Black Keys (The Colorblind Trilogy #1) (49 page)

“Why write them down on paper if they were in your head?” I smiled, the space between my eyebrows wrinkling in confusion.

“Because they seem clearer that way, Princess,” he smiled back as he answered. “You have no idea what a huge mess my mind is nowadays, and I really want to do the right thing regarding everything and…everyone,” he said.

I put a hand under my chin and leaned my elbow on the arm of the couch, looking deeply into his eyes. “What’s bothering you so much?” I asked.

The prince sighed again. “Lots of things, too many to count, but what worries me the most is Janna.”

“Oh! But we were just informed that she landed safely,” I reminded him, though I doubted he’d forgotten that.

“It’s not only about that. Princess Janna is...troubled,” he said, and I realized he didn’t want to tell me about her suicide attempt.

“She’s been through a lot; she has all the right to be.” I said.

“I know, I just...worry about her a lot,” he told me. “She’s my baby sister.”

“You’re a wonderful brother.”

“Am I?” he asked. “Why do I feel like I’ve failed her then?”

“Failed her? How come? You gave up lots of things for her,” I reassured him, surprising myself, but blaming it at the same time for being so stupid when I thought for a split second that he could even
think
of killing her–and then actually accusing him of doing it.

“I don’t know, Princess,” he started. “We’ve been best friends since forever. When I had to leave for school and couldn’t keep my eye on her like I had before, we talked every day on the phone. The last few months before I came back, she seemed different, but I didn’t dwell on it. I should’ve known better. I can’t help but feel as if I couldn’t protect her well enough. If I’d been here, none of this would’ve happened to her,” he paused, his eyes focused on mine. “But I believe God has a plan and everything happens for a reason; I simply can’t feel at ease about it, is all.”

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened,” I said, my chest aching just thinking of the possibility of never meeting him if things weren’t the way they were right now.

“I feel like...if I’d been here, if I’d talked to her more, if I hadn’t made her feel so bad about what she’d done; she wouldn’t…” He sighed, and I understood that he seriously wasn’t going to tell me about what had happened. I wondered if it was a trust issue, or because he didn’t want me to feel guilty about it. I decided it must be the latter, since he was already sharing so much with me, something that made me want to hug him tight and never let go.

“Last night was...it was really bad, Princess. I might’ve lost her for good, something I would never be able to live with. She was so depressed, so broken. But then we talked...and I saw it right before my eyes as she brightened, as if talking to me was all she needed to feel better, to think better. Though I’m happy I got her to see things more clearly, I’m devastated that I didn’t do it long ago, and that I actually punished her by giving her the cold shoulder, making her feel as if I’d cut her out of my life.”

I felt so sad for him, for her, for everything. I wished I could make it better, but...I’d actually made it worse, or at least caused them lots of trouble they didn’t need on top of everything else they were already going through. I wanted to help, and I actually realized that I wanted to stay–six months wouldn’t be so bad.

I could make it,
I told myself.
But a part of me knew I wasn’t going to do it only for Janna’s sake, but for mine as well. The same part wondered what would happen when the six months ended and I would have to go back to the States, leaving him behind and never seeing him again.

The thought was disturbing.

“And then there’s Yoseph,” the prince continued. “I keep asking myself if it was the right thing to have her leave the kingdom and be with him. I mean, just the thought of what he did to his own sister…” he shook his head, his lips pressed into a tight line.

I had to say something. I had to help him put his mind at ease. “Listen, it takes a whole lot for me to say this, but it’s the truth: Joseph is a good person,” I said, my heart not forgiving him, but my tongue speaking the truth. “He loves Janna so much, I’d never seen him that crazy about someone before. He made lots of mistakes, he made some
very
bad moves, but it was all for her, to save her life. He did that to his own sister because he loved yours beyond words, don’t you think?” I told him almost the same words I’d told Janna just few days ago, and for the same reasons: to reassure and comfort.

The prince looked at me for a moment or two before nodding. “That’s very close to what I told her, because she didn’t even want to go. She blamed herself for all you’ve gone through because of her, but God knows even
saying
that was hard, let alone actually believing it. But it helped ease her pain a bit, and that’s all that matters,” he said. “I made sure she’ll get the best medical and mental care over there, but it’s still not easy.”

“She’s going to be okay,” I assured him. “Joseph will take good care of her, I know he will.”

“He has to, if he wants to keep his balls attached to his body,” he said sternly, then he smiled sheepishly for what he’d said. “Pardon my French, Princess.”

I actually giggled at that, shaking my head, and a minute passed in silence. I missed his voice in that minute; I wanted him to speak nonstop. It was crazy that way.

“Tell me,” I said, “have you ever done that before?”

“Done what, spoken in French?” he grinned.

I narrowed my eyes playfully at him, and he chuckled.

“No, Princess, never,” he said. “But last night? I was really close.” The seriousness in his tone was actually scary, as if he really meant it.

“Oh!” I said. “The guard?”

“Huh! He wishes!”

My eyes widened. “Seriously?”

“Trust me, Princess,” the prince said.

“Because women are so underestimated around here?” I wondered. It was what I’d heard.

“Absolutely not!” he replied instantly. “Women are like precious jewels: handled with care, protected, cherished–he surely is
not
a diamond!”

His words warmed my heart, but still… “Huh! Why was dressing him in women’s clothes the biggest insult to him, then?”

“He’s a royal guard–was: they are known for their power, strength, masculinity,” he said. “Nothing would be more insulting to an Arab man, let alone a royal guard, than questioning those things, Princess. This way, everyone who sees him will know he couldn’t protect a woman, making him less of a man than people thought he was.”

One black key: found.

“I see,” I said, a bit embarrassed for assuming the worst. I remembered when the queen told him that maybe he wasn’t man enough for not sleeping with me yet, and how she’d said it in my language so I would understand it, so he would be humiliated even more. I remembered how it upset him so much to hear those words, that he needed some time by himself afterward. She questioned his manhood, and it was certainly insulting to him, an Arab man, though I doubted any man wouldn’t be insulted by something like that.

“Then who?”

“Jasem.” He said it in a way, you’d think it tasted bitter to even pronounce his name. “He crossed many lines.”

“Has he always been like that?”

“Since forever,” the prince replied. “He was after Janna when he found you, and the fact that I don’t know the reason why is driving me insane, let alone that he knew when the limousine left the palace. It’s really disastrous to think that he might have a spy in here.”

“You really have a lot to deal with, so much weight on your shoulders,” I said softly.

The prince smiled a small smile, shaking his head slightly. “Royalty is a dirty game, Princess,” he said, then he rubbed the back of his neck again.

“Is your neck sore?” I asked, imagining that not sleeping in a bed the past few nights and then nodding off in an armchair earlier surely had taken its toll on his neck.

“A bit,” he said.

I got up and his eyes followed me as I moved to stand behind his chair. I put my hands around his neck tenderly.

“What are you doing?” the prince asked.

“Shhh, relax. I’m giving you a neck and shoulder massage. I have magical fingers,” I grinned with pride.

“You don’t hav–… Ohhh!”

Gotcha!

I smiled softly as I felt his tense shoulders relaxing right beneath my fingers. He really was very tense and I seriously felt bad for him. The poor guy’s head was just as he’d said–messy, maybe even a lot more than mine, too many thoughts. He had a lot to take care of, a lot to deal with. He was responsible for so many things already, with even more responsibilities to come after he would be crowned king. It was far too much.

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, enjoying my touch as I worked my fingers on his neck, rubbing all of the tight muscles and tense spots, enjoying the contact and his relaxed breathing as he reclined even more in his seat.

“You really know what you’re doing,” he said softly, and I smiled widely.

“Mhmm,” I replied, touching his jawline with my thumbs, starting from behind his ears and going all the way forward until they touched at his chin. I repeated it, when I noticed from the way he breathed and hummed softly, that he was enjoying it the most.

I made the mistake of letting my gaze be averted from focusing on the spots my fingers were massaging to his beautiful features.
My God!
He was utterly attractive and simply breathtaking, and I wondered how I’d spent so many days doing anything other than staring at his face.

I didn’t notice that I’d stopped my hands’ movement on his neck until I found his green eyes opening and staring at my blue ones.

He didn’t say a word, but his eyes spoke tomes. I was sure he was able to hear what mine were saying very well.

I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to stop myself.

I wanted to press my lips to his. I wanted to move away.

I wanted to let him know about my new feelings. I wanted to never speak.

I wanted to get lost in his eyes. I wanted to be safe.

But then I realized, safety was in his closeness.

I bent my head down slightly, my hands still on his neck. My eyes were watching his and his were watching mine upside down. My hair made a curtain around our faces, and passion made a halo of mixed feelings and blank thoughts around us. With no more hesitation, I decided to go with what my heart was begging me to do. I touched my lips to his warm, welcoming ones.

I kissed him.

Hard.

Tight.

And sure.

The kiss was upside down.

My feelings were upside down.

My thoughts were upside down.

My whole world was no better: it had turned upside down as well.

One wave after another of bright feelings and soft emotions ran through my body as we kissed. My mind was warming and my heart was heating up; something was changing, lots of things. I found that I wasn’t that scared anymore, I wasn’t that unsure anymore. Yes, I was still a bit confused, and I was still very unsettled about my feelings towards him, but...it felt good. Like, a wonderfully amazing kind of good.

And I wanted more. I wanted it to never end.

The prince’s hands covered my own over his neck, just the slightest movement of his thumbs over them encouraged me to deepen our kiss. It grew even hotter, more needing, more searing. It was perfect. Just like any other kiss we’d shared, but this one...this one had a different meaning–to me at least. I knew that my statement this morning about the kiss I’d given him before I left and how real it was made him aware of the fact that I’d started to have feelings for him, but...kissing him this way would tell him more. I
knew
it would.

A part of me was hoping it would tell him that, this time, I was truly okay with going along with our plan, and I would stay here those six months without us having to talk about it, because lots of things inside of me were unsure and confused. I feared that if we started talking about it, I’d say I wanted to go, because it was the thing my mind wanted the most.