Bitten by Cupid (16 page)

She laughed. There was not a single thing funny about her situation, but his options were so classically Zeeland—no options at all. Yet he said them so seriously. As if she had a choice, as if she weren’t wholly overwhelmed by the whole damned thing. Her laughter changed, choking off, as fat tears began to roll down her cheeks.

“Juli…”

Her vision swam beneath the weight of her tears. “I’ve missed you, Zee.” Her voice was little more than a whisper, but he heard. She knew he heard because a heartbeat later she felt his strong arms go around her.

As she pressed her tear-streaked face against the buttons of his shirt, his gentle hands stroked her back and her hair, holding her tight, protecting her against the world.

“I’m sorry, Julianne. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you needed me. But I’m here now.” He held her close, playing with her hair, letting it slide through his fingers as her tears ran their course, and silence finally cocooned them.

He pulled back and lifted her chin, forcing her to look up at him. His knuckles brushed her cheek. “Tell me what’s going on, Juli. What has you afraid, Sunshine?”

She tried to look away from those too-perceptive eyes, but he wouldn’t have it.

“Don’t, Julianne. I’m not letting you go until you tell me the truth.”

She stared into his warm brown eyes and swallowed. The lies wouldn’t come. Not anymore. “The truth is, I can’t tell you, Zeeland.”

“You can, sweetheart. You can tell me anything.”

Her mouth twisted with wry frustration as those words echoed from her childhood.

“Quit using that fatherly voice on me, Zee. I’m no longer a child.”

His mouth clamped shut, his eyes darkening. “I am all too aware of that.” The husky note in his voice slid along her flesh like warm silk.

At the feel of his hands falling away, she thought he’d decided to release her. Until she felt his fingers at her waist. He gripped her tight, his hands shaking ever so slightly as if he were barely in control.

Excitement spiraled through her, need pulsing low and hot.

Zeeland’s palms slid down over her hips and back up again with sharp, needy movements.

“Tell me what’s the matter, Julianne.” His words demanded, but his tone was rough with another emotion. He leaned forward, his lips grazing her temple. “Tell me.”

“I can’t.” Her own voice sounded no steadier than his. She felt drugged by his nearness, and by his rich, masculine scent, swept away on a tide of longing.

His hands slid up, his thumbs brushing the undersides of her breasts through the silky gown. She sucked in a long, slow gasp of a breath, reveling in the intimate touch, trembling with the need for more.

His finger rose to stroke a sensitive nipple. Fire shot through her, the thin silk doing little to protect her from the heat of his flesh, tearing a moan from her throat. He brushed her nipple again, back and forth with his thumb until her head fell back, her eyes half closed from the pure, intoxicating feel of his touch.

“Zeeland.
”

She knew the moment his control snapped. His touch changed from slow to frantic, from gentle to greedy. His palm replaced his thumb on her breast, his fingers kneading with fierce tenderness even as his other hand cupped the back of her head to hold her captive. His mouth descended, taking hers in a feverish kiss.

With a single, well-aimed blow to her senses, the sweep of his tongue inside her mouth wreaked havoc on her intentions to send him away. For too long, she’d dreamed of this. Of being in his arms. Of feeling his passion. Yet the reality was far beyond any dream.

She felt as if she were burning up from the inside, blazing with a need as desperate as it was exhilarating.

“Make love to me, Zee,” she gasped against his mouth.

At first she wasn’t sure he’d heard her, then he pulled back just far enough to see her clearly. His eyes were heavy-lidded and dark with desire, even as they throbbed with tenderness.

“Please, Zee. I’ve waited for this for so long.”

Those heat-filled eyes of his erupted in pure flame, sending her own desire tumbling into the conflagration, filling her with a deep, reckless joy.

His head dipped to her neck, nipping and licking with feverish kisses. “I have to be inside you, Julianne.
Now.
”

Chapter Seven

“Yes, Zee.
Yes.
”

Zeeland’s control was gone, shattered as if it had never been. Lust rode his skin, sinking into his pores, wrenching him free of himself, of his humanity. The deep animal nature buried inside him rose and took over as need roared through his body, turning him hard and heavy. His limbs quaked with desperation to be inside her.

Years, he’d waited for this.
Years.

Julianne’s surrender sealed both their fates.

He kissed her hard, desperate to be one with her in every way, but kissing her wasn’t enough. Wasn’t nearly enough.
Goddess, I have to be inside her.
Lifting her into his arms, he deposited her on the bed, then tore off his shirt and unfastened his belt as he joined her there. The wildness raging through him demanded he mount her in the most primal Therian way. Later, he would make love to her, but not now. Not now.

“Julianne…” His breaths were coming hard and fast. “Get on your hands and knees for me, Sunshine. I need to take you in the old way, from behind.”

She met his gaze, a slow feral smile lifting her mouth. “Like the animals we should have been.”

He matched her smile. “Exactly like.” Goddess, he was shaking in his need to be one with her.

Without hesitation, she turned for him, arching her back and pushing her sweet buttocks toward him, giving herself to him, telling him in no uncertain terms of her desire for him.

“Now,
Zee
.
I want you
now.
”

He yanked her nightgown up over her hips and tore away the silky scrap of panties covering her precious flesh. The sight of her open flower nearly sent him over the edge. His control was shot. As he freed his erection, he bent and nipped the flesh of her hip, eliciting a gasp and a moan of pure feminine desire, then licked the place where he’d marked her.

He grabbed her hips, desperate to plunge into her, but managed to hold back by the barest thread of self-restraint. He had to know she was ready. His finger probed her opening, finding her wet and open, her lips wide with welcome. With a feral growl of satisfaction, he shoved his finger fully inside her.

And ripped through a barrier he’d never expected to find.

Julianne gasped.

Her hymen.

Zeeland froze, shock rolling through him.
A virgin.

“No. No!” Julianne wrenched away from him, crawling to the headboard, blood streaking her inner thighs. She whirled to face him. “Go. Get out of here, Zeeland! Go!” Her face had turned white as a sheet. She was quaking.

Zeeland reeled, light-headed from the shock short-circuiting his system. She’d waited for him.

She’d waited for him.
And he’d hurt her. Terrified her.

“Juli
.” Her name tore up from his heart, slicing his constricted throat into a million pieces. His hands shook from the need to hold her, to comfort her. But it was him she was afraid of. “I didn’t know. I would never hurt you.”

“Go!
”

The look in her eyes slew him. A desperation he couldn’t fathom. Horror.
Terror.

Of him.

Zeeland stood on unsteady legs, zipped up his pants, and stumbled from her room, closing the door behind him. He collapsed against the wall outside her room, shaking with a cold that came from deep in his soul. All those years he’d dreamed of being her first. He’d imagined how he’d stroke her and gentle her, preparing her body for that first intimate invasion.

Instead, he’d handled her roughly, hurting her. Terrifying her.

She’d waited for him.
Five years past maturity and still a virgin. She’d waited for him and he’d hurt her.

“Ah, goddess. What have I done?” He tipped his head against the wall at his back, digging his hands into his hair and clutching his skull. His body still raged with need, but it was his chest that felt as if it had been stabbed with a dozen knives. It was his heart that felt as if it would crumble.

“What have I done?
”

Julianne lay on her bed, curled in on herself shaking with a fire, a need, she barely understood. And a terror she understood all too well.

“Zeeland,
” she whispered, her heart breaking.
So close.
After all these years of waiting, he’d finally come back. He’d finally been prepared to make love to her.

Now he never would.

She couldn’t let him try again. She’d felt a pinch of pain when his finger first breached her, but it had been followed at once by a rush of pleasure so intense, she’d felt her control vaporize. Tiny, warm bubbles had begun to replace the blood in her veins. If she’d let him continue, she’d have turned to mist, just like Melisande.

She’d have given herself away, signing his death warrant and probably her own. And she’d have had to watch as the passion and tenderness in his expression changed to shock and revulsion.

But, sweet heaven, he’d thought he’d hurt her. She’d seen the look on his face, that look of horror, and for a moment she’d feared she’d already lost form. But then she’d realized she was still firmly corporeal and known his horror was all for himself. His words had confirmed it.
I would never hurt you.
Yet he thought he had and hated himself for it.

She knew her Zee.

Julianne rose and went to the door, hesitating as she reached for the handle. What if he was still out there? What would she say to ease his guilt? What could she say without telling him the truth?

Nothing. There was nothing she could tell him.

But maybe there was another way to ease his suffering. She knew the Ilinas were able to do more than turn to mist. There was another ability Ilinas possessed, a trick Melisande had pulled on her more than once.

If she could turn to mist, perhaps she could do this, too.

If it worked, she might be able to make things right with Zeeland, in a way. She might be able to ease his terrible guilt.

Her miserable Ilina blood had to be good for something.

It was nearly dawn when Zeeland finally let sleep overtake him, simply to escape the self-recrimination for a while. He dreamed, as he often did, that he was a shape-shifter, that he still possessed the ancient power of his race. In the dream, he was on a wide-open plain, standing the height of a man. As he lifted his arms to the heavens, he pulled the energy from deep within himself and felt a rush of power on a sweep of exquisite joy. A flash of sparkling lights, and his vision suddenly shifted until he was looking at the landscape from a lower vantage point.

His eyesight changed, his hearing sharpened. The smells of the land burst, engulfing his senses. On four legs, he took off running across the empty plain, the wind in his face thrilling his whiskers, his powerful legs carrying him with joy and ease.

In his dreams, he always shifted into the same animal, a large cat of some kind, with brown fur. He’d never seen his reflection to know precisely which feline.

He ran, reveling in the freedom, only slowing when a beam of sunlight suddenly appeared before him, deepening and widening until a woman stepped forth from the glow.

Julianne.

She wore the same purple nightgown he’d lifted over her hips as he’d prepared to plunge into her a short while ago. The gown, a sleeveless satin that clung to her body, set off her coloring and her curves to fine advantage, filling his man’s brain with admiration and lust.

But as his gaze rose to her face, he saw the tracks of tears and remembered all too well what he’d done to her.

His cat’s body pulled up not twenty feet in front of her.

She stared at him, her eyes wide and uncertain. “Zee?”

He spoke to her telepathically.
It’s me
,
Julianne. I won’t hurt you.

“How did you shift? You’re not a Feral.”

It’s a dream. The memory of shifting lives deep within my Therian blood. I often dream I’m an animal. A lot of Therians do. Don’t you?

“No.” Her eyes filled with sadness. “No. I don’t dream as other Therians do.”

He feared she’d disappear again or, at the very least, turn and run from him. But she did neither. Instead, she started toward him. Slowly. Carefully.

The unhappiness in her eyes tore him apart.
I’m sorry, Julianne. So very sorry. I never dreamed you’d waited for me. It never even crossed my mind. You’re so beautiful. Every man wants you.

“You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted, Zeeland.”

You waited for me. And I hurt you. I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you.

She stopped in front of him. “You didn’t hurt me, Zee. That’s why I’m here. To tell you that.”

For a moment, his heart seized on her words, holding them like a balm to his bleeding soul. But it was only a dream.

You’re telling me what I want so desperately to hear
,
Julianne. If only this were real.

She stepped closer and cautiously reached for him, stroking her hand through his fur. “The way you touched me felt good, Zee. Too good.”

You forget
,
sweetheart. I saw your face. You were horrified, and I can’t blame you. I was getting ready to take you like an animal. It’s not that you wouldn’t have enjoyed it like that. If you’d been experienced. I would never have mounted a virgin in such a way. It never crossed my mind that you’d waited for me.
He dropped his head, staring at the ground in shame.

To his surprise, she knelt in front of him and wrapped her arms around his thick neck. “It might not have been the perfect introduction to sex, but your desire was real and fierce. Heady, Zee. You didn’t hurt me. You didn’t do anything wrong. My reaction wasn’t to the lovemaking but to something else. I can’t tell you more. I just wanted you to know that. Don’t blame yourself, please? But we can’t try again. We can never try again.”