Authors: Colin Dunne
If I didn't understand that feeling, no one would. Utlendingar, it didn't just mean that you were foreign. It was geographically specific - something like coming from another place. An outsider. And that was a word that had a lot of smoky chemistry for me- outsider. In Barnardo's, that was our name for everyone else in the world. If they weren't Barnardo boys, they were outsiders.
Contrary to what most people supposed, we were the lucky ones and we pitied the outsiders. We had everything, didn't we? Our own village, a cluster of two-storey cottages (as we called them) set around a green, each one named after a famous battle and housing a dozen kids. We counted our gardens in acres, our friends in scores, our toys in hundreds, and our parents were anyone we cared to imagine.
Some days I'd look in the mirror and my hair seemed to be blacker and curlier than ever. Your dad can beat mine? Want to bet? Mine could be Sugar Ray.
17
The next morning at breakfast Hulda got me with some liquidised walrus. By the look of it, I could have used it to repoint the chimney but it didn't taste too bad, so I ate it.
'Hulda,' I said, 'I think you've been leading me up the garden path, you rascal.'
'Garden path?' she repeated, as if she didn't know what it meant.
'Yes. I asked you if Solrun had got married and you said she hadn't.'
Straight-backed, hands folded in her lap, she put her head on one side and asked sweetly: 'And has she?'
'Yes, she has, and you know it very well- like you know everything that happens in this town.'
'I know nothing of this.'
'Hulda,' I began again, in tones of strained patience, 'I have seen the certificate. She married a man called Pall Olafsson from Breidholt.'
She almost bridled at the name. 'I do not think so.'
'I've seen the certificate,' I said. 'With these. Eyes, you know, the things you see with.'
'Ah. You want some more coffee. I go now for more coffee.' I tried to restrain her, but all I got was, 'It is my pleasure and my duty.'
When she came back with the coffee, she'd worked out a policy line on the marriage. She poured out my cup, moved it nearer so I wouldn't have to exhaust myself stretching, and then adopted her familiarly regal pose in the half-lit room. Her thin, still-supple fingers found one stray hair and slipped it back into place.
'We do not speak of it,' she said.
'Why not?'
She made a fussy gesture with her hand. 'This famous beauty contest ... is it true she cannot enter if she is married or has a child?'
'I'm not sure.'
'I think that it is so.'
So that was it. They'd all ganged up to keep it quiet so they wouldn't spoil her chances. Off-hand, I wasn't sure about the Miss World restrictions, but I had a feeling she might be right.
'So who's the lucky Palli?' It's one of those names where the affectionate diminutive comes out one syllable longer than the formal name, like John and Johnny.
Her mouth pursed in disapproval. 'He is nothing. He 1s nobody.'
'Well, he's her husband, Hulda, let's face it.'
She turned towards me, her brows creased as she tried to make me see sense. 'You know Solrun, you know that she has men ...'
'Endless many men .. .'
'Endless many,' she repeated. 'She would not want this man.
It is not a proper marriage. It is not a serious marriage. You must understand that.'
'I did get the impression the vows were a bit elastic.'
'You will not put it in your newspaper? We must not spoil things for her.'
'Don't worry, we won't,' I said. And that reminded me.
Sooner or later I had to face up to another conversation with my employer. I had to let him know I was still alive.
'Now then,' he said, going straight into it, 'I'm glad you've rung. We'll want pix of this Sexy Eskie lass. Topless. And is there any chance of getting her next to an igloo?'
'An igloo?' His conception of life outside Britain seemed to be
based on the early editions of 'Children of Other Lands'. 'They don't have igloos here.'
'Oh, bloody hell,' he said, in some irritation. 'Not even for show like?'
'No. They never did have igloos.'
'Oh, well, let's have her in the snow then. Topless, making a snowman. That sort of thing.'
Out of the window I could see cool bright sunshine lighting up the coloured houses. 'The only snow here is up the mountains.'
'Thanks for the geography lesson. If our readers wanted educating they wouldn't buy this bloody rubbish would they? So hire a studio, drag the snow down the mountain and let Little Miss Bloody Icicle build an igloo like her granddad used to do. Right? Ciao.'
Compared with that briefing, espionage seemed relatively straightforward - and certainly a lot more honest.
I only had one more job. I stopped off in the town and picked up a postcard of a glacier standing still for the camera. I sat for a while, wondering how best to explain that in Iceland boys take their father's Christian name plus the word 'son' for the surname, and girls do the same with the word 'dottir'. In the end, I simply wrote: 'Do you realise, if you lived here you’d be called Sally Samsdottir? Ask your teacher to explain.'
That was one way of getting my value out of school fees. Then I called at the Saga and picked up Christopher to do a bit of interpreting. Musical too gadgets, he'd confided to me on the phone, were proving surprisingly difficult to sell.
18
Alongside the slums of the civilised western world, Breidholt is gracious living.
They don't have the dead dogs and the heaps of wrecked cars and acres of smashed glass that you find in a well-appointed British slum, or the beggars and the pickpockets that you find in southern cities.
You don't find any of these things because in Iceland poverty is practically illegal. There is almost no unemployment, and what little deprivation there is gets mopped up by a social service system that makes Santa Claus look tight-fisted.
So the worst they can show you is Breidholt. It's stuck up on a boulder-strewn hill overlooking the town, high up where the rain and the snow and the wind don't miss a thing, big bare blocks of flats in the glass-and-plastic period of architecture. As I say, in some parts of Naples they'd call it Snob Hill; even so, with shabby washing flapping on the balconies and hardboard up at the broken windows, you could see why the Icelanders weren't too proud of it.
A boy in an outsize tartan jacket stopped chasing a cardboard box, which was being driven by a hard wind, to have a look at us. He tugged the sleeve of his jacket across his trickling nose as Christopher repeated the name and address, then he pointed into a corner of the car park, at an old Ford Escort that had been given a lime-green spray job. By someone, if the paint on the windows and ground was any indication, in the advanced stages of Parkinson's Disease.
As we walked over I heard the international sound of male cursing and spanners clinking. It sounded quite friendly. It didn't look friendly. Behind the Ford, lying alongside an old Triumph motor-bike, was one of the most frightening men I've ever seen. He was on his back, muttering through a cigarette which bobbed on his lip. When he saw me, both the cigarette and the ring spanner in his hand stopped moving.
His head was towards me so that it had that chimpanzee look of all upside-down faces.
When I moved round he looked a lot worse.
He was short in the same way a cement-mixer is short and he looked just as solid. All he was wearing was a soiled red tee shirt and ragged canvas shorts. His exposed limbs were so bulked up with muscle that they looked foreshortened. Golden hair, sawn off to a ginger bristle on his head, covered his pale hard limbs in a fleece and burst in springy tufts from his exposed belly and over the neck of his shirt. His biceps were blue with tattoos.
Pale blue eyes stared up at us. He didn't move. He didn't speak. He even ignored his cigarette as it flared briefly in the wind.
'I'm looking for Palli Olafsson,' I said, bending down. He gave no reaction.
Christopher said something- presumably the same thing in Icelandic - and although his eyes shifted over to the new speaker, he still didn't reply.
Again Christopher asked, mentioning his name, and then I heard him say the address. The man on the floor grunted and pointed with his spanner at a double-door entrance forty yards away.
As we went he sat up and took a swig from an open bottle of Polar beer. He didn't look like a man with contacts but he must've had some good ones: Polar beer is export only.
'Not the most welcoming of chaps,' Christopher whispered.
'Or places,' I said.
Inside the entrance, the wind, which whirled scraps of litter in a sad dance on the bare concrete, couldn't shift the smell of stale urine and despair. On the metal door of the lift someone had scrawled 'No Nukes'.
The apartment we wanted was on the fourth floor. The door was open. From inside, a gust of wet heat and raw pop music surged out.
That's another old Icelandic trick: when you get your heating cheap- by plugging into all that bubbling just below the earth's crust- all you do is open the door or the window when it gets too hot.
I rapped on the door, rapped again, and then moved slowly down the half-dark corridor. Christopher was a couple of steps behind me. The air was damp and smelt of dead goats. I saw why when the corridor opened out into a large cramped untidy room. The sunset on the carpet had been extinguished by a few hundred spilled dinners and the walls had been used for finger-printing chimney sweeps. Chunks of cheap plastic covered furniture filled the place. Over the backs and arms of chairs, and from a thin wire stand, hung wet baby clothes. That was what gave the room its own highly individual atmosphere. In a blue, white-lined cot balanced on a wooden stand, a baby lay with its fat arms above its head like Marciano at the end of a fight.
The mother was asleep too. Not restful angelic sleep but smashed-out exhaustion, sprawled in the sunken seat of a sagging black armchair.
Perhaps a year ago her hair had been in that squared-off blonde shape, only now most of the blonde had gone and it was dull with dirt. The American eagle on the front of her shirt had lost most of its glitter and she wore baggy trousers. She was yesterday's youth suddenly grown old, and on the left side of her face she had the blue-brown bruise that you always find on women like that in flats like that.
'Excuse me,' I said. I had to repeat it twice before she stirred.
She opened her eyes and lay there.
A burst of Icelandic behind me reminded me that Christopher was there. It struck me then that if Batty had sent him to keep an eye on me he was keeping well out of the firing line.
'English?' the girl said, yawning. 'Why come here?' She rooted down the side of the chair and came up with a packet of Camels. She coughed as she lit one.
'Why do you want Palli Olafsson?'
Christopher spoke again, and in bad English she said: 'If it is private you can tell me. I am his girl.'
She rose, smoothing down her clothes and pushing the limp
hair back from her bruised face. A soft wail came from the cot. She was there in one movement, changing the cigarette to her left hand so she could stroke the child.
'This is his home?' I asked.
'Oh, yes. His home.' She glanced at a bottle of vodka on top of the television set. 'You like a drink?'
'No, thanks. Is he around?'
Picking her way among the debris of baby clothes and toy ducks and green and red wooden bricks, she went to the window. She made a fuss of opening it, pretending to wipe the sweat off her brow. 'Better,' she said, as the cold wind punched through the rotten warmth of her home.
Again Christopher started talking and she replied to him in rapid Icelandic.
'Sorry, Sam, she's not terribly helpful. Says he's gone out and she doesn't know when he'll be coming back. She wants to know who you are- naturally enough, I'd say.'
As I'd suggested, he told her I was a London journalist who was writing an article about Iceland. That made her laugh.
'Palli can tell you all about Iceland. No problem he can.' Her sharp laugh halted suddenly. I heard another noise, a cough, a man's cough, coming from the next room. Then it was followed by a deep sleepy groan.
I swopped nervous glances with my friend. Neither of us knew what to do. She resolved it for us then by skipping over to the window and shouting to someone below.
'Damn!' said Christopher. 'That was Palli. With the motor bike. She just told him to run for it.'
We could hear her laughing behind us as we raced for the lift.
When we got down he'd gone. As we went back to the Daihatsu, the little boy in the tartan jacket made his fingers into a gun and shot me. In his other hand he was holding the Polar beer.
19
'What gets me,' I said again, 'is why she'd want to marry someone like that.'
'Oh, I don't know,' Ivan replied, as he shook the dice. 'I think there's quite a lot to be said for a dumb brute. What surprises me is that you haven't tried to claim he's a refugee from the Russian weight-lifting team. Your turn, I think, Christopher.'
Early evening, and the eighth-floor bar of the Saga was still empty. Reykjavik night-life doesn't get into first gear until eleven. By twelve it's a tin-hat job and after that it's every man for himself: or, with a bit of luck, herself.