Blood Twist (The Erris Coven Series) (24 page)

Although the elders would eventually expect an honest answer, they were confident in Braden enough to give him some space. What mattered to Liz is that he didn’t lie; reminding her again that Braden had integrity and was a man worthy of trust. He could have said anything he wanted, but she knew in time, when he had come to make sense of his own feelings, he would tell them about Riley. He just needed to decide for himself how he felt.

Maybe that is what he
’s
do
ing about me. Deciding
how he feels.

Liz felt sick with anguish. Closing her eyes, she tried battling the wave of sadness that pricked every labored breath. She wished desperately to have grown up
full of confidence
– to
not crumble from
rejection. But it wasn’t that easy. After what her father did, her fear of abandonment ran too deep, she didn’t think she could ever get over it.

Even now, after living for years with Aunt Bev, the memory of her father’s final rejection still hurt. Growing up on base without her mom around wasn’t the worse thing. As soon
as she was old enough, she took over making the meals and keeping their home clean.

Most every night, the Captain brought home young sailors who didn’t have family on base, men who weren’t much older than Liz, but old enough to serve their countries.
At the time, Liz thought her father did it because he had compassion
for them
, because he was only eighteen
when he first served. But now that she was older, Liz realized it wasn’t compassion that prompted the Captain to open his home. His motives were much more self-serving. He didn’
t want to
face hours alone
with his
only
daughter.

When Liz first met Petty Officer Louis, she
instantly liked him.
Naturally tanned with an easy smile, he was always quick to
compliment her cooking and get her laughing at
his easy jokes. At her age, she was too young to date, but old en
ough to romanticize what it would be like to fall
in love and get married. The young sailor
was easy on the eyes and sweet enough to quickly beco
me her secret crush.

I know why poets call it “falling in love” – the
ground
disappears
beneath you and once you lose your footing no one can catch you.

At night, she would listen to him and her father talk about everything from the problems in the
Middle East
to football. Often times, other men who served under her father
were there as well. The Captain kept the fridge stocked with cold beer and Liz filled serving platters with
chips and
buff
alo
wings.
From her spot in the back of the living room, she tried anticipating their needs while secretly watching Petty Officer Louis with dreamy eyes.

The last n
ight Liz saw him was one she
wished a thousand times over she co
uld forget. Super bowl Sunday – i
t
was late and the men had been drinking all
day. Most of the sailors had drifted on home once the Captain was snoring on the couch. Not Petty Officer Louis. He stuck around and helped Liz clean up the mess. Much more talkative and touchy feely
than usual
, she could tell he wasn’t sober.

At first his touches were nice – light brushes of the arms as they stood next to the sink washing cups and plates, his hands on her shoulder as she crouched looking for space in the refrigerator. But as the chores finished, the
young
man she ha
d secretly been crushing on
had changed his tone. His voice had become
burly
and he jokingly kept grab
bing her hands, tickling her sides and leaning his face towards hers.
Unsure where he was heading, she was alarmed enough to know that she had to go to bed and let him sleep it off.
That wa
s when he tried following her
to her room.

With her back against her door, the sailor pressed his
wet mouth
against hers. It wasn’
t the pleasant first kiss she imagined
sharing.
His lips were
tough
and tasted like
Coors. His hands
held her locked in place. As she struggled to pull free, he taunted in her ear that
he caught her
w
atching
him –
t
hat
he knew
she had been dreaming of finding out what it was like to be with a man
for the first time.

It was a terrible way for her to realize
Petty Officer Louis wasn’t the nice guy she had been fantasizing about. He was a jerk.
As her broken heart drove tears to her eyes, she drove
her knee up into h
is groin, forcing him to
let go.
As he stumbled ba
ckwards he
slur
red a string
of profanity
. It was j
ust in time for Liz to look up and see the Captain staring at them from the end of the hall.

The next day, when she returned home from school, the Captain told her to pack a bag so she could
go visit her Aunt Bev. He didn’t have the guts to say it
to her face that she wouldn’t be coming back – that once she was on the plane for the states, he would have her possessions packed and air shipped to Connecticut.

It was almost a month before she forgave him enough to speak to him on the phone. When she asked him why he sent her away, he said it was easier
for her to move on
than having a good
Navy
man
,
like Petty Officer Louis
,
stripped of his rank; that because she was growing into an attractive woman, she
needed a mother-figure
to teach her how to behave around men.
There might have been more of an explanation, but
Liz hung up the phone.
Her father tossed her away – deciding
she wasn’t
worth fighting for, just a hassle who caused men like Petty Officer Louis a hard time.

H
e didn’
t need me so he gave me away – like a pet.

Since then,
Liz
let her Aunt Bev deal with the C
aptain. He insisted on maintaining her passport so she could come out for a visit,
but he never picked a date and she never brought it up.
A couple of times he had stop
overs in the states for one thing or another and made short obligatory visits. But even on those rare occurrences, Liz made sure she and Lexie had plans.

The Captain let her down. Petty Officer Louis was almost just as bad. They both showed her what happened when you became too trusting and dependent on men – when you loved them enough to leave y
ou crying
. They
betray
ed the trust she
placed in them
. As much as she kept telling h
erself Braden wasn’t like them,
it hurt so much to let down her guard
,
to
try, or
worse,
to hope.

It didn’t matter how much she loved the damphyr – if he didn’t love her back, there couldn’t be a “them.” 
She couldn’t stay in Erris and see Braden around and pretend it was okay. Eventually he would find his perfect partn
er, the way Lexie and Torin did
and then what would Liz do?

Brushing her hair from her eyes, she knew she would be bringing heartbreak with her. It was
im
possible to fall in love, to
take the eye watering descent, without being
altered
by it.
Although she insisted she would not
fall in love with B
raden Murphy – she did
. It didn’t
matter that he wasn’t her type or
that he was too preppy and too s
erious
to get involved with. She
even insist
ed
that she wouldn’t
long for
his touch or enjoy the delicious shivers he sent through her body when his lips touched
hers, but
it made no difference
.  As much as she
thought she could fight it – Liz
was left on the sidelines knowing
,
that
despite every limitation she placed on her feelings
,
it was possibl
e to want someone who could only hurt you in the end
.

He’ll move on. He’ll fall in love with his fate-partner and feel nothing for me.
It won’t be his fault – it’s just their way.

Liz stood up.
The games she was playing had to stop.
She couldn’t keep interfer
ing with Lexie’
s life
– her best friend was obviously well cared for in Erris. Ruby seemed to be healing and as long as that continued to go well, Ella should be fine too.

As far as Braden, the damphyr had a destiny Liz could only dream about. Although it broke her heart to admit it, she knew he wasn’t hers. Every time he looked at her, she wanted it to be. She could
n’t imagine a greater happiness and no one ever made her feel the way he did. But the problem
was
,
she could picture what it would be like if he was suddenly sending her away and too afraid to speak the words. He wouldn’t need her the way she needed him – she would only be in the way.

Just like when I was a child
.

Maybe in time Braden would be a memory the way
Petty Officer Louis
was
. Maybe she would forget him the way the Captain so easily forgot her.

Clenching her arms tightly at her sides, she was afraid if she breathed too deeply her heart would shatter on the spot. Hea
ding in the direction of the front door
, she didn’
t think she w
ould even stick around long enough to see Ruby on the mend
.

“Lizzie wait,” Lexie called, trailing after her. “Where are you going?”

“I’m
really tired,” Liz said, unwilling
to explain. Tears were about to spill and she couldn’t let them go, not now, not in front of her friend who was just getting her life back after the world’s shittiest year.

“Oh, okay. Tonight at the school, there is going to be a candle light vigil for a
girl in town that Alik killed. I thought
,
if you were rested up in time, maybe you and Braden can come with me and Torin.”

“I was thinking about heading home
Lex
.”

“Home?
But, you just got here,” Lexie said, confused. “I was hoping you could stay. I’ve missed you so much and I could really use your help with Ella. She hates me.”

Liz looked down at her feet, confused with what to do.
She wouldn’t be much of a help wit
h Ella. After asking Lexie’s kid sister
if she had relations with the youngest Serov, hatred probably wasn’t a strong enough word to describe ho
w the thirteen year-old felt about
her.

“I need a little time alone – to think.” Liz looked up at her friend.
Lexie was
the
one person Liz
could count on. Even now, without knowing the details, her friend could sense her pain.
“I promise, if I
decide to
leave, I’
ll come and tell
you first.”

Lexie reached out and pulled Liz to her. Hugging her tightly, she whispered. “
When you’re ready to talk, I’m here, but if you dare leave without telling me, I’ll show all of the guys your freshmen year
class
photo.”

3
0

BRADEN

Braden hurried across the lawn. At the edge of Torin’s driveway, he
stopped
.
Liz was standing next to her Chevy,
with a map spread across her hood
,
her black hair spilled across her face as
she
leaned forward,
track
ing
a
route
back to Connecticut
with a neon sharpie
.
Even her small movements were graceful; he could
stand there and
watch her all day.