Black Dagger Brotherhood 11 - Lover at Last (116 page)

in a bar or a club or the frickin’ Caldwell Municipal Library was better than that? Or even necessary?

Faithless son of a bitch.

As his hands cranked into fists and he entertained the idea of kicking his way into that room just to pound Saxton’s face into soup, he nearly couldn’t control the impulse.

Let him go, now.

From out of nowhere, Blay’s voice reverberated through his head once again, and sure enough, the

violence was unplugged. Literally, between one moment and the next, he went from wild bull to

neutral.

Weird.

Shaking his head, he walked over to his bedroom, went in, and shut the door.

After willing on the lights, he just stood there, feet glued to the floor, arms hanging like limp

ropes, head lolling on the top of his spine. All about the going nowhere.

For no apparent reason, he thought of one of Fritz’s beloved Dysons, the thing rolled into a

service closet, left in the dark until somebody took it out for use.

Great. He’d been reduced to the level of a vacuum cleaner.

Eventually he cursed, and ordered himself to carry on with getting undressed and going to bed.

The night had been a ballbuster from the moment the sun had gone down, and the good news was that

the sorry mess was finally over: Shutters were in place to keep out the sun. House was getting quiet.

Time for a REM-sleep reboot.

As he gingerly took his muscle shirt off and grunted at all the aches and pains, he realized he’d

left his leather jacket and his weapons down in the clinic. Whatever. He had extras up here if he

needed them during the day, and he could get his stuff brought up before First Meal.

Going for the fly of his leathers, he—

The door behind him exploded open with such force, it ricocheted off the wall—only to be caught

on the rebound by the hard grip of one pissed-off motherfucker.

Blay was rip-shit as he stood in the jambs, his body trembling with such rage that even Qhuinn,

who had faced off with a lot of things in his life, went
whoa
.

“What the
fuck
is wrong with you,” the male barked.

Are you kidding me, Qhuinn thought. How could the guy not have recognized that foreign scent on

his own lover?

“I think you need to put that to my cousin.”

As Blay marched forward, Qhuinn moved around the guy to—

Blay snatched a grab and bared his fangs with a hiss. “Running?”

In a quiet voice, Qhuinn said, “No. I’m shutting the damn door so no one else hears this.”

“I don’t give a fuck!”

Qhuinn thought of Layla down at the other end of the hall, trying to sleep. “Well, I do.”

Qhuinn disengaged and shut them in together. Then before he could turn around, he had to close

his eyes and take a little TO.

“You disgust me,” Blay said.

Qhuinn hung his head.

“You need to get the fuck out of my life.” The bitterness in that familiar voice went straight into his heart. “You stay the
hell
out of my business!”

Qhuinn looked over his shoulder. “You don’t even care that he was with someone else?”

Blay’s mouth opened. Closed. Then those brows dropped low. “What?”

Oh. Great.

In the rush of everything, Blay had clearly not clued in to the whys.

“What did you say?” Blay repeated.

“You heard me.”

When there was no reply, no cursing, nothing thrown in terms of punches or objects, Qhuinn

turned around.

After a moment, Blay crossed his arms, not around his chest, but his middle, as if he were vaguely

nauseated.

Qhuinn scrubbed his face and spoke in a broken voice. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry….I don’t

want this for you.”

Blay shook himself. “What…” Those blue eyes focused. “That’s why you attacked him?”

Qhuinn took a step forward. “I’m sorry…I just…he came in through the door and I caught the

scent, and I just lost it. I wasn’t even thinking.”

Blay blinked, like maybe he was getting confronted with a foreign concept.

“That’s why you…why the hell would you do that?”

Qhuinn took another step forward, and then forced himself to stop—in spite of an almost

overwhelming need to get close to the guy. And as Blay shook his head like he was having problems

understanding all of it, Qhuinn didn’t mean to speak.

But he did. “Do you remember down in the clinic, well over a year ago…” He pointed to the

floor, like, in case the guy had forgotten where the training center was. “It was before you and Saxton first…” Right. No finishing that one, not if he wanted to keep down all that food he’d eaten.

“Remember what I told you?”

As Blay seemed confused, he helped the guy out. “I told you that if anyone ever hurt you, I would

hunt them down and leave them for the sun?” Even he heard the way his voice dropped to a menacing

growl. “Saxton hurt you tonight, so I did what I said I was going to do.”

Blay rubbed his face with his hand. “Jesus…”

“I told you what was going to happen. And if he does that again, I can’t promise you I won’t finish the job.”

“Look, Qhuinn, you can’t…you can’t be doing that shit. You just can’t.”

“Don’t you care? He was unfaithful. That’s not okay.”

Blay exhaled long and slow, like he was tired of carrying a weight. “Just…don’t do that again.”

Now Qhuinn was the one shaking his head. He didn’t get it. If he were in a relationship with Blay,

and Blay stepped out on him? He’d never get over it.

God, why hadn’t he taken advantage of what he’d been offered? He shouldn’t have run. He should

have stayed put.

Unbidden, his feet took another step forward. “I’m sorry….”

All of a sudden, he was saying those words over and over again, repeating them with each footfall

that brought him closer to Blay.

“I’m sorry….I’m sorry….I’m…sorry….” He didn’t know what the fuck he was saying or doing;

he just had an urgency to repent for all his sins.

There were so many when it came to this honorable male who was standing dead still before him.

Finally, there was only one step left before his bare chest hit Blay’s.

Qhuinn’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m sorry.”

In the thick silence that followed, Blay’s mouth parted…but not in surprise. More like he couldn’t

breathe.

Reminding himself not to be a world-revolves-around-me asshole, Qhuinn brought it back to what

was happening between Blay and Saxton.

“I don’t want that for you,” he said, his eyes roaming around that face. “You’ve suffered enough,

and I know you love him. I’m sorry….I’m so sorry….”

Blay just stood in front of him, his expression frozen, his eyes darting around as if they couldn’t light on anything. But he didn’t pull back, jerk away, storm off. He stayed…right where he was.

“I’m sorry.”

Qhuinn watched from a vast distance as his own hand reached out and touched Blay’s face, the

fingertips running over the five o’clock shadow. “I’m sorry.”

Oh, God, to touch him. To feel the warmth of his skin, to inhale his clean, masculine scent.

“I’m sorry.”

What the fuck was he doing? Man…too late to answer that—he was reaching forward with his

other hand and putting the palm on that heavy shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

Oh, God, he was drawing Blay in, pulling that body up against his own. “I’m sorry.”

He moved one of his hands to the nape of Blay’s neck and pushed it deep into the thick hair that

curled under there. “I’m sorry.”

Blay was stiff, that spine straight as an arrow, his arms remaining around his tight belly. But after a moment, almost as if he were confused by his own reaction, the male began to lean in, that weight shifting subtly at first, and then more so.

With a quick jerk, Qhuinn wrapped his arms around the single most important person in his life. It

was not Layla, although he felt a pang at that denial. It was not John, or his king. It wasn’t the

Brothers.

This male was his reason for everything.

And even though it killed him that Blay was in love with someone else, he’d fucking take this. It

had been too long since he’d touched the guy…and never like this.

“I’m sorry.”

Palming the back of Blay’s head, he urged the male closer to him, tucking that face into his own

neck. “I’m sorry.”

As Blay went with it, Qhuinn shuddered, turning his own face inward, breathing in fully, pulling

all of the sensations deep into his brain so he could remember this forever. And while his palm

rubbed up and down, soothing that muscled back, he did what he could to make amends for so much

more than his cousin’s infidelity. “I’m sorry—”

With a quick shift, Blay shook his head. Shook himself free. Pushed back.

Pushed away.

Qhuinn’s shoulders dropped. “I’m sorry.”

“Why do you keep saying that?”

“Because…”

In that moment, as their eyes met, Qhuinn knew it was time. He’d blown so much with Blay; there

had been so many missteps and deliberate misunderstandings, so many years, so many denials—all on

his part. He’d pussied out for so long, but that was over.

As he opened his mouth to speak the three words on his tongue, Blay’s eyes grew hard. “I don’t

need your help, okay? I can take care of myself.”

Pound. Pound. Pound.

His heart was thumping so loud, he wondered if it was going to explode.

“You’re going to stay with him,” Qhuinn said numbly. “You’re going to—”

“You don’t pull that shit with Saxton—not ever again. Swear to it.”

Even though it killed him, Qhuinn was powerless to deny the guy anything. “Okay.” He lifted his

palms. “Hands off.”

Blay nodded, the deal sealed.

“I just want to help you,” Qhuinn said. “That’s all.”

“You can’t,” Blay countered.

God, even though they were once again at odds, he craved more contact—and abruptly, he saw

the pathway to exactly that. Tricky proposition, but at least there was some internal logic to it.

His arms lifted, his hands seeking, finding, latching on. Blay’s shoulders. Blay’s neck.

Sex surged in him, hardening his cock, making him pant. “But I can help you.”

“How?”

Qhuinn edged in close, bringing his mouth right to Blay’s ear. Then he deliberately put his bare

chest against Blay’s. “Use me.”

“
What?
”

“Teach him a lesson.” Qhuinn tightened his hold and tilted Blay’s head back. “Pay him back the

right way. With me.”

To make things crystal clear, Qhuinn extended his tongue and ran it up the side of Blay’s throat.

The hiss in response was loud as a curse.

Blay punched into him, shoving him back. “Have you lost your
fucking
mind?”

Qhuinn cupped his heavy, hard sex. “I want you. And I’ll take you any way I can—even if it’s

only to get back at my cousin.”

Blay’s expression played table tennis between utter disbelief and epic anger.

“You fucking asshole! You turn me down for years, and then all of a sudden do a one-eighty?

What the
fuck
is wrong with you!”

With his free hand, Qhuinn played with one of his nipple rings—and focused on what was doing

at Blay’s hip level: Underneath that robe, the male became fully erect, that terry cloth no match for the likes of that kind of hard-on.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind! What the fuck!?”

Usually Blay didn’t curse or raise his voice. It was a turn-on to see him lose it.

Locking his eyes on his friend’s, Qhuinn slowly sank down onto his knees. “Let me take care of

that—”

“
What
?”

He leaned forward and tugged at the bottom of the robe, pulling it toward him. “Come here. Let

me show you how I do.”

Blay grabbed the tie that kept the two halves together, and yanked it tighter. “What the
hell
are you doing?”

God, the fact that he was on his knees, begging, seemed only appropriate. “I want to be with you. I don’t give a shit why—just let me be with you—”

“After all this time? What’s changed?”

“Everything.”

“You’re with Layla—”

“
No.
I’ll say it however many times you need to hear it—I’m
not
with her.”

“She’s pregnant.”

“One time. I was with her once, and just like I told you, it was only because I want a family and

so does she. One time, Blay, and never again.”

Blay’s head fell back, his eyes closing as if someone were driving spikes under his fingernails.

“Don’t do this to me, for God’s sake, you can’t do this—” As his voice gave out, the anguish was a

sad insight into all the problems Qhuinn had caused. “Why now? Maybe it’s
you
who wants to get back at Saxton—”

“Fuck my cousin, it’s got nothing to do with him for me. If you were alone, I’d still be right on this carpet, on my knees, wanting to be with you. If you were mated to a female, if you were dating

someone all casual and shit, if you were in a million different places in life…I’d still be right here.

Begging you for something, anything—one time, if that’s all you’ve got.”

Qhuinn reached out again, going under the robe, stroking a strong, muscled leg—and when Blay

stepped back again, he knew he was losing the battle.

Shit, he was going to lose this chance if he didn’t—

“Look, Blay, I’ve done a lot of shitty things in my life, but I’ve always kept it real. I almost died tonight—and that sets a male straight. Up there in that airplane, looking over the dark night, I didn’t think I was going to make it. Everything got clear for me. I want to be with you because of that.”

Actually, he’d known a fuck of a lot sooner, waaaaaaaay before the Cessna situation, but he was

hoping the explanation made sense to Blay.