Blaze of Winter: A Loveswept Contemporary Romance (34 page)

“You are so beautiful,” he said, stroking her hair.

She gave a little laugh. “Put on your glasses and you’ll see all my flaws.”

His eyes raked over her body. “I’m wearing my contacts and I can’t see any.”

“You’re good,” she said, meaning it. Seduction was so easy for him.

“Hardly. But I’m trying to be. For you.” Then he ran a hand up her side and cupped her breast.

As he ran a thumb over her nipple, she sighed with delight. “That feels nice.”

“I like it when you tell me what you want. What you like.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. “
This
is what I like,” she whispered as his clever hands stroked and teased.

It was impossible to think about anything else as her focus narrowed to him, only him. His body, hers, and the way he was making her feel. She writhed and burned under his masterful touch until he sank into her in one long, slow motion.

At the apex of her desire, she opened fully to him—body and soul—as she cried out with the sheer joy of it, reveling in the instant when he, too, lost control and buried himself so deeply inside her she thought she would burst.

Lying nestled next to him afterward, Avery was stunned by how much pleasure they had given one another. She felt content in his strong arms, her head resting on his chest.

“The end of an era,” he said, sighing as he stroked her hair.

She stilled. Was this his way of saying he was leaving? In just a second, their idyllic tryst had gone from sublime to sour. “What do you mean?” she asked, slowly.

“Never thought Seb would be the first of us to fall,” he responded, keeping up the steady stroking, seemingly oblivious to her distress.

She relaxed somewhat, but something about his choice of words rubbed her the wrong way. “You sound sorry for him,” she said quietly.

Theo laughed. “Hardly. It’s just that Seb’s reputation as a player was well known, and I’m happy he found someone who could settle him down. He’s changed a lot.”

“But you haven’t?” she asked, tilting her face up to look at him.

“I didn’t say that,” he said with a frown. “I’ve changed quite a bit.” He squeezed her shoulders. “You’ve been a good influence on me.”

“How so?”

He looked surprised. “You got me to start thinking about what really matters. Like my writing. Which is going really well, by the way.”

“I see.” And she did. So she’d been right about him leaving Star Harbor. He’d come back to get himself together, and now that he’d gotten his book squared away, he would leave. She’d suspected as much all along, but for the past week, she’d deluded herself into thinking he might stay. A dull ache began to form in her chest. God, it hurt. She’d let herself start to care for him, and yes, love him, but she couldn’t allow herself to be dragged down again.

It was time for her to do what she’d come to Star Harbor to do: focus on herself. Fixating on one thing—getting out of there as quickly as possible before she lost it completely—Avery slipped out of his arms, got out of the bed, and began to gather her clothes. The lifeless puddle of silk that was her green dress looked pathetic lying there on the floor. She picked it up and pulled it on.

“Avie, where are you going?”

She ignored his question, barely trusting herself to speak. “Look, I get it. I’m glad I was able to keep you company while you were in town.”

“Avery,” he said, sounding suspicious, “I don’t know what’s going on in your mind, but I think it’s time for us to have a talk.”

She found her bra and panties and slid them into her purse. She didn’t want to hear it. She
couldn’t
hear it. “There’s no need to talk. I’ll save you the trouble of going through your speech.”

“My what?”

“Your speech,” she said, waving her hand and refusing to look at him. “Whatever it is you use when you break up with someone. ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Or ‘it’s been nice while it’s lasted, babe, but I have my life and you have yours.’ That kind of stuff. Save it.” Visions of other half-dressed women slipping out of his bed flashed through her mind. No doubt they had been far more accomplished and put together than she was.

“Avery, please come back so we can talk about this rationally,” he implored, but she turned her back on him and picked up her shoes. No way was she going to put herself through this torture. She didn’t want to hear his carefully scripted lines. She just wanted to leave. A clean break.

“I’m being rational. You don’t have to explain to me why you’re going back to San Francisco. I get it.”

“Avie, you have this all wrong,” he said, flicking the sheets off himself and standing up. Avery turned back and didn’t avert her eyes. This was the last time she’d see him naked and she wanted to remember what he looked like. She wanted to memorize every inch of him. She knew she’d never be with another man as perfect as this one.

“No,” she said, slowly shaking her head. “I don’t. When you finish your book, you’re going to head back to California. Theo, your life is there. Not here in Star Harbor. You can’t honestly stand there and tell me you’re not going to go back to San Francisco.”

“That’s what we need to talk about,” he said. “I haven’t made any final decisions yet, and I was going to bring it up, but I—”

“I’ll save you the trouble. Go.”

His brow furrowed. “But, Avie, we need to talk this through. I thought we were past all this BS.”

“What BS?” She crossed her arms under her chest.

He gestured wildly. “This. This emotional shutdown.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she snapped, fury rising. He’d called her out on her behavior and it stung, but she damn well needed to guard her heart. She had to protect herself. She couldn’t give him what he needed. She couldn’t even give
herself
what she needed. Closing herself off was the only answer.

He was angry now, angrier than she’d ever seen him. His eyes glittered dangerously, sparking fire at her. “My God, Avery, we were past this.
Way
past this. But for some reason, you’re back to your same old tricks. You’re trying to grasp at any excuse to hide your feelings for me. I don’t even think you want to try to make this work.”

“You’re wrong,” she said, her voice wavering even as her brain screamed at her to walk away. She couldn’t second-guess herself on this, even if he might be right.

“Look, I’m telling you that
you
have this wrong and you’re blowing me off. Damn it, I thought we had a connection. I thought I’d finally gotten through to you. But if you won’t listen to me, then I don’t want to talk.”

She blinked at his hard tone. He didn’t have to tell her to get out; his dark look said it all. “Fine.” Grabbing her purse, she made to leave, but he wasn’t finished.

“What’s that you told me about your clients? People have to want to be saved? Well, that goes for you, too, I guess. I’m done. Call me when you figure out your issues.”

She turned her head away before he could see her face crumple, and left the room. Thank God it was so late that everyone else was asleep. She ran through the Inn, out the back door, and up Ashumet to Kate’s house. It was freezing, but she barely felt the cold, her hot tears burning her face.

She stripped off her clothes when she reached her room. They smelled like him and so did she. She jumped into the shower to exorcise him, scrubbing every last bit of her body clean, rubbing so hard her skin was almost raw. Sinking down onto the hard tiles, she wrapped her arms around her legs and sobbed until the water turned cold. The chill seeped into her bones, finally forcing her from the shower stall. She dried off, threw on some underwear and an oversized shirt, and reached for her violin case. Then she took out her instrument and began to play. Fingers whipping over the strings, bow flying, faster, faster, she slipped farther and farther into a vortex of emotion. She was crying freely now, moisture dripping onto her violin, sliding across the smooth wood.

She’d played for all of five minutes when she felt a touch on her shoulder. Wildly, she whipped around. Kate was standing there in her dressing gown, bald head gleaming in the dim light of her room. She looked fragile and weak, but determined.

“Avery,” she said. And it was all she needed to say. Avery put her violin down on the bed and let Kate’s frail arms envelop her. Wretchedly, she sobbed huge wracking cries. It was pitiful and ugly, but Kate simply held her, letting her cry it out. Everything she’d been holding back. Everything she hadn’t fully let out before—her mourning of Mia’s death, the stress of Wanda’s disappearance, her muddled confusion about her work, residual sadness about her mother, and the turmoil she’d been experiencing with Theo. All of it came out in a gut-wrenching cry.

“I’m b-broken,” she wept, believing it. She couldn’t keep her emotions bottled up, but when she let them out, they exploded. Why did it have to be one extreme or the other with her?

“There, there,” Kate said, stroking her hair. “You’re not broken. And if you are, we’ll get you fixed.”

Kate’s soothing voice wrenched fresh tears from her eyes. Despite her crying, it felt good to simply be held with no expectations of anything else. Like when Theo had held her in the hospital. Thinking about him made her cry even more. She let it all out.

When there were no more tears left, Kate gently tucked her into bed.

Before she knew it, she was asleep.

CHAPTER 28

There were only two ways into the Inn’s foyer from the outside. Three, if Avery counted the dining room cut-through, which was kind of cheating since it just involved a one-room detour. Still, it was one more path she needed to consider in her mission to avoid Theo. Luckily, he seemed to be keeping mostly to his room. She’d be fine as long as she didn’t have to see him. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him—he’d made his position pretty clear—but that she didn’t trust herself. If she wasn’t careful, she’d fall back into bed with him without thinking through the consequences. Then they’d go through the same rigmarole again when he left. And he would leave—she was still certain of that. As tempting as Theo was, she knew she needed to muddle through her own sorry issues alone and she was nowhere close to working through them.

Just then, her cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and answered.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Newbridge, this is Theresa Vasquez at FFCS returning your call.”
Oh, damn
. She’d forgotten all about the call she’d placed on Saturday. So much had happened since then and she wasn’t terribly enthusiastic about meeting anyone new. Still, she couldn’t be rude.

“Oh, Ms. Vasquez. Thank you for getting back to me.”

“Actually, I should be thanking
you
. I’ve heard some great things about you from Julie Kensington. Might I be able to tempt you in for a chat?”

“Ah, sure.” She owed it to Julie to follow through.

“I’m available this afternoon at three-thirty, if you’re free.”

“That’s fine.” She’d have just enough time after tea service to get to FFCS.

“Great. Just ask for me at the front desk.”

“All right. I’ll see you later.”

Avery put the phone back in her pocket and groaned. At least she wouldn’t have to change. She was wearing a slim skirt and blouse, and she knew she looked presentable. And she was wearing her hair up in a neat twist, just in case she happened to see Theo. She’d come to associate wearing her hair down with him. For him.

Well, she wasn’t his anymore. She wasn’t anybody’s.

Theo shoved his chair back from his desk. He wanted to smash his damn laptop. Throw it against the wall and watch it shatter. It would be satisfying. It would be cathartic.

It would be stupid.

Weeks of work destroyed because he couldn’t figure out how to deal with beautiful, stubborn, frustrating Avery Newbridge. Why couldn’t she trust him? Why couldn’t she see him as clearly as he saw her?

Theo sighed and glanced around the Historical Society. God, he was right back where he’d started. He’d stalled out, big time. Forget finishing the first quarter of the book by the end of January. At the rate he was going, he’d be lucky to finish the next chapter.

The last few days had been disastrous. He’d completely fallen off a ledge. No inspiration. No research, and definitely no writing.

Who was he kidding? They hadn’t just been disastrous because of work. He missed Avery and he was man enough to admit it.

Why had he given her an ultimatum? He’d pushed too hard and she’d skittered away.
Damn it
. He slammed his fist down onto a huge old registry. Dust flew up in the air as he shook his fist, chagrined. Bran would kill him if he made a dent in anything, let alone destroyed it. He needed to get out of here before he did some real damage.

He yanked his coat on so hard he almost tore the seam and stepped out into the chill afternoon. He was furious, and not just at the whole stupid situation. He was furious with himself.

He’d thought he was doing her a favor on Saturday night by telling her how it was. But in the cold light of day, he’d had the chance to think through what had happened. Just because he knew he was a changed man didn’t mean that she did. He could talk all he wanted, but until he proved himself with actions, not words, who was to say that he was telling the truth? Avery wouldn’t know he was serious about staying in Star Harbor until the end of January came and went and he was still around.