Blackout (18 page)

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Authors: Caroline Crane

Tags: #party, #feminism, #high school, #bullying, #date rape, #popularity, #underage drinking, #attempted suicide, #low selfesteem, #football star

BOOK: Blackout
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“Now you hate me.” It didn’t matter why I
thought he did.

He surprised me. “You wrote that
article.”

“But I—” He was right. I had given him a
phony name but he could see right through it. I’d thought I was
finished with him. In a wave of despair, I saw I would never be
finished with him.

I wasn’t going to apologize. He was the one
who owed an apology, not to me but to the world.

“You shouldn’t have done it,” I said.

“I was drunk. So was she.”

“But you didn’t have to—oh, what’s the
use?”

I looked past him and saw Cree. She was
creeping up behind him, with something concealed down at her
side.

Luckily, he wasn’t looking at me just then or
he would have caught that flash of something that I know I betrayed
before my face went blank. I looked down at the grass. Had to keep
him engaged so he wouldn’t turn around.

I brushed an imaginary leaf out of his hair.
He thought I was going to punch his nose, and grabbed my arm.

Cree swung her weapon. It was a log from
downstairs. Evan had moved just then, grabbing my arm, and the log
hit him sideways.

He whirled around. He snatched the log away
from her and hit her with it. He didn’t knock her out, but he
knocked her down. She made the mistake of sitting up and he hit her
again. That time she moved so the hit wasn’t straight. She rolled
over and crawled away.

“Stop!” I said, and grabbed onto him with my
arms and legs. I pounded his head with my fist. Of course, it
didn’t accomplish anything, it only made him angrier. He tried to
hit me with the log but I was on his back and he couldn’t get to
me. He kept spinning around, trying to knock me off.

“Run!” I shouted to Cree. “Get help!”

She refused to leave me and she was still
dizzy. She tried to get the log away from Evan. He tried to hit her
with it again. She danced away. He pounded at my legs, which were
curled around him. Cree got the log and bashed at his face.

He was totally furious now. He roared his
frustration and shook himself until I fell off. He grabbed for the
log but Cree ran away with it.

He turned back to me. In a flash, the only
thing I could think of was to play dead.

It didn’t fool him. He kicked my head. I saw
stars. Cree danced back and hit him again. He turned on her. It
gave me time to get up and tackle his legs. He went down. Cree hit
him still again.

Now it was his turn to play dead.

Or maybe he really was. I crept closer and
felt his neck. A pulse was beating strongly. I leapt away.

Cree dug in his pocket and found his car
keys.

She gave them to me. “Go ahead. Start it.
I’ll be right there.”

His car was in front of the garage. I started
it and saw her by the kitchen door. She found it locked, as he had.
I didn’t know who locked it. Then I saw her dragging a hose over to
where he lay. She gave him a good squirting, turned off the hose,
then ran and got in the car.

I drove us to my house but didn’t know how we
were going to get in.

Rhoda’s car was there. I tried the front
door. It opened. I fell into her arms.

“Maddie! Where were you?”

“Lock it,” I said, then turned around and did
so. I couldn’t imagine how Evan would get there when we had his
car, but I didn’t dare put anything past him.

“Where
were
you?” Rhoda asked
again.

“At Evan’s house. He had us—” I found I was
panting and tried to calm down, “—tied up in the basement. It took
all day. As soon as we got outside, he came home. He said he was in
jail. We had a fight, we left him—prostrate on the lawn.”

“The back yard,” Cree corrected me.

“The back yard,” I said. “I hope he’s all
right. We didn’t want to kill him but I think he’d have killed me
if he could. Probably both of us. Why aren’t you at work?”

“I took the day off,” she said. “I wanted to
find you but I didn’t know where to start. I know you said to check
with him but I didn’t know where he was.”

She hugged me again and said, “I’d better
call your father.”

She went to telephone Daddy. I checked to be
sure the door was locked, and then hugged the dogs, who were
jumping all over me.

A telephone rang, very faintly. It wasn’t the
one Rhoda was using.

Cree found it. My purse. Rhoda must have
brought it in from my car.

I took out the cell. By then the call had
gone to voicemail but it said it was Rick. I called him.

“Where are you?” he asked in surprise.

“At home. I just got here. Cree and I were
tied up in Evan’s basement all last night and most of today.”

“His basement?” Now it was Rick’s turn to be
confused. “He told me he sold you but he wouldn’t say to whom. I
didn’t believe him, but I never thought of his basement.”

“But you arrested him,” I said.

“Yes. For rape. His attorney posted bail. His
parents wouldn’t.”

“Wow,” was all I could think of.

 

 

Chapter
Fifteen

 

That evening, with help from Rick, Cree and I
got Evan’s car back to where it belonged. Cree drove the car, I
drove my own car to take her home afterward, and Rick drove
shotgun.

By that time, Evan’s parents were home. Rick
rang the doorbell to let them know the car was back. He asked how
Evan was doing.

Evan’s mother seemed surprised at that. “He’s
fine. Why wouldn’t he be?” She knew he had spent the night in jail.
It didn’t seem to bother her.

Lack of love, I thought. No wonder he was a
psychopath.

Or maybe they thought jail would teach him a
lesson. They hadn’t been the ones who bailed him out.

Rick drove Cree home, and then came back to
my house. He suggested a movie, since he’d missed the one about the
exes. But he understood that I didn’t feel up to it.

We sat out on the patio, where we could be
alone. I poured us each of glass of iced tea.

“How’s Rosie?” I asked.

“Coming along,” he said.

“Is she still in the hospital?”

“Getting out in a couple of days.”

I watched him, but didn’t see any sign that
his heart was with her. Still, he was good at keeping things to
himself.

“That’ll be nice,” I said.

He nodded. If only I knew how he really
felt.

But I wasn’t going to know, unless he wanted
me to. So instead, I asked, “What am I going to do about Evan?”

That interested him. He leaned forward,
setting his iced tea on a rattan table where it nearly tipped
over.

“We have to build a case,” he said. “Tell me
everything that happened, from the moment he grabbed you.”

“It’s kind of boring.” But I did know about
building a case. So I told him all of it, boring parts and all.
Right up to the end.

“He wouldn’t let go of me.” I wondered if his
actions would add up to attempted homicide. “He looked for a rope
to tie me up. Again.”

“Had you done anything? Given him any reason
to tie you up again?”

“No, I just wanted to get out of there and go
home. I think he was surprised to find us out of the basement.”

“So he wanted to tie you up and put you back.
And all you did was get out of the basement and want to go
home.”

“That’s all we did. It’s his word against
mine.”

“Uh huh.” Now it was Rick doing the watching.
Of course, he believed me. I didn’t know who else would. Did I have
to spend the rest of my life trying to keep away from Evan?

“I didn’t know what he was doing it for,” I
said. “Whether he has it in for me and Cree just happened to be
there, or he was trying to keep us from testifying about Kelsey. He
didn’t seem to know we aren’t eligible to testify. We weren’t even
there.”

“Uh huh,” he said again. Nobody could know
what motivated Evan, except Evan. And maybe even he didn’t
know.

I asked, “What about Kelsey?”

“What about her?”

“She’s so upset, she keeps—she tried it
again, you know.”


I didn’t know. What did she do this
time?”

“She jumped out a window. Broke a few things
but landed on the cafeteria roof and didn’t get killed. She’s
really in a swivet about what they did to her and—and she’s
determined.

He settled back and emptied his glass. I
poured him another.

“It’s not your problem,” he said. “She’s the
hospital’s problem right now. Even when she gets out of there,
she’s still not your responsibility.”

I couldn’t accept that. “She is my
responsibility. Forever and ever. I
feel
responsible. So
what can I do? She’s back in ICU. I can’t even get in there and
talk to her. She wouldn’t want to hear from me anyway.”

“I’ll try to think of something. Come
here.”

He patted his lap. I went over and sat on it.
Police time was finished and now we were going to get mushy.

That was fine with me. I forgot all about
Kelsey and even about Rosie. All that mattered was Rick and I.

I felt him stir, and knew he was thinking of
leaving. He had to get up even earlier than I did.

I tried to think of a way to keep him
longer.

“Would you,” I asked, “join an organization
called WAP?”

He said, “It depends. What does WAP stand
for?”

“It’s my campaign. At first, I thought it
should be Women Are People, Too. But the one response I’ve gotten
so far suggested We Are People. It’s clumsy, but reduced to its
initials it comes out a little better than WAPT. That sounded like
the call letters for a radio station. We Are People can include
others besides women. Which is both good and bad.”

I had thought I’d be deluged with responses
to my plea for members and suggestions for a name.

It was early still, I told myself. The
article only came out on Sunday. I don’t know why I expected the
mailbox to be overflowing. It certainly wasn’t.

“That’s all I’ve had so far,” I said, “is
that one answer.”

“But you only just started,” he reminded
me.

“Yes, but in another week they’ll have
forgotten all about it.”

“So write another article.”

“I can’t think of anything else to say.”

“Give them a progress report.”

I grumped at that. “Some progress.”

“It’s early still.” He kissed me again. That
was all he cared about, was kissing me.

Once again, I lost myself. I felt his tongue
exploring my mouth, and my tongue explored his. We stayed that way
for such a long time. I thought I would float away.

Until he said he
really
had to leave.
He had an early start in the morning, and told me I should get some
sleep.

So he left. After another long kiss at the
door.

I watched him leave and wished he didn’t have
to.

I went back out to the patio and thought
about my campaign.

That one response was a male, or so the
letter said. I suspected he might be gay. He didn’t want to join
the group, but he suggested the name We Are People. It spelled WAP,
which sounds like a blow. That could work. We Are People could
work, too, as it includes other disaffected sorts besides women.
That would dilute my message, but I didn’t want to leave anyone out
who needed us.

Why does life get so complicated? Rhoda’s
always asking that.

I would have to wait and see what future mail
deliveries brought.

* * * *

In the morning, I overslept. Rhoda said she
hadn’t waked me because she figured I needed the sleep.

“But I have to go to school,” I said.

“Tomorrow you can go.”

“I’m going to be alone here all day? What if
Evan comes?”

“Keep the door locked. You can let the dogs
out but you stay in.”

“What if he hurts the dogs?”

“Don’t borrow trouble, Maddie. I’ll come home
as soon as I can.”

It wouldn’t be soon enough for me, especially
since she had all those people she canceled yesterday.

I went back to bed and slept until noon. It
was such fun not being in school and it was my own mother who made
me stay home. That in itself was a first.

And she was right. I’d have fallen asleep in
every class.

It seemed odd being alone at home in the
daytime. In the afternoon I usually was, but not the early
afternoon.

I wondered if Evan went to school. Or whether
he got re-arrested. Didn’t he ever learn? Didn’t he
think?
He was the one who needed therapy, badly. But psychopaths can’t be
cured.

“Forget about Evan,” I told myself. Out loud,
because I was alone. “Just forget him. But stay careful.”

I transferred my thoughts to Kelsey and
wondered how she was doing.

There was a way to find out. I looked up
where I’d written down Velda’s number, and called it. The phone
rang several times before she answered.

“Oh, Maddie,” she sighed. “Thank you for
calling. I’m so worried she’s going to try something again.”

“So am I,” I said.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t either. I can’t even get in there
and talk to her. She wouldn’t want to see me anyway. How’s she
doing?”

“She conscious, but that’s about it. I just
don’t know what to do. I already said that, didn’t I? Oh—just a
minute.”

I waited. She forgot to put me on hold. I
heard voices but couldn’t hear what they said.

She came back to me and announced that her
time was up. I hadn’t meant to interrupt her brief visit with
Kelsey.

She said, “There’s a policeman wanting to
talk to her. He’s arguing with the girl at the desk.”

“I thought nobody was allowed in except you
and your parents.”

“That’s what they’re arguing about. I’ll
leave them to it, but I’ll be back here in two hours. Thanks for
calling.”

She disconnected. I wished I could go and
keep her company, but Rhoda was right. Today I had better stay in
until something was done about Evan.

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