Blood and Sin (The Infernari Book 1) (25 page)

“Are you sure this is going to taste good?” I asked, dragging my attention back to the boiling pot. The noodles were interesting enough to look at, but earlier, when I tried to bite into one, it was hard and bland. Even softened, I couldn’t imagine these tasting all that appetizing.

“I’m sure,” Asher said, his breath tickling my ear. “In fact, now’s a good time to check if the noodles are ready.”

“How do you check?” I asked, only slightly interested in what he was saying. I was more enraptured by this strange intimacy between us.

“You taste one. If they’re soft, they’re ready.”

Sounded easy enough.

With my free hand, I reached into the boiling pot of water.

“
Lana
—” Asher said, alarmed.

“What?” I asked, pulling a long noodle out. It flopped around my hand.

Asher grabbed my fisted hand, his brows pinched together with concern.

Thinking he wanted the ribbon of pasta, I handed it over. It draped itself into a pile in his palm. He stared at it bewildered.

I missed something.

Finally, Asher said, “Your hand. You stuck it into boiling water. Didn’t that hurt?”

Oh
.

I held the hand up and wiggled my fingers. “It’s fine.”

Dumping the noodle onto the counter, he took my hand and turned it over.

I froze as his hand encased mine, his thumb brushing over my knuckles. He gaze scoured my skin, looking for some injury that wasn’t there.

He was concerned that I was hurt.

And now, watching him, I had the oddest sense that he was fighting the urge to do more. To reel me in, to move his hands up my arms.

My mate my mate my mate.

Now that my mind had acknowledged it, my blood seemed to sing it.

I swayed a little on my feet. All those pretty delineations between Asher and me boiled away. Human. Infernari. Victim. Villain.

My hand began to tremble. He had to notice.

“Jame Asher, I don’t want to be your enemy,” I whispered.

He shook his head slowly, his cheeks sucking in. “You’re not.”

I could feel it searing through me—
hope
. Hope that even though he didn’t think and feel like an Infernarus, he might care for me the way I did him.

The alcohol made me bold. No, my heritage made me bold.

I dared to look Asher in the eye. “What am I—to you?”

His jaw clenched as he stared at me. I thought he would answer, I really did. But then he blinked slowly, and his gaze shifted. He reached around me and turned off the burner, grabbing the pot and moving to another area of the kitchen.

“Asher, what am I to you?” I repeated. Because now, on the eve of battle, I needed to know.

I could hear water splashing as he poured the noodles into a metal bowl with holes.

He brought the bowl over and dropped it on the countertop next to me. “What do you want to know? Whether I like you? What do you think, Lana?” He jutted his chin as he asked. “I was supposed to kill you just like every other demon. I couldn’t. You were supposed to be my prisoner, and now we’re making dinner together. I saw you dying, I saw you giving up, and it broke something inside me, and I couldn’t let you. I’ve been alone for years, and now I don’t want to be.”

Gods, he looked so angry. All I could hear was the pounding of my pulse.

“So yes, I like you. I feel a helluva lot more than that for you. And that’s got me all kinds of conflicted right now . . . because I
shouldn’t
. But I do.”

So he felt it too.

I didn’t think humans could, but from the very beginning, something had come between him and that vendetta he carried. At least, when it came to me.

I laid a hand on his cheek. “I like you too.”

He held my gaze for another second, his nostrils flaring with each deep breath he took.

I could tell he was still uncomfortable, so very deliberately I turned my attention from him to the food. “So what happens next?”

And then we moved on with dinner.

“What’s the primus
like?” Asher asked.

We sat outside on the back patio, our food long since finished. The pasta might’ve been good; I didn’t taste much of it sitting across from Asher, every fiber of my awareness focused on him and the space between us. The sun was setting, turning the hunter’s hair into a corona of fire. The dying light of the day also burned in his eyes. He was almost painful to look at.

Beautiful, cold man.

“The primus is a . . . complicated man.”

Asher gave a little huff at that.

“To be honest, he’s one of the only Infernari I don’t know,” I admitted. “He and I have chatted plenty about our affinity, the war—little things. He shares what he wants to, but there is a lot of him that no one will ever know.”

“Can’t you feel him through your affinity?” Asher asked, leaning forward a little bit.

“I can and I can’t.” I had to pick my words precisely. “When I reach down my connection, the primus feels like—like life itself. He feels inherently good. But he can sense my presence down the line—as I can his—and he’s made me swear an oath not to peer into him through our connection. It’s been a long time since I studied his essence, but I feel it there, along with every other Infernari’s.”

Asher’s eyes narrowed. “He made you swear an oath?”

I lifted a shoulder. “He wanted his privacy. How can I not be okay with that?”

“But he didn’t swear an oath to do the same when it came to you, did he?” Asher’s voice dripped with so much disdain.

I bristled. “He is the
primus
. The king. I don’t get to make demands of him.”

He leaned back in his seat, somewhat appeased by that. “And he loves you?”

“Not in any romantic sense.” It seemed important to clarify this to the human, even though an Infernarus would understand the distinction immediately. “He used to have a mate and a child, but they died a long time ago from what I understand.”

Asher frowned.

“His birth family was long gone by the time I was dumped in front of his throne. I think he got lonely, and healers like us . . . There is the urge to heal and nurture. He wanted to find the last of his close kin, those that share his affinity. He’d looked for me a long time, from what I hear.”

It was my turn to frown as those resurfaced memories flashed through my mind. Of burning tents and burning flesh, of my parents dying.

“I thought for healers like you, all Infernari are close kin.”

Asher had me there. I shrugged again. “Like I said, the primus is complicated.”

Across from me, the hunter leaned his forearms on the table. “So what’s it like being related to the primus?”

All those scared looks from the servants and foot soldiers. All the posturing from the primus’s inner circle. All those long, lonely days spent wandering through the ruins of the old city. Coming topside, as uncomfortable as that process was, was far more enjoyable than the sad monotony of my existence in the capitol.

I looked at my nails. “It’s fine. What’s with all the questions?”

Humans could weaponize questions the way Infernari did magic. Wasn’t that one of the first rules I learned?

Your mate would never harm you,
my mind whispered.

“This is what humans do when they want to get to know someone better,” Asher said. “They ask them questions.”

And now my heart was back to pattering along in my chest because he wanted to learn more about me. He
liked
me—he
helluva lot more than
liked me.

“If you want to get to know me,” I breathed, “maybe we should stop talking about the primus.”

The corner of Asher’s mouth curled upwards. “Fair enough. What do you do for fun?”

It was such a benign question, it had me smiling. “I make dinner with strange human men. Next question.”

That caused his eyes to crinkle. “What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?” Now he wore a wry grin, something I’d only seen once or twice.

A laugh escaped me. “Asher, these are terrible questions.”

Please keep asking me them.

“Favorite flavor,” he pressed.

I popped one of the Mardi Gras necklaces in my mouth, running the beads between my teeth. “I haven’t tried enough ice cream to know,” I said, letting the necklace fall back down. “Maybe the white one? Vanilla?”

He was shaking his head. “Rainbow sherbet. I’m positive that one would be your favorite.”

I laughed again. “Then you shouldn’t be asking me the question.”

Asher’s eyes twinkled, and Mother above, there might not be anything more breathtaking than him happy.

“If you were stranded on a desert island and you could only bring one thing with you, what would it be?” he asked.

“I’ve already been stranded, and so far, you’ve managed to keep me alive. I’d say bringing you with me would be a good idea.”

The twinkle in his eyes deepened, becoming something else, something that made my skin flush. “Would you like to go up to the balcony to see the sunset with me, Lana?”

I couldn’t tell if there was more to the question than that, but I didn’t care. I wanted more. I welcomed it. The gods couldn’t keep me away.

“I would love to.”

Chapter 19

Asher

The villa’s balcony
overlooked a densely jungled river valley. Beyond it, Pico de Orizaba rose into the heavens, high above the clouds that were still smoldering purple and violet from sunset.

They were the color of Lana’s eyes.

Next to me, she shivered, the night air too cool for her.

I pulled her into me, letting my body heat keep her warm. I was done fighting this attraction to her.

Her back pressed against my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her midsection.

Tentatively she laid her hands over mine. “Is this something else humans do?” she asked.

I breathed in her ashy scent. “It is.”

She leaned into me more, and I could tell she was trying to relax. Feeling this small, delicate body stiff with nervousness had me tightening my grip.

I thought I’d be rusty at this . . . I thought the guilt, the betrayal, of doing this with someone other than my wife would be impossible. But Lana was poles apart from anyone else I’d ever met. She knew loneliness like I did, and she had a past with just as much baggage as mine.

“You’re different from when you captured me,” she said. “Do you feel different?”

“Toward you, yes.” Toward the rest of her kind . . . I wouldn’t ruin the moment by mentioning what I thought of them.

In the silence that followed, her hair pulsed with color. “What I feel for you,” she said, “wasn’t supposed to happen, either. And now we’re here, standing at the edge of your world and at the beginning of mine. What do we do now, Jame?”

Gazing out, I followed the volcano’s slope to its snowcapped summit. Somewhere on that mountain was a cave that led to a portal that led to Abyssos, the homeland of the Infernari. A cave guarded by some number of Infernari. They were waiting for us, waiting to take down the infamous Jame Asher and the traitorous woman in his arms.

Reflexively, I squeezed her closer to me.

We could still run from this fate we were hurtling toward.

The Infernari would continue to cull, but why did it have to be my problem? We had seven billion people, they had a thousand. Was it that hard to believe that their race deserved to live as much as ours? Wouldn’t it only be
fair
to let them cull from us?

For two years, I had buried those questions.

Now they clawed back to the surface. Why
was
I so angry?

I tried thinking about it the way I was used to, putting myself in my demon hunter shoes.

Every day that portal was open, more demons arrived on Earth . . . and they were after my blood, they were after Lana’s, and they were going to kill and cull and curse everything that breathed until we were all dead. We couldn’t just run; it would be suicide. Our only hope was to head them off at the portal.

Which might also be suicide.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I never imagined I’d get myself into one of these conundrums the Infernari so often found themselves in.

I nuzzled Lana’s hair.

Nor had I ever imagined wanting to know anything about an Infernarus aside from the best way to kill it. But holding this proud, strange creature in my arms, I was curious about her the way any man would be curious about a beautiful woman. No, I was more than just curious, I was fascinated . . . I was obsessed. I wanted to know her fears, her desires, what made her laugh. Why her hair lit up, what each color meant.

I wanted to learn everything about her, absorb her into my pores, memorize her.

And I hadn’t felt that since Nikki. And even then . . . Lord forgive me, the pull had never been like this. Nikki hadn’t had to overcome my hate; back then I hadn’t harbored hatred.

Goddamn, but none of it was fair.

Lana’s fingers trailed over my forearms. “I think sunsets are tragic,” she mused.

And then she said shit like that. My heart squeezed. I wanted to see the world the way she saw it. Like the world was beautiful. Like it was good. Like the saddest thing out there was a sunset.

All my jaded layers were dissolving away around her.

I was so fucking doomed.

Lana

By the time
the sky was a deep blue, the two of us were sitting on the balcony, Asher with his back pressed to the now closed doors that led back inside, and me between his legs.

Just this contact was almost too much. And it might be casual for him, a human, but nothing about this was casual for me.

“Do you fear death?” I asked, softly, like raising my voice might catch the attention of the gods.

I felt him shake his head behind me, trailing his thumb over one of my arms as he did so, the gesture almost absent. “For a very long time I wished for it. Death is easy. It’s life that’s hard.”

“That makes me sad, Asher.”

He peered down at me, a wry grin lifting the corner of his mouth. “Lana sad? Is that even possible?”

When it came to him, a great deal made me sad.

“What about you?” he asked, his tone turning serious. “Do you fear death?”

My eyes roved over the dark landscape. “It petrifies me,” I admitted.

I’d seen enough of it, I knew that the dead found peace with the Mother, but it didn’t matter. Death went against my very nature. To heal. To live. To thrive.

“You are not going to die tomorrow, Lana.”

“I would believe you if you didn’t have a penchant for lying,” I said, my mouth twisting in a reluctant grin.

The arm that wrapped around my waist tightened. “Lana,” Asher said hesitantly, “tomorrow, if there’s a fight, don’t waste your life attempting to save mine. I’m ready for death if it comes.”

I shivered at what he was asking. He didn’t realize that even now that was impossible.

“I am oathbound to protect you,” I said.

“Then I release you from it.”

I sighed. “It doesn’t work like that.”

He growled, “I don’t give a shit about your oaths. I care about your
life
.”

I swiveled to face him. “You know, you’re so very human, Asher. So very human, and so very inhuman.”

“If that’s supposed to be a compliment . . .”

I smiled. “It is.”

I faced forward again, leaning back into him. I closed my eyes, feeling that horrible ache that came with losing someone beginning to set in.

Strange sounds filtered in from the jungle around us, each bird and insect and mammal filling the night air with strange music. It was getting too cold out here, but I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but tonight, it felt like the end of something. The end of this journey across the human world, the end of this tiny two person cosmos that had developed between me and Asher. The end of living without consequences.

But it also felt like a beginning of sorts.

“What do you want out of life?” I asked.

He was quiet for a long time. Finally, he spoke. “A week ago I would’ve told you justice.”

“And now?”

He stood abruptly, pulling me up along with him. “Redemption,” he said, his gaze pinned beyond me to some far off point on the horizon. And I sensed . . .  I sensed Asher was holding back. Even the way he stood was poised like he was readying himself for attack, his shoulders tense.

“What changed your mind?”

In the fading light, Asher’s eyes met mine. And they held everything. His world, mine.

And in that look, he
saw
me. We have a word in the old language for that.
Hauza
. Soul-sight. To see everything that makes someone a unique entity.

He leaned forward, his breath brushing over me. “You already know.”

I could feel my connection hurtling me toward him.

My
mate
. I’d been sucked into this cyclone we created and it was too late to escape. And far too late to want to.

Asher’s hand cradled the back of my neck, and his head dipped toward mine. This time I knew, I
knew
, what was coming.

When he kissed me, my lips were hesitant as I breathed in his essence. I remembered what happened last time, and I felt the weight of all I had to lose.

Asher paused, his breath fanned against my cheek and chin. Then his mouth was back on mine, moving slowly, coaxing a reaction out of me. Life boiled down to this one moment, this one connection.

Asher’s teeth nipped my lower lip, and without meaning to I moaned into his mouth. Suddenly I didn’t mind the cold so much. It felt like just one more sensation, and now that Asher was so close to me, his front nearly pressed to mine, I didn’t feel a chill, but a burn.

My hands fell to his lower back, the muscles taut beneath my fingertips. All that bottled up longing, and finally I was touching him again like he was mine. My fingernails dug in.

He backed us up until my shoulders banged into the door. With his free hand he reached up and braced himself against it, his other hand still buried in my hair.

He broke away long enough to whisper, “Lana, I—”

I leaned forward and silenced him with my mouth, dragging him back under.

And then he was fumbling for the door, dragging us both inside. Absently he kicked the door shut behind him, the glass panes rattling as it slammed shut.

This man was a force of nature, a human who bent the world to his will, and I was bending with it. His hands moved through my hair, down my back, pulling me closer, closer.

Not close enough.

My breaths were coming quicker as we gasped into each other’s mouths. All this talk of death, all the awful memories we carried with us, this was the kind of magic that banished them.

We might not survive tomorrow. Not when my comrades had broken our most sacred law and amassed so much power.

Not unless . . .

There might be one way. A possibility I hadn’t considered until now.

The bond between mates was sacred. If the Infernari didn’t outright kill us both, then they had to respect the bond. They wouldn’t kill Asher so long as he was bound to me. Not if they wanted me alive. And they would want me alive; I was their last healer, aside from the primus, but he hadn’t used his affinity in a long time.

The Infernari would take me and Asher back to Abyssos, back to the primus, and once there, he and I would talk. I would make him understand.

All I needed to do was convince the Infernari that waited for us at the portal to let us live. That, and complete the bond.

Already I felt Asher’s thumbs rubbing the skin of my belly, causing it to tighten.

I reached for the edge of his shirt, my hands suddenly fumbling. I couldn’t catch my breath as a new type of excitement and nervousness rushed through me.

Completing the bond. My throat was suddenly dry.

Asher helped me out with his shirt, barely breaking away from me to toss it to the side of the room before his lips and arms returned to mine.

This no longer felt like a sweet, slow burning kiss. This was world-devouring, like fire burning through a field.

And now my hands smoothed over his torso, over the ridges of his abdominal muscles, then his pectorals.

I was beginning to shake, and my hair was flaring all sorts of colors.

Almost shyly, I reached between us, undoing the top button of his shorts.

Asher froze beneath my hands, breaking off the kiss. The only sound between us was our heavy breathing.

He caught my hands and leaned his forehead against mine. “Lana . . .” he breathed. Wrapped up into a single word was desire and uncertainty. “You’ve never . . .”

My hand slipped out from beneath his and I began to kiss him again. And this time I was the force of nature, sweeping him along. His mouth moved reluctantly beneath mine. Slowly, he caved into it, and the burn ratcheted back up. I sensed more than saw him step out of his shorts.

He palmed my breast, and I hissed against his mouth as he began to massage it. He pushed the edge of my top aside, pulling it down until my breast was exposed between us. His head dipped, his breath fanning against my skin, and then I knew what it was like when Asher kissed other parts of me.

Like life itself.

I arched into him, my body feeling foreign, every fiber snapping with awareness. My knees went weak, and if one of his hands hadn’t cradled the small of my back, I would’ve fallen.

Fire spread low in my belly, and he kindled it with every movement of his mouth. His teeth grazed my nipple, his tongue skimming over it.

Too much sensation. I almost doubled over with it, settling instead on gripping his hair tightly.

His lips left my breast, and he straightened, pulling my top off as he did so.

My face heated with embarrassment as my upper torso was exposed to him. I shouldn’t have been, the moment his eyes fixated on my chest, all I saw was wanton need.

As he drank me in, I got a good look at him. My blush deepened. Only one bit of clothing remained on him, one that covered the area between his hips and thighs.

He stalked forward, forcing me to back up until my shins hit the bed. We went down together, our bodies a tangle of limbs.

Splaying a hand of his on my chest, he dragged his eyes down, down.

I couldn’t pull air in fast enough, especially when I felt those deft fingers of his peeling back my pants, exposing the rest of me.

This was all so foreign, so foreign and arousing. I’m sure Infernari did things like this, I’m sure sex wasn’t so very different between our kind, but this seemed very human.

My breasts rose and fell, rose and fell, as I pushed myself up to my forearms and peered down my body at Asher. His touch slid down my thighs, over my knees and calves, burning, branding. My pants slipped off, and with them, the last of my clothing.

From the foot of the bed, Asher met my gaze, the dim lights of the room reflecting in his own, and he looked like some strange, dangerous specter.

He bent over, removing the last bit of his own clothing. And when he straightened . . .

I barely had time to swallow back my anxieties before he draped himself over me.

I sucked in a breath at the exquisite feel of all that cool skin meeting mine.

He didn’t stop lowering himself until his chest touched mine and his head hovered near my face. I reached up and cupped his cheeks, my thumbs rubbing over his beautiful, unforgiving features. This close to him, I could see the flecks of gold in his eyes.

I could feel him hard and thick against my thigh. He shifted, and then I felt him settle right at my entrance.

I still had time to save myself, to save my heart and soul from what I was about to do. But the longer we held each other’s gazes, the more right this felt.

He hooked a hand around the back of one of my knees, spreading me. It seemed so inappropriate, to be splayed wide open like this—inappropriate and absolutely natural. And the way he looked at me! Nothing seemed wrong or inappropriate about that.

I didn’t know whether Asher moved or whether I did, but—
oh gods oh gods oh gods
—he began sinking into me.