Blood of the Pure (Gaea) (23 page)

“Ah, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no, nothing like that,” he countered with a bright smile. “I was just thinking that it sounded fun. Maybe we could do something like that this year, too. After all, it is our last year. After this we will all go our separate ways.”

“Yeah,” I muttered, feeling suddenly sad. I’d never thought about it. “Steven and the others and you, you are all graduating.” And they wouldn’t be attending Christ the King the next year. And I wouldn’t be able to spend my lunch breaks staring at him.

“You still have a year to go,” he added, walking up to the couch and taking out the pillows. “You’ll sleep here,” he informed me, placing a pillow and a soft quilt over it.

“What about you?” I asked, looking around, and Michael placed a blanket on the floor.

“I’ll be OK.”

“Oh, no way! This is your bed!” I contested, pointing to the couch.

“Of course it this. That is why I’m lending it to you.”

“But I don’t want it. It’s just wrong! I come to your house, only make trouble and even steal your bed! I can very well sleep on the floor. It will be like camping,” I argued, but he just smiled, as if my words had just went in one ear and out the other. “Michael!”

“Yes?”

His melodic ‘yes,’ worthy of someone who hadn’t listened to anything else but his own name, made me frown and fold my arms.

“Are you always this stubborn?” I complained and he seemed amused.

“You think I’m stubborn?” he asked with an almost childish curiosity. “No one has ever told me I’m stubborn.” I gave up and sat on my borrowed bed, leaving him basking in his victory. I lay down and watched him as he made his improvised bed. I followed his steps when he walked up to the lamp’s switch and turned it off. For a moment darkness was all I could see, but, with time, my eyes became used to the lack of light and the pale light coming from the street lamps outside was enough to capture the room around me and his face turned my way.

My heart jumped into a frenzy and I was grateful that, for once, he couldn’t see me blush.

“Michael, thank you,” I whispered in the darkness and thought I saw him smile briefly.

“Can I ask you a question?”

I was surprised and apprehensive at the same time. He had never asked permission to question me.

“Sure.”

“He,” he hesitated and his tense voice left me restless. “He, did he hurt you? Did he force you to do something against your will?”

His voice echoed in the darkness, making my head hurt. Sure, I’d taken advantage of him not asking about what happened to avoid talking about it. In truth I was yet to come up with a convincing explanation. So, that was what he’d suspected. And that’s why he’d been so adamant in refusing to let me go home.

“No. Gabriel didn’t hurt me,” I answered, even though I couldn’t help shiver when my mind added a ‘not yet, at least.’

Michael took a deep breath and sounded relieved. “I’m sorry, it’s just that, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone as scared as you were.” I felt guilty once again. Because I was weak, and wasn’t able to control myself. I knew better than anyone that he would never do anything against me, that all he wished for was the fulfillment of that Contract. And yet I couldn’t stop the fear from taking over, devouring me wholly.

“He scares me sometimes,” I admitted, trying to be as honest as possible.

“Yeah, somehow he was especially weird today. There was a moment there when I thought he was about to jump Steven.”

Kill him would be the right word
. With a shudder I recalled the burning pain in my wrist. Yes, that was part of what had happened that I still couldn’t understand. I couldn’t say I knew him, since he wasn’t even Human for starters. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that what had happened wasn’t something he would normally do. Up till then he had always tried to go as unnoticed as possible, or should I say, to look as Human as possible. He was kind and delicate with everyone, patient about things that I would never have put up with. I’d never seen him angry or being aggressive towards anyone, not even heard him raise his tone, except with me when we were alone. And, nonetheless, I was one-hundred-percent sure that afternoon he’d almost killed Steven.

“Maybe he got worried about you,” Michael said, searching for a reason, although I knew he was way off the mark. After all, all of it had been his doing right from the start. “He is very protective of you.”

“Protective?” I asked in disbelief, raising my head, and he laughed lightly, leaning his head on his hand to look at me.

“Hadn’t you noticed? He’s always looking at you. Even when we’re talking, he never stops following you with his eyes,” he said, sounding amused. “I’ve felt it since the first day I met him. Back then he was really angry that I’d forgotten your name. Sometimes, the way he’s always around you reminds me of the way Steven is with me.”

I kept silent. Yes, I’d noticed the way Steven always discretely followed Michael from afar, even when it was just the two of us; keeping watch in silence as if he feared Michael might suddenly fall ill. But if I’d noticed Steven’s behavior, why hadn’t I noticed Gabriel’s? And suddenly I knew. In all those short periods when I shared my lunchtime with Michael, I never noticed him even once. I noticed Steven only because Steven was looking at Michael. In truth, in that one-hour period, all I could see was Michael.

“I’ve never noticed it,” I confessed and he smiled again.

“Maybe he feels responsible for you because your mother practically left you in his care,” he proposed and I couldn’t help feel outrage. Him? Responsible for my well being? I knew all too well what he really wanted! But still I swallowed my words. Going on with that subject would end up making me having to explain things that I couldn’t explain. “Anyway, you should get some rest. It was a long day.” He spoke as if he’d just read my mind, and I nodded when he lay down once again.

“Good night.”

“Good night, Mari”

I made sure his voice was the last sound echoing in my mind. Yet I still stayed awake for quite some time, looking at his face, lost in the shadows, his eyes closed, until I was too tired to keep mine opened, and fell asleep.

A strong roar startled me, making my heart pound. The windstorm that forced me to cover my face was harsh, cutting my skin. I tried to breathe as fear took over my body. I knew that terrifying sound. It was the scream of his wings of destruction.

Shaking uncontrollably, I peered between my raised arms and my terrified eyes saw him, right in front of me. I squinted my eyes, trying to bring my sight into focus and noticed we were not alone. He held something in his hand. A spear? The handle was black, like the ribbon wrapped around it, floating in the wind. The blade looked dangerously evil, in the shape of a crescent moon broken by three sharp, shiny points. I saw him stagger and my heart jumped painfully. There was blood on his hands, red and Human.

I looked around. Where was I? What was happening? I was somewhere sitting on a cold, hard stone floor. And my eyes found another presence. This one had wings, like those of the angels represented by the Church, but his were black. He held a long golden sword that seemed to shine, and was just standing there, shaking his head in disapproval, as he watched the scene unfolding before his eyes.

I heard a scream. The wind cut me again, but I was so afraid I couldn’t even feel pain. I looked around, searching for him, and my mind knew another name to call him by — and it wasn’t Gabriel.

The sound of metal against metal made me jump and I looked for him even more urgently. All I saw were two shadows, one black and one white, colliding in midair, and the shock was so great that the ground shook. And then I finally saw him, his long, black hair falling over his face like water, pouring forward and staining the white shadow with his darkness.

I forgot the arms that I’d raised to protect me and they fell limp over my legs. I stop breathing as I saw the one in white slowly sliding over the dark one until he hit the ground, his golden hair spread over the cold, hard stone. I knew his face immediately, now deadly pale, and my heart stopped, a sharp pain piercing my chest. His clothes were soaked in blood. And he wasn’t breathing!

I covered my eyes with my hands, unable to think. No. That couldn’t be happening!

I saw as the dark shadow raised his head, his violet eyes hard and cold as stones, and I screamed, although I hadn’t enough air or voice to do it.

“Mariane!”

I heard my own voice screaming and sat up, gasping for air, urgently pushing away the hands that held me. I pulled my knees up, looking around half dazed, and saw him, kneeling right in front of me. For a moment I could hardly believe it. He looked worried, but kept still, probably fearing he’d frighten me even more.

“Michael?” I whispered, still doubting. I’d just seen him die right in front of my eyes. He smiled, looking relieved.

“It was just a nightmare,” he assured me and I looked around once more, still half lost. No, that wasn’t my room. And then I recalled the day before. I was in Michael’s house. And that’s why he was there and alive.

I took a trembling hand to my face and took a deep breath. Only a dream, just a dream, I told myself, but I couldn’t stop shaking. Too real, I thought. So real that the pain still remained, the anguish still remained, the fear still remained ... and that roar still made my eardrums ring.

“Mari,” his warm voice cut off the descending spiral of my thoughts and I raised my head to look at him.

Michael slightly pulled back his blanket and I hesitated for the one second that took my muddled mind to understand what he meant. Too nervous and scared to conveniently ponder, I fell to the floor and crawled under his blanket.

He covered me gently and put an arm over my shoulders, pulling me close. I leaned my forehead against his chest, feeling the slow and calm beating of his heart. He was alive! I could feel it in that constant beating, in each breath he took, in the warmth that surrounded me. It had all been a dream.

“Everything’s fine, sleep,” I heard his soft whisper and allowed my eyes to close.

I could feel his warm hand slowly caressing my hair, the smell of his skin so close to mine. And, although we lay side by side, I couldn’t feel the slightest embarrassment. My heart didn’t jump as it usually did when he was close to me. My face didn’t blush. All I could feel was that soft warmth that enveloped me, making me feel safe and at peace.

Chapter Eight

TOR

– The Kerubim of Earth and Air

- Minor officers in the Initiation to 8x = 3{square x}.

The Vision of the Interplay And Identity of Earth and Air.
1
–

“The dream I walk in is clear and filled with light.

In it I am Star, and my cold fire loves your blazing one. The world is perfect.

But, if dreaming raises me above the clouds, waking up is an inevitable and abysmal fall.

And I can’t help ask... why dream if all that’s left are the bitter ashes of a reality that can never be?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

woke up with the feeling I hadn’t slept like that in a long time. I sat up, stretching, and looked around as I recalled I wasn’t at home. I was still on the floor, I noticed, and immediately remembered last night’s embarrassment.

Just like a child
, I scolded myself as I stood up, and the smell of fresh toast made my stomach grumble.

I walked to do window, opening the curtains and was blinded for a moment. All that light! What time was it?

I ran to the kitchen, barefooted against the old wooden floor, and stopped by the door.

“What time is it?” I asked urgently and Michael turned to look at me, smiling gently.

“Good morning to you, too,” he told me, reminding me that I’d just failed at one of the most basic rules of etiquette, and I couldn’t help feeling ashamed first thing in the morning.

“Morning,” I replied, my urgency washing away before his bewildering calm, and he smiled again looking pleased with my answer.

“It’s almost noon.”

“Noon? What about school?”

He laughed, taking the toast out of the toaster and placing the slices on a plate. “It would seem we’ve missed it.”

“But Michael!”

“Everything’s fine. I called first thing in the morning to let them know you weren’t feeling too well and that I had a medical appointment.”

“You called!” I was stunned, but he simply opened the cupboard and took out two jars of jam.

“Don’t worry. I made two different calls, at different times,” he calmly explained. “If it’d been one single call, there would be strange colorful rumors all through school when we came back.” My thoughts exactly and I was relieved. “Not that I mind what others think. But I’m well aware of the number of eyes following me around everywhere I go. Don’t want to make your life even harder.” I smiled in pure bliss. He was too good to be true. “Help carry this stuff?” I woke up from my temporary state of bewilderment and rushed to help him.

When we finished setting the table, a simple breakfast turned out to be quite a feast, reminding me of the breakfast Rachel prepared to impress Gabriel. We sat down and I found out I was truly famished. Even so, I controlled my appetite, recalling the house’s rules and, as expected, Michael put his hands together over the empty plate for a moment of silence. After his prayer he looked up at me and smiled, offering me the pan with scrambled eggs.

“Slept well?”

“Yes, thank you. And I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“It’s fine. I wasn’t asleep. I’m sorry I didn’t wake you up in time for school. But you were sleeping so well. I thought you needed the rest.” I smiled, stealing a piece of toast, and bit it voraciously.

“It’s OK. It’s just that, I guess I never missed school before,” I noted, mentally revising my academic records.

He laughed and filled my glass with orange juice, adding in a rebellious tone, “Oh, well, then this is a good experience for you.”

“You mean you cut class?”

“Sometimes ... sometimes I just want a little bit of peace and quiet for a change,” he admitted and it was my turn to laugh.

“Really? I mean, what kind of alien are you? Cutting class to be left alone instead of playing around! For an instant I almost believed you were one of those bad boy types.”

He opened his beautiful green eyes wide and released an ‘Ah!’ of disbelief. “Really! Don’t know what shocks me the most! If you thinking I’m some goody-goody choir boy or finding out you’re not that shy at all!”

I covered my mouth, suddenly aware of what I’d just unthinkingly said, and my cheeks caught up on fire. He laughed, amused by my reaction, and once more I couldn’t help feel happy for being the reason behind that amazing sound.

“I know, I rarely say what I’m thinking,” I admitted. “Maybe that’s why I’m not used to censoring my thoughts. I didn’t mean what I said.”

He rested his head on one hand, watching me disturbingly. “No. I’m glad you said it. I like knowing what you’re thinking. And I’m even happier to know you feel at ease near me, enough to say it.” I just stuff my mouth with bread and jam and he smiled, noticing my escape strategy. “Mari, how about it? Since we’re already cutting class anyway, why not just go somewhere?”

Momentarily stunned, I hurriedly swallowed my bread and almost chocked. Was he asking me out like … on a date?

“Go somewhere?” I asked.

“Yeah. Why not? We could take a walk in Hyde Park, feed the squirrels,” he suggested and I’m sure my expression came alight. He
was
asking me out! “It’s as you said. If we’re cutting class, we might as well do something fun.” He gave me a mischievous expression and I had to give my full attention to the scrambled eggs coloring my plate to hide my excitement. If my life seemed to be enveloped in ever-growing chaos, it was also true I’d never been happier.

“Yeah. Why not?” I simply agreed and went back to my toast.

After finishing breakfast I went to the bathroom to get dressed. In despair, I was faced with the sorry figure that, unknowingly, I’d made all through breakfast; my hair standing everywhere, making me look like a crazy witch. After finally managing to acceptably tie it up, I went back to the living room where Michael awaited me.

Outside the day was cold, but here and there we could see openings of blue sky and, occasionally, a few rays of sun.

We walked to the bus station and waited for the ‘108.’ On the bus we sat side by side, and I locked my gaze outside, feeling a bit awkward to be sitting so close to him. Suddenly, and without any warning, Michael held my hand, startling me, and I looked at him surprised. His fingers traced the blue ribbon around my wrist and his inquisitive look told me that was what had caught his attention.

“This ribbon, you never take it off?” he asked and I noticed the velvet was becoming seedy, which meant I had to change it soon.

“Um, I guess I like it,” I answered, avoiding pulling my hand away from him, which would look even stranger, and he ended up holding it, making me blush. Had he used the ribbon just as an excuse? My heart jumped at the thought. No, I couldn’t allow my thoughts to wander that way! Last time I’d allowed it, he’d ended up not even remembering my name the following day. Besides, although I wished his feelings would turn towards me, I still wasn’t ready to face the consequences. I might as well stop filling my head with dreams and fantasies.

The subway travel was even longer and we talked very little. Even so, Michael’s hand never left mine, as he gently pulled me in and out of cars. When we finally arrived at Hyde Park Corner, it was past three o’clock.

The sun touched my face and I smiled as I felt its soft warmth.

“Ah, I was already missing these sunny days,” I commented without thinking and looked up at him, hoping he hadn’t heard me, but Michael was watching me attentively. “What?” I asked, defensively.

“Nothing.”

“What, nothing?” I insisted as we slowly walked, allowing me to accompany him with ease.

“Nothing, really. I was just thinking you looked very beautiful.”

“You know, sometimes this seems really unfair,” I complained in a low voice and he looked intrigued. “Me, being here, with you.”

“Why?”

“Because ... because I’ve been watching you for so long,” I confessed, staring at the path before us. And then I was suddenly aware of the many possible meanings of what I’d just said, which lead me to quickly clarify it. “I mean, I guess I felt curious about you, just like everyone else.” I smiled awkwardly. “Maybe not curious about your past. But every time I saw you outside with Steven and the others, I couldn’t help wonder what you were thinking or feeling. Because you’re always smiling, and your smile is so bright. And I always thought that, in this world, there was no way anyone could smile like that, every single day. I mean, this world isn’t all that nice, right?”

Michael took a deep breath. “Because everyone’s always worrying about me.” He surprised me. I hadn’t hoped for an answer. “Because all I recall are worried expressions and people feeling sorry for me. I’m happy when everyone around me is happy. It’s like a chain reaction. If I smile people around me won’t worry that much and are happy that I look all right. Watching them play, laugh, talk, makes me happy, and I don’t have to fake smiles anymore. Then, real smiles make others even happier, and so on.”

“Even so. That’s only then, right? But once the moment is gone, the reasons to feel happy will also disappear. I wondered if you always smiled like that, even when you’re alone.” Michael looked away and I felt a heavy weight on my chest. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk about unpleasant things.”

“No, it’s true,” he asserted. “I guess that, in that, I’m just like everybody else, right?” I nodded, wanting to put that subject behind my back and he gave me another of my recently discovered mischievous smiles. “And then? Is that why you were spying on me?”

“Spy ... ing? No!” I answered, panicking, and he laughed. “No! I mean, yes. But just a little, during lunch break. It’s not like I followed you everywhere or anything!” I tried to explain, but he wouldn’t stop laughing. “Besides, you never even noticed me there, not once,” I added and his laughter faded away.

“Mari, I normally don’t pay all that much attention to the world around me. I ...”

“Oh, I know.” I interrupted him not wanting him to feel guilty since he had nothing to feel guilty about. “I’ve already understood that escape mechanism of yours. I’m not complaining. It’s just that it’s ironic. It was something I chose to do, watching you from afar. But now we’re here, now that we’re here, together, I can’t help asking myself why couldn’t I’ve just been brave enough to talk to you sooner. Why was I such an idiot and just sat there, day after day, looking at you from afar. If I’d had the courage to talk with you sooner ...” I stopped myself, even though I knew he was hanging on my every single word.

If I’d just talked with him sooner instead of being such a coward, I wouldn’t be in the situation I was in. After all, it was such a simple and normal thing, right? Something people could easily do — talk to the person they like. Why only I had to be shy to the point of stupidity?

I noticed an old woman with a vending cart and took that chance to change the subject.

“Look. Food for our little friends,” I pointed out and, with some regret, let go of his hand, running towards the vending cart.

As things stood, I couldn’t allow that date to become more than a simple meeting between two friends. It made me feel really depressed, but still I smiled when he reached me a few moments later. I’d finally been able to go out with the guy I liked since the beginning of the year and it had to be me to put a break on things.