Bogota Blessings (13 page)

As they walked back to the mission from the bus station, Mateo took Kayla’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Her heart lifted at the affectionate gesture.

“I know you don’t want to leave,” he said quietly, keeping his gaze away from her. “But I won’t ask you to stay.”

“What?” Her heart plummeted, making her question whether she’d misread everything he’d said and done during their short relationship. “But I thought you wanted a relationship to work between us as much as I do.”

“I do, but I can’t ask you to move here, and this is where I belong.” He finally glanced at her, and she could see the pain in his eyes as he spoke. “Kayla, you deserve a better life than I can give you. What you have seen in the last two weeks is what every day of my life is like. Sometimes it’s worse than what you have seen. That is no life for a woman like you.”

“Mateo, the location isn’t what matters. If a life together is what God intends for us, and we both feel it is, then all that matters is being together. If we live in poverty or wealth, surrounded by street children or rich kids, doesn’t matter. Like you, I will go wherever God tells me to go, no matter where it is or what kind of life it is.”

“I want better for you than I can ever give you.” He stopped and cupped her cheek with a callused hand. “Do you really think your father would approve of a man who fought with what the American government considers a terrorist organization?”

“I’ve told my father about you in emails, and he approves of you. He knows that you are a compassionate man who lives for the Lord.”

“You have told him about my past?” He lowered his hand to his side, and she felt the loss of his touch.

“No, I told him about the man you are now, not who you were as a teenager. Besides, even if he knew about your time with the rebels, he would understand that you had no choice but to fight with them. He will see that you hated the things you were forced to do and know, as I do, that you would have never voluntarily joined them.”

Mateo took her hand again, and they continued on. “I think you place too much faith in your father.”

“I think you don’t place enough faith in yourself.” Kayla blinked back tears. “You’re a good man, Mateo. One any father would be proud to give his daughter to.”

They walked in silence to the dormitory, and he stopped her from going inside. “I won’t ask you to give up your life in the United States for me, Kayla.”

She met his gaze, praying he would see the determination flowing through her. “Maybe that’s not your decision to make. I will do what God wants me to do, even if you think I deserve better or that I would be better off doing something else.”

Without waiting for a reply, she pulled open the door and stepped inside. As she headed for her room, she prayed Mateo would come to his senses and realize she wouldn’t mind coming to live and work in Bogotá as long as she was with him.

9

Mateo dragged himself into the kitchen, hoping Maria would feed him. After Kayla went into the dormitory last night, he’d taken a long walk and prayed for wisdom and guidance. While he hadn’t found any answers, he had made his already sore stump hurt even more. Because of the ache in his leg and the more intense ache in his heart, he had slept late and missed breakfast. He’d also missed taking the Americans to the airport, which was probably just as well. It would have been too painful to watch Kayla board a plane.

Maria turned from stirring a pot on the stove and watched him drop onto a chair at the table. “Did you sleep well?”

“No.” He scrubbed a hand across his face, stubble rasping against his palm. Lowering his hand to his lap, he met Maria’s gaze. “Did they get to the airport all right?”

“Yes, although Kayla and Claudia both missed you terribly.” Maria turned back to the stove. “Would you like something to eat?”

“Yes, please.” His mind didn’t want to grasp what she had said. “
Claudia
missed me?”

“She went with us to the airport.”

Mateo leaned back in his seat and considered the ramifications of that statement. The young orphan girl had gone to the airport and said goodbye to the woman she’d grown close to...and the man she looked up to hadn’t been there to offer the comfort she’d undoubtedly needed. Mateo could kick himself for wallowing in self-pity instead of being there for the ones he loved.

Maria set a plate holding a fried egg with beans and rice likely leftover from dinner the previous evening in front of him along with a steaming cup of coffee. Then she sat across from him and waited. Mateo said a quick prayer of thanks, but he didn’t pick up his fork. Instead, he looked at the woman he considered his mother.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to.” Her gaze burned into him, fanning the flames of his guilt.

“I know, but you had to pick up the pieces because I wasn’t there.” He sighed and ate a bite of his breakfast. “Where is Claudia now?”

“Helping some of the volunteers arrange the furniture Kayla’s father sent for the new children’s home.” Maria clasped her hands on the edge of the table. “You need to contact Kayla and apologize to her as well.”

What kind of mess had he created by staying in bed? “Are you sure she wants to hear from me?”

“Yes. She was very disappointed that she didn’t get to see you one last time before she left. She loves you, Mateo. Don’t let her get away.”

He nodded and took a sip of his coffee. With all the things standing in the way of a relationship with Kayla, he wasn’t sure how he could keep her. But hearing from Maria that Kayla loved him, even after he refused to ask her to move to Colombia and then missed seeing her one more time, gave him hope that with God’s help he could find a way.

After he finished eating, Maria sent him to the office where Carlos waited. Mateo couldn’t remember the last time he’d been sent to the office for misbehaving, but he still remembered receiving several lectures from Carlos as a teen. He paused outside the office door and took a deep breath. Whatever Carlos said to him, he deserved it.

He stepped into the office and found his mentor seated behind the desk. Carlos glanced up, his expression somber.

“Close the door and sit down.”

Mateo did as instructed and waited.

Carlos leaned back in his chair and studied Mateo. “I know you are hurting, but avoiding the people you care about is not the way to deal with it. That will only make things worse.”

“Forgive me, Carlos, for making a difficult situation worse.” Mateo sighed and combed his fingers through his hair. “I could make excuses for why I didn’t go to the airport this morning, but none of them will excuse the fact that I hurt two people I care about deeply. As soon as I finish talking to you, I will find Claudia and apologize to her. Apologizing to Kayla will be more difficult, since she’s no longer here. I guess I’ll have to send her an email and hope it will be enough.”

“I wanted to talk to you about that. You know Maria and I will be taking a few of the orphans to the United States to thank the churches that support us and hopefully raise more funds for the mission. We will be visiting Kayla’s church to thank them for their help with the new children’s home.” Carlos leaned forward, his eyes alight. “How would you like to go with us and see Kayla again?”

“I would love to see her again, but I can’t go.” The pain was almost unbearable, but he couldn’t avoid the truth.

“Why not? We can contact the consulate and start the process to get your visa today.”

“They won’t approve me because I fought with the FARC. I am a terrorist in the eyes of the American government.” Mateo stood and paced the small office, the pain in his leg easier to deal with than the pain in his heart. “After everything that has happened to the United States due to terrorism, they won’t let me inside their borders.”

“Sit down, Mateo Luis,” Carlos said. “You are obviously in pain and need to rest your leg.”

Mateo returned to the chair before the desk. The pastor was right, but at the moment he wasn’t sure he cared. Despair threatened to eat him alive. “The only way I will ever see Kayla again is if she comes back here.”

“She talked to me this morning and told me about your conversation last night. She promised to talk to her father to see what he can do to get the U.S. government to grant you a waiver.” Carlos crossed his arms on the desk, his features filled with compassion. “I know you still carry a great deal of guilt for the things you did while you were with the rebels, but you are no longer the same person. For the last ten years, you have been growing into a man of God with a powerful testimony. Your life since coming here is likely to carry a great deal of weight as they consider your visa application.”

A tiny spark of hope emerged through the darkness. Was it possible he could get a visa? He knew Kayla would be thrilled if he showed up on her doorstep. He couldn’t bear to think of how wonderful it would be to see her again and hold her close as he told her she had stolen his heart. Not until he knew for sure he would receive a visa.

Before he could speak, the door creaked open behind him. He turned as Claudia stuck her head into the office.

“Mateo?” The hesitance in the child’s voice nearly destroyed him.

He opened his arms to her. “Come here, Claudia.”

She launched herself into his hug, holding him tightly. “I thought you didn’t like me anymore.”

He closed his eyes against the stinging moisture then helped her into his lap. “That could never happen, little one. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered, leaning against him. Suddenly, she straightened and held out a white feather. “I want you to have this.”

“Thank you.” He took it and held it aloft as he studied it. “But why are you giving this to me?”

“So you don’t forget Kayla.” Claudia looked him in the eye, determination filling her dark eyes. “I gave Kayla the black feather so she won’t forget us.”

The trip to the park flashed in his mind. He smiled, feeling as though God had finally given him an answer about his relationship with Kayla. “I won’t forget her, just as I know you won’t either.”

Worry crept into her gaze. “Do you think she’ll forget us?”

“No, I think she will always remember us.” A sense of purpose filled Mateo, and he gave the girl another hug. “Why don’t you go help Maria in the kitchen while I finish talking to Carlos? I will come find you as soon as I am done.”

“OK!” Claudia hopped off his lap and left the room as quickly as she had arrived.

Mateo turned to Carlos, turning the feather slowly in his fingers. “You think there is a chance I will be able to get a visa and go to the United States?”

“There is always a chance,” Carlos said.

“Then I must apply for one, but I don’t want Kayla to know in case I am not approved.”

Carlos smiled and stood then came around the desk and clapped a hand to Mateo’s shoulder. “We will pray your application is approved, and we will contact Kayla’s father to see if he can help make it happen.”

For the first time since realizing he deeply cared about Kayla, Mateo felt peace rather than uncertainty as he considered the future. All he had to do was quit fighting where his heart led and trust that God would pave the way for him to be with her.

****

The silver frame hanging on the wall in Kayla’s living room caught her eye for the millionth time since she’d arrived home from Colombia and hung it there. A single black feather rested behind the glass, a gift from the little girl she longed to see again. A constant reminder of the man who had stolen her heart but lived twenty-five hundred miles from Indiana.

Sighing heavily, she turned toward Angie, who waited by the front door. “I want to be in Bogotá right now.”

“Seeing Carlos and Maria is as close as you’re going to get, so let’s go.” Angie pulled open the door. “You know they can tell you all about Mateo and Claudia.”

“I wish I could see them for myself, but it will be good to see Carlos and Maria again,” Kayla said as they stepped outside.

It had been six months since they returned from their trip to Colombia. Six months since she received the first email from Mateo, asking her to forgive him for not seeing her one more time before she left Colombia. She’d forgiven him without hesitation, and the daily emails, weekly phone calls, and occasional card or photograph had strengthened her relationship with Mateo and made her miss him more each day. Her worry about whether she would ever see him again came and went like the flow of the tide. Just last week, she’d felt optimistic about their future, but then during their phone call she’d mentioned wishing he was coming with the Ramírezes to the U.S. and Mateo had grown quiet, not adding his desire to come see her. Instead, he’d changed the subject to a new school the city was building near the mission.

Hopefully the couple he viewed as parents could shed some light on how he truly felt about her. Otherwise, she’d have to make a fast trip to Colombia and ask him in person. She already knew he wouldn’t tell her over the phone. If she could see him, however, his body language and expression would tell her just as much as, if not more than, his words.

She shook off the thoughts threatening to drag her down and focused on the reception she and Angie were going to at the church. The Ramírezes had arrived in the United States this morning with a handful of orphans and a couple of chaperones. For the next month, they would travel the nation, visiting churches that supported them and speaking about the mission everywhere they went in hope of gaining more support for their work. Kayla was thrilled they’d made her church their first stop. They planned to spend several days in the area before going to the next destination, and she wanted to spend as much time with them as she could before they left.

She drew in a deep breath of the warm late afternoon air as they walked toward the church a few blocks away. Anticipation built as they drew closer, and she couldn’t wait to see who had come from the mission. Her father had volunteered to house some of them, but he hadn’t told her who, and she had been too busy with work to drop by and find out for herself.