Book of Days: A Novel (43 page)

"You're right." Taylor took a deep breath. "I need to say something to you."

Jason glared at him.

"Forgive me."

"What?" Jason shook his head.

"Forgive me." Taylor opened his palms. "For many things. For my ego, for letting myself look good and allowing you to look bad after we fell apart. For not acknowledging the pain you felt when Annie chose me over you. For not letting myself care what happened to you when you went off to war. For keeping you in your place through my silence. For carrying a bitterness toward you all these years. It's poison. Lead weights." He looked up, then back to Jason. "Forgive me."

Jason stared at Taylor for over half a minute, his eyes betraying the struggle raging in his heart. Finally he spoke. "You've got to be kidding. What do you want me to say? Let's kiss and make up? You stole Annie from me, you destroyed my life, and now you've stolen my hope of finding a real Book of Days."

"I'm sorry; I've been wrong." Taylor stretched out his hand. "Bitterness destroys the vessel it's kept in. Let's bury it, release it. Let it all go, old friend. Please. For both of us."

"I . . ." Jason's gaze darted from the book to the floor to Taylor. "You're asking me to . . ." For a moment his eyes softened and his body shuddered. He shut his eyes, then they snapped back open. "Never. I'll never forgive you. This isn't over."

"Yes, it is."

Jason pointed his knife at Taylor. "What is between you and me won't be finished till one of us is dead."

The big man turned and strode out of the room.

As soon as the echo of Jason's footsteps faded, Cameron yanked on his pack, glanced at Ann, then glared at Taylor. "Now that that's over, it's answer time. Why the elaborate game? The clues, the rocks, the whole setup?"

"Like I said, I tried to keep you away from the heartbreak of all this."

"You did a lousy job." Cameron kicked at a clump of dust on the floor. "Why didn't you just tell me from the beginning that the book existed but only as a symbol? Why let me waste all that time and stir up all my hopes?"

"Because you wanted to believe your dad and Jessie so desperately. Unless you followed the clues and went down the path of discovery for yourself, you wouldn't have accepted the truth. And also, your search these past few weeks—whether consciously or unconsciously—has been about far more things than the Book of Days."

"Oh, it has? Are you going to enlighten me as to what those things are?"

"You're searching for eternity. For meaning. For hope. You're entertaining the possibility that you can let Jessie go and move on with your life." Taylor glanced at Ann. "None of these quests would have started if you hadn't come to Three Peaks and completed your search for the book."

"But I have no answers to any of those questions."

"I don't think your journey is over yet." Taylor touched the blank pages of the book.

Nice try. How would he know? "When the path ends at a stone wall, the journey is over."

"I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted it to be real. And I believe there is a real book with pages we will open, full of words where everyone's story is written down and recorded by God's own hand for all of eternity, but it's not on this earth and it's not for the eyes of mortal man to see. Someday I believe I will see it, but not in this age, not in this life. And I believe your memories of Jessie and your dad are hidden and safe in that book."

Cameron glanced at Ann. "Let's get out of here."

He walked past Taylor without looking at him.

Cameron and Ann sat in his car, neither of them speaking. What was there to say? It was time to go back to Seattle, but he didn't want to. Go back to what? If his condition continued to worsen, he wouldn't have much of a mind to work with back home anyway. He wanted to stay in Three Peaks. But do what? Search out the Native American legend that would only lead him back to Taylor Stone's basement?

What should I do, Dad . . . Jessie? What should I do, God?

"I'm sorry." Ann touched his hand. "Truly sorry."

He rubbed his upper lip and stared at The Sail & Compass logo on the outside of the restaurant, at the needle on the compass pointing to the North Star. If only he could find a north star for his life.

Jessie would say the only North Star was Jesus. As would his dad. And Ann.

"What are you going to do now?" Cameron asked.

"I'll spend a few more days down here, then head back. I want to hang out with Tricia and Taylor for a bit. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that he's my uncle." Ann turned toward him in her seat. "And you?"

"I don't know. I should probably head back in the morning and try to get on with my life. Start working on that bid with Brandon."

"May I make a suggestion?"

"Sure."

"Tell Brandon everything that's happened. If he's any kind of friend, he'll understand why you need two more days. Then do something for yourself tomorrow. And keep your fly-fishing lesson with Taylor the day after tomorrow. You're blind if you can't see he cares about you."

Cameron fired up his MINI Cooper and pulled into the street.

She was right. His life was ending anyway. It wouldn't end any faster or slower if he returned to Seattle two days from now.

A moment later he knew exactly what he needed to do the next day.

CHAPTER 39

Two Years, Two Weeks Earlier

Cameron made himself a raspberry-and-banana smoothie and plopped down in front of the television Sunday afternoon.

Jessie clumped down from upstairs. "I'm headed out to spend a little time in the sky, but I want to show you something first. Do you have a minute?"

"Sure, always," Cameron said, but kept watching General Maximus Decimus Meridius lead the Roman legion against the German barbarians. "We haven't watched
Gladiator
together in a long time."

"I'm not big on the violent parts."

"Neither am I, but it's such an epic flick."

"I need to show you this."

"Uh-huh."

"This is important, Cam-Ram."

He paused the DVD and turned toward her, the light from the big screen casting a warm glow on her face.

"Sorry."

"I need you to take a good look at this." She reached into her coat pocket and held out what looked like a highly polished stone about the size of a large grape. It was slightly oval and russet colored with a small hole bored through the top, a thin leather cord threaded through it. As she handed it to him, Jessie settled down next to him in their blue two-person chair.

"It's beautiful."

Jessie nodded.

Cameron turned it over in his hand and ran his forefinger over the surface of the smooth stone. There were scratches on it, but they weren't random. It looked like some kind of pattern or writing. "Where'd you get this?"

"I found it when I was a kid. It's Native American."

Something was off. There'd never had secrets between them. "How long have we known each other?"

"A long time."

"And you're just now getting around to showing me this? I thought I knew everything about you." He winked and patted her leg.

"It wasn't the right time till now."

"And what makes now the right timing?"

"It just is."

"Okay." Cameron put his arm around Jessie and pulled her close. "And these markings?"

"I think it's some kind of language."

"What's it say?"

Jessie shrugged. "I have no idea."

"It's cool, I like it." He started the movie playing again and tried to hand the stone back to her.

"No." Jessie pushed his hand away. "I want you to have it. You need to have it."

He paused the film again. "This stone means something to you." He brushed a strand of hair away from her face and studied her eyes. They were puffy. "What's going on? Why have you been crying?"

She shook her head. "I needed to give it to you just in case."

"Tell me what the stone means."

"I'll tell you when I get home, I promise."

Pressing her wouldn't make her tell him, but he had to ask. "Just in case what, Jess?"

She placed her finger on Cameron's hairline and slowly ran it down his forehead . . . nose . . . chin . . . neck . . . chest till she stopped on his heart. "I will always be here, you know. No matter what happens in the next few weeks."

He pulled her in close and kissed the top of her head. This wasn't like her. Quiet, hidden, melancholy. And holding on to a secret that had her living in a world she rarely visited. She wouldn't tell him what the stone meant? Okay, he'd give her time. But he didn't want her to be alone today. He didn't want to be without her today.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here today? Hang out, you and me?"

Her gaze dropped to her lap. "I can't stop living and I need to get some hours in the air."

"Tell me, Jess."

She stood and buttoned her Gore-Tex jacket. "Good-bye, Cameron." She flipped her tan scarf over her shoulder, the one he'd given her so she'd look like Amelia Earhart, and shuffled toward the door.

He squinted at the back of her head. "You sure you don't want to stay?"

"I'll be fine. I'm sure I got all worked up for nothing." She opened the door halfway and stopped, her hand resting on the knob. A few seconds later she turned and looked at him, a sad smile creasing her face. "I love you, Cam. Always and forever. Remember."

"What is it?"

She dropped her head and shook it. "Fine, I'm fine." She opened the door the rest of the way. "So are you. Always."

The front door clicked shut and the blast of cool air that had swirled around him for the last few minutes died.