Blurring the Line (31 page)

Beth smiled. “Tell the universe, she got the wrong number.”

“OK Pretty Girl, only you know what is best for you. Well you and your higher self. Have you had your chakras cleansed?”

“Not lately, Mom. Maybe you could do that for me.” Beth didn’t believe in chakras or the universal life force but she believed in her mom. If her mom’s meditations and healings could make Beth half as wonderful as her mom, she would try them.

“How was your flight?”

Paige rolled her eyes. “Great. We nearly missed our flight. Mom couldn’t find her passport.”

Beth eyes narrowed. “Mom, you don’t need a passport to fly to Texas.”

“Exactly,” Paige said.

Ruth sighed. “And I don’t even have a passport. I just got a little confused.”

Beth touched her mom’s arm. “That’s OK, Mom. We all get a little confused sometimes. Tonight I couldn’t find my car keys. Turns out I had put them in the freezer. I don’t even know what I was doing in the freezer in the first place.”

“Getting ice cream,” her mom and sister said in unison.

“Yeah probably,” Beth admitted. “Did you check any luggage?”

Paige shook her head.

“OK great. I’m so glad you guys are here.” Beth could hardly contain her excitement. Neither of them had seen her house. And of course neither of them had met Torres.

Beth strapped Alejandra in her car seat. “So,” she began. “I have some news.”

“You’re answering the call of the universe and having a baby?” her mom guessed. There was a mischievous glint in her eye.

“No. I am on the pill so tell the universe to go ahead and call someone else.” Beth turned on her blinker.

“I was on the pill when I got pregnant with you.”

Beth’s head snapped in her mom’s direction. She nearly missed her exit. “Seriously, how did I not know that?”

“Because I never told you. I never wanted you to think you were unwanted. But you, Pretty Girl, were a surprise gift from the universe. Best present I ever got, once I decided not to give it back.”

Beth’s mouth dropped open. “Seriously, Mom. You didn’t want me?”

“As soon as I saw you I wanted you more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. You were the best friend that I never knew I wanted. The point I am making, Pretty Girl, is if you really don’t want the universe gifting you a child, use condoms too.”

Beth shook her head and smiled. “OK, I will keep that in mind.”

Paige leaned forward in her seat. “Does your hot Mexican guy use condoms? And what size are we talking?”

“Paige! There is a baby in the car.” Beth shot her sister an exasperated glance.

She could see Paige wink at her in the rear-view mirror. “Yes so this conversation would be entirely inappropriate if she understood anything we were saying. But she doesn’t, so is that a yes or a no to the condoms?”

“Seriously stop it. Or that will be her first word. My God can you imagine?”

Paige laughed. “Fine. What sort of prophylactics are you using?” Paige tickled the baby’s tummy. “You won’t be repeating that word will you? Oh no you won’t. Too many syllables, huh.”

Her family was certifiably insane. She adored them, but they were crazy. “Tonight we are having dinner with Torres. Please no talk of condom sizes or the history of vibrators or prophylactics of any description. And no trying to cleanse his chakras.” Beth shuddered at the thought.

“Now why do you think he needs his chakras cleansed? Do you feel there is a blockage?” her mother asked.

Beth shrugged her shoulders. “I have no idea. But let’s leave them blocked if they are. He doesn’t need any more universal life force running through him.”

“I bet he doesn’t,” Paige said. “Not after what you told me.”

“Ooh what did she tell you?” her mom asked.

Beth held up her hand. “Y’all can talk about my sex life when I’m not around. But not in front of Torres. Or the baby!”

“Is he repressed?” Paige said sympathetically.

Beth rolled her eyes. “No he is not repressed. He’s…he’s…” Beth struggled to find the right word. ‘Complicated’ sprang to mind, but that would only invite questions from her family. “He is just Torres.”

“Ahh,” Paige said. “You love him. You do, admit it. You want us on our best behaviour so we don’t scare him off because you love him.”

Beth nodded. “I do. I really do. He is amazing. I hope you guys like him. I’m sure you will. Alejandra loves him.”

“That is a good sign,” Ruth interjected. “Cats and babies have a special intuition. But you know Beth it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of him. It is your relationship, your life.”

Beth smiled. Her mom was speaking allegorically; the comment was about her dad. Normally Beth would be annoyed, but her mom was right. People had to decide for themselves what they wanted from life. Her mom, for whatever reason, wanted her dad. And Beth wanted Torres. Simple as that.

She couldn’t help smiling when she thought about Torres. He’d gone home this afternoon to shave and change his clothes. He had promised not to shave his head. He looked less scary with a bit of hair. But the new scar wasn’t doing him any favours in that department.

“We’re meeting him at seven at the Golden Dragon. Don’t worry, Mom, they don’t use MSG, I’ve checked.”

When they arrived at the restaurant, a table was ready for them near the front window. The waiter gave them tea while they waited for Torres.

“You did tell him seven, right?” Paige asked.

Beth nodded. She pulled out her phone to check he hadn’t messaged her since this afternoon when he texted that he loved her. She read the message for the nineteenth time and smiled. She already knew she would never delete the message.

It was already 8:15. Alejandra was snoring softly on her shoulder. “Let’s just order. He probably got held up at work.” It was a lie. He was going home and then straight here. He wasn’t going back to Mexico so there was no work to be holding him up. Beth wouldn’t let herself think the worst this time. She needed to break that cycle. Sometimes people were just late. There wasn’t necessarily anything sinister about being late.

Beth dialled his number but it went to voice mail. Her eyes narrowed.

“Don’t do that thing with your eyes, Beth, it wrinkles your forehead and you don’t make enough for botox.” Paige smiled sweetly.

Beth rubbed the deep ridge between her eyes. “Lucky my baby sister is going to be a wildly successful veterinarian. She will pay for all my fillers and botox.” Beth tried to smile but she was too distracted thinking about Torres.

The rest of the night Beth sat mainly in silence, listening to her sister talk, and periodically checking to make sure her phone was still switched on.

It was almost 10pm before they were home and Beth had tucked Alejandra away in her crib. Beth checked her house phone to make sure there were no messages from Torres.

Paige and her mom didn’t mention his absence. They both knew the subject was too raw to discuss. Beth scooped them all bowls of ice cream and went to sit in the living room and watch a movie.

Beth couldn’t focus. “You guys keep watching. I am going to hit the sack.”

“OK Pretty Girl, good night. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom. Night Paige, I love you. I’m glad you guys are here.”

Beth sat on her bed. She dialled Torres’ number and it went to voice mail again.

Shit. Where was he? Beth dialled another number. “I need a favour,” she said when Patterson picked up.

“Sure, California. What’s up? Are you OK?” The concern in his voice almost made her stop. She couldn’t handle Patterson being nice right now. Things would run so much more smoothly if he would throw in a sexist remark.

“Have you heard from Torres?”

“No. Total radio silence. What’s up?”

Beth took a deep breath. “I can’t find him. I just need to know he is OK.”

“Are you asking as the head of the Treintas task force or as his girlfriend?”

Beth closed her eyes. “Just find him please. I’m asking you to do this as my friend. Please don’t tell anyone.” It was bad enough that everyone in her office knew she was sleeping with him, she didn’t need them to know she was the pathetic woman getting stood up by him too.

“Sure. Beth.” Patterson paused. He was using her first name again. She hated when he did that; it blurred the lines too much. “I’m not telling you I told you so—”

“But what? You told me? I was warned? I should have known better?” She cut him off.

“No, shit. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just trying to say that I’m worried about you. Look, I’ll find the asshole. What you do with him after that is your business. But Beth…I’m just worried.”

“Thanks, Patterson.”

Beth put down the phone and waited for Patterson to call back.

The minutes stretched into hours. Beth stared at the ceiling, tracing a small crack in the crown moulding. The entire house was asleep. Soon it would be time for Beth to wake up and start the day again. Another day without Torres.

A 4:58 the phone rang.

“Torres?” She jumped out of bed when she heard the phone ring.

“No.” It was Patterson’s deep voice on the other end of the line. “It’s me.”

“Is he alive?” Beth held her breath. That was all she needed to know, anything beyond that was a bonus.

“Yeah he is alive. Well he was as of 9:32pm. We have surveillance of him crossing over the World Trade Bridge. He’s in Mexico, can’t tell you the exact city, I would have to make some calls to the guys in Mexico City.”

Beth shook her head. It didn’t make sense. “Are you sure it was him?”

“Not many people look like Torres. And now that his face is slashed he is real easy to pick up on surveillance.”

Beth couldn’t breathe. Something was crushing her chest, choking her. She sucked in air. This couldn’t be happening. He wouldn’t just leave. Not after everything. Not after today. He couldn’t leave.

“Thomson, you there?”

Beth swallowed. “Yeah.”

“There’s one more thing. His apartment has been cleared out. Nothing there. He’s not planning on coming back.”

Beth shook her head. Patterson didn’t know that. There was no way to know what was happening.

“Beth, you there?”

She couldn’t say anything. The world was black. Her body felt numb. He couldn’t just leave. Torres couldn’t leave. He loved her. Her leg buckled.

“Jesus Christ. I told you he was an asshole. Shit, Beth, look, stay there. I’m coming over.”

“No. No, I need to be alone.” The phone dropped from between her fingers. She bent down to get it and the realisation that she might never see Torres again hit her like a semi, taking the air from her lungs. She dropped to her knees. “Oh God,” she said and started to cry.

Chapter Twenty-One

Beth stretched her arms above her head and squinted to see the alarm clock on her bedside table: 7:23. There was a brief moment where she had a niggling feeling she was upset but she could not remember why.

And then it broadsided her.

Torres was gone. The realisation sucked the air from her lungs. Her chest ached. Her eyes burned. He was gone. She couldn’t think about it without wanting to cry but she couldn’t stop her mind from going back to their last time together in her office. Was it an act? Did he set out to intentionally deceive her, to hurt her as much as she hurt him? No it couldn’t be that. She wouldn’t believe he could be that cruel. He couldn’t have faked it, what he made her feel. He loved her, in those moments he did. She knew it with the same certainty she knew she loved him.

He just changed his mind. Simple as that. People do it all the time. She closed her eyes and let another wave of pain hit her.

He changed his mind. She repeated it over and over in her mind.

She took a deep breath. She would get over this like she got over everything. She would pretend it didn’t hurt until it really didn’t hurt any more. Someday it would stop hurting.

She pushed the thick white duvet off her legs. She was still wearing her clothes from the day before. There were still traces of him on her, in her. She pushed the thought away. She needed a shower. Maybe she could wash away the memory of him as easily as she could wash away his scent.

But first she would check on the baby. She carefully opened the door to Alejandra’s room in case she was still asleep.

There was no need to tiptoe: Alejandra was awake, sitting with her mom in the rocker beside the window, reading a book.

Alejandra’s face brightened when she saw Beth. She reached up with her small arms. Beth smiled as she scooped her up and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Good morning, Pretty Girl.”

“She is a pretty girl. Just like my Pretty Girl,” Ruth said.

“Morning, Mom. How did you sleep?”

Ruth put down the book she was reading. “Better than you.” She rubbed Beth’s cheek.

Beth squeezed her eyes shut to keep from crying again. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” her mom said softly.

Beth shook her head. “No, I’m not. But I will be.”

Ruth nodded. “Yes you will. You will be just fine. You’re my strong girl. No matter what happens you bounce back. You remind me of a tree, you bend when the wind gets too strong, but you never break. You will right yourself again. You’re going to be fine.”

Beth nodded. She didn’t feel fine. She felt like she had already snapped. “It hurts, Mama. It really hurts.” Her voice cracked. She closed her eyes again but a single tear slid down her cheek.

“I know, Pretty Girl. If I could take it all away I would.”

She squeezed her lids together tighter. Her mom could take away some of the pain. She could move here, she could choose her over her dad. She wanted to ask but the words would not come out. She couldn’t bear if her mom chose to stay in California. She couldn’t have another person walk away. She really would break.

“Tell me,” her mom said. “Your face always gives you away.”

Beth bit into her lip to keep it from trembling. Torres said the same thing about her. “I need you. I need you here.”

Ruth wrapped her arms around Beth and Alejandra. “No, Beth you don’t.”

“I do. I really do. Pick me. Love me more than dad…pick me.” Her voice broke off as a sob tore through her.

“Oh no, honey.” Ruth rubbed her back. “Is that what you think? You think I am staying in California because I love your dad more than I love you?” Ruth pulled away. “Look at me. There is no one I love in this word more than you and your sister. You two are my world. You’re all I need.”