Blood and Sin (The Infernari Book 1) (26 page)

I made a small noise.

The size of him!

“
Asher
,” I gasped. I hadn’t planned on
this
, on our anatomy being at odds.

He stopped moving altogether. Above me, I could feel him shaking as he held back, his body quickly slickening with sweat. “Give it . . . a moment.”

I nodded, biting my lower lip, trying to hold back the franticness I felt.

His hand slid between us, touching me right between—

“
Asher
.” This time I said his name with shock as his fingers rubbed against me.

Mother above.
I was going up in flames, my body bending, opening,
yielding
to him.

He took my lower lip into his mouth and bit it softly, only further drawing out my growing ecstasy.

It took more than a moment, but I felt myself accommodate him.

His hips began to stir as he sensed my response. “Better?” he asked.

I nodded again.

He was inside me!

Air hissed between my teeth as he sunk deeper, eliciting a moan from me.

My vision clouded as I felt it—our connection. I’d assumed the mating bond was something instantaneous, something that snapped into place the moment it was consummated, but now that I was experiencing it, I could tell it worked another way entirely.

Or perhaps it was just different with a human.

I could feel it growing, strengthening, reaching out for Asher . . . who didn’t have a connection for it to grasp.

My vision cleared as Asher pulled away only to thrust into me.

I gasped out something incoherent, something that made him let out a husky laugh before he repeated the act. Again, and again, and
again
.

My nails dug into his back as he pumped in and out, in and out, our bodies rocking together, our sweat mixing, our scents mingling.

He watched me the entire time, those eyes of his unguarded for once. He looked at me like I would save him, like I was saving him.

“So goddamn beautiful,” he murmured as he stared.

But he was wrong. He was the one who was beautiful, his face, his heart, his soul. I could still feel all that anger in him, caged and locked away at the moment, anger that he had let fester for years. I was sure that if we were together long enough, that if tomorrow didn’t kill us, I would see that anger dissolve away. I would help it dissolve away.

Asher’s hips stirred, and I ceased thinking about anything beyond where our two bodies met. I became almost mindless with ecstasy.

His thrusts quickened, the force of each one bringing me closer and closer to the edge. Our hips met again and again, each one, wondrous.

This was really happening. Us.

Asher knew what sex meant. He knew that a bond came with it. He knew that long before tonight, and still he lay with me.

This was no drunken mistake. He chose me every bit as much as I chose him.

Asher kissed me roughly, passionately, and that was enough.

Pure sensation ripped through me, pulsing again and again.

I cried out, my nails dragging down Asher’s back as I pulled him closer, drawing out my orgasm. I felt him thicken inside me, his swift breaths sounding against my ear. And then he was coming on the heels of my own climax, his body a machine as he drove into me with each wave of his release.

His hips slowed, gentling before I felt him leave me.

My mate.

My
mate
.

This was everything I imagined joining to be. Intimate, forbidden, wonderful.

My connection to Asher, though incomplete, had formed, and it felt like a small flame that would grow the longer it lasted. And wrapped up in that bond was the very essence of all things pure and good.

I couldn’t stop my smile from blooming, even as my arms, my body, felt empty. It only lasted a moment. Asher gathered me to him, my body pressed against his.

Almost uncertainly, I placed a hand just below his sternum.

My chest, my man, my mate. A heady combo of happiness and satisfaction unfurled within me.

For better or worse, it was now him and me against worlds.

Chapter 20

Asher

After Lana fell
asleep in my arms, I untangled myself from her and swung my legs off the bed to stare at the floor, fingers knotted in my hair. It hurt to breathe, to lay, to think.

Even as my insides seemed to go weightless and do somersaults, I felt a crushing weight of gravity pull me back down. Back to reality. A nervous, jittery adrenaline vibrated in my nerves. Overstimulation.

The aftershocks of pleasure mutinied under my skin and turned sour, leaving a washed-out burn wherever we’d touched, wherever my body had lain against hers. Like smoldering bruises.

What are you doing, Asher?

I just had sex with a demon. I wanted her so badly. Like she could save me from my life.

Too far. I’d taken this too far.

With shaking hands, I reached for my wallet on the bedside table and slid out the photo of Nikki. The photo trembled out of my fingers and fluttered to the floor, along with a burning hot tear. I didn’t pick it up. I refused to face that guilt right now.

That, on top of everything. I couldn’t.

I had just given the last of my heart to the girl who would doom my race.

A demon was a demon. For too long, I’d forgotten. Now I was twisting the knife. In myself. In her. Through that one forbidden act, we had
both
betrayed our kind.

The mixed emotions raged in my soul.

The shame, the heartache, the white-hot lust for her that had not been sated, but fueled. Like that first shot of heroin, Lana was an addiction after a single hit. Already, I craved her again. Craved her in a way that went beyond sex. I craved her thoughts, her affection, her soft smiles. Craved it all down to my bones. One taste, and I was hooked—hooked and already frantic for my next fix.

An old Leonardo da Vinci quote rang in my ears.

When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the Earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.

That was Lana.

Do you love her, Asher?

Because she loves you.

She hadn’t said it yet, but she did. She had chosen me to mate with; love went hand-in-hand with that. We were bonded for life.

I had chosen her to betray.

Cupping my hand over my mouth, I looked back at her—her naked body contoured under the sheets, her flushed, glistening cheeks, her long hair spilling across the bed, gently stirring like it was its own living thing.

Such a magnificent, lovely creature.

Such a seductive, wicked creature.

Yes, I might have loved her in that moment when our bodies arched together, when I thrust myself deep inside her and drew her in close, our broken spirits longing to touch each other . . . if just for a blissful instant.

The memory alone brought a dull ache to my abdomen.

But she was a demon.

And I was not allowed to love a demon.

I was not allowed to fuck a demon.

I was supposed to kill demons, burn them, eradicate them.

But tonight, I had done the cruelest thing of all: I had let myself have a whisper of hope.

For happiness, for an end to the violence, for a future . . . for
her
.

She had almost convinced me, too.

Almost
.

But not quite.

In the terrifying silence that followed the lovemaking, the anguish sank its claws in anew.

I had already come too far to back down.

A man got an opportunity like this only once.
Only once.

I intended to seize it.

Even if it crushed me, even if it destroyed me.

Because I was Jame Asher, I was a human . . . and I had a job to do.

Lana

I blinked my
eyes open as a shaft of morning light shone into the room. Outside I could hear all those odd sounds that came from the jungle surrounding the villa.

Beautiful earthly place. I would miss it when I was gone.

I stretched, my body pleasantly sore in strange places.

Last night came rushing back, and my heart galloped all over again. I lay there for several seconds just remembering. I could practically feel those hands, those lips, that body even now, moving over me, drawing me in.

I was queasy with excitement, with giddiness and nerves. It all happened.

Mated.

A smile spread across my face, so big it hurt my cheeks. I should be somber, considering what lay ahead of me, but nothing could shake this elation I felt.

My hand glided down my skin. I could still smell Asher on me—his sweat, and . . . other fluids.

His scent lingered on me and the sheets, but he was gone, the bed empty.

I sat up and cocked my head, listening for him. All I heard was a songbird’s melody.

Reluctantly I slid out of bed, picking up the scattered pieces of clothing I’d shucked off last night. I headed to the bathroom and began to wash them in the sink.

I hadn’t sang in a long time, but when I was young I used to do so with my mother. Now hearing those birds, and waking up feeling like the world was new—like
I
was new—I began singing a song from my childhood, my voice rising and falling as I first scrubbed, then dried my clothes. By the time I clicked off the blow dryer, I still hadn’t heard or seen Asher.

The first tendrils of unease crept through me.

It’s fine
, I told myself, even as a dozen different worries rose to the surface.

It didn’t seem fine.

Slipping my clothes on, I left the room—
our
room.

“Asher?” I called out.

Only the quiet chirping of birds and bugs responded. I moved through the rest of the house, searching for him, calling out to him. When I didn’t find him, I exited the front door, only to stop in my tracks.

The car was gone.

He went out
to get us breakfast
, I reassured myself as I stood under the spray of the shower. Or he went out to purchase more clothes, or a map, or gas.

There were a hundred different logical reasons for him being gone. None of them drove away the horrible feeling taking root.

Something’s wrong.

Had Infernari found him? It was possible, but then again, I would’ve known, right? They would’ve come for me too. And they would have left the car.

Asher abandoned you.

I had to lean against the wall of the shower as the most terrifying possibility of all slipped its way in.

I wouldn’t believe it. Couldn’t. He knew what he was doing last night. We both did. Most of all, he was
loyal
. Loyal to his core. He wouldn’t leave me like a coward.

And then, amidst all my worrying, I heard the front door slam shut. I turned off the water and hurriedly dried. If it wasn’t Asher, I didn’t want to be caught naked in the shower. And if it was him, then . . .

Then what?

I didn’t have a good answer.

I drew in a shaky breath and left the bathroom, heading downstairs.

I found him in the dining room, unholstering his gun, his back to me.

I paused on the railing. More than ever, he took my breath away.

“Asher?” I breathed.

He paused in his work, his head half turning toward me. “Hey . . . I didn’t want to wake you,” he said. Then he returned his attention back to his weapon.

I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t
this
.

“Where’d you go?” I asked as Asher picked up his gun.

His body twitched at the question, as if I’d cursed at him.

“Nothing, just . . . had to grab some things,” he said, unloading the ammunition from his gun.

I forced myself to take a step down, my hand lightly resting on the railing. My legs felt like lead.

He wouldn’t look at me.

Gods,
why
wouldn’t he look at me?

With grim determination, Asher laid the bullets along the table, his fingers passing over them, taking stock.

“Why are you counting your bullets?” I asked.

“In case things go south,” he said, his head bowed over his work.

It took sheer willpower to keep moving down the stairs. Something felt so
wrong
about this moment.

Humans deal with relationships differently
, I reassured myself.

But as an Infernarus, there were things I needed.

I came up to Asher, his back still to me. I reached out to him, but then I hesitated.

He set his weapon down, and then he did turn to face me.

His expression was soft. And now he did the reaching out, pulling me into him. I almost sighed my relief as his arms encircled me and my body was pressed up against his. His lips brushed the crown of my head.

“I was worried when you were gone,” I admitted.

At my words, his embrace tightened.

Asher began to speak, but then his voice broke. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I’m all right, Lana.”

Of their own accord, my hands began to run gently over Asher’s back. Now that I knew he was all right, my relief morphed into a sort of restlessness. I rubbed my cheek against his chest.

His hands reached around and covered mine. With care, he pried them away and maneuvered them between us.

“Later,” he promised. How agonized he looked as he spoke.

I reached up and touched his temple. “Your eyes are sad.”

He took my hand and squeezed it. “How could I be sad?”

I almost believed him. I wanted to, desperately. But I couldn’t shake the worry that something was off. Maybe it was just the incomplete bond . . .

“You don’t regret it?” I asked, my voice nothing more than a whisper. I felt my heart laid bare.

Asher tilted my head and claimed my mouth. His lips were so much softer than any other part of him, and the sweetness of the kiss alone reassured me. All over again I felt wrapped up in Asher’s very essence.

I responded to the kiss, parting my lips as it deepened, turning hungry. This is what I wanted. Physical reassurance. To know that he was as pleased to be with me as I was him.

Last night came back in all its burning glory, and I felt my nails dig in. But before the kiss could escalate into anything more, Asher broke it off.

Our foreheads pressed together. “Lana, only a fool would regret being with you,” he said, answering my question.

I smiled a little at that.

“Let’s get today over with. Then I’ll show you exactly how much I don’t regret it. I promise.”

I could feel
our time slipping away as our rental car drew ever closer to the portal.

“Turn right here,” I said. This close to the gateway, I could sense it and, in the roughest of terms, I could navigate us toward it.

Asher slowed the car and flipped on the blinker, brooding as he did so. My earlier unease had returned. I didn’t know if it stemmed from something personal between me and Asher, or greater worry that today wouldn’t end well. That last night was all I got with the hunter.

My eyes drifted to Asher’s gun. “You’re still planning on giving a blood oath, right?” I asked, daring to look over at him.

Blood in exchange for surrender.

He nodded, his eyes riveted to the road.

Somewhere out there, dozens of Infernari waited for us. They would kill us on sight unless I told them we were coming to surrender. They still might.

I drew in a deep breath. “I’m going to try to contact the Infernari through my connection. If I give them my word we’re not here to do violence, they should at least hear us out.”

Again, he nodded, his face stoic.

I closed my eyes, pushing away the jumble of my emotions, and focused on the web inside of me. I didn’t know who all waited for us, but I assumed Azazel, Clades, and Aecora were among them. I slipped into the web, seeking out their essences. I could feel the breath of hot winds, the pull of a riptide, the smell of oiled leather—all of it and more as I touched each essence.

Comrades,
I spoke through our connection,
I know you are out there. I have the hunter. We want to end the violence; we want to surrender. Asher seeks to make a blood oath as proof of his word. All I ask is that you let us speak to you . . . please.

I repeated the request over and over, hoping the message got through.

“Did it work?” Asher’s voice cut through my focus.

My eyes fluttered open as I released the connections.

“I don’t know.” I frowned. “Hopefully.” Placing an idea in someone’s mind wasn’t exactly my affinity, and I didn’t have any magic left in me. The connection, however, didn’t require magic. It was always there, always accessible. “I can’t tell how many are waiting for us.” But it was probably more than the three I’d reached out to. My plan suddenly felt paltry, insufficient.

I saw Asher’s hands tighten on the steering wheel. “I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”

Asher

We had arrived.

The first stirrings of adrenaline spread through my veins at the thought of the portal and the creatures that waited for us.

I parked the Kia Picanto out of view behind a rocky outcrop and sat for a moment, lungs heaving painfully. My heart pounded like a jackhammer, reminding me what I was about to do.

I’d never hated myself more than I did right now.

Next to me, Lana had been oddly quiet. Fidgety.

She knew.

She had to know.

I glanced at her—all doe-eyed innocence—and guilt stabbed my chest like a hot spike. My coldness was torturing her.

I could see it in her eyes, the way they darted between mine, searching desperately for something that wasn’t there.

Something I’d locked away.

I could sense her fear, her mortification, her shame . . . as it slowly dawned on her.

That she had given herself to a monster.

That she had chosen a mate who was neither demon nor man, but something else.

A remorseless killing machine.

A betrayer.

That was what I had become.

“There’s an island on Abyssos we can go to,” she said softly. “It’s like Earth, it’s cool and green and there’s a spring of clean water. It’s to be my inheritance, and I think . . . I think you would like it there . . .” She trailed off and tucked her hair behind her ear, looking unsure of herself. “You will come to Abyssos, right? Even though I don’t have your blood to bind you, anymore?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded.

“I will,” I lied.