Blindsided (13 page)

“I’ll secure the scene for my men to process,” Sylvie said. “Maybe we’ll find a print on one of those photos.”

Roni let out a whimper at the mention of them. Ethan rubbed her back to soothe her. “You’re safe, sweetheart. Pictures can’t hurt you.”

“There were more,” she muffled against his neck.

“More? In another room?”

She shook her head. “A few months ago. When I told the world about Jared. I also called the wedding off in the public statement. I... I came home and the picture...it was nailed to my front door. I tore it to shreds in an instant. It felt like I was being burned all over again.”

“I would imagine whoever put it there knew it would have that effect on you. It’s a warning, I’m sure. But it will not come to fruition with me by your side. I promise.”

Roni lifted her face from his neck. Petrified eyes implored his. Dried streaks of tears marred her face and her scarf was wet and matted. Her scars peeked out from behind, reminding him she’d already endured this pain once. A need inside him arose to make sure she never did again.

“Why are you helping me? Why do you care?” she asked and he didn’t have an answer to give.

Ethan could have thrown out that he was responsible for her safety. She was a civilian in his assignment. He’d nearly lost a civilian before while he worked undercover and vowed never to again. The answer would have been a legit one to give her.

But it would have been another appearance covering up the truth, and that was what Roni didn’t want more of.

But what was the truth?

“When I first came on in this assignment, I read your file.” He spoke at a slow pace, soothing he hoped. “I thought you were beautiful. But I also thought that’s all you were. After meeting you I saw the truth. You were more than beautiful. You were strong and smart and brave. I saw the file had you all wrong. I saw
I
had you all wrong.”

Roni’s trembling began to subside, with only flinches of residual aftermath tremors twitching her muscles involuntarily and sporadically. Her eyes still waited for the answer to her question.

The one stuck in the back of his throat.

Had he lost the focus of his job? Pace would say so. He would say the flashy woman had blindsided him. And maybe she did, but his mission was still the same.

“I want to find the truth, Roni. And it’s not just to get the bad guys anymore. The lies we believe about ourselves are our biggest shackles. They hold us back, and they hold us down. I want to know who I would be if I didn’t believe them anymore. And I want to know who you would be.”

Roni shrunk back. “Me? I know who I am.”

“I know you think you do. But ask yourself why you just flipped out over a bunch of paper and ink.”

Her gaze went to Maddie, who had taken one of the overstuffed chairs and watched them intently. She frowned. “All right. So maybe I do remember that day more than I admit. But it was better to forget it. There was no reason to relive it over and over again like Wade does. I’ve seen how it changed him. How he hurts. If I could forget it, I would be strong enough for both of us. I would be able to help him.”

“And have you?”

No answer came, but eventually, Roni gave a shake to her head. “No matter how much I tried, no, I couldn’t. Uncle Clay has been the only one to help my brother.”

“And that must irk you big-time.”

She huffed. “You have no idea.”

“It was probably what drove the wedge deep between the two of you in the first place. Don’t you think?”

Roni smirked her wry lips and looked up to him with cynical eyes beneath long lashes. “So this is what you had in mind when you said you wanted to uncover the lies. Psychoanalyze Roni Spencer until she embraced the people who have let her down in life? I didn’t know FBI agents were also shrinks.”

“We’re not. We’re cops, but being a cop is more than serving and protecting. It’s understanding the human psyche. And right now you’ve got some people against you that I need to understand.”

Ethan pushed her back and got to his feet. He extended a hand for her to take.

“We need to get you to the safe room. It’s time I called Pace...if he’s still alive.” Ethan mumbled the last under his breath.

She frowned. “I suppose you’re right. It doesn’t look like my family is about to confess to setting me up, unless you got something out of them after I left the room.”

“No. I have more questions than ever.”

“That’s what I figured. A house full of secrets is what this place is.”

They walked out of the room and down the hall to the stairs, Maddie following.

“It must be very lonely for you here,” Ethan said.

“Lonely? Nah, Cora and I keep each other company.” Roni reached for Maddie’s hand. “And now we’ll have Maddie, too.”

“But they’re not your real family,” Ethan pointed out. At her look of defense, he raised a hand to stop her. “Don’t shoot, I get it. Pace is to me what Cora is to you. They’re our chosen family. But why is it, Roni, that we felt the need to replace our real family?”

“Easy. Because we weren’t good enough for them.”

Ethan guided the way down two flights of stairs until they reached the lowest level. A false wall with shelves moved aside with the code Wade had shown him earlier. A vault door appeared behind it, and he put a second code in to unlatch it.

It opened smoothly with a click and swung wide on soundless hinges.

The room was more than a room. It was a small apartment with enough to live on for months if they had to. If Roni’s parents hadn’t been murdered, he would have thought they were really paranoid to have built this place.

Cora jumped up from her place on a simple sofa and met Roni with a hug. The maid brought her over to the other ladies to sit, but Maddie lingered behind with Ethan.

At her look of unease at the heavy door, he saw her apprehension of being locked in. She gave a weak smile when she saw he watched her.

“It’s just for a little while, Maddie. Until I meet with Pace. After that I’ll be back down to unlock it. It will all be over tonight.”

Ethan hoped Pace was still alive to make that statement true. He hoped instead of arresting Roni, though, she would be put in protection. He would have to do a lot of convincing for that outcome, but before he shut the door, he said to Maddie, “Would you pray?”

The young woman’s lips turned up in a bigger smile. “I haven’t stopped,” she said. “For either of you.”

“Thank you. Because I’m about to go up against the only family I have, and I don’t know what happens when you lose your chosen family. Something tells me it will hurt a whole lot worse.”

“God chose you, Agent Ethan. He even fought to the death and back for you. I imagine your pain won’t even come close to how He feels when we don’t choose Him back.”

“He loves us that much, huh? I see I have some rethinking to do about my relationship with Him. After tonight that could be the only one I have left.”

“I’ve been there. When it was God and me, only. He was always with me. Sure, there were times I doubted it, but I know now He never left me. And He hasn’t left you either, Agent Ethan Gunn.”

“Ethan. Just Ethan. To be honest, Gunn isn’t my real name. It’s my undercover name.”

“Interesting.” Maddie’s head tilted. “My real name is Magdalena. I guess we both have a part of us we need to let out.”

A sick laugh escaped his lips. “That might not be a good idea.”

“Then we’re no different than Roni. She just uses fancy silks to cover up her darkest places.”

With that, Maddie pulled the inside lever of the vault closed herself, on her terms, but leaving Ethan standing there to realize his undercover lifestyle was no different than the scarves Roni lived under.

But Ethan Gunn was a man of intrigue and danger.

Ethan Rhodes was a nobody from South LA.

He didn’t have a life worth saving.

Roni’s words of not being good enough for her family hit home. But Ethan Rhodes wasn’t good enough even for himself.

FOURTEEN

“S
tanding by the door is not going to bring him back faster,” Cora said, stepping up behind Roni. Promise also stood post by the door waiting for Wade to return. Roni rubbed the soft coat of fur behind the dog’s ear. This was the first time the dog brought her comfort, typically only concerned for her handler’s.

Roni checked the clock above the stove again. One minute later from the last time she checked. She sighed in frustration. “Ethan’s been gone for two hours. Why is this taking so long? His team should have been here by now. This isn’t good. His boss must not be willing to work with him. Or he was in that helicopter and is dead. Ethan would be devastated to lose his friend, even if the guy thought I was guilty. What if Pace is dead and Ethan doesn’t know who to trust at the Bureau?”

Cora placed an assuring hand on her shoulder. “If that’s the case, then Ethan won’t reveal you’re down here.”

“But what will that mean for him?” Roni cried out.

Cora’s mouth dropped on a slight inhale; a smile slowly followed.

“How can you smile about this? He’s putting himself in danger with the FBI. That’s nothing to smile about!”

Cora’s smile continued to blossom. “And you’re thinking of him first.”

Roni recoiled. “Thanks a lot, Cora. I do think of people before myself, you know.” She glanced over at the ladies watching the television to pass the time.

Lacey, Tanya and Maddie all stared at the screen, but none appeared to be paying much attention. Lacey kept glancing at the door, worried for her husband. Tanya was a mother whose son had gone off the deep end. Her mind had to come to grips with that. And Maddie. Poor Maddie didn’t know who to trust. It didn’t matter how many times Roni assured her she was safe here and welcome to call this place home, the day may never come when she not only accepted that offer, but believed it.

“I’m giving Maddie a home, aren’t I?” Roni said under her breath to Cora. “I’m thinking of her first. I resent you saying such a thing to me, Cora.”

“Well, you didn’t think of Jared before you smeared his name on the air for the world to see.”

Roni stood speechless before the woman who always offered her loving and kind words. The woman who would sing to her as a child when she was in excruciating pain. She knew the agony then, how did she not see the pain Jared caused her when they dated?

And why did Cora’s opinion of her hurt so much more than Uncle Clay’s and Wade’s?

Because Cora was her chosen family.

“I suppose that’s what you would see,” Roni resigned herself to saying. Tears pricked her eyes, and she squeezed them back with a press of her eyelids. “And that’s my own fault for allowing the world to see only what they wanted to see.” Roni touched the scarf at her neck, absently feeling for any visible scars above the edge. Ethan urged her to take it off, but he didn’t realize she wore these scarves not for herself, but because she knew people didn’t want to see her ugliness. She wore them because she
did
think of everyone else first.

But then that would make her just as guilty of appearances as everyone else. Just as guilty as her uncle’s appearance to support her. Just as guilty as Jared’s appearance to love her. Just as guilty as Maddie’s traffickers, who lied to her family and told them she would have a better life if they sold her. Everything appears to be beautiful and perfect, but what is it all hiding?

If her reaction to all those photos in her room was any indication, perhaps her scarves weren’t to make her burns easy on the eyes for outsiders, but rather to protect herself from remembering how she got them in the first place.

Roni lowered her voice and asked, “Do you remember that night, Cora?”

Cora scanned the living area to see who might be listening. “I’m assuming you mean the crash.”

Roni nodded, her eyes downcast. Did she really want to try to pull those images out from some place in her mind?

“I wasn’t there, but you and Wade said things that tore my heart out.”

“
I
said things?”

Cora paused. “You were deliriously in pain and couldn’t speak for a while, but yes, eventually when you were able, you talked of the fire, mostly in your sleep. You cried for your mom, and you called out for Luke. You cried a lot for Luke.”

Roni chewed on her inner cheek, her arms crossed in front of her. “I wonder why.”

“He was beside you in the rear seat. I always thought when Wade pulled you out of the car, your last view was of Luke. Your little three-year-old mind didn’t understand why you were leaving him behind in the fire.”

“I don’t remember any of this. I only remember reaching for my mom, then waking up in the hospital and finding you beside me. I don’t remember the crash, and I barely remember Luke at all.”

“Our minds have the ability to protect us sometimes by forgetting. But trust me when I say, you were beside yourself with worry for your baby brother. Oh, how I ached for you, and then one day you just stopped calling for him. It was like you finally knew that he was gone and he wasn’t coming back.”

“What if he’s not really gone, Cora? We know that the accident report was switched out for our protection against my parents’ enemies, so they would never go looking for Luke. It had to look like he was confirmed dead. But his body was nowhere near the crash site. Maybe I knew he was still alive and needed our help. Maybe that’s why I was beside myself with worry.”

“Are you up for rehashing the crash now? You’ve never wanted to before. Why now?”

Roni thought of all the pictures tacked to her bedroom walls. “Because someone’s using the fire to get to me. Someone who knows me better than I know myself.” Roni paused to collect her thoughts. So many new things to consider. “Something I learned while I was escaping from Ramsey’s is that I’ve spent my entire life since I was three years old avoiding another fire. My expertise in racing had been all about evading death again and again and again. And someone out there knows it and wants me to know they know it. They know my fear and will use it against me.”

“Then let’s pray Agent Gunn convinces his boss to protect you.”

“Pray?” Roni glanced at Maddie, sitting quietly on a chair. Her hands were clasped and her eyes were closed. Maddie, who lost the only life she had ever known kept her faith through it all. Could Roni have such faith? “I know you’ve always prayed for me, but honestly, I never wanted anything to do with God. Not since I prayed for Him to take me and He didn’t.”

Cora’s eyebrows reached for the ceiling. “Take you? You mean after the crash?”

“No, I mean after my last surgery. I was getting older and aware of the looks my burns garnered. I saw the hopelessness of ever being whole again in the eyes of the world. What’s ironic is I’ve had ample opportunity to end it all on the track. I think my fear of fire is what has kept me alive.”

“God has kept you alive. He has a purpose for you. Perhaps you’ll soon find what that is, and life will look differently for you. But that can only happen when you are open to Him working in your life. You have to let Him take the wheel, sweetie.”

“If I wouldn’t let Ethan, how will I let God? And speaking of Ethan, what is taking so long?”

“Whatever it is, he needs our prayers. Will you pray with me?” Cora placed her aged hand on Roni’s youthful one. The contrast staggered her. It looked so much older than she remembered. Blue veins were beginning to rise up beneath her thinner skin. When had the aging process raced ahead for Cora? Had it been going on for a while, and Roni had been ignoring the signs so she wouldn’t have to face the truth? Soon Cora would retire and leave the Spencer home. There was no longer any way to blindfold herself from this fact.

But still, Roni took Cora’s hand and closed her eyes to the way the frailer bones in her hand felt so light in her youthfully strong grasp. Earlier today, Roni had asked for the blinders to come off, to see through the appearances once and for all. How could she now close her eyes to the fact that Cora had every right to spend her retirement years on some beach somewhere being waited on after her many years of service to the Spencer family?

“Dear heavenly Father—” Cora began “—we come before You as Your adopted children in need of Your perfect wisdom and help. You have told us that we are to come to You with all our petitions, and You will hear us and provide...”

Roni squeezed Cora’s hands at the mention of being God’s adopted children. The thought grabbed her attention. For so long she had thought of Cora as her adopted mother, if not in name, in perception. But always, Roni wondered if Cora reciprocated that notion.

Her maid’s requests to retire said no.

“Please, Lord, we ask You to intervene in this situation and clear Your child Roni’s name from all wrongdoing a naysayer has created against her. And please be with Agent Gunn as he meets with his boss. Please keep him safe in this dangerous profession You have him in. I can’t imagine the danger an undercover agent faces daily. You’ve brought him this far. Will You please see him through to the end. However that end looks to Your will.”

The word
end
stuck in Roni’s head. How would it all end? And how could she hide away in this room and let it all happen?

The pictures had thrown her, but was that what someone wanted to happen?

Was this a trap? And she fell right into it?

Roni’s heart rate skyrocketed at where her thoughts led. Without Ethan fighting with her on her side, she would have no one to vouch for her. She would be put away for a long time.

“I need to get out of here,” Roni announced. She headed for the vault door and pushed the code to unlock the bar.

“What’s changed?” Cora followed on her heels. The rest of the women jumped to their feet.

“It’s another setup. Ethan’s in danger.”

“Are you sure?”

“He’s the only one who can testify that I was set up. Without him, I’m done for. He was supposed to arrest me and hasn’t. He’s become a nuisance to someone’s plan. Someone knew how to break me down to get us separated. That could be for one reason only.” Roni pulled the bar up and the vault opened without a sound. She swung the door wide and pushed the bookcase wall aside just as rapid gunfire tore through the house somewhere above the stairs.

Cora latched herself on to Roni. “Don’t go up there,” she pleaded.

“They’re after Ethan. I have to. He should be the one in this room. He’s in as much danger as I am. More, because they’ll just shoot to kill. He thinks they’re here to talk. They don’t want to talk, they want
me
. And
he’s
in the way!”

Roni took Cora’s hand from her arm and disengaged her desperate grip.

Lacey approached them, carrying a handgun like the one Ethan had shown her how to use. “You can’t go out there alone.”

“I won’t let you join me, Lacey. Wade told me you two are expecting. I don’t need a fourth person gunning for me if something were to happen to you and your child.”

Lacey rolled her brown eyes in her dainty little face. Roni would never tell Lacey she thought her dainty. She would end up on the floor, knowing Lacey’s defense moves. Her sister-in-law shook her head with pursed lips. “Figures he would tell you, but you should know me by now. I don’t sit around waiting. I go unless God tells me no.”

“Consider this your no, then. You’re not leaving this room.”

Blasts wrenched through the house again. All the women jolted and paled at the sound. What was happening to their men out there?

“What are you going to do?” Lacey asked.

“Lead them away from here. They want me? They can catch me.”

“Here, take the gun.” Lacey put the weapon in Roni’s hand before she could say no. “I said I wouldn’t let you go out there alone. I meant it. If it’s not me by your side, then a sidearm it will be. I won’t take your no for this.”

Roni let the gun become comfortable in her hand. She’d held guns before but never had an affinity for them, especially after Wade joined the army and his PTSD injury worsened. She didn’t want the weapon around the house. Somehow they worried her and caused her to worry for him. Another reason Lacey was perfect for him. She knew the guns weren’t a threat to her husband. They were just a piece of metal. His threats came from a place that couldn’t be held and touched. But somehow Lacey had breached his wall and done what Roni never could for her brother.

Roni swung an arm around Lacey and pulled her in close. “I am so grateful for you. I know I don’t say it enough, but I am. I love you, Lacey, and I’m so thankful for the love you give to Wade. Forgive me for being so selfish and not saying so sooner.”

“Nothing to forgive. I already knew how you felt. I also know you think Wade deserted you. Please know he never wanted you to feel that way. It was never you.” Tears sprang to Lacey’s eyes. “Never.”

Tears filled Roni’s eyes at what Lacey was sharing with her. In this moment, her sister-in-law wanted her to know Wade had not rejected her. His own painful trauma was the cause that divided brother from sister.

“He loves you so much,” Lacey confirmed. “It hurts him knowing he hurt you, but he was young and broken. He didn’t know how else to handle his pain without leaving. Even if that meant leaving you behind.”

Roni swallowed hard and felt the wetness of her tears spill toward the corner of her lips. She stepped back and swiped them away with the palm of her hand.

A glance around the room showed Lacey and Cora crying and Tanya and Maddie pressing their lips in understanding of the situation. They both knew the debilitating power rejection had on a person. They’d both lived with their own.

“I’m going to get to the cars and make sure they know it’s me. I’ll lead them away from here, but until you know it’s safe, please stay in here.” She eyed Lacey particularly. “I mean it. Stay...here.”

At Lacey’s nod, Roni left the women behind to carry out her plan of action.

Bullets smashed into walls above the stairs. Glass could be heard shattering. And she was about to run straight into the thick of it.

No longer would she be avoiding the line of fire. She would be taking the first step in.