Beyond the Sea (35 page)

“
I’m so glad you called.” Kylie’s voice was muffled against Brian’s chest as she hugged him tightly.

“
Me too,” he lied, stroking a hand over her golden hair.

“
It was so awful to think you were dead. I’d always hoped to hear from you again, you know.” She leaned back and gave him a watery smile. “But I know you were busy, being a pilot and all. Imagine my surprise when I saw your face on the telly. Usually blokes lie about
being
pilots, not about
not
being pilots.”

“
Sorry.”

“
It doesn’t matter now. Come on, let’s have some wine.” She took his hand and led him to her kitchen, wearing leggings and a flowy blouse that didn’t hide her pert breasts or round ass. He’d dressed in dark jeans and a button-down that hung off him. He’d stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom, wondering who he was looking at. Even with the haircut and shave, he barely recognized himself.

He would have gone to a bar, but considering the number of reporters still camped around his building shouting questions about Troy as he’d sped his Honda out of the garage, a bar hadn’t been a good idea. Kylie had programmed her number into his phone, and the contacts had all been transferred to his new device.

So here he was at her little house in Parramatta. Brian was pretty sure no one had followed, but Kylie had closed all the blinds in case.

She smiled sweetly and gave him a glass of pinot. “Are you hungry? You poor thing, I can’t imagine how you survived.”

“
I’m fine.” He smiled back, because Kylie was a kind woman and she was being far better to him than he deserved.

“
There’s cheese and crackers and other nibbles. And I can order in if you’d like? There’s a terrific Thai place around the corner.”

“
I’m fine, really.” He gulped his wine. “I just need…”
Don’t think his name. Don’t.

Kylie smiled slyly. “I know what you need. I’ll fix you right up.” She put down her glass on the marble island and pressed against him with her softness and glossy lips, her small hands going to work on his fly.

It should have been exactly what he needed. Fuck a hot blond and forget everything else.
Relax. Enjoy it.

Leaning back against the island, Brian tried to turn off his mind as Kylie slipped her hand into his boxers. But as she kissed him, tasting like red wine and smelling of citrus, her soft fingers teasing his flaccid dick, he knew he could fuck a thousand women—or men—and still want Troy.

Still
love
Troy.

Maybe it didn’t make sense, but Brian knew what his heart shouted with each beat. He loved him. He wanted him. Brian couldn’t run from it. Wouldn’t. Not this time.

Stumbling back, he rammed his hip on the corner of the counter. “I’m sorry. I…”

“
You’re so tense. Come on, let’s sit down and relax. Have more wine. There’s no rush, right?” She smiled kindly, which made it worse.

He backed up farther. “I made a mistake. I thought I could…” He shook his head. “I don’t know what I thought. It’s not you. God, it really isn’t. I’m figuring my life out, and I’m a mess.”

“
Oh.” She tucked her hair behind her ear and straightened her blouse stiffly. “Well, then.”

“
I’m so sorry.” He scrubbed a hand over his hair, which felt wrong being short again. “I know this sounds like bullshit, but you’re great.”

With a sigh, she softened. “You’ve been through hell. Look, if you want to talk, I can order that Thai food.”

“
That’s so nice of you. But I need to go. Thank you, and…I’m sorry.”

Brian escaped to his Honda and slammed it into drive. While he could have talked it out with sweet Kylie, there was no need. He knew what he had to do, starting with visiting the American embassy first thing in the morning to speed through a replacement passport application. There was no time to waste.

He was ready to go home.

“
You’re still thin.”

Troy hugged his brother tightly. “So are you. Besides, I’ve only been back a week.”

“
Ten days.” Tyson stepped back with a rueful smirk. “Trust me. I’m counting in here.”

“
Well, it’s only been three days since I saw you, and I’m eating as fast as I can.” Troy hated not being able to visit every day, but the facility had strict rules.

To the watchful woman in the corner, Ty said, “We’re going for a walk.”

“
Of course,” she answered smoothly. “Please return to the greeting center at two-thirty.”

“
Uh-huh.” Tyson led the way from the lobby through glass doors and down a stone pathway to the wide swath of grass and gardens that spread out for at least a mile behind the rehab facility. “Why does everything here have some new-agey name?” he grumbled. “They call the library ‘the learning place.’ It’s so pretentious.” He unzipped his hoodie and dropped it on an empty bench.

In his jeans and T-shirt, Tyson did look startlingly thin to Troy’s eyes. “I know. But don’t let that bother you. Focus on why you’re here.”

Tyson huffed as he turned down a gravel path surrounded by low sprawls of pink, yellow, orange, white, and purple flowers Troy didn’t know the names of. “Can’t I bitch without a lecture?”

Troy winced. “Sorry. I just worry.”

“
No shit, BT.” Ty elbowed him playfully, and it was all Troy could do not to hug him again to feel him safe and alive.

Insects whined in the summer heat, and they slowed down to stroll under the shade of leafy trees. Troy was aware of the orderlies stationed around the grounds, well out of earshot but monitoring the handful of patients outside. During his other two short visits, he and Tyson had only been able to talk with a counselor in the room. Apparently Troy’s visitor status had been upgraded and they were allowed a bit of privacy now.

Of course he’d been searched thoroughly on arriving—patted down in his shorts and tee, his pockets turned out and sandals handed over for examination. Troy didn’t mind the extra vigilance, even though smuggling drugs to his brother was the last thing in the world he’d do.

“
Surprised Mom hasn’t sat you down and chopped off your hair.” Tyson ran a hand over his own buzzed head. “She was pissed when I did this, but fuck it. I don’t want to deal with a shaggy mop of curls anymore. I’m not twelve.” He smirked. “We can switch styles.”

“
Deal.”

“
It’s so stupid how Joe and the label wanted us to always have different hair. You’re a foot taller than me. No one’s going to get us confused.”

“
I know.” He shrugged. “But we went along with it.”

“
Guess we did. You know what Mom and Dad always said about not causing trouble and following the rules.” Ty laughed, a sharp, angry bark. “Pretty rich coming from Dad, huh?”

It was the first time Troy had ever heard Tyson criticize their father. “Ty…” He didn’t know what he wanted to say.

“
I’m pissed at him. And her for not doing anything.”

Troy kicked at a stray stone on the path. “Yeah. Me too.” His skin prickled, but not from the heat. “But I should have—”

“
You shouldn’t have done shit.” Tyson’s sneakers kicked up gravel as he skidded to a halt. “You were a kid, just like I was.”

Shaking his head, Troy insisted, “I was older. I should have done something. I should have…”

“
What? Fixed him? You couldn’t. Only he could. That’s one of the things I’m learning in here: The addict is the only one responsible for their actions. I have to own my truth.” He rolled his eyes. “More new-age shit, but they’re right.”

“
I still should have done better. I could have—”

“
Troy, stop.” Tyson gripped his arm. “Dad made his choices. So did I. You’re the best big brother anyone could ever have. You don’t know how—” He sucked in a breath, his eyes welling with tears. “When they said you were dead, it was like… Fuck, I hated myself for the shitty things I said. You were trying to help me, and I was such an asshole. You know I didn’t mean any of it, right?” His fingers dug into Troy’s skin. “You know that?”

Troy pulled Ty into his arms. “Of course. I know. I know.”

“
I said I didn’t need you,” Ty mumbled against Troy’s chest. “But I need you so much.”

Blinking up at the cloudless sky, Troy’s eyes burned. “I need you too, okay?”

“
Okay.” Swiping at his face, Tyson stepped back. “I was so pissed at you for leaving, but you were right. I’m just… Shit, I’m so glad you’re here.”

“
Thanks to you for spending a fortune on a search team.”

“
I wasn’t going to give up,” he said fiercely. “No way.”

“
I’m not giving up on you either. Maybe I should have stayed in Australia, but I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“
You did.” Tyson sniffed and wiped his nose with his wrist the way he’d done since he was little. “My head was so far up my ass I wouldn’t have listened to you. When you went missing, I lost it. I’m lucky I didn’t kill myself.”

Troy shuddered. “Thank God.”

“
Thank Savannah and the guys. Even Nick got his shit together.” He grimaced. “Briefly, that is. He’s still in denial. I wish… But I can’t be responsible for his choices. I have to focus on my own recovery.” Wrinkling his nose, he added, “Their new-agey talk is really rubbing off on me. Anyway, Savannah planned an intervention, and she wouldn’t let up about what you would want for me.”

“
So she guilted you into coming to rehab.”

Tyson laughed softly and dropped onto a shaded bench. “Pretty much. But hey, it worked.” He was quiet for a few moments. “You know she was really torn up about you. That fight you had.” He peered up at Troy. “Are you really not getting back together with her?”

Troy sat on the bench with a sigh. “No. I’m not. I’m sorry to hurt her, but I just can’t.”

“
I don’t get it. She’s sweet and gorgeous. What’s not to like?”

“
She’s just not who I want to be with. She’s not the one.”

“
Yeah, I guess if you’re not feeling it. Well, plenty of other girls out there. You should go hit the town, bro.”

Before he could think twice, Troy said, “I don’t want other girls.”

Ty stared at him blankly. “Huh? Dude, you were just on a desert island for two months. I’ve been in here a month and I’d give my left nut for some pussy.”

“
It’s not… Never mind.” It didn’t matter anyway. Brian had made it clear it was over. Whatever
it
had been.

“
What’s wrong?”

“
Nothing.” Troy tried to laugh it off. “Come on, let’s go check out the fountain.” He started to stand.

Tyson pulled him back down to the bench. “Tell me what’s wrong, and don’t say ‘nothing.’ I know you. You look like you did when Scrapper died.”

“
Good ol’ Scrapper.” Their beagle had lived to thirteen, but it still hadn’t been easy to let him go. “Remember when he ate that whole container of Play-Doh?”

“
Yeah, it was super gross. Don’t change the subject.”

Troy sighed. Part of him wanted to spill his guts, and the other half wanted to keep what he and Brian had shared a secret. Something that couldn’t be touched. The urge to voice the tangle of feelings jammed inside him won. “I don’t want Savannah, or any other girls. I want
him
.”

The words hung in the hot afternoon air. For a few long moments, there was only the drone of a lawn mower and the distant tinkle of water.

Tyson stared, his smooth forehead furrowed. “Who?”

“
Never mind.” Troy shot to his feet. “I don’t know what I’m saying.” He headed to the fountain at the end of the path, where water flowed over stone dolphins and arced in a gentle cascade.

Tyson hurried to stand beside him. “I’m confused.” His eyes went wide. “Wait, are you talking about
him
? The pilot? Brian?”

Troy could only nod miserably.

“
Did you…and he…?” He waved his hand in the air. “Holy shit, you
did
!”

“
It was just…”
What?
Troy didn’t know. They’d agreed not to overthink it, and now he had zero idea how to deal with the confusion and longing filling him so deeply it was hard to breathe. “You can’t tell anyone.” He clutched his brother’s shoulder. “Ty, please.”

“
I won’t. You know I won’t.”

“
Okay.” He blew out a long breath. “I know.”

“
Come on.” Tyson urged Troy to sit on the side of the fountain and joined him. “So you guys…messed around?”

“
Yeah.”

“
Well, you were stuck on that island for months. Most people would probably…” He waved his hand again. “You know.”

“
It started that way, I guess. Kind of. Then it was definitely more. A lot more.”

“
Did you do it, like…” Tyson dropped his voice to a whisper. “In the butt?”

Troy could feel his cheeks get hot. He nodded.

“
Whoa. Were you the pitcher or the catcher?”

He had to laugh, just a bit. “Catcher, but I would have fucked him too. We got rescued before I could.”