Authors: Juliet Marillier
Blade of Fortriu (69 page)
Her thoughts went to Drustan and how difficult it would be for him at White Hill. They’d need to stay there until Bridei came home, at least. Longer, probably. Apart from obtaining the king’s consent to their marriage, they had other decisions
to make. With Alpin dead, it would soon enough become imperative for Drustan to return to the north and establish a new order for Briar Wood and Dreaming Glen. She had thought of the possibility of going home, right home to the Light Isles. There, the two of them could settle among her kin and make a life for themselves free of the burden of Alpin’s crime, and free from the doubt and suspicion
that must face them at Briar Wood. She did not suggest this to Drustan. Later, they would visit and she would see her sister at last. She knew Drustan must face his demons first, and lay them to rest. They would find Bela. They would prove Drustan’s innocence before all his people.
to make. With Alpin dead, it would soon enough become imperative for Drustan to return to the north and establish a new order for Briar Wood and Dreaming Glen. She had thought of the possibility of going home, right home to the Light Isles. There, the two of them could settle among her kin and make a life for themselves free of the burden of Alpin’s crime, and free from the doubt and suspicion
that must face them at Briar Wood. She did not suggest this to Drustan. Later, they would visit and she would see her sister at last. She knew Drustan must face his demons first, and lay them to rest. They would find Bela. They would prove Drustan’s innocence before all his people.
He would find the court of Fortriu a challenge. He had spent the best part of seven years in close confinement,
with only one other for companionship. To be placed in the midst of that circle of powerful men, of intrigue and gossip and maneuvering, would be quite a shock. She’d have to explain for him; to tell Tuala and probably Broichan about the changes, about the talent that made Drustan the exceptional man he was, and to explain that he needed to be free to move between worlds. She’d have to tell them a
princess of the royal blood of Fortriu intended to marry a shape-shifter.
with only one other for companionship. To be placed in the midst of that circle of powerful men, of intrigue and gossip and maneuvering, would be quite a shock. She’d have to explain for him; to tell Tuala and probably Broichan about the changes, about the talent that made Drustan the exceptional man he was, and to explain that he needed to be free to move between worlds. She’d have to tell them a
princess of the royal blood of Fortriu intended to marry a shape-shifter.
“Ana?”
She whirled around, startled out of her reverie. It was not Drustan standing there under the trees but Faolan, clean-shaven, his dark hair combed and tied back, his plain, borrowed garb revealing how thin he had become. The afternoon light deepened the lines of illness and exhaustion that marked his face. He had
his expression under expert control, but Ana saw both sadness and concern there. He had a bag on his back and outdoor boots on his feet. She met his eyes without saying a word.
his expression under expert control, but Ana saw both sadness and concern there. He had a bag on his back and outdoor boots on his feet. She met his eyes without saying a word.
His smile was crooked, self-mocking, as he took in the changes in her appearance. “This is not the image I will remember,” he said.
“What do you mean?” She was filled suddenly with misgiving. “I’ll be at White Hill and
so will you, Faolan.”
so will you, Faolan.”
He looked down at his hands, no longer prepared to meet her gaze. “If you’re there with him,” he said, “then I cannot stay at White Hill. I’m going ahead now. I’ll break the news of what’s happened to Broichan and to Tuala. You stay on here a while with Drustan. He needs to get used to being among folk again, and that will be easier here than at court. Come on when you’re
both ready. I’ll make sure I’m gone by then.”
both ready. I’ll make sure I’m gone by then.”
She was dismayed. “But Faolan, what about Bridei? You can’t go, he needs you. I understand how awkward things are, but we’re still friends, aren’t we? We’ve made a long journey together, the three of us. You can’t leave White Hill”
He was persistent in looking away. His features were forbiddingly closed; he wore the same mask as in early days, when
she had believed him a man incapable of feeling. “You mean to marry the man, don’t you?” he asked her. “That’s if you can persuade Bridei it’s a good idea. You intend to stay at court until Drustan’s ready to go back west and reclaim his lands. That means I must leave, Ana. If it means quitting Bridei’s service, that’s what I’ll do. When it comes to it, I’m a sword for hire and can earn my keep
anywhere. One master’s no different from another, as long as he pays in good silver.”
she had believed him a man incapable of feeling. “You mean to marry the man, don’t you?” he asked her. “That’s if you can persuade Bridei it’s a good idea. You intend to stay at court until Drustan’s ready to go back west and reclaim his lands. That means I must leave, Ana. If it means quitting Bridei’s service, that’s what I’ll do. When it comes to it, I’m a sword for hire and can earn my keep
anywhere. One master’s no different from another, as long as he pays in good silver.”
There was a brief silence, then Ana took a step toward him and clasped his hands in hers. “We’ve done this, haven’t we?” she asked, as a bitter sense of loss filled her heart. “Drustan and I, we’ve driven you away. This is terrible, Faolan, cruel and wrong. I know what Bridei is to you. You mustn’t let what’s
happened destroy that bond. Your own brother died, and in the manner of his death he took away a piece of your spirit. Don’t let your anger rob you of a friend who is as close as any brother could be. Perhaps you feel you have failed this mission. Bridei won’t agree with that. At least wait at White Hill until he has the chance to tell you so.”
happened destroy that bond. Your own brother died, and in the manner of his death he took away a piece of your spirit. Don’t let your anger rob you of a friend who is as close as any brother could be. Perhaps you feel you have failed this mission. Bridei won’t agree with that. At least wait at White Hill until he has the chance to tell you so.”
Faolan detached his hands gently from her grasp,
hitched the pack higher on his back, and turned away. “Some things shouldn’t be put in words,” he said. “Sometimes it’s best to keep silent. I must go now. I feel an urgency to this, a need to get back to court quickly, even though Bridei will be away. That compels me even more than—”
hitched the pack higher on his back, and turned away. “Some things shouldn’t be put in words,” he said. “Sometimes it’s best to keep silent. I must go now. I feel an urgency to this, a need to get back to court quickly, even though Bridei will be away. That compels me even more than—”
“Even more than your distaste at seeing me and Drustan together?” she asked him straight-out.
“What pair of
lovers welcomes a constant observer?” His tone was bitter. “I wish you well. Good-bye, Ana.” A few strides away under the trees and he was gone from sight before she could draw breath to form an answer, though indeed she did not know what that answer might be.
lovers welcomes a constant observer?” His tone was bitter. “I wish you well. Good-bye, Ana.” A few strides away under the trees and he was gone from sight before she could draw breath to form an answer, though indeed she did not know what that answer might be.
She waited for Drustan, sitting on the grass with her hands around her knees, trying not to confront the growing conviction that, unless
both Drustan and Faolan were somewhere close by, she would always be missing some essential part of herself. Her mind shied away from this: it couldn’t be right, it was out of tune with everything she had expected, an irregularity in a future path that should have unfolded exactly to pattern. She had never believed she would be fortunate enough to find a man she could love as she loved Drustan,
with a heady, thrilling passion that drove all else from her mind. Almost all else. There was Faolan: her dearest friend, her constant, strong companion, her counterpart. He had held her steady when the path crumbled before her feet. His music had made her weep. His arms had kept back the dark. His eyes had told her … His eyes had told her he loved her as Fionnbharr loved Aoife, the fairy woman,
with a deep and steadfast passion. She had known this since that day in the forest, when she had accused him of jealousy. It was the strength of her own feelings that seemed new and shocking. Something had crept up on her unawares, something whose full significance she had not realized until now, when he was gone. The goddess had played a trick. She had brought Ana not one, but two men to love. And,
painful though it was to acknowledge it, it seemed to Ana that she needed both of them. Such a thing plainly could not be. Faolan was right. In this cruel game of three, one must be destined to walk on alone.
both Drustan and Faolan were somewhere close by, she would always be missing some essential part of herself. Her mind shied away from this: it couldn’t be right, it was out of tune with everything she had expected, an irregularity in a future path that should have unfolded exactly to pattern. She had never believed she would be fortunate enough to find a man she could love as she loved Drustan,
with a heady, thrilling passion that drove all else from her mind. Almost all else. There was Faolan: her dearest friend, her constant, strong companion, her counterpart. He had held her steady when the path crumbled before her feet. His music had made her weep. His arms had kept back the dark. His eyes had told her … His eyes had told her he loved her as Fionnbharr loved Aoife, the fairy woman,
with a deep and steadfast passion. She had known this since that day in the forest, when she had accused him of jealousy. It was the strength of her own feelings that seemed new and shocking. Something had crept up on her unawares, something whose full significance she had not realized until now, when he was gone. The goddess had played a trick. She had brought Ana not one, but two men to love. And,
painful though it was to acknowledge it, it seemed to Ana that she needed both of them. Such a thing plainly could not be. Faolan was right. In this cruel game of three, one must be destined to walk on alone.
“Ana?”
This time it was Drustan coming along the way between the pear trees, clad in a borrowed tunic and trousers of fine wool dyed in the many-hued fashion of Ged’s household, his cascade
of bright hair tied back, not altogether successfully, with a cord. His smile drove doubt from her heart in an instant; she jumped up and ran to him, and his arms closed around her, strong and warm. She felt the wild thudding of his heart against her, an echo of her own.
of bright hair tied back, not altogether successfully, with a cord. His smile drove doubt from her heart in an instant; she jumped up and ran to him, and his arms closed around her, strong and warm. She felt the wild thudding of his heart against her, an echo of her own.
“I missed you,” he whispered against her hair. “You smell like spring flowers, and your hair feels like thistledown.”
“Mm,”
Ana murmured, savoring the moment; they had been circumspect on the journey, respecting Faolan’s presence. To be as close as this was to set loose a feeling like a fire kindling, a heat in the body that would all too quickly grow so powerful there would be only one way to quench it. She lifted her face to his, and a moment later his lips met hers, hesitant at first, touching lightly, a feather-soft
imprint. Then touching again, this time more deeply, his hand coming up to her neck, his lips parting as hers did, and the primal sensation of his tongue sliding against hers, sending a thrilling shiver through the depths of her body. Her limbs felt weak; her heart was doing its own crazy dance. Her hands moved against his broad back, pressing him closer.
Ana murmured, savoring the moment; they had been circumspect on the journey, respecting Faolan’s presence. To be as close as this was to set loose a feeling like a fire kindling, a heat in the body that would all too quickly grow so powerful there would be only one way to quench it. She lifted her face to his, and a moment later his lips met hers, hesitant at first, touching lightly, a feather-soft
imprint. Then touching again, this time more deeply, his hand coming up to her neck, his lips parting as hers did, and the primal sensation of his tongue sliding against hers, sending a thrilling shiver through the depths of her body. Her limbs felt weak; her heart was doing its own crazy dance. Her hands moved against his broad back, pressing him closer.
The hoodie cawed. Remembering, Ana drew
her lips away and brought her hands around to place them over Drustan’s heart. “Drustan?”
her lips away and brought her hands around to place them over Drustan’s heart. “Drustan?”
“Mm?” He took her right hand in his, bending his head to kiss her palm, to circle there with the tip of his tongue, making her tremble.
“You’d better stop, I can’t think straight when you do that.”
He was suddenly still. “What is it, Ana?”
“Faolan. He’s gone ahead by himself.”
Drustan said nothing.
“And he told me he won’t stay at White Hill if we’re there. He would leave the life he’s made there, turn his back on Bridei, his patron and dear friend, go off and seek a living as a mercenary, a killer for hire. He mustn’t do that. Not now, not now he has sung his songs and told his story and begun to come alive again. It’s …” She stumbled to a halt. She could not put into words what a terrible
waste that was, nor how desolate it made her feel.
waste that was, nor how desolate it made her feel.
“You weep for him.” Drustan’s tone was as gentle as the finger he lifted to brush the tears from her cheek.
Ana nodded, still unable to speak.
“He loves you; his passion has grown so powerful he can no longer hide it from you. He tried his best to conceal this.”
“You knew?”
“Since I first met him; since I saw the look on his face as he spoke
your name. Come, let me hold you. I, too, can exercise restraint when I must, though this flame that burns in me is a cruel delight. There, weep. What shall we do? I had hoped for some days here, a few at least. He left, I think, because he thought that we would … because he did not wish to be here when …” Abruptly, he too was lost for words.
your name. Come, let me hold you. I, too, can exercise restraint when I must, though this flame that burns in me is a cruel delight. There, weep. What shall we do? I had hoped for some days here, a few at least. He left, I think, because he thought that we would … because he did not wish to be here when …” Abruptly, he too was lost for words.
“You’re embarrassed,” Ana said, the spectacle of his
blush sufficient to bring a smile through the tears. “It’s all right, Drustan, I’m not shocked. You must surely know the selfsame fire burns in me. Your every touch fuels it. True, I was once a girl who followed rules: obedient, dutiful, and correct in every way. That girl would never have considered anticipating her wedding night, especially before she had obtained the king’s consent to the match.
She’d have been unable to make such a speech as this without turning as red as you are.”
blush sufficient to bring a smile through the tears. “It’s all right, Drustan, I’m not shocked. You must surely know the selfsame fire burns in me. Your every touch fuels it. True, I was once a girl who followed rules: obedient, dutiful, and correct in every way. That girl would never have considered anticipating her wedding night, especially before she had obtained the king’s consent to the match.
She’d have been unable to make such a speech as this without turning as red as you are.”
Drustan smiled. “I see a becoming shade of rose in your cheeks, Ana. You look like springtime; like the fair All-Flowers in mortal guise. If I blush like a nervous boy, it is because this is quite new to me, and I cannot know how you will answer.”
“Answer? What is the question?”
Clearly he was somewhat
abashed by what he had to say; he shuffled like an awkward lad of sixteen, and Ana reminded herself that he had been shut away for seven years, and was yet unused to going among folk.
abashed by what he had to say; he shuffled like an awkward lad of sixteen, and Ana reminded herself that he had been shut away for seven years, and was yet unused to going among folk.
“You want to go after Faolan, don’t you?” he queried.
“I’m sure that wasn’t what made you blush, Drustan, but yes, I do. We can’t let him slip away from court and disappear from our lives. We owe it to him to
help him face the past and accept the present, even if it means he must accept friendship and love and pain. It’s time he admitted he’s a man, with a man’s weaknesses as well as his strengths. He needs to accept that love hurts, and that it heals.”
help him face the past and accept the present, even if it means he must accept friendship and love and pain. It’s time he admitted he’s a man, with a man’s weaknesses as well as his strengths. He needs to accept that love hurts, and that it heals.”
Drustan regarded her gravely. “Then we will borrow horses and ride after him straightaway,” he said.
“That’s what we should do.” Ana heard the uncertainty
in her own voice; Drustan’s hand was on the back of her neck, stroking the skin beneath the fly-away softness of her shorn hair, and the delicious sensation of this was making it hard to concentrate. “Straightaway. He won’t be pleased, but …”
in her own voice; Drustan’s hand was on the back of her neck, stroking the skin beneath the fly-away softness of her shorn hair, and the delicious sensation of this was making it hard to concentrate. “Straightaway. He won’t be pleased, but …”
“So,” Drustan murmured, taking her in his arms again, “not tonight, then?”
She couldn’t speak. Every corner of her was crying out for him; the hunger in
her was potent, frightening.
her was potent, frightening.
“I will do what you want, Ana,” said Drustan, and his hands slid lower, one to her waist, the other to her buttocks, pressing her against him at breast, belly, groin. The hard shape of his manhood was startlingly evident, and still more startling to Ana was her own response, a throbbing heat awakening between her legs, making her strain against him in a manner she
would not so long ago have thought shockingly unseemly.
would not so long ago have thought shockingly unseemly.
“This isn’t fair,” she gasped. “You know what I really want … but …”
“Ana,” Drustan said, “I will ride out now if you wish it. This journey has bound the three of us together, you and I and Faolan. We’ll never escape that, whatever we do, wherever we go. We must do as you suggest. We must follow him, find him and dissuade him. I had entertained
sweet thoughts of our sojourn here at Abertornie, I won’t deny it. But I can wait. In seven years, I should at least have learned to do that.”
sweet thoughts of our sojourn here at Abertornie, I won’t deny it. But I can wait. In seven years, I should at least have learned to do that.”
“Mm,” Ana said, disengaging herself with some reluctance to sit on the grass once more. “You know, it is not Faolan’s arrival at White Hill that is the issue, but his departure. He did offer to break the news to Broichan for us. He must stay at court three
or four days to confer with Bridei’s councillors. That is the least they will expect from him. Besides, although Faolan would never admit it, he was so exhausted he must surely make camp quite soon for tonight, and not ride on until the morning. That means …”
or four days to confer with Bridei’s councillors. That is the least they will expect from him. Besides, although Faolan would never admit it, he was so exhausted he must surely make camp quite soon for tonight, and not ride on until the morning. That means …”
“It means we could delay our own departure until tomorrow and still catch up with him, my princess.”
Ana grinned at him. “Princess? I
didn’t feel much like a princess in that rag of a gown, with wolves all around me; nor do I now, bath or no bath.”
didn’t feel much like a princess in that rag of a gown, with wolves all around me; nor do I now, bath or no bath.”
“To me, and to him,” Drustan said solemnly, “you were never anything less. Will you stay for a night?”
She nodded, suddenly shy.
His eyes were very bright, his expression altogether serious. “Will you be my wife?” he asked her.
She stared at him; he had surprised her. “That wasn’t
the question I expected either,” she said.
the question I expected either,” she said.
“Tell me what you expected.”
Ana cleared her throat. “Will you … will you lie with me tonight?”
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