Blurred Lines by KD Williamson (22 page)

Nora nodded. “They should still be warm.”

“Good. After, we need to talk.”

* * *

Kelli waited and watched anxiously as Nora skimmed the documents. She hated to fuck up their progress, but it wasn’t as if she could avoid showing her the subpoena either. Nora’s expression went from shock to anger.

“What could she hope to gain from this?”

“Don’t know. Only thing I can think of is, I was in the room that time you sent her running.”

Nora gasped. “When I insinuated a relationship between her and Rader?”

“Yeah.”

“Surely that’s not enough—”

“Sounds like they are trying to establish a pattern of behavior.”

“There isn’t one. I haven’t treated her differently!” Nora said in outrage.

“Calm down. I’m a cop. They messed up. She’s not gonna get anything usable from me. If anything, I could hurt them. Rader is an ass, and he’s smug, but they are gonna dig themselves into a hole. In fact, I guess with all the other shit I had going on, I didn’t think about this until you told me about this whole lawsuit crap, but I’m almost sure I overheard them planning the whole damn thing…right there at the foot of my bed. They’re sloppy, Nora, and this shit is gonna roll over on them sooner or later.”

“That’s a relief, but I just can’t believe they’re actually doing this. Why go through all the trouble?”

Kelli reached out to touch her. At the last second, she stopped herself.

“It’s okay. Maybe I need it,” Nora said.

Kelli didn’t have to be told twice. She covered Nora’s hand with her own and squeezed.

Nora looked at their clasped hands. Her lips parted, and the flush Kelli was quickly becoming addicted to came back with a vengeance.

“Maybe your lawyer will be able to do something with what I just told you.”

Nora closed her eyes. She looked so tired. “I want this all to be over. I don’t know what I’ve done—”

“You think it’s you? There are some screwed-up people in this world, Nora. Rader is definitely one of them. I could smell it all over him. The guy gave me goosebumps even when I first met him. As for Dr. Fuller…people like that find each other.”

Nora’s lips thinned, and her eyes flashed. “Then how did I miss it?”

“I’m trained to notice, and you, you distance yourself from people. So, how could you see something you’re trying to avoid?”

Nora stared at their joined hands. “I haven’t…from you.”

Kelli grinned crookedly. “Maybe I’m special.”

Nora gave her a small grin in return. It was followed by a blush. “Possibly.”

With her free hand, Kelli cupped Nora’s cheek. She wasn’t sure when she moved. Apparently, some of her body parts had a mind of their own. Her fingertips brushed against Nora’s smooth skin where the redness lingered. The softness she found there made it hard to pull away. “I must be to keep causing this.”

Nora opened her eyes wide, and they grew darker by the second. “I don’t know what—”

“You’re flustered. You seem to always be around me.”

For the moment, Kelli didn’t have anything else to say, but she couldn’t look away. Even though she couldn’t see it, the air around them had to be on fire because something powerful was responsible for the heat growing between them.

“I think I’ve become accustomed to it,” Nora whispered.

Kelli smiled and cleared her throat. “Good. I think.” She knew there was going to be a reaction to the subpoena, but she never expected to find herself pulled deeper into Nora.

“And maybe…I like it,” Nora said.

Something warm unraveled itself in Kelli’s chest and slipped into her belly. When it got there, it was a heavy molten ball that threatened to burn her from the inside out. “Even better.”

CHAPTER 14

After two beers, Kelli was finally able to doze. The alcohol didn’t keep the heavy shit off her mind and she still worried about Travis, her family, and everything else. Those worries helped to clear the cobwebs when she heard her phone ringing. There were two possible callers who Kelli wouldn’t allow herself to miss—Nora or someone in her family. Kelli reached for it. The number was unfamiliar, but she answered the call anyway.

“Hello?” Kelli mumbled.

“What? Early night, sis?”

Kelli sat straight up in bed. “Antony?”

“The one and fuckin’ only.” Tony sounded sober. Angry, but sober.

“How did you—”

“I can make calls.”

This wasn’t going to be a social call. Kelli could already tell that by his tone. Kelli sat up and mentally prepared herself for the shit he was about to fling. “Then you should be calling, Mom. I’m—”

“Don’t you worry about me and Mom. I got rights, Kelli, even if you don’t think I do.” Tony interrupted. “I know what you did. I’m not homicidal, and I sure as hell don’t wanna kill myself. Did you think I was stupid? Like I wouldn’t find out?” His voice was cold.

True, when Kelli arranged the involuntary committal, she hadn’t known what his state of mind was. But by the time the officers picked him up, he was in a blind, homicidal rage. Hearing his voice reminded her of how his hands felt around her neck. Kelli clasped the phone tightly. That was shots one and two. He had more. She was sure of it. Guilt made her guts churn, but she had to put it away for now. Kelli knew there were going to be consequences for what she did. If she was lucky, it would just be her brother yelling at her. “Look, I—”

“You know what? Fuck you. I’m your brother, and you just throw me away like a piece of trash!”

“How many times have we been here, Antony? How many chances have you had? You
are
my brother. That’s why I want you to get better, but I’m fucking tired. Sean is too. If you won’t help yourself, we gotta take care of each other.” A hard knot filled with all her fear, and weariness settled at the bottom of Kelli’s stomach.

“Yeah, that’s what his fists keep sayin’.” Antony paused. “St. Kelli. You were always the favorite. You never fuck up.” He chuckled, but there was something mean about the way he sounded. “Until you almost got your partner killed.”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” Kelli countered. That knot in her stomach turned to lead. She wanted to hang up, to stop Antony from saying all these things to her, but she couldn’t. He was her brother. Despite his accusation that she abandoned him, she owed it to him to listen. That’s what family meant to her.

“How does it feel? You ain’t perfect after all. But when you screw up, everyone jumps in your corner. When I screw up, I get dragged away in handcuffs.”

“Take responsibility for your own shit,” Kelli shouted.

“I fuckin’ hate you. Ever since Pop died, you and Sean have been treating me like shit.” His voice shook.

Kelli understood where Antony was going with this. He felt betrayed. That’s the only way he could see it, but she still hated how fucking weak he was, pushing the responsibility for his fuck-ups onto her and Sean. Kelli took a deep breath and said, “That’s not true, and you know it. You’re always looking for a shortcut to get what you
think
everybody else has, and if you can’t hack it, you get high. I did what I thought was right. Someday, I hope you see that.”

“Whatever. I just want you to know you’re gonna pay for this, and I’m gonna make sure it fucking hurts.”

“We all do what we have to.” Kelli refused to take the bait. She let Tony make his threats, but she knew they were empty. After what the cops witnessed at her mom’s house, there was nothing to come back and bite her on the ass. She did what she had to do.

“Yeah, well. I coulda left a couple days ago, but I ain’t stayin’ in this shithole because of you. I’m doin’ it because Mom begged me to.”

“Yeah? I’m glad. I don’t care what the reason is. Mom doesn’t know you never made it through the other programs,” Kelli whispered. She didn’t try to hide the emotion in her voice. Why couldn’t he see? She would do just about anything to make sure he was all right, but she was so tired and running out of options. Kelli hated strung-out Antony, but she loved the man he was underneath all the drugs.

“So? She don’t need to know, and that don’t matter right now,” Tony said.

“Yeah, it does. Sean and me never told her, but I don’t think I can protect you anymore. I don’t have it in me.” Kelli felt actual pain in her chest as though someone punched her right in the fucking heart. “But I lo…” Kelli let the words die in her throat. It hurt to say them because she knew he wouldn’t believe her.

Tony didn’t respond for a moment, then he snorted. “Well then, I guess it don’t matter if I fuck up again.”

“So you’re…gonna break her heart?” Kelli asked softly. He was slipping through her fingers. She could feel it, but didn’t know how to stop it. She nearly choked on the helplessness that swamped her senses and made it impossible to think properly. She was the one with the plan. The one who acted. The one who protected those she loved. And she was the one who failed Antony.

“That’s between me and Mom. You ain’t nothing to me no more.”

And then he hung up, leaving her with nothing but a deafening buzz of the dial tone and an ache in her heart the size of a fucking bus.

Kelli couldn’t catch her breath, and the pain in her chest spread just about everywhere. She tried to breathe through the feeling. At times like these, she missed her father so much that it felt like a physical thing. She missed him so much, she couldn’t stand to be alone with her own guilt and the inability to fix this. She dialed Nora’s number without thinking.

It rang and rang.

“This is Dr. Nora Whitmore. Please leave a message.”

Kelli closed her eyes. Just hearing her voice helped. She ended the call and got out of bed. So much for fucking sleeping tonight.

* * *

Kelli felt as though her eyes were filled with the gritty graphite residue left in the barrel of her gun after a day at the range, and they burned with exhaustion. Since Antony’s late-night ambush, her emotions went from regret to reluctant understanding. She was still just as raw as she was when he hung up on her. In order to feel somewhere close to human, Kelli poured her third cup of coffee. She felt like she was on the job but…not.

Morning crept up on her. She opened the doors to the balcony and watched the sky behind Mt. Rainier lighten and catch fire as the sun rose. After a few minutes, Kelli shuffled back toward her bedroom. There had to be something sports related on. The knock on the door put a slight wrinkle in things. It had to be her mother, and Kelli didn’t know if she could talk about things right now. Antony probably called her first, and she most certainly would want to talk about all the shittiness that occurred. A phone call wouldn’t be good enough. Kelli didn’t want to hear “I told you so.” She wasn’t up to it, but she didn’t really have a choice. This was her mother, and Carina wouldn’t forget about the conversation. Whatever she needed to say would build inside her and burst out much bigger when she finally cornered Kelli.

Besides, Carina had a key. If Kelli didn’t answer, she’d come in anyway. Kelli sat her mug on the coffee table and headed toward the door. She disengaged the locks and opened it without checking the peephole.

Her ex-girlfriend—or fuckbuddy, the terms were interchangeable in this case—stood at the door, and she was the last person Kelli expected to see.

The tiny brunette launched herself at Kelli, pulling her into a tight hug. Kelli stiffened and kept her arms to her sides, even though the weakness in her leg made her stumble a bit.

Kelli glanced at Mrs. Landau who was scowling at Ashley. She mouthed “Sorry” and closed the door.

“Ashley, what the hell?”

Ashley smiled. Kelli didn’t. She ended the embrace but still stood way too close. It made Kelli uncomfortable. She took a step back.

“That old lady is still creepy by the way. She just gapes at me,” Ashley said. “I heard you were out of the hospital.”

“How would you know that? And Mrs. Landau does that because she doesn’t like you. Never has.”

Ashley narrowed her eyes. There was a time when those eyes did things to Kelli’s insides. Now, she didn’t feel anything, and Kelli could smell the fight brewing a mile away.

“Cops talk, especially at bars. I had to work up the nerve to come. I would have called, but I figured you would have brushed me off.”

She was right. Kelli just stared. She didn’t know what else to do.

“I would have thought you’d contact me,” Ashley said accusingly.

Kelli snorted. “It’s been over two months, and we didn’t end things on a friendly note.”

Ashley stepped closer. She reached out and traced her fingertips over Kelli’s collar bone. “That didn’t keep you out of my bed that first week after we broke up.”

“Well, that was a mistake.” Kelli deadpanned and brushed Ashley’s touch away.

“I…I still care about you. I’m not sure why. You were never in our relationship to begin with. It was more like you came to visit for sex. But hearing about you being hurt reminded me that sometimes it was good. Really good.”

Kelli softened a little. For a person to put herself out there like this was a big deal, especially when there was a chance of getting hurt. Not to mention, Ashley was right. What they had was never a relationship. Kelli had approached the whole thing as a decent, reliable lay. The clingier Ashley got, the more standoffish Kelli became. Kelli thought separating herself was the easiest way to keep her feelings from being a factor. Did that make her selfish? Kelli knew the answer was yes, and she accepted it. “I’m still a cop. Getting shot doesn’t change that,” she reminded her gently.

“We never even had a chance to see what we could be. We could start over. You could request a desk job.” Ashley sounded hopeful.

Kelli went back to staring. “Really? That’s what you’re going with? I was miserable, and you…you wanted me to be somebody I wasn’t.”

“I just wanted more time with you!”

“I didn’t have it to give! You knew my job came first. Did you think I was kidding when I told you? I couldn’t be everything to you then, and I sure as hell won’t try now.” Kelli threw her hands in the air. “This argument is stupid. You’re the one that broke it off. In a text message.”