Born Bad (34 page)

I always wondered about Outside. I guess most people do, right? I mean, people
talk…
that's one of the things people do.

Talking isn't the same as thinking. I know that now. It isn't the same as doing, either.

There's only two things that could be true, I guess. Because the Rulers put people Outside. They do it all the time. So either all of the people they put Outside died because the air was so bad…or they didn't die at all.

If you think about it,
really
think about it, it
couldn't
be all bad air Outside. I mean, why would the Rulers go through all that just to make somebody dead? People die all the time.

First I thought it was a lie. To scare people. Not because of the air, but because the Terror was still there, Outside.

But then I realized…maybe the Rulers aren't lying—maybe they just don't know the truth.

Because you can breathe the air Outside, Logan. I know. I'm here.

When they took Cain, I knew I'd have to find out. He broke a Rule. A Major Violation, so they put him Outside. When the Drover came to our sector, he said I had to go to the Sex Tunnels. I was just in my Year 14, Cain told the Drover—they can't make you go until you're Year 16, that was the Rule.

The Drover told Cain the Rule had been changed. Cain stabbed him and the Drover died.

You remember what happened then, right? Cain had to go in front of the Video–Counsel. It turned out the Rule really hadn't changed—the Drover was lying. But killing is against the Rules, so they still put Cain Outside.

The way I figured it, if I just stayed around and waited until my Year 16 to go into the Sex Tunnels, then it was all for nothing. That's when I decided…well, you know what I decided—if they can
put
you Outside, there had to be a way to
get
to the Outside too.

I couldn't go out the way they took Cain. That way is guarded…because of all the people standing around, waiting to see if anyone comes back. They all want the first person to come back to be theirs. Nobody came back yet. The crowd is big, really, really
big.
I saw it for myself—I went there when they took Cain. Some of the people
live
there now. Just waiting.

I knew there could be more than one way to get Outside. Outside is too big for it to have only one way there. That's when I left the Charted Zone.

I can't tell you where I went after that. Or who I stayed with. I hope you get this, my sister. I hope you are the only one hearing it. But if it's the Rulers listening, then…oh, you will never learn the channel from me.

The Rulers lie.

Cain wasn't dead. I found him.

You know what we have, Logan? A baby. Our own baby.

Other people have babies too. They protect the babies. They learned that from the animals, that's what the Travelers said. The Terror only took the humans, not the animals. I mean, sure, a lot of animals died. But their
ways
didn't die.

There are no Rules here. But there are things you can't do. Everybody teaches those things, because if we didn't have those things, we would all die. Like, you can't take somebody's tools. If you get caught doing that, you have to pay it back
double.

The big change is about children, You can't hurt children. It's not like Underground, even though the Rule sounds the same. In Underground, you can't hurt children either, unless they are your own. Unless they belong to you. But here, you can't hurt
any
children, even your own. You can't have sex with them either, no matter how many credits you have. Not that we have credits up here like you do, but you understand what I'm telling you.

You can't hurt children. If they catch you doing that, you have to go away. You have to leave the child you hurt, and go away. Away from the group, that's all. In the beginning, people say that there was a lot of that. The people that had to leave, the Wanderers, they kept moving, From place to place. But nobody wanted them.

They tried to form a group of their own, but then they started fighting with each other.

You can feel them sometimes. At night, by the fire, you can feel them looking down at us.

Every group has its own code. That's what it's called up here, Logan…a Code. A Moral Code. That means, you live a certain way because it's right. Even if there are no Rules to make you.

Some of the groups are called Families. Not spray, like you have in the Underground—it doesn't have anything to do with your blood. Our Family is called the Warriors. We guard other Families, like the Weavers and the Builders, and they give us what they do. It's not a trade, not like the Exchanges. We do our best, and they do their best.

And I have a name now, Logan. A real name. My own birth–name, and a Family name. So I'm not Rachel/X/188 anymore—I am Rachel Guardian.

One of the old Travelers told us that Outside just means Starting Over. We are Beginning Again, he said.

It's not like Underground, my sister. Sometimes it's cold and sometimes it's hot. There are animals. Big ones, so big they are scary. And some of the groups hunt too. Hunt us. It's not quiet and clean and safe like the Underground.

If our Codes win, it will be a better place than Underground ever was. And if we lose, we just die, that's all.

But we will die trying.

The people who get put Outside are the people who broke the Rules. The Rulers are sending the best to us. Not all are the best, I know. But plenty of them. Plenty.

I wanted to go back down into the tunnels and show people the way out, but Cain said if too many people came out at once, it would be an overload—it would stop our Code from growing.

But Cain's a man, sister—he's my man, but he's still a man. My heart doesn't have a brain, but it knows what's right. That's easy now, to know what's right.

The tape is almost done. Listen, my sister…sister–of–my–spray, sister–for–real, sister of my Family, sister of my Code. Listen now: when we were very small we had a game—a game of counting. I pray you remember. You could do any calculations in your head, remember? Please remember, Logan. Listen: remember the time I counted the most cargo–crates on the Conveyor. The most anyone had
ever
counted. Take that number, the number I counted, all right? Take thirty–one and a quarter percent of that number, and round it off to the nearest hundredth. Go back to the tunnel where you last saw me. Then walk that many steps times twelve out of the Charted Zone. No more, no less. When you get there,
stop!
Just wait. It may take a while, a long while even. But someone will come. They will ask your name. When you tell them, they'll lead you to the tunnel to the Outside. They're a Family too. My Family, My first Family. But they're not coming Outside for a while—they have work to do where they are and they need to stay.

Come Outside, sister. Come into the light. We're starting over.

May 1958

TONY: Summer's comin'. We got to do somethin' soon or we go under. Just like that. We can't keep tryin' to operate by ourselves out on these streets. The Counts gonna be the damn
no–
counts soon.

RIX: So what we suppose to do, bright boy? Tell the Golden Dragons we all ready to let them join
us?

TONY: Man, shut the fuck up! I told you before, Rix. The only reason we still alive at all is 'cause of my brains, not your mouth.

RIX: You act like you King Shit or somethin' just 'cause we stayed safe so far. Just keep talkin'…I'll show you who's King Shit.

MANNY: Rix! Shut up, punk, or I shut you up.

BILLY: Don't fight, Tony. We not suppose to fight each other, right? Ain't that what you always say?

TONY:
(Wearily)
Yeah, you right, Billy. You said the right thing.

BILLY: Thanks, Tony!

POET: My people tole me today they was gonna move away from the block. 'Cause it's too mean around here now. So mebbe I won't have this problem soon anyway.

MANNY: Listen, motherfucker, you with us from jump, you with us all the way.

POET: Oh yeah, man. I mean, I wasn't talkin' about punking out or nothin'. Just if my people move, then what I'm suppose to do?

TONY: You worry about that if they do move…
if
they do. You know they can't go no place without the fuckin' Welfare says it's okay.

POET: I know.

TONY: We can't keep this up. We can't be the only club in this fuckin' city with only six men. We got no protection from the Black Barons this way…we be sittin' ducks if they go down on us. And we live too damn close to their turf. We got to figure a way to join up with the Golden Dragons before school is finished for the year. Otherwise, this summer, we be finished.

RIX: We could do just fuckin' fine, I had me some fire sticks. Niggers roll on us, I could blow them to the moon.

MANNY: That's right, punk. You a real mean hombre. You gonna blow eighty men away all by yourself, right?

RIX:
(Resentfully, but out of steam)
I got the balls.

MANNY: Better keep your mouth shut, man. I not playin' like Big Brain here
(indicating
Tom) and I cut you open for one more fuckin' word.
(Silence)

TONY: That Peace Treaty I signed with the Dragons ain't good enough. They willin' not to jump on us 'cause they got trouble with the niggers…but they won't do nothin' to help us out if the Barons fuck with us, see? And we can't even hold the debs this way…no women, no power, not even a fuckin' clubhouse 'cause we afraid of a raid!

RIX: We got to do somethin', make 'em see we got lotta heart, make 'em know we alive.

TONY: For once you right, man. We got to make it like the Dragons think it good policy to let us join. Okay, so I don't be President and you don't be Warlord and shit…but we be safe…and mebbe we move up inside the organization…you know, play it cool and stick together even when we inside. And I know just what we can do to put us on the map.

BILLY: Tell me what it is, Tony. Tell me what it is and I do it for us.

TONY: You a good man, Billy. The fuckin' best! But this is somethin' for the whole club…for all of us together. We gonna take off that fat fuckin' cop who thinks he's a social worker. Anderson the cop, man. We gonna burn him right in this alley and burn him so the whole fuckin' neighborhood knows the Counts have the most heart of anyone out here.

POET: You fuckin' crazy, man? Burn a cop and we don't even got a real gun…just a couple of lousy zips what don't even work and not even a bullet for them!

PRINCE: It's a good idea, Tony, but the Poet–man is right. How we gonna do somethin' like that and not go down behind it ourselves?

TONY: Manny, you said you put one of the niggers on the other side down for good one time, right? When we went to the institution?

MANNY:
(As if expecting a challenge)
That's right!

TONY: That's the answer right there. Manny's blade and Billy and Prince for the pipes. Rix can use the one good zip—I got a bullet from The Dealer yesterday.

RIX: You mean just burn him when he walks by the alley at night?

TONY: No good, man. That's nothin' but a fuckin' ambush and that means we still ain't nothin'. Just a Jap outfit. No good. We gonna do this before it gets dark. Face to face. I want to watch that cocksucker die.

BILLY: What if we get caught?

TONY: I never lie to you, right, Billy? And I swear we don't get caught if we stick together and do like I say.

BILLY: Okay.

TONY: Listen. I got a plan worked out in my mind and I tell you and then we take a vote….

CHORUS: Let's fuckin' hear it. Run it, man.

TONY: You know how the alley makes a kinda T? Dead–end on three sides? Okay, we set up there like usual and Poet brings his portable radio. We put it on top of one of those old packing crates. Pile 'em up real high at the back of the alley. Now Anderson usually rolls up around nine, right? So we set up back in the alley, just jivin' around, and we keep turning the radio up real loud so people scream down at us to cool it. So they all get the idea we gonna be doing this all night and don't get surprised when the radio gets real loud again. Manny and Billy and Prince all lay up in the back.