BLAMELESS: MC Biker Romance (Black Thorns, #3) (34 page)

Normally, I’m completely at ease with babies. Holding them. Babysitting them. I’ve done that a lot with my diner staff. All of them have had babies at some point and they’ve all asked me to look after them, because I’m apparently the
maternal
type. I love babies. But right now, being pregnant is making me anxious and nervous around other babies, like Ava. I guess I’m just really nervous about becoming a mother. I’m worrying I don’t know enough. There are so many little things to be aware of. What if I mess something up? What if I miss something with my own baby?

Rox reaches out from beside me on Zeb’s couch and rubs my arm in an effort to comfort me. “It’s all gonna be fine, Sarah. I promise.”

“But there’s so much I don’t know. What if—and I could miss—”

“Stop,” she tells me. “You were born to be a mom. You’re the most nurturing person I’ve ever known. It’s gonna come so naturally to you.”

“Really?” I ask, hesitantly.

“Yeah. I mean it. Look at me. You know I was far from the motherly type. But as soon as Ava was born, all that changed. Yeah, there’s a lot to learn, but you don’t need to know it all in one go. It’s one step at a time.”

“Yeah, okay,” I breathe. “Not all in one go. Yeah. That’s…that makes it better. It’ll be okay.”

She chuckles. “It will. And I know Runner is the father and, let’s face it, he’s pretty clueless,
but
he wants to learn and be there with everything. For fuck’s sake, he even went baby shopping with you.
And
Ax caught him reading one of your baby books the other day at the bike shop.”

“Oh my God! He was?”

“Yep.”

“He’s so sweet. You don’t even know.”

I know she hasn’t always been his biggest fan, but I want her to know he’s a good man. He deserves all the credit in the world for the way he’s been with me.

“Yeah, I’m getting that,” she admits. “You guys seem really good together.”

“Thanks. I’m happy.”

She gives me a squeeze and then holds out her hands for Ava. “I’m gonna put her down.”

I hand her over gently and watch as Rox walks to the other side of the coffee table where Ava’s basinet is. She places her down gently and tucks her in. I watch the loving smile on her face as she looks at her baby girl, before returning to me on the couch.

She relaxes against the couch and starts getting absorbed back into some sort of action movie we’d been watching until about ten minutes ago when Ax had left the room to take a private call out on Zeb’s balcony. I’m not really a fan of action movies. I’m more into chick flicks, but I know neither of them would ever be caught dead watching one of those, so we’d gone the action movie route.

“I’m gonna make some more popcorn.”

“You need help?”

“No, I’ve got it. It’s just one of those microwavable bag thingies.”

“I always burn those.”

I laugh as I get to my feet. Rox and any sort of cooking really doesn’t go well together. I know she’s not joking about the popcorn either. I can definitely see her burning it and pretty much anything. It’s not that she’s incompetent. It’s because cooking requires patience and Rox really doesn’t have any of that—not in the cooking area anyway. She hates the very idea of it. Luckily, her husband makes up for it by being an amazing cook. Ax might be known for his crazy temper, but I know he’s patient when it comes to cooking. It’s relaxing for him, like it is for me. We’re the opposite of Rox and Zeb in that respect. Each to their own.

As I make my way into Zeb’s tiny kitchen, I can hear Ax talking on the phone. I glance at the balcony door and see that it’s open. He’s pacing up and down, smoking as he talks. I quickly look away and focus on the task at hand—making another bowl of popcorn. It’s none of my business what he’s talking about on his private call and I don’t want him to think I’m being nosey and listening, despite the fact that his deep, gritty voice really does carry.

But then I hear him say
Runner
and I can no longer block it out.

He’s talking to Zeb?

I grab a popcorn bag and pop it in the microwave. As it’s cooking away, I listen in, despite myself.

“You sure? It’s Ben? Yeah? All right. Gotta say, Runner, thought it’d take you longer than this. What? No. Argh. Fine. Okay. Yeah, you’re the best tracker Thorns has got. That make you happy? Like your ego ain’t big enough. Yeah, I know. Woulda been good if Torvin woulda been there with him. No, leave it. You’re done. The cops are gonna be there soon to take Ben in, like we sorted. You got a record, so get outta there. No. Let it go. Come home. That’s a direct order from your Prez. You feel me? Good. Anyhow, it’s likely Ben’s gonna do our work for us when it comes to Torvin. He’ll probably sell him out to the cops to save his own ass. Yeah, Sarah’s good. With Rox and Ava. Come home and be with your girl. Let that Torvin shit go. Priorities, brother. What? Yeah. Good. See ya soon.”

I hear him hang up.

I quickly open the microwave and grab the bag and start emptying it out into a bowl, trying to look busy and like I haven’t just listened into Ax’s conversation with Zeb.

A second later, I hear his footsteps coming into the kitchen.

Just play it cool. Don’t act skittish, or you’ll look as guilty as you feel.

He lays his hand on my shoulder and says, “Sweet, more popcorn.”

I turn my head and smile. “Yep.”

“You doing okay?”

“Great.”

“Good. You need anything, just let me know, yeah?”

I nod. “I will. Thank you.”

“Anytime. You’re family now, Sarah.”

“Thanks.”

He gives me a head nod and smiles kindly, before heading back into the living room.

Phew.

I can’t even imagine how pissed off he’d be if he knew I’d been listening. The club is really uptight about secrecy and stuff.

I can’t believe what I heard though. I can’t believe what Zeb is doing. That’s why he’s had to work late? He’s gone after Ben and Eddie?

He’d promised me he wouldn’t.

How could he do this behind my back? He broke his promise to me.

And what’s more is he’s putting himself in danger by going after them.

He knows better than that.

At least, I
thought
he did.

I thought we were on the same page.

We’re having a baby and he’s off risking his life behind my back?

I am
so
pissed at him for doing it that my hands are shaking with anger, which is making me spill popcorn all over the counter.

Wait until he gets home!

Chapter 36

~Runner~

I shut the door after saying goodnight to Ax, Rox and Ava. It’s just after midnight and I been back for ‘bout ten minutes. Ax told me they had fun tonight watching some movies.

I glance ‘round the living room. All the bowls and plates are gone from the coffee table and Sarah ain’t there sitting on the couch no more. Wow, she moves fast.

I hear water running from the kitchen and some clanging. She must be doing the dishes.

I walk in there and lean against the archway. She don’t look up as I’m standing there. She’s got her back to me, seeming real focused on the dishes.

“Leave ‘em. I’ll do ‘em in the morning. Let’s hit the sack, yeah?”

“They’re greasy,” she says, not looking at me.

“So, soak ‘em. They’ll be fine.”

She spins ‘round then and snaps, “Will they? Will they be fine, Zeb? Will everything just be fine?”

What the hell? “Uh…yeah. They
will
be fine. For sure.” I walk up to her. “They’re just dishes, darlin’.” I reach for her, but she jerks her arm away. Must be another hormonal episode, like earlier. “Let’s go to bed. You’re overtired.”

Her eyes narrow and the look on her face is real fierce. Uh oh. “I’m not tired!” she yells.

“Well, it’s the hormones then, I guess.”

“What?” she growls. “What did you just say?”

Oh shit. “Just tryin’ to help. Don’t want you upset.”

She stomps over to me, getting in my face. “So, if I’m upset, it can only be because I’m overtired or crazy with pregnancy hormones?”

“No, that ain’t what—”

“It can’t possibly be
your
fault, that you did something majorly wrong?”

Jesus Christ. “What you talking ‘bout? What’s my fault?”

“Wow. I really can’t believe you can actually stand here and act like you don’t know.”

She tries to brush past me then. Like hell. We’re gonna sort this shit out, cuz I ain’t having this all night long.

I grab her arm, making sure I’m gentle, cuz anything aggressive scares her real bad. “Sarah, you ain’t leaving this kitchen ‘til you tell me what’s up. Don’t like you being so upset. Ain’t good for you, or the baby.”

She spins on me and rips her arm outta my grip, screaming, “You lied to me!”

Shit. I get it now. She knows. She fucking knows.

“Ax told you?” I ask. Can’t be the truth. The shit I did tonight were club business. He’d never tell nobody outside Thorns. But how the hell else could she know? Were he stupid ‘bout it and told Rox? I know he tells her more club shit than he should, in my opinion. But sometimes, he’s gotta bring her in on things, cuz of her expertise on some stuff and the contacts she’s got. But this? Ain’t no reason I can think of for him telling her ‘bout it.

“I overheard him talking to you.”

“You listened in on my Prez’s private call?” I ask, shocked. Jesus Christ. That’s going down a real bad road. “Can’t do that, Sarah. That’s a major security breach. You gotta shut that shit down
right
now. Real important you do. Could get in some major trouble with Thorns if you don’t. It’s real serious business. You hear me? You gotta promise me. Right fucking now.”

“Is that a threat? Are you going to tell on me, huh?”

“No.” And right there, I’m choosing her over the club, just like that. I step into her and growl, “Don’t you ever fucking put me in this position again, woman. Making me choose between you and the club.”

“Don’t you dare talk to me that way!” she shrieks at me. “I’m the mother of your child!”

Like I don’t fucking know that. Even though I’ve taught her a lot ‘bout club life, there’s still a lot she’s gotta get used to. And I know that. It’s why I’m
really
toning it down with her and not freaking the fuck out. But she don’t even get that. I’m the bad guy no matter what right now. She can’t see it no other way, cuz she’s so pissed.

I step back and tell her as calmly as I can, “I’m tryin’ to say, I need you working
with
me, not against me. All right?”

“That’s not what you said.”

“Well I ain’t exactly a wordsmith, am I? It’s what I
meant
, though.”

“How can you expect
me
to work with
you
, when you’re not prepared to do the same?”

“Look, whatever you heard, it ain’t what you think.”

“Really?” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. “So, you didn’t go out tracking down Ben and Eddie tonight then?”

“I did, but—”

“You promised me you wouldn’t.”

“Wrong. I promised I wouldn’t
kill
‘em.”

“No, you said—”

“I said I weren’t gonna go after ‘em.”

“Exactly.”

“
Going after ‘em
means
kill ‘em
, Sarah. Tonight I were tracking ‘em. Found Ben, but didn’t make no contact.”

“You put yourself in danger!”

“It were only recon. I weren’t nowhere near him.”

“You were near enough, Zeb.”

“Sarah, he’s in jail now, cuz of me. I’m the best tracker in the club. They couldn’t find him.
I
did. And now he ain’t gonna be a problem to none of us no more. He’s gone, Sarah. Locked away. Outta the picture. That’s why I did it. To make us safe.”

She slumps against the kitchen worktop and brings her hands to her face. “I can’t lose you. Okay? I can’t. Having this baby? I don’t know how to do it alone. I
need
you.”

“I know, darlin’. I know.”

“I’m sorry I freaked out. Just…what you said about choosing me over the club…it hurt me.”

I walk over to her and take her hands, moving ‘em away from her face and holding ‘em between us. “In the twenty years I been with the club, I ain’t never chosen nothing or nobody over it. ‘Til tonight.
That’s
how much you mean to me, darlin’. But making a choice like that…it hurts
me
. Gotta have you and the club on the same side all the time, Sarah, so it ain’t never gonna be a choice. What you did tonight, it’s fucking dangerous. Gotta promise me you ain’t gonna do that again.”