Beyond the Sea (36 page)

“
Whoa,” Tyson repeated. “So…you liked it? Did you go down on him?”

“
Yeah, we blew each other.”

Ty seemed to ponder this. “Do you want to do that with other guys?”

“
I don’t know. I don’t think so. Maybe? I never have before.”

“
But with him, you want to?”

Troy nodded. God, he wanted it. A fine mist from the fountain cooled his skin, and he could almost smell the salt of the sea and hear Brian’s low, lazy laughter. He cleared his throat, but couldn’t get any words out.

“
Is he gay?”

“
No. At least, I was the first guy he was with.”

“
And you’re not gay either?”

“
I don’t know. I must be a bit if I want to have sex with another guy.”

“
Well, everyone’s a little bit gay. There’s a scale and shit. I did a quiz online once. I’m a three.” His tone went wistful. “I miss the internet so much. Sorry, sidetracked. Okay, you want this guy’s D, and he wants yours. So what’s the problem?”

“
Are you serious?” Troy sputtered. “Uh, let’s see. Neither of us have ever dated a guy before, and Mom would probably freak, and the fans would
definitely
freak. The media will go crazy, and everyone will have an opinion.”

“
Fuck ‘everyone.’ Who cares what they think? And don’t give me that about the fans. You know they’ve been shipping me and Nick for years. There are a zillion Tumblrs dedicated to ‘Nickson.’ The fans are cool with the gay. You know I am too.”

“
It really doesn’t bother you?”

“
Why would it? What am I, some loser homophobe?” He scoffed.

“
I know you’re not. I just…” Troy took a few breaths. “I don’t know how to feel. Am I gay? I guess I’m bisexual. I’m clearly something. Bi makes sense to me. It isn’t bad—I just never thought of myself that way. But now everything’s changed.
I’m
changed.”

Tyson stood and bent to retrieve a handful of pebbles. He began tossing them into the fountain, one by one. “Why do you need a label? We should be able to feel what we feel without making it some official statement.
You like this dude and he likes you. The end. Everyone else can fuck off.
”

Love for his brother warmed Troy through and through. “That actually makes sense.”

“
Don’t sound so surprised, dick.” Ty kicked his shin playfully. “And Mom loves you. We all do. She’s so happy you’re alive you could bring home a monkey as your date and she’d make it a banana cream pie.”

Troy had to laugh at the image, but his smile faded quickly. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Brian’s back in Australia. He’s…not interested.” The words scraped out. “It was just temporary.”

Tyson threw the rest of the stones into the fountain with a forceful
plop
. “Then he’s a fucking idiot, isn’t he? He—” Ty sighed wearily. “Shit, time’s almost up.” He nodded, and Troy turned to see the woman from the lobby holding up her hand with fingers spread. “Five minutes. Better head back. I’ve got to go share my feelings and take responsibility for my demons. Then we’ll probably do a hug circle and trust falls.”

“
But you’re taking this seriously, right?” Troy stood and barely resisted the urge to take his brother’s shoulders and shake. “This is your life, Ty. Please.”

He snapped, “I’m allowed to bitch, remember?” Turning back along the path, his voice softened. “I’m taking it seriously. I promise. You’re back from the dead, and I’m not going to blow it. Got a second chance.”

“
Okay. I trust you.” Troy’s shoulders were still up by his ears, and he rolled them restlessly.

“
You have a second chance too.”

“
Yeah.” Troy kicked at the gravel.

“
Look, I know why you walked away from me. It was the right call, and I don’t blame you. But do you really want to walk away from this guy? Don’t. Especially if you love him.”

Troy could only nod, his throat unbearably tight. Did he love Brian? The unspoken answer was a burning ache from head to toe, expanding and pushing against his ribcage.

With every bit of my heart.

“
Sir, I’m sorry to disturb you at this hour, but there’s an unexpected visitor.” The guard’s voice was so clear on the phone he could have been standing beside Troy’s bed. It was strange, the little things Troy noticed now that he hadn’t before. Surely he’d start taking technology for granted again soon.

He glanced at the green glow of the digital clock. It was past midnight, but he’d only been staring at the ceiling. “It’s okay. Are the paps still out there bothering you?” They’d followed him from visiting Ty in rehab, of course. Fans too, but at least most of them had curfews.

“
No, they’ve gone home for the night.”

He’d only told his mom he was coming to the Malibu house after visiting Ty, and it wasn’t his mom’s MO to spring up in the middle of the night. Besides, she was approved for automatic entry to the gated community and had his key.
Please don’t be Savannah.
Troy thought they’d parted on a good note, or at least an okay one, but he really wasn’t up for dealing with it.

“
Who is it?” He’d been ignoring the growing number of messages on his phone, but surely Joe or Lara wouldn’t dare show up like this.

“
Brian Sinclair.”

Heart in his throat, Troy bolted up in bed. “Brian? Are you serious?”

“
Yes, sir. That’s the name he gave, and I recognize him from the news.”

Troy sprang to his feet. “Let him in. Thank you. I, um. Okay, bye.” He fumbled the cordless handset into its cradle on the nightstand.

Brian was here. What did it mean? Should he get dressed? Troy glanced down at his faded pajama bottoms. Should he put on a shirt? He raced to the bathroom and flicked on the light, blinking in the glare. His hair was okay, but he had circles under his eyes.

As if Brian hasn’t seen me looking like shit before? What the fuck, dude.

A vehicle approached, and Troy turned out the light and rushed out of his room to the window at the front of the hall. A taxi appeared around the bend in the long driveway, and he watched, body tingling and pulse ratcheted up so high Troy thought he might explode.

The car stopped, and after a few moments, the back door opened. Brian climbed out, carrying a duffel bag. Brian was really, truly right outside his house, and Troy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Instead, he raced downstairs, yanking open the door. Brian glanced back at the taxi as it turned around and retreated in the night, its red tail lights disappearing around the curve and beyond a row of hedges.

Troy hadn’t turned on the light, so they stood there in darkness but for the moon. He needed to say something. He needed to—

“
I’m in love with you,” Brian blurted.

Dimly aware that his mouth was open, Troy could only stand there staring.

“
Uh… Can I come in?”

Troy managed to jerk out a nod and step back, closing the door behind Brian and turning to face him. “You’re in love with me?” His voice was too high.

Brian nodded tightly and dropped his duffel. “Maybe this is crazy, and maybe you don’t want this at all anymore after the stupid way I acted, but I had to tell you. Your girlfriend’s probably upstairs, and I shouldn’t have come, but I had to. I just…had to.”

“
She’s not here. And she’s not my girlfriend.”

Brian’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “Okay.”

“
That’s good,” Troy said.

Brian hesitated. “What is?”

“
That you told me. Because I’m in love with you too, and I hate being away from you, and I don’t care if it’s crazy because I like who I am when we’re together, and I don’t want to go back to the way things were before, and—”

It was for the best that Brian strode forward and kissed him, because Troy probably would have babbled for five minutes. It was much, much better to have Brian against him, his lips pressing hard, strong arms wrapping around Troy’s body.

They opened their mouths, tongues meeting as Troy staggered back against the front door. He moaned low in his throat when Brian rutted against him, denim rough against the thin cotton of Troy’s pajamas and getting him hard already. His head buzzed, heart about to explode.

Brian’s mouth tasted like coffee and Juicy Fruit, and his tongue was unrelenting. He pinned Troy against the smooth door, and Troy could have died happy and moaning.

Brian broke the kiss, his eyes wild. “Missed that sound. Missed you so much.” He ran his palms over Troy’s pecs, circling Troy’s nipples with his thumbs and making him gasp. Leaning close, he kissed the little cleft in Troy’s chin. Troy shivered, his cock swelling.

With a few tugs, Brian stripped off Troy’s pajamas and tossed them aside. Troy had been naked in front of Brian a hundred times now. Yet standing there, with moonlight ghosting over them from the skylight high above the grand foyer and Brian still fully dressed in jeans and a light jacket, Troy felt completely exposed.

But it was Brian. He was safe. Anticipation rippled over his skin like goosebumps.

Brian leaned close to Troy’s ear as he reached down to stroke and explore, his breath a hot gust. “Need to taste you.”

Troy could only moan and nod and spread his legs wider as Brian sank to his knees. Seeing him there at his feet sent a powerful bolt through Troy, and he ran his hand over Brian’s head. “
Please
.”

Teasing his fingers over Troy’s inner thighs, Brian nuzzled his balls, nosing around and inhaling deeply. Troy thought he’d have to beg, but then Brian took him in his mouth, sucking beautifully, pulling back the foreskin. It was clumsy and messy, but it was
Brian,
and Troy’s legs already trembled. Watching Brian’s lips stretch around his cock had his head spinning.

The wooden door was smooth against Troy’s back and buttocks, ceramic tiles cool beneath his toes. Brian was perfect at his feet, alive and there and
in love with him.
Joy bubbled up in Troy, his balls tightening. As much as he wanted to shoot down Brian’s throat and see him swallow it, it was going to happen too soon.

“
Wait, wait,” he muttered.

Brian let go of his cock with a slick
pop,
looking at up him with wet, parted lips. He was so gorgeous Troy didn’t know what to do with himself. When he didn’t say anything, Brian frowned. “Is it okay?”

“
Yes, yes.” Troy caressed Brian’s short hair. “But I want to come with you inside me. Will you fuck me again? I tried to fuck myself with my fingers the other night. Pretended it was you, but it wasn’t the same, and—”

Springing to his feet, Brian kissed Troy thoroughly. His stubble scraped Troy’s skin, sending sparks of pleasure straight to his dick. They stumbled up the curving staircase, and Troy prayed he still had that tube of K-Y in the bathroom drawer. He tore himself away from Brian to fumble for it blindly, half afraid that if he turned on the light, he’d wake up alone.

When he returned to the bedroom, Brian was kicking off his boxers. His cock stood up, his nipples hard, and Troy urged him back onto the king-sized bed, straddling him. After licking his nipples in turn, teasing the little nubs, Troy rubbed his face against Brian’s chest hair. He didn’t know why it turned him on so much, but he couldn’t get enough.

Brian groaned. “You’d better get me inside you soon.”

“
Mmm. Like the way that sounds.” Troy crawled up Brian’s body so they could kiss again. “I want to do everything with you.”

After licking his finger, Brian reached around to tease Troy’s hole. “Thought I could go back to the way things were. The way I was. I can’t. Need you.”

Troy squirted lube all over his hand—and also Brian’s stomach. They burst out laughing, and Troy couldn’t remember ever feeling such happiness that it filled every corner of him with each beat of his heart.

This is what it’s like to be in love.

He realized he’d said it out loud when dimples creased Brian’s cheeks and he reached up to caress Troy’s face. “It’s never been like this before.”

Troy really did want Brian to fuck him, so he concentrated on his ass, working himself open with his fingers while Brian stared avidly, licking his lips.