Beyond the Sea (11 page)

Troy took a few deep breaths, hearing the mantra his annoyingly zen yoga instructor constantly repeated.
Be present. Be in the now. There is only now.
They floated lazily, the sun arcing closer and closer to the horizon, pink-rose light washing over them.

“
Is that one of the band’s songs?”

Troy realized he was humming softly. His cheeks went hot. “Oh, no. Just a little melody I wrote. It’s nothing.”

“
Sounded good to me.”

“
Well…thanks.” He thought of his old guitar and the day he’d come home from dance rehearsal to find it gone and his father utterly unrepentant.

“
No time to waste on that kind of music. Folk doesn’t sell.”

“
You know, I thought rock stars were supposed to be arrogant assholes.”

Shoving away useless memories, Troy paddled his feet, rolling onto his belly. “Sorry to disappoint. I can throw a hissy later if you want.”

“
I’d appreciate it. If you don’t pull a diva routine daily, my tell-all exposé won’t sell. Although I suppose I could make it all up.”

Troy smiled. “As long as we split the profits. Not that I need the money. You know, it’s ironic. People would pay a fortune for this. White sand beach, crystal clear water. Complete privacy.”

Brian chuckled. “I guess they would.”

“
I haven’t skinny dipped since I was a little kid. Always have to be careful. Never know where the paparazzi are hiding and how long their lenses are.” The water washed over him, caressing his skin. He could feel it between his ass cheeks and around his balls. There was something strangely freeing and sexy about it.

“
I’d go crazy never being alone.”

“
Yeah. Sometimes it’s the worst.” His mother’s voice echoed in his head.
“Don’t complain about the American dream, Bongbong. People would murder for this!”
Closing his eyes, he gulped down a swell of longing. He needed to see her again. Stoop down and feel her little arms around him, hear his silly Filipino nickname on her tongue.

“
So being a rock star isn’t all hot chicks and limousines? Free stuff and adoring fans?”

“
Well, it is those things too, which is why I sound like a total douche if I complain. Wah, wah, my life is so hard. My father forced me into this mega-successful band and I have a stupid amount of money and millions of people love me. Also, my diamond shoes are too tight.”

Brian laughed softly. “Too bad we couldn’t grab those shoes. They’d be great for crushing spiders.” He was quiet a moment. “So your father forced you into it?”

Troy hadn’t talked about his father since he’d first started dating Savannah and she’d asked and asked until he gave in. But in this beautiful purgatory with someone he’d just met, floating in the sea as pink and red streaked over the cloudless blue sky, what had happened seemed like a different life on another planet.

“
It sounds worse than it was. My father was…” Troy hesitated, searching for the right words. “He was a cowboy. Not literally, but he had that kind of personality. Big and broad, filling the room. Six-two, blond hair and blue eyes. Square jaw. Ty and I got the cleft in our chins from him. He grew up a foster kid in Texas. No family. Came to LA and married my mom. She’s Filipina. Barely over five feet. Immigrated in her twenties and worked her ass off. Dad was this American hero to her.”

Troy drew circles in the water with his fingers, his chest tight as he thought about his parents. He continued, “Dad loved showbiz. He could sing and act, but his real talent was in management. Promotion. So my brother and I became his business. He pitched the idea of the TV show to all the networks. Was an exec producer. When it went off the air, I thought maybe I’d go to college, but he’d already dreamed up the boy band idea. Ty was clearly the star out of the two of us, but Dad convinced me the older brother figure was important. Not that I really argued. What Dad said went.”

“
And the rest is history?”

“
Yep. Like I said, I shouldn’t complain. I have a good life. Had one, anyway. I guess we’ll see what happens.” His pulse kicked up, a tangle of questions snagging his mind and dissipating his calm.

“
You talk about your father in the past tense. He’s not alive?”

“
No. Died just after I turned twenty.”

“
I’m sorry.”

“
Yeah, it’s… It sucked.” And now he was leaving Tyson and his mom and the rest of the family. Why had he thought it was a good idea to rent a plane? He should have slept on it. Come up with a better plan. Who would look after Ty now? His heart hammered.

Be present. Be in the now. There is only now.

Troy put his face close to the water, peering down at the sandy bottom. “It’s so clear.” Although with the sun setting, it was becoming hard to see. “What was that you were saying about sea snakes?”

“
Don’t worry. We’re still close to land. I was told they stay farther out, near the reef. We should be careful around the reef. Make sure we don’t touch it and cut ourselves. Reef cuts are nasty.”

“
Good to know.” Troy ran his hand through his cropped hair. “Don’t suppose you had any shampoo in your suitcase?”

“
Sadly, no. I usually use whatever the hotel stocks. Didn’t pack any soap either. I heard once that sand works.” Brian swam in closer to shore, and Troy followed.

When they were in waist-deep water, they bent and picked up handfuls of sand. Troy scrubbed it over his body. “People would probably pay a fortune for this too. Exfoliator straight from the pristine beaches of the South Pacific.”

“
Maybe we should bottle it.” Brian scrubbed his chest, working the wet sand through the dark hair there.

“
God, it feels good to get clean.” Ducking his head, Troy worked it through his hair and rinsed. His stomach rumbled. “But I really need to eat.”

Brian gazed around. “Maybe we should try fishing.”

The idea of fish to eat made his stomach growl louder, but the thought of sea snakes or eels or jellyfish or
whatever
sent a chill down his spine. “In the dark? No, we can have protein bars and cook some coconut. We could use the shell. Like, just crack it in half and cook it like that?”

“
Worth a try. There are dozens of coconuts on the beach and more in the trees, so if we ruin them we can just do more.”

As the moon rose over the trees and the stars blinked into sight in the darkening sky, they walked ashore, sand sticking to their feet. Troy contemplated it. “We should have a bigger signal fire by the SOS, and a campfire here.”

“
Good idea. We can do that in the morning. Should keep them both burning all the time if we can. Helps keep the bugs away.”

Still naked, Troy went to work on cracking open a coconut, waiting until he was dry to get dressed. Fortunately, the water evaporated quickly. It probably should have been weird to be naked around someone he barely knew, but unlike in the gym, here he didn’t have to be afraid Brian was trying to take sneaky pictures of his junk.

“
I did pack some extra boxers. Never know when flights might get delayed. They’re clean.” Brian had changed into a red plaid pair and held out others.

“
Cool, thanks.” Troy took ones with green and purple checks and stepped into them. “Haven’t worn boxers in years. Usually do briefs. But I didn’t have anything on under my sweatpants the other night, so…” He shook his head as he gave the coconut another whack. “Weird, isn’t it? Only two days, but being on the plane feels like a million years ago.”

“
It does,” Brian agreed quietly. “Completely surreal.” He looked toward the cliff, his face creasing.

Troy hesitated. “Did you want to…we could do a little service for her? Say a prayer or something?”

Brian turned away. “It’s okay. But thank you.”

Maybe Troy would say his own later. It would make him feel better. “I’m sorry. I wish…” Acid swirled in his empty belly. “This wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for me. She’d still be alive.”

Shaking his head, Brian focused on Troy. “No,” he said forcefully. “It’s not your fault. It was me who—” He shook his head again.

Troy tried to smile. “If it’s not my fault, then it doesn’t get to be yours either. Remember?”

Brian’s lips lifted briefly. “Touché.”

Troy went back to the coconut. Before too long, he had the two halves cooking near the base of the fire. He didn’t want the meat to burn, so tried to keep the husks out of the flames. “Wow, I’m actually cooking something. My mom would be so proud.” His smile vanished as he imagined what she was going through. His aunties and uncles and cousins, and God, Ty… His throat tightened.

“
I don’t need you!”

Ty’s angry shout echoed through his mind. What if those words were the last they ever said to each other? At least Troy had told Ty he loved him. That was something. Still, tears stung his eyes, and he inhaled sharply.

“
You okay? Did you burn yourself?” Brian appeared beside him, his brow furrowed.

“
No. I was just thinking.” He swallowed thickly. “About my brother. The big fight we had.”

“
Ah.”

“
The thought that I might never see him again is…” He blinked rapidly.
Get it together. Be in the now or whatever the fuck.

“
Right. I get it.”

Troy concentrated on the coconuts, prodding with a stick and testing the meat. When he thought they were cooked, he let them cool and scraped out the meat with the knife, leaving it in the half shells. The little bit of juice in each half had cooked as well, making it all tender. He handed Brian his half. “We can use them like bowls. Coconuts are pretty handy.”

He cracked open another coconut and put it on the fire, because a protein bar and one serving of fruit wasn’t going to make a dent in his aching hunger. Brian had spread out one of the flannel blankets from the plane, and they sat cross-legged.

Brian poked at the white meat, which was a little brownish in places. “This is great. Thank you.”

“
Well, let’s see how it tastes. Don’t thank me yet.” Troy picked up a piece and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully. “Better, yeah? Not so soapy.”

“
Mmm. It is better.”

They ate for a few minutes, and Troy took a deep breath. He had the feeling he always got from a day in the sun, sand, and saltwater—tired but satisfied. And shit,
hungry.
“Can you imagine how good a burger would taste right now?”

“
Well
now
I can. Thanks for that.” Brian glared jokingly.

They ate quietly, starting on their second coconut before long.

“
Is that why you left the band?” Brian asked.

“
Huh? Oh, you mean the fight with my brother. Yeah. Well, not the fight exactly, but what caused it.”

“
I see.”

After a few moments, Troy raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to ask what the problem was?”

Brian shrugged. “I figure you’d tell me if you wanted to. It’s none of my business.”

“
Huh.”

“
What?”

“
Most people would ask.”

“
I’ve been on the receiving end of invasive questions, so I know what it’s like. Not anything on the scale you deal with, but public curiosity can be…daunting.”

Of course now Troy wondered why Brian would have garnered public attention, but if Brian wouldn’t pry, he couldn’t either. “Daunting’s a good word for it. I’m used to it after so many years, but people ask the most inappropriate shit you can imagine.”

“
Well, I’d ask if you wear boxers or briefs, but I guess I already know the answer.”

Troy laughed, a wonderful calm spreading in his chest. “I guess you do. You can devote a chapter to it in your tell-all.”

Brian laughed too, that low, warm sound. “I could call it
A Rock Star Wore My Underwear.
Wait, what’s the band called again?”

“
Next Up.” He actually loved that Brian didn’t know.

“
Would be good if I could work that into the title somehow. Hmm.”

“
I’m sure the publisher will have a million ideas.”

“
I’ll hold out for the one that comes up with the punniest title.”

“
Good plan.” Troy’s stomach still rumbled. “Guess I’ll throw on another coconut.” He went about cracking it, aiming the rock for the seam and bashing it repeatedly.

“
We definitely need to fish tomorrow.”

“
You know anything about fishing? Because I don’t.”

“
A little. My grandfather loved it. It’s been years, but I know enough. We can find a good piece of wood for a pole and tie on the line. Use a hook and lure. Put it in the water. That’s basically all there is to it.”

“
Cool.” Sweat dripped down Troy’s temple as he finally cracked the coconut and put it on the fire. “Fish would taste amazing right now. When they rescue us, I’m having the biggest burger with the coldest soda. And ice cream. Definitely ice cream.”

Brian smiled softly. “Sounds good.”

The fire crackled and sparked, the stars bright overhead now as night wrapped around them fully. The push and pull of the waves hummed beneath it all. He stared up, trying to recognize any of the constellations. The stars were remarkably bright.