my best to prepare for the day. When the sounds of people walking toward the chapel begin to creep in through my window, I release a breath, knowing my time alone has come to an end.

I collect my mother’s Bible and slowly make my way to the door, shutting my eyes and whispering a silent prayer for strength.

As I pull it open, I’m surprised to find Sara waiting for me on my steps.

“Good morning,” she smiles, her voice quiet and thoughtful as she takes me in.

“Sara?” I ask, looking around her for her mother and brothers. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m alone,” she offers, keeping her voice low as takes a step in and pushes my door shut, reaching for my hand. “Something told me you could use a friend today.”

Unable to speak for a moment through the lump lodged in my throat, I simply nod.

The resolve and strength I’d fought so hard to find all morning rapidly begins to slip away as I stare back at my best friend.

I’d known her my whole life, we told each other everything. I’d been betrothed to the only boy she’d ever shown an interest in. For the first time ever, I was keeping secrets from her. What’s more is she knew it.

Sara had every reason to be angry at me, but she wasn’t. Instead, she showed up at my door on one of the hardest days of my life and offered me her friendship.

Perhaps my life wasn’t as hopeless as I’d thought before I opened the door.

“Thank you,” I manage eventually, swiping the tears from my cheeks as her eyes begin to soften with compassion.

“Of course,” she smiles back, squeezing my hand in reassurance. “I’m not sure what’s going on, Riley,” she continues, cementing my guilt. “But I’m still your best friend. I don’t want you to feel badly, either. Some things are just out of our control. As for the rest, I know you’d only keep something from me if it was your only choice.”

The tears continue to fall at her unfailing friendship as I nod quietly, choking on a sob.

“Oh, Riley,” she whispers, pulling me into her embrace and quietly consoling me. “It’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, you won’t endure it alone. I promise.”

I hug her back tightly, not realizing how badly I’d needed her support until she’d offered it. Once I get my emotions under control, I pull away just in time to hear the first ring of the bell, signaling service was about to begin.

I glance outside through the window, the only feeling heavier than my feet being my heart, I release a sigh and face her.

“I promise to tell you everything, Sara,” I vow, watching her nod as a warm smile stretches over her lips.

“I know you will and I’ll be here to listen whenever you’re ready,” she says softly, reaching over to dry my tears before slipping her hand back into mine. “We’d best get going so we aren’t late.”

“Okay,” I nod, returning to the porch and pulling the door shut before we make our way towards the chapel.

We don’t say anything on our way, but sensing I need the extra boost of support, Sara gently squeezes my hand in reassurance as we approach the entrance.

“You’ll sit with us today,” she whispers, finally pulling a smile from me before she releases my hand and reaches for the door.

“Thank you,” I say as I follow her in.

We quickly make our way up the narrow aisle of the small chapel, eager to take our seats as the sound of the church organ fills the building, signaling service is about to begin. I’m settling in beside her, offering her family a warm smile as I glance down the length of the pew, when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

“Excuse me,” Tobias offers to Sara and her family as I find his gaze returning to mine. “Sister Riley, I tried to find you outside before service began. My father asked me to have you sit in the front with us, because... well, you know...”

His words stagger, the slight tinge of regret as his sad eyes meet Sara’s not well hidden behind his friendly tone.

“It’s okay,” Sara whispers quietly, patting my arm reassuringly before she offers us both a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “I’ll talk to you after.”

Nodding, I give her a quick hug, holding her tightly for a moment before I release her, giving her another look of apology.

Something tells me I should get used to that
, I think to myself, releasing a sigh.

Slowly, I stand and follow Tobias to the near empty pew at the front of the congregation. I can feel the eyes of most everyone in the chapel following us as we make our way to our seats. Although I’d not sat in this pew often, everyone knew of its importance.

Since we were a small community, our time in this chapel not only lent itself to breathing new life into our faith, it was a way for us to all stay connected. Each week, at the start of the sermon, Reverend Tucker would make special announcements. Whether it was a baptism, a prayer request or the birth of a new member, this pew was reserved for the most special of occasions. Everyone knew whoever sat here each week would be part of an important, life changing announcement. The fact that I’d been led here by Tobias likely revealed the news to our small congregation faster than anything. However, the fact that I, second hand to the Reverend, had neglected to remember my place, didn’t look great. The nerves of the backlash I’d hear at the end of service was just enough to have me sitting quickly, pushing my other concerns away for another time.

“Good morning, Brothers and Sisters,” Reverend Tucker begins, his deep voice louder than normal in an effort to be heard all the way toward the back pews. “Thank you for being with us on this blessed day. I hope it’s finding each of you well,” he continues, smiling across the room at his flock before he returns his attention to the pulpit he stands behind. “Let us pray.”

As we bow our heads in reverence, Reverend Tucker leads us in prayer. The energy surrounding me affirms that his words are filling the church with light and hope. I try my hardest to grasp at my own, but find it harder than ever before.

In just minutes, my life will change forever.

I’d waited for this day as long as I can remember.

Although Tobias is a man I should feel blessed to call my future husband, I can’t shake the feeling of doom lurking in my chest.

I can’t stop thinking about blue eyes with green flecks.

“Amen,” the congregation says in unison, pulling me from my wayward thoughts.

“Before I get started with my sermon this morning, I’m pleased to tell you that I’ve got a few very special announcements to make,” the Reverend begins, sending a jolt of panic into my chest. As he’s about to continue, I vaguely hear a gentle, familiar creak, but dismiss it as I try in vain to steady my breathing.

My palms are already sweating, my heart pounding and sinking all at once.

Just a few more minutes and the worst will be over, Riley.

“Don’t worry,” Tobias offers, his low voice offering both of us comfort as his breathing also begins to stagger in nervousness. “Everything will be okay.”

“Thank you,” I nod, my voice low enough so that no one else hears my words.

“Right up front, son,” Reverend Tucker says, his voice breaking my thoughts.

I’m starting to calm when a gentle shift to my right pulls my attention, promptly obliterating any calm I’d managed to find.

“Good morning,” Asher whispers from his place on my right, giving me an earth-shattering, mischievous smile. “What did I miss?”