Bittersweet Hope (13 page)

Sierra nodded her head in Caleb’s direction. “Let’s go already. I’m starving and we only get like twenty minutes or something.”

We walked through the throng of students to the long wooden table. Caleb stood when we approached. Do guys seriously do that anymore? I shook my head. This was Anna’s son. The guy who opens my car door for me. Of course he does that.

“Hi.” I said, setting my tray on the table.

“Hey.” He smiled at me. That same wide smile that caused the lightning bugs to start dancing.
Well, forget dancing. They were throwing the party of the millennium.

Sierra had already sat down, in the seat two down from Caleb. I touched her shoulder. “This is my sister, Sierra.”

She waved. Her mouth was full of the fake chicken nuggets the school was feeding us. My stomach lurched as I thought about what might really be in them. Looked like I would be waiting until after school to eat.

Caleb waved his hand around the table after I sat down, gesturing to the people around us.

“These are the guys. Kevin, Hunter, Simon, and Natalie.”

The boys all waved and grinned at us. Natalie, t
he pretty blonde I’d seen before, made a face.

“Excuse me, Caleb, but I am not a guy. I only have to hang out with you Neanderthals because I want to eat lunch with Simon.” She turned her attention to me and Sierra and smiled. “Hey. I’m Natalie. Simon’s my boyfriend and usually I’m stuck with these idiots alone, so I’m kind of glad you guys are here.”

Her silky blonde hair fell over her shoulders as she tilted her head toward the group of guys and winked at us. Her smile lit up the room, which was also kind of intimidating. It was a little surprising she was so nice. Most girls probably wouldn’t have been so welcoming. Like it or not, girls were usually cutthroat.

Sierra gave her a thumbs up and kept eating. I rolled my eyes at my sister and returned Natalie’s smile.

“Glad we could save you from the frat then.”

She let out a tinkling laugh. “Yes, that’s exactly what it is over here. Good one.”

“Yeah, yeah, quit whining.” Simon spoke up beside her, but he wrapped a thick arm around her slender waist as he said it.

“Are you guys new in town?” He said, turning his attention to me and Sierra. His brown eyes were squinted, like he was trying to remember if he’d seen us before.

“Not…exactly. We went to RCHS.” I wasn’t sure how to explain our transfer. The fear that they’d heard about the pitiful Emerson girls suddenly hit me. Or worse, that they knew Zach somehow. Though they didn’t really seem like the types who would know Zach. Did they have friends at Rocky Creek? My stomach began a weak gurgle.

“Ooh, sleeping with the enemy, Whitley?” Kev
in laughed as he raised his eyebrows at Caleb.

Okay, so much for the friends theory.
I’d forgotten about the rivalry again.

“Shut it, asswipe. Nobody’s sleeping with anybody.” Caleb looked at me and it felt like I was blushing all the way down to my toenails. I must have looked like a lobster.

“We’re not the enemy,” Sierra said through bites, “we hated that hell hole.”

“Oh, yeah?” Kevin asked. “Is that why y’all moved? So you could transfer?”

“Yeah, and how’d you zone in on ‘em before anybody else?” Hunter asked Caleb, looking me and Sierra up and down. I squirmed on my seat, and Caleb put his hand on my leg. Fire rushed through me, his touch warming every inch of me and making me feel calm and excited at the same time.

I wasn’t sure how to answer Kevin’s question. It didn’t really seem necessary for them to know we were foster kids. Caleb opened his mouth to say something, but my winning personality of a sister beat him to the punch.

“We were put in foster care because our mom got killed. Audrey is staying with Caleb’s family and I’m with a family named the Morton’s. They’re old, you guys probably don’t know them.” She stuffed more food in her mouth. It was like it didn’t even register with her that she’d just mortified the entire table other than herself.

A hush fell over the group. I felt like every single person in the cafeteria must be staring at us instead of just the four people at the table.

Damn Sierra! Why did she have to bring up Mama, too. It was hard not to let myself think about her, but I thought I’d been doing a pretty good job of it lately. It didn’t ever help anything to let her cross my mind, so pushing her memory away was the only option. Pain and anger squeezed at my lungs.

“Sierra.” I said under my breath.

“What?” She asked. “It’s the truth. He asked how we were transferred and I told him.”

Caleb spoke up. “Yeah, my mother thought Audrey was going to be my new sister.” He smiled at me. “She might end up being surprised though.”

His statement was met with outbursts from all of the guys and a shocked look from my sister. My mouth hung open as I tried to let his words sink in. My face burned hotter, and the heat radiated all the way down to my ankles.

Maybe this lobster thing was going to be permanent. I knew he was trying to deflect the attention away from Sierra’s bomb, but these people were seriously going to wonder if red was my natural color.

Two could play his little game. If he was going to embarrass me, I could embarrass him. Since I had this brave new version of me going on. Sort of. I bit my lip and batted my eyelashes.

“Oh but brother, dear,” I said, “We couldn’t disappoint Anna. I do like your mother very much you know—I mean,
our
mother.”

Caleb sat slack jawed for about a second before a grin spread across his handsome face. He knew exactly what I was doing, and he shrugged.

“I guess I’ll just have to change your mind, then.” He widened his eyes as he looked at me, and pursed his lips.

“We’ll see.” I smiled sweetly and turned back to my lunch, trying not to laugh. Everyone sat, still stunned for a few minutes before the conversation turned to baseball and the new action movie coming out. Normal stuff. I could hardly believe we’d taken the foster kid thing and twisted it to make it seem funny and not humiliating. Ma
ybe we made a pretty good team.

Chapter Sixteen

I tapped my fingers restlessly against my locker as I waited for Caleb to show up. My eyes fell on a girl just down the hall from me, wearing clothes that were way too short and tight for school.
Oops. Damn, I really need to quit being so judgmental!
As I took in the outfit, I blinked. Surely
that
was not my sister.

I stared at her. The Sadie I knew still had a baby face and dressed like a fifteen year old. Okay, well she had no choice in how she dressed because we didn’t have any money to buy her any clothes, but she would never be dressed like
that
.

That
Sadie wore blue jean shorts as short as the school would allow, with black lace leggings streaming out of them. She had on a super tight white tank top and a short black vest open over it. The silver hoop earrings hanging from her ears were as big around as a soda can. Her hair was gunked up with hairspray or gel or some other nasty oozy stuff. And the ten pounds of make-up she had on hid her gorgeous porcelain skin and the light in those beautiful gray eyes.
That
was not my Sadie. No way.

Yesterday had been bad enough. The drinking. The attitude. But now this? Dressing like this for the entire world to see? It was just too much. It was way more than too much. Anger and fear boiled through my blood, popping crazily. Not caring about waiting for Caleb anymore, or anything else for that matter, I marched toward her.

“Did you fall and hit your head or something?” It was next to impossible to keep the tone of my voice even. Venom seeped into it without my permission.

Sadie looked up and scowled at me. “Buzz off, Audrey.”

“WHAT?”

“You heard me.” She turned to leave but I grabbed her elbow.

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this. This is not you. This has never been you. This is…Tori.”

Fury snapped in my sister’s eyes. “Leave Tori out of it.”

“But Sadie, look at what she’s turning you into. She’s brainwashing you or something. I have got to get you out of that house, I have to—“

“Don’t you dare. Just leave me alone. You don’t know anything. You think you know me, but you don’t. You were too busy at your job and trying to keep our crack whore mother from od’ing to pay any attention to me, cooped up in that rat hole every day. You never asked me how I felt about things, what it felt like to sit there all the time, just wondering what life would be like with friends and places to go and things to see. Now I have that, I have a friend. She shows me how to have fun. Deal with it.”

“But she’s showing you the wrong kind of fun!” I sputtered, no idea how to get through her thick head.

“I said leave. Me. The. Hell. Alone.”
             

My face stung as if she’d slapped me. Stumbling against the lockers, my eyes shot in every direction, trying to focus on something so I could stop feeling so dizzy. Sadie stomped off down the hall, her shoes making a vicious clinking sound. The noise fizzled in my head, mixing with confusion.

I started to go after her, but a strong arm pulled at me from behind. I screamed, remembering Zach. But when I turned around, it was Caleb, pulling me to him and holding me tight against his chest, protecting me from my own storm of emotion.

“You heard it all, didn’t you?” The speckled pattern on the floor
made my head hurt as I stared at it. The dots were starting to form their own version of a rollercoaster and my eyes followed it, dizziness overtaking me.

“At least she wasn’t getting wasted today.”

I sucked in my breath and pulled back, frowning at him. “So completely not funny right now.”

Caleb reached out and put my hand in his. “Sorry. I was just trying to make you laugh.”

My heart softened, watching the corners of his mouth turn down and his eyes search my face. Of course he was. Caleb had proven to be a buffer for whatever negative emotion I was feeling. Right now was different. Sadie’s words still hurt, and even his handsome face couldn’t push them out of my head.

A jumbled string of memories ran through my head. Me, running from school to work. Finding Mama in different hotel rooms around town, drugged out of her mind and half naked, because she’d traded sex for coke or heroin. Sierra and Sadie, looking sad or miserable or angry at home. I hadn’t spent enough time there the past year or so. But there had always been something else to do, another problem to face. And I’d tried to do it all on my own, to spare them. Only, it had made Sadie feel neglected instead. No matter what I did, it was wrong.

I could have stood in that very spot and obsessed about it for hours, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Sadie wouldn’t talk to me, she wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say. The only thing to do was try and keep myself in good spirits somehow, try and clear my mind so I could figure out some way to help her or to make her see. Wallowing never accomplished anything.

I met Caleb’s eyes again. “Let’s just go, okay?”

He nodded, and we headed outside. “She’s been through a lot. You guys are allowed some bad days, you know.” He slipped his hand in mine again as we walked.

“It’s not just that, though. For some reason Sadie feels like Tori is all she has now. I just, I don’t get it. How could she not know how much she means to me? And Sierra. It’s important that we don’t let this tear us apart.”

We moved in silence until we reached the baseball field. People were talking and laughing all around me, not a worry in the world. It felt out of place against the backdrop of my grief. Caleb paused and put his hand on my shoulder, facing me.

He touched my chin with one finger and lifted my head until our eyes met. “You have to let her breathe, Audrey. She might make some m
istakes, but you’re not her mother. You never were, even though I know you probably had to be most of the time. She’ll be alright. Remember, her heart is probably breaking, too. It’s just being really, really loud.”

“Maybe.” He was probably right, in the long run. The long run just felt so very, very far away.

“Okay then. Try and relax, have a little fun. I don’t think you’ve had too much of that. Ever. But you know, I can change that for you.” He winked at me.

I hadn’t. No parties, no football games, no school dances. It was too late for most of that now. But not for my sisters. They could still have those things if they wanted. Maybe Sadie was acting out a bit. Most kids her age did. She would have to learn her own lessons. I pushed the nagging feeling away and tried to lighten up.

Straightening my shoulders, I looked at him and smiled. “You’re right. Go have fun at practice. I’ll be right here to laugh at you if you mess up.”

His
blue eyes sparkled. “Now,
that’s
more like it.” He winked again and jogged off toward the gate to join the other guys.

The scene before me finally completely registered. The guys on the field wore Thorne County baseball uniforms, gray pants and black shirts. We were the tornadoes. My gaze swept over Caleb. I hadn’t even noticed he was wearing a uniform. How could I not notice that? He looked amazing in the fitted—well, in the fitted everything.

“Hey, Audrey!”

I turned toward the sound of my name being called and spotted Natalie sitting on the top row of the bleachers with a couple other girls. Thank
God I didn’t have to sit alone climbed to reach them, the sounds of my steps clinking as I bounded up each set of bleachers.

She smiled at me and motioned to her friends. “This is Caroline and Josie, Simon’s sisters. This is Audrey. She’s with Caleb.” She didn’t mention the foster sister part, no matter how loosely the sister label might be becoming. I was thankful for that.

“Caleb Whitley, huh? Lucky girl. He’s a prize.” Caroline spoke up. She shook her bleached blonde hair off her shoulders. Her eyes shone with approval, but it seemed like the lines of her mouth were also twisted with jealousy.

“Yeah, how’d you manage to snag him?” Josie asked, laughing. “Caleb’s notorious for staying single.” She bumped her sister’s shoulder. “Many have tried. Many have failed.”

Caroline made a face at her. “Bite me.” She said.

It was hard to say if I had Caleb. Maybe I did, though I was still mystified as to why he would like me. Bu
t the electricity between us was undeniable. Just thinking about him made my heart beat speed up. These girls didn’t need to know that, though.             

“We’re just good friends.” I told them. That was diplomatic enough. They all three stared at me, and it seemed as if they wanted to say something else
, but nobody made a peep.

“
You want a bottle of water or something, Audrey?” Natalie asked, taking the conversation away from my love life. I was beginning to really like this girl.

I looked where she was pointing, behind Josie on the lower bleacher. They had a little cooler filled with water and a sack filled with packs of sunflower seeds. I nodded.

“Sure, it is getting kind of warm out here. Thanks.” Caroline handed me the bottle, and I took a long sip, realizing I was actually pretty thirsty.

“You guys come prepared, huh?”

“Yeah.” Natalie laughed. “The guys are usually dying of thirst when they’re done with practice.” She rolled her eyes when she said the words, but she grinned, showcasing deep dimples in both cheeks.

“Look, Audrey, Caleb’s up to bat.” Josie nudged my shoulder and pointed toward the field. Caleb was striding to the plate, bat in hand. He looked incredible, with the sun shining onto his already tan arms and the muscles in them even more prominent as he clutched the bat.

This little idea to attend baseball practice was not so bad at all.

.
..

“That was awesome!” Caleb said for the seven hundredth time at supper that night. He was like a three year old, practically bouncing up and down in his seat. He had hit two homeruns in a row at practice, and he couldn’t quit talking about it. It wasn’t irritating, though. Listening to his voice made me feel protected and removed from anything stressful.

“Tell me how you knew the first one was going to go again.” I said, leaning back against my chair and watching him. The crinkles at the side of his eyes matched the ones in Anna’s face. Hers were out in full force, too, as she listened with pride.

When Caleb was finished with his story, Anna stood up and began gathering the dishes. I scooted back my chair and grabbed them before she could get too many in her hands. I wanted to help her out, and I knew I had to act fast.

“I’ll do this tonight. Why don’t you go sit down and relax?” Maybe my smile would convince her. Anna didn’t like others to help her too much, that I had already figured out.

Caleb jumped out of his seat. “I’ll help Audrey, too. We’ll get the dishes, you go do something fun. You know, read a book or something. You’re always saying you don’t have time to read anymore, and I got you that Kindle for Christmas. Go use it.” He tried to shoo her off but she looked at us like we had blocks for heads.

“Are you two okay? Well, not so much you, Audrey, you help quite a bit.” She turned to Caleb. “Do you have a fever? Come here and let me feel your head.” She stood straight and wrinkled her forehead. I had to suppress a giggle at sweet Anna trying to look stern. My heart swelled. This home was so much fun, full of so much love. As much as I would have hated to admit it only a couple weeks earlier, I was lucky to be here.

Caleb looked at her, his eyes stretched wide. “Who me? I’m not sick. I’m fine. I want to help.”

“You want to help like you want a pet pig.” Anna said. The laughter would not be controlled at that point.

The chair provided my balance as I crouched on the floor laughing so hard tears were rolling down my cheeks. Caleb walked over and pulled me up.

“Very funny. Ha. Ha.” But he wore a smile on his handsome face. “Seriously, Mom, you work too hard around this place. Having Audrey here…I see how much you do, stuff that I guess I kind of took for granted before. I want to help you. Go rest.”

Anna walked over to him and touched his face with the palm of her hand. “You are a good boy, son. I am so very lucky.” Then she turned to me. “And you are very quickly becoming the daughter I never had, Miss Audrey.”

Warmth surged through me. I inhaled, never wanting this moment to pass. “Thanks.” Happiness coursed through my veins.

Anna was on the staircase then. “I think I’ll head upstairs and take a nice long bubble bath. With my Kindle.” She winked at Caleb.

“Yeah, don’t drop that thing in the water.” He called after her. He trained his gaze on me then, his hands hitched in his pockets. The button down he’d put on when we got home floated around his body just right. I would have loved nothing more than to bury myself in his arms, taking comfort cradling my head against that strong chest.

“Let’s do it.” He said.

“Huh?” My breath caught in my throat and I had to grip the chair.

Caleb raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. “The dishes, Audrey. Let’s do the dishes.”

I relaxed. “Right. Dishes.”

The two of us cleared the kitchen table and threw the leftovers into the garbage. Then I got to work filling the sink with warm sudsy water as Caleb stacked plates and cups along the counter beside me. When the sink was full, I picked up the first dish and began cleaning it. Caleb stood beside me, ready to rinse and dry.