Black Silk (30 page)

Rene sat next to the two women. “Brenda, you go along. Ted brought some potato salad and chicken, make you want to open up
a restaurant. I can help Joceri take out these extensions.”

Brenda stood up, laughing. “I bet you can.”

Joceri turned her head and looked at Rene. She realized that every time he came close she caught her breath. That’s why she
kept her distance. She really wasn’t ready, not ready to get and definitely not ready to lose, but that was the pattern of
her life. As often as not the men she settled with were attached to someone else, or else to themselves in a way that didn’t
give room for much real to happen that wasn’t happening between the sheets. She wasn’t like Brenda, able to just be inside
the moment and take the pleasure of the surface, never going much farther. That’s why she had decided to leave all of it alone
for a while, a long while. “I really don’t like a whole lot of people up in my hair. Thanks though.”

“Last time I looked I wasn’t a whole lot of people, just one. And anyway I’ve got plenty of experience, girl. Five sisters,
Joceri. Three older, two younger. I’ve taken out a whole lot of braids. And it looks like you’ve got a whole lot to do in
the back. I’m not going to mess with you.”

“Somebody needs to,” said Brenda under her breath. “Which way to the barbecue, Rene?” He pointed up the beach toward the parking
lot. “See you later, Jo,” Brenda laughed, full hips swaying from side to side as she eased down the beach.

Joceri sighed. “I should have known Brenda was plotting when she was so insistent I come out. She just wouldn’t let me stay
home. I swear I’m going to get her back for this. And don’t try to tell me it’s just a coincidence you and your posse showed
up at the same time on the same piece of beach.”

“My plot, Joceri. My plan. I know you’ve been under a deadline getting that last project out, and I thought, well, now that
it’s passed maybe you’d have room for a little more me.”

He picked up a braid and was fingering the strands loose. The edge of his palm rubbed the back of her neck. After a couple
of minutes he reached the edges of her real hair and was deftly separating out the strands without pulling or tearing the
ends. As the false hair came out he gently rubbed her scalp and then picked up another braid. This time he slid his hand across
her shoulder. She could feel his breath at her back.

Joceri didn’t say anything. She liked his smell. Soap and salt, she thought. Rene readjusted his legs, sitting full in back
of her with her hips in between his outspread thighs. He had been careful not to touch her back or hips, but she could feel
his heat and was self-conscious. She adjusted herself nervously, moving forward a few inches. Rene said nothing; just kept
unbraiding. As each braid came out Rene became more forward with his touch. At one point Joceri hunched her shoulders, which
were beginning to cramp in her efforts to keep them from touching his chest. She wanted to lean back and rest her lower back,
but didn’t dare. It was too close.

“Hard to keep sitting up, huh. Do you mind?” Rene dropped the braid he had been holding and placed his hand on the side of
her neck. He found the precise place in her shoulder that was cramping and softly rubbed out the strain, his fingers pressing
into the muscle firmly but without gripping, pushing the crick out from the back of the ear where it started, around her shoulders,
and then smooth down her back.

Joceri tried not to sigh at his touch. It was soothing. The two of them worked out the braids, rarely talking. After a time
all the braids were out. Joceri was about to pull away when she felt Rene’s fingers weaving through the remaining thick brush.
He began to gently rub her scalp, calming the itches that had been rising. “My oldest sister, Melanie, used to make me take
a comb and scratch her head after we got all the rows out. She said the itch would drive her crazy.” He rubbed her scalp and
then gently ran his arms down her neck, smoothing its long lines. Joceri dropped her head forward and enjoyed his touch. She
knew it was time to run, time to jolt. She knew she needed to find a way to get away, but he was so calming and so quiet she
just sat there. Her breath was becoming too heavy. She tried to hold it and then let it out hoping he wouldn’t notice. Wouldn’t
notice that her nipples had begun to harden. She pulled her knees tighter into her chest.

“Do you know this beach?” Rene asked.

“I come out here a lot every summer and fall. You know. Mostly this end. Sometimes we drive a couple of miles farther down.”

“No, I mean there are some caves around the way. You have to wade through some water, but the view is beautiful. There are
rock formations in one of the coves and a little isle where the otters come and rest. It’s the funniest thing you ever saw.
They lie all over each other and just belch and honk and snort. And then after an afternoon nap, they slip back into the sea
and swim down the coast. Come on, let’s walk.”

Joceri jumped up. “Good idea. Let me grab my bag. We don’t have any beer here. Just some sodas and water. You want to go get
your friends and…”

“Let’s take a couple of pops and let it go at that. We can get some food later, I mean unless you’re hungry.”

“No, I’m fine.”

They began to walk down the stretch of beach. Three children were having a race down the beach, and one of them almost tripped
Joceri. Rene caught her.

“Dangerous out here,” he laughed.

“Maybe too dangerous,” said Joceri.

“Hey, I’ll keep you safe.” Farther down Rene stopped and helped a little boy build a part of a sand castle. He showed him
the right mix of water to sand so that he could use the small pail as a mold for the buildings. Joceri watched his hands pat
the flat top of the corner barricade, his fingertips softly clearing a ledge and making a place for armaments to go. “Take
it easy, boy, and you’ll have a fine castle.”

Joceri had to admit he was a nice man. Didn’t impose himself exactly, just knew how to make a place for himself. Find the
gaps and fit on in. She sighed as they walked.

The beach became emptier and emptier as they got farther from the entrance. By the time they reached the caves he had spoken
of almost no one was around. They had to climb over two ledges, up, down, and around, and then up, down, and around again.
Joceri’s sarong kept getting caught under her feet and knees, but she would not take it off.

After going past two coves they had to wade through the water to get to the place Rene had talked about. Joceri lifted the
sarong as she walked until she was holding most of it midthigh.

“I thought you said wade. Wade usually means the ankles, not chest.” She smiled at Rene’s back. He was a few steps in front.
“How high is this water going to get?”

“Just to your waist. Doesn’t reach the shoulders when the tide is all the way in. I’ve swum out a few times. But it’s just
a little farther.” He glanced over his shoulder. “You might want to take that skirt all the way off before it gets wet.”

“I’m all right,” Joceri answered.

“Suit yourself.” Rene laughed. “It’ll dry fast enough in the sun anyway.”

Joceri realized he was right. She took a deep breath and stopped to take off the sarong. She was relieved that Rene did not
look back immediately. Even if he had looked back, she reasoned, he would only have seen part of the scars. Maybe he wouldn’t
have seen any of them. He seemed to always be looking at her face or at the sky or at the water. And if he did see some, maybe
he really wouldn’t care, a least not that much. Maybe Brenda was right. Maybe Joceri did trip about her legs too much.

They walked around a bend that gave the illusion of leading only to more water when a small beach appeared nestled in a hilly
recess. When you sat in it you couldn’t see the rest of the beach, only the ocean sparkling against the sky. Two otters were
resting on a small rock rising out of the sea about fifty yards away. Past them was a pinnacle of rocks that had been smoothed
by ocean waves. They were thick, shiny, and twisted and seemed to point at the sun.

“Do you swim?” Rene asked, stepping onto the shore.

“Yes, but I’m not interested in meeting any otters today, thank you.”

“I thought you might like to see God’s Fingertip up close.”

“What?”

“That’s what I named that formation. Doesn’t it look like a finger reaching upward? Like it’s just telling the sun to shine
brighter, and the moon to hang low in the sky. Wait until you see the way the moon looks…”

“I’m not going to be here that long,” Joceri said, starting to loosely wrap her cloth around her waist and sinking down to
the ground.

“Joceri. The sand is kinda hot. Can we use your skirt to sit on?”

“I just put it back on.”

“Why?”

“I really don’t like to show my legs.” As she spoke she realized that the cloth was split open right at the lightning bolt
that ran from her hip down toward her knee. She started to cover it up.

He lifted her hand. “Why not? You have lovely legs. I noticed when you came up on the beach. Real pretty.” Joceri did not
move. “Both legs. Real nice.” He was smiling at her and everything seemed far away. She could hear a distant echo of children’s
voices. She could hear gulls singing as they swooped at the top of the cliff. She could hear the waves softly licking the
edge of the shore. Joceri smiled back. “I guess it’d be okay.” She untied the cloth and spread it over a patch of sand and
left a space where Rene could sit.

Rene moved next to her and rubbed his shoulders against hers. They sat that way for a long time. Finally Joceri spoke. “What
do you want, Rene? Why do you keep trying to pass through this way?”

“I’m not trying to pass through, woman. I’m trying to get in.”

“I know you’re trying to get
in,
” said Joceri lightly, turning it to a joke, unconsciously licking the edge of her lip as she spoke.

“Yeah, that, too. What fool wouldn’t want to get close to something as fine as you? But I mean into your life, not just in
between your legs. Into your mind, into your spirit. I’m trying to find the road in and you just keep putting up stop signs.”

“Under-construction signs,” Joceri said so softly he almost missed it.

“We’re all ongoing projects, Joceri. You can’t, I mean you can, but you shouldn’t just shut out everyone until you decide
you’re done. We’re never done.”

“I have a lot of repair work to do.”

“Not so it shows.”

Joceri didn’t answer. She stared out at the water. She began to count the waves to see how many were coming in at the same
time. Rene moved in front of her, blocked her view. He lifted one of her legs and examined the crooked lines. One ran like
a vine on the outside of her ankle, another a cross-stitch across her knees, and a third from under the edge of her bathing
suit to the middle of her thigh, thick, black, smooth, and inflexible.

“They’re so soft,” he said almost to himself.

“My legs are not smooth and soft.”

“Not the legs, the designs on them. The scars, they’re actually quite soft.” He ran his fingers around her ankles, drawing
the tip of the index finger across the raised welt. “You know you have some pretty feet, too.” His fingers softly ran down
the arch of her feet, his thumb gently covering and then revealing the scar.

“Yeah, if you don’t look above them,” snorted Joceri.

“And yeah if you do.” He ran his hands up the calves and into her thick thighs. Joceri looked at the fingers as they moved.
Wide, flat, sure. She looked at the sand, almost the same color as her, large grains, some of them seeming to shine. She looked
straight into the sun.

She did not look at Rene.

He kept stroking her legs. Massaging them softly. Teasing her inner thigh, which was becoming hot. “You want me to stop?”

“I don’t know what I want.” Joceri was barely able to get the words out.

“How ’bout what you need. Do you know that?”

“I know what I don’t need.”

“And what’s that?” He had moved one hand to her face and was cradling it softly. The other rested on the outside of her bare
hip. Joceri looked at his eyes, which were so close to hers. She could barely breathe. She didn’t want to run, but she needed
to go. Maybe they should swim, but she didn’t move.

“What, Joceri? What don’t you need?”

“I don’t need to get hurt. I don’t need any more B.S. I don’t need—”

Rene cut her off. “I assure you I have no intentions of hurting you. Not in the least. I’m not into pain myself.”

His hand slid down her face, across her shoulder, close to her breast, and then around her back. “That’s not what I meant.”
Joceri turned her side to him.

Rene moved in front of her. “I’m not into hurting, in any way.” One of Joceri’s legs was stretched out in front of her. The
other one was bent up to her chest, preventing him from getting any closer. He sat facing her and stretched that leg to the
right side of him, smoothing the skin.

“That’s my good leg,” Joceri said, trying to keep any kind of words inside her head. Trying not to get any more caught up
in the rhythm of the surf and the softness of his voice. “Only one hip broke. That one just had a simple fracture.”

“They’re both good legs,” he said and brushed the sand from between the toes. “Really nice legs. I’ve been wanting to see
what you kept hidden under all those pantsuits for a long time.”

Joceri pulled her foot out of his hand and tried to move in front of Rene. He adjusted himself and squatted in back of her.
She looked hard into the water. He ran his tongue around the rim of her ear, down her neck, onto her shoulder, pushing down
the suit’s thin straps.

“It really is beautiful here. It’s like we’re in a secret world. You’d never know there was a beach full of people just around
a couple of bends,” Joceri jabbered. “Really, just like you said, beautiful.”

Rene didn’t say anything, just laughed softly. “And it’s beautiful here.” His tongue was running down her spine. She gasped
lightly. “And here.” The front of her swimsuit fell and her breasts slipped out of the bra cups.