Big Apple Dreams (14 page)

“I know,” I said, not sure I really believed her. “It’s a silly acting exercise, that’s all. I was hoping it would help him with his play.”

“He could still show up,” she said encouragingly.

“Yeah. Well, Cinderella, I’ve got to get going. Have fun at the ball, don’t lose your shoes, and remember every detail, so you can tell me exactly what happened later.”

“Yes, ma’am!” she laughed, standing and walking to the closet to pick out her outfit.

“Love you,” I called as I shut the front door behind me.

“Love you, too!” her muffled cry answered.

I sighed, partly out of happiness for her. The other half was out of frustration at Evan. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I checked my messages again, hoping I’d somehow missed his reply. There was nothing.

What did I do to upset him? Maybe I am overthinking it. He had issues before, I know that. I don’t need to feel like I’ve done anything wrong.

Thoughts of the same caliber ran through my mind for the entirety of my trip to the studio where my class was held each weekend. It was small, like most everything in the city, but it did fine for what we needed.

My teacher was a kind, middle aged man
, who really knew what he was talking about when he taught us to do something. He was one of the better—if not the best—teachers I’d ever had on the subject.

“Good afternoon, Mara,” he said as I entered the room.

“Mr. Clark,” I said with a smile.

“Your playwright friend arrived a few minutes ago.”

“Evan’s here?” I asked in surprise.

“Yes. He seemed very nice. I read through his scene and sent him into one of the practice rooms down the hall with Liam. I think it’s very good, especially for his first piece.”

“That’s what I said,” I laughed.

“He seems very nervous
, though. I figured you could go in and do the reading with him, just to ease the tension. If he were one of my students I’d expect him to deal with it, but I’ll throw him a bone today.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled.

“You’ll be in there for all of today’s class. I’ll come in and see how it’s going in a while. I want to see what you can come up with without my suggestions.” He pointed me in the right direction and sent me on my way, ready to address the student waiting behind me.

I quietly let myself into the small studio space, not wanting to disrupt anything that might already be taking place. It looked much like my voice lesson space, minus the piano.

Evan was sitting on a stool in the corner, haltingly explaining a little of the show to my classmate, Liam.

Liam was wearing black, as all students were supposed to. What surprised me was the bright red shirt Evan had on. I’d never really seen him in anything other than his backstage clothes.

“Mara,” Evan said, standing up and rubbing his hands on his jeans.

“Mr. Clark sent me to read lines with Liam for you,” I said warmly.

“Great,” Liam said enthusiastically. “I read through the first little bit. I think we can put on a good show.” He laughed, clapping Evan on the shoulder in excitement.

“Mara, can I talk to you for a second?” Evan asked, taking a few steps toward me and then pausing, as if waiting for permission.

“Sure.”

“I’ll read through it a little more while I wait,” Liam said, picking up a few papers on the floor.

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer any of your calls or messages,” Evan said quietly once he was near me again. “I didn’t know if I was coming until I was practically here.”

“Are you okay?” I asked, concerned with how nervous he seemed to be.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was sorting some things out in my head.”

“If you need anything, you know you can ask me, right?”

“I know. Thanks,” he said, turning back towards Liam. “Let’s get started, okay?”

I shrugged out of my jacket and set it on top of my bag by the door. Remembering that the scene started on stage left, I walked over to that side and was quickly joined by Liam.

“Here’s your copy,” he said, handing me my own tiny script. “You’ve read it, right?”

“A few times,” I said with a nod.

“I’m ready whenever you are,” Evan said, taking his seat in the corner again.

I took a deep breath, trying to block out every thought except for what I was about to do. It took me a few seconds longer than normal.

I quickly walked out into the space, feigning tears.

“Claire, wait!”

Liam ran out after me, grabbing my arm and spinning me around to look at him.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

I checked my script quickly before going on, not remembering exactly what to say.

“Away from here. I can’t do this anymore
, Paul! I never should have come to this country in the first place.”

“What are you talking about?” he continued, letting me slip away as I pulled my arm out of his grasp.

“Everything has been wrong from the start!” I cried, turning away from him. “I came here with all of these dreams and not one of them ever came true. My heart can’t take it anymore. I have to leave here, or I’m going to waste away into nothing!”

“You can’t leave!” Liam looked at his script periodically, following it very well for having only just read it. I’d always thought that he was an exceptional actor.

“If you leave, I will waste away into nothing,” he continued. “Can’t you tell how I feel about you?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, turning back to him.

“I’m in love with you,” he croaked out, as if he was fighting his own tears. “I’ve watched you every day, falling more and more in love with each word that leaves your perfect lips.”

“But you were with,” I paused to check my script again
, “Emily. Everything you did was for her.”

“No
, it wasn’t,” he said, closing the distance between us and pulling me up against him. “It was all for you. The thing with Emily was a misunderstanding. I’ve loved you from the first moment I heard you singing in the courtyard.”

“You love me?” I asked softly, letting a slight tremble into my voice.

“And I’ll never stop,” he said with a nod, tipping my chin up and leaning in until our lips softly met.

“Okay,” Evan said, stopping the moment as he rose from his chair and walked over to us. “So, it occurs to me that while this play is meant to be a comedy, I might have written this scene a little dramatically and sent it right into cheesy comedic. I can fix that later. But right now, I feel like the acting is a little over the top on your side
, Liam.”

“What would you suggest?” He sounded completely enthusiastic and ready to hear what Evan had to say.

“Well, it seemed like you were trying to throw a little of your own emotional cry in there, which I get. I don’t think Paul would do that, though. You can’t tell for sure, because you only have this scene to go with.”

“Right,” Liam agreed
.

“So, try it again fro
m this line, but be a little stronger about it.” He pointed at the line in the script, and then walked back over to his seat, leaning against the wall next to it.

“I’m in love with you,” Liam started again, a harder edge to his voice.

We went through the scene again, Liam following Evan’s directions very well. As soon as our lips touched once more, though, Evan was breaking us apart, still not appearing happy with how it was turning out.

“You are really great,” he said to Liam. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re not doing it right. I think it’s something I’ve missed in the writing. I don’t know.”

“I totally understand,” Liam said, a smile still on his face. “I’m here to help you out. I’ll do whatever you need, so you can understand what’s going on.”

“You’re doing good, too, Mara,” Evan said. “Liam just has the majority of lines here.”

“We understand,” I laughed. “Like Liam said, this is reading practice for us. Today is to help you. Do whatever you need to.”

Evan rubbed his chin, keeping his thoughts to himself.

“Have you ever told a woman you love her before
?” he asked, turning to Liam again.

“I have
n’t.”

“Dang. I was going to tell you to draw off that. It’s not really something you can feel and know how to handle until you’ve done it.”

He rubbed his face again before nodding to himself and wiping his hands on his jeans again.

“Do you mind if I read it with her real quick? I think I might be able to feel it out better that way
, and then you guys can tell me what you think needs to be done to it.”

Liam gracefully stepped out of the way and Evan took his place, his jaw clenching several times before he started.

“I’m in love with you,” he said softly, but the tone of his voice cut right through me.

My heart jumped a mile and beat faster than it ever had in my life as he went on, as if he were really saying these thing to me as himself and not Paul.

“But you were with Emily. Everything you did was for her,” I said through a dry mouth, hoping no one was noticing the way I was reacting to his words.

“No it wasn’t,” he said, stepping forward, desperation in his eyes. “It was all for you.”

I tried my best to concentrate on what he was saying and not get caught up in what I was feeling. It was painfully obvious that I wished for this to be my real life.

Some girlfriend I turned out to be. Chris would hate me if he knew this had happened.

“You love me,” I managed to stutter out.

“And I will never stop,” Evan said, gathering me into his arms and crushing his mouth to mine.

Every ounce of me that said we were acting shattered into a million little pieces as I completely succumbed to him, melting into his embrace. My heart was on the verge of stopping and my brain could only think of one thing.

Evan.

His lips moved against mine with authority, but weren’t so harsh as to hurt me. It was like I could feel the desperation coming off him, his hands pressing into my back, refusing to release me. Hot breath washed over my face as he pulled away, his eyes opening to look into mine, seemingly true emotion shining from them.

“Whoa,” Liam said, laughing as he clapped from behind us. “Dude. You need to break into acting and star in this. That was amazing!”

“Yeah,” Evan said, releasing me and straightening his shirt. “I’m not an actor, though. I get stage fright in front of large groups.”

“Everyone is missing out then
, because that was awesome,” Liam said as Evan took his seat again.

“Thanks,” he said gruffly. “What do I need to change in the writing?”

“Nothing,” Liam said enthusiastically. “I was looking at it wrong I think. I’m excited to get back in there and take another swing! Are you ready, Mara?”

“Yeah,” I said, finally moving from where Evan had released me, trying to get my head back into things. “Let’s go
, again.”

“All right!” Liam said clapping his hands together. “Where should we start from?”

“Try the very beginning, again,” Evan said softly, avoiding eye contact with me.

Chapter Sixteen

I shouldn’t have stronger feelings for my best friend’s brother than my boyfriend.

I lay on my bed, eyes staring out into the darkness as the late night city sounds softly made their way through the closed window.

Lizzy snored softly in her bed next to me, completely oblivious to my internal struggle. She had been so excited when she got home from her date that I didn’t say anything, like usual.

How could I tell her I wanted to be with her brother? Especially, when she was always so ready to tell me how attractive she found Chris. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by becoming another one of her friends to crush on Evan.

She could think I only befriended her for him. No, Mara, that’s silly! You knew her first. I still can’t tell her
, though. I can’t tell anyone.

I rolled over, frustrated that I’d come to the same conclusion all my previous thoughts had led to throughout the day.

It was a stage kiss. It didn’t mean anything. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

It did mean something to me
, though. Evan was the one that it didn’t bother. I was sure I’d misread all of his previous actions. It was the only explanation I could find for his recent standoffish behavior.

I’ll call Chris in the morning and see if we can get together tomorrow. We need to spend time together. Then I’ll remember how I feel about him and this whole silly thing will go away.

“I was happy to get your call this morning,” Chris said smoothly as he unlocked the door to his apartment. “We haven’t spent much time together lately.”

“I know. That’s why I called,” I said with a smile. “I figured we could just relax and catch up on what’s been happening.”

“Sounds great. Wine?” he asked, taking his suit jacket off and putting it in the coat closet.

“Sure,” I said, taking a seat on the couch.

“So,” he said, rolling his sleeves up as he walked into the kitchen. “What’s new with you?”

He proceeded to pull to glasses out before surveying his small wine collection displayed on the counter.

“I’ve been taking my classes,
as you know,” I started. “They’re going really good. I feel like I’m really getting to the top of my game, now.”

“That’s awesome,” he said, turning to smile at me before going back to his picking.

“How about you?”

“Well,” he said, finally selecting a bottle and carefully pulling it from the rack. “Things have been going very well for me
, actually.”

He filled our two
glasses and brought them over to where I was sitting, the bottle tucked under his arm, before continuing.

“I’ve been trying to get my office relocated to a better building, where I’ll catch more people’s attention. I put an offer in
on a place downtown and will hopefully hear back tomorrow.”

“That’s great,” I said enthusiastically.

“It is. But not as great as what happened to me yesterday.”

“Do tell,” I said, taking a swig of the wine.

“You remember the benefit I invited you to, right?”

“Of course. I have the date circled on my calendar and everything,” I laughed.

“Good! We’re going to be showing up a little earlier than everyone else.”

“Why is that?”

“It turns out, the building that it’s being hosted in is coming up for sale. And they asked me to be the broker for it!”

“Wow, that’s awesome Chris! It sounds like a dream come true.”

“Hard work and patience, that’s what it took for me to get to this point. It does feel like a dream, though,” he laughed. “So, we’ll get there early, in order for me to do a walk through with the current owner. He told me that there would probably be buyers at the event, so we’ll have to be on our best behavior. I always try to put out the best image I can when I’m working.”

“Of course. I totally understand.”

“I’ll take you shopping for a new dress,” he said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and raising his own glass to his lips.

“You really don’t have to,” I said, suddenly uncomfortable.

“It’s no problem,” he said after swallowing. “I want my girl to look her best.”

I returned his smile the best I could, but I couldn’t stop the sick feeling in my stomach. I didn’t like feeling like he thought my clothes weren’t good enough.

“It’s a formal affair,” he continued, oblivious. “I wouldn’t want you to feel like you were under dressed.”

“I have some nice, floor length dresses,” I said,
still trying to dissuade him. “You don’t need to spend all that money on me.”

“Nonsense,” he laughed. “I want to. I haven’t gotten to take you out and spoil you in a while
, anyway. It will be fun!”

“If you say so,” I said, before taking another gulp of my drink.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Finally, he caught on.

“Yeah. It’s just, there’s some work stuff that’s been bothering me and I wanted to talk about—”

“Here have some more wine,” he said, topping off my glass. “Wine always makes me feel a little better when I’m having work trouble. What’s bothering you? Lines? Movements you can’t remember? Lay it on me.”

“Um.”

I looked at him, suddenly very aware of how much I didn’t want to talk to him about anything work related. I was tired of everything being about his job. It seemed like a bad idea to make my side of the relationship the same way.

“Never mind. I can handle it. Instead, why don’t you tell me what your favorite color is?”

“You want to know my favorite color?” he laughed. “Why?”

“Because you’ve never told me. I want to get to know you. You know . . . I want to really know who you are.”

“It’s white,” he chuckled.

“Why?”

“Because it’s a blank canvas. Anything can be done to it. Everything starts with nothing.”

“You should have been an architect,” I laughed. “You sound like someone born to create things.”

“Not everyone can afford to chase frivolity,” he said smoothly, leaning back and taking another sip of his wine. “Besides, I enjoy my job. I’m good at it, too.”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, frustrated to have landed right back on the topic of work. “You know what? I don’t feel very good.”

“Oh no,” he said with a frown. “Do you want to lie down in my bed and rest for a while?”

“Actually, I think I’d rather go home,” I said apologetically. “Then I can rest all night and not have to worry about leaving Lizzy alone.”

“I’m sure she won’t mind,” he said, gathering up the glasses and bottles and taking them back to the kitchen.

“I’d still like to go home.”

“A
ll right, I’ll call ahead for them to save a cab for us.”

“You don’t have to come with me,” I rushed.

“If you’re sick, I want to know you’re taken care of.”

“I’ll call you when I get there,” I said, rising from the couch. “It’s fine
, really.”

He looked at me for a moment, his arms folded across his chest while he decided.

“Fine,” he finally said. “But I’m stopping by first thing in the morning to check on you.”

“Great,” I said with a small smile.

“And I’m at least going to walk you down there and put you in the cab myself.”

“I can handle that,” I said with a sigh, a real headache starting to form right behind my eyes.

He picked up the phone and dialed down to the front desk, reserving the cab as he’d said.

“Come on,” he said, taking my hand and gently pulling me into his embrace. “Let’s get you home.”

I walked up to my front door, the sick, uneasy feeling I’d had around Chris fading away.

I don’t have those feelings for him anymore, do I?

With a sigh, I pulled my keys from my bag, sliding the right one into the deadbolt on the door.

It swung open easily, revealing a tear soaked Lizzy on the couch.

“What’s wrong?” I asked in a panic.

“It’s stupid,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. “I’m getting worked up over nothing.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, dropping my bag on the floor and joining her.

“It’s Evan,” she laughed lamely. “He called me a few minutes ago and said he was leaving the city, again.”

“What?” I gasped, my heart plummeting.

“He’s signed another tour contract.” The bitterness in her voice was strong.

“For how long?” The question seemed to be coming from somewhere else, not from my own mouth.

“A year,” she said, tears brimming in her eyes again. “He said that the first month was a trial period, but everyone loves him. They’re not going to send him home.”

“There’s not enough time between locations to come home either,” I
surmised softly.

“He’s one of my best friends,” she cried. “
How am I going to not see him for a year?”

I felt like crying myself. A year was a long time to go without seeing someone who was such a huge part of my life. I couldn’t even imagine how it felt for Lizzy to be losing the only family she had here in the city.

“When is he leaving?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly on the last syllable.

“Tomorrow,” she said, her sadness replaced by anger. “He didn’t even give me any time to say goodbye. I know I can call and text him still, but I would have at least liked to spent one day
doing whatever with him. Now, all I get is a drive to the airport and a hug goodbye outside the terminal.”

“When tomorrow?”

“Early in the morning. He didn’t waste any time.”

I was about to ask if I could go with her, when I suddenly remembered Chris was coming over.

This is what I get for pretending to be sick to get out of a date,
I moaned inside.
There’s no way I can talk him out of not coming over.

I’m not going to see Evan again for a year.

My heart hurt. I couldn’t deny the feelings I had for Evan anymore. The truth was, I was pretty sure I
loved him. It was something about the way he looked at me. The sound of his voice when he spoke reached parts of me that no other person had. His touch caused shivers to spread through my body. And I couldn’t fight it any more.

I cried with Lizzy. I cried because I was in love with her brother and felt too afraid to tell her. I cried because he was leaving without even giving me the chance to tell him. I cried because he didn’t feel the same way. And I cried because I still had Chris, who wasn’t who I wanted, but would be the only person I could lean on to try and remain any semblance of normality. Lastly, I cried because my heart was broken, already feeling the sting of unrequited love.

“I love my brother, Mara,” Lizzy said once we’d cried all the tears we had. “I’m happy that he has such great opportunities to travel and make new connections. But I feel like he doesn’t realize what it does to me when he leaves. It’s selfish, I know. But I would never up and leave for a year without calling and talking to him about it first.”

She stood and walked into the kitchen, pulling a pot from one of the cupboards and filling it with water.

“Do you want some hot chocolate?” she asked as she set it on the stove.

“Sure.”

Silence fell between us as she stared at the water, lost in her own thoughts.

I sat on the couch, legs folded underneath me, watching her work, but blind to what she was really doing.

I wanted to run right out and try to stop him, but I knew Evan would never listen to me. It was obvious I’d misread everything I’d thought was mutual feelings coming from him.

He’s leaving. He’s leaving
, and he didn’t even call to tell me himself.