Bound by Trust (12 page)

All
Jared could do was shake his head.
What
words could fix this?
Gage’s infidelity and his own cowardice.

“How
long did you know, Jared?”

“Since
before he left the last time.” He hung his head and wished he could fix it.

“Get
out!” She rose and moved toward him pointing to the door. “I said, get out! How
dare you call yourself my friend?” Her voice caught and she began to sob.

Jared
took Liz by the elbow and steered her toward the door. Before the screen shut
behind them, Gretchen flew out, apparently quite rattled at Madi’s new
personality.

“What
are you going to do?” Liz whispered.

“Wait
here until Rafe gets home, we can’t leave her now.”

For
forty-five minutes Liz and Jared sat on the porch listening to her raging
inside, screaming and tossing things around the room. Then she went silent.

“Should
we check on her?” Liz started to move.

“No,
not yet, she’s not done.” He pulled her to sit down again, put an arm around
her shoulders, and rubbed her leg with his other hand. And the screaming
started again. “Baby, I’m really sorry about last night, whatever you want is
fine. I’ll do a big wedding, I’ll elope, whatever you decide is fine.”

“I’m
sorry too. I don’t even care anymore, nothing could compare to what she’s going
through.” Liz set her face in her palms and sighed.

Rafe
saw Jared and Liz sitting on the porch long before he got to the driveway and
concern overtook him. Had something happened to her in the night and no one had
called? Maybe it was her mother. God he hoped not, the Collier women couldn’t
take much more wrong in their lives. Speeding up, he sent up a dust cloud. He
stopped short, slammed the truck in park, and bailed out, hurrying to the
porch. He figured whatever was wrong, it was bad, as Jared and Liz both looked
like they’d just jumped out of bed and come running.

“What
the hell is going on?” he demanded, running up the steps.

Jared
grabbed his arm and stopped him from going in.

“She’s
gone a little crazy, Rafe. Gage’s stuff showed up last night and…well…”

“There’s
more than that? Isn’t that enough?”

“Yeah,
it wasn’t just the bills he was hiding from her, and what added insult to
injury was I’ve known and never told her. She found out the hard way.”

“Go
home.” Rafe’s face turned to stone. “Both of you go home; I’ll take care of
her.” Meredith’s assumptions must have been founded.

Gretchen
had taken up residence in front of the screen door with her head on her paws
and her ears pricked up. Stepping over her, he went inside, hoping it didn’t
look as bad in the house as it sounded. He found Madi on the couch curled up
tightly in a ball, a shell of the person he’d left in their bed yesterday
morning. Surveying the room, he discovered it was as bad as he had feared,
worse in fact. Gage’s foot locker was overturned, clothes lay everywhere and
across everything, letters and their envelopes were scattered throughout the
room interspersed with what appeared to be literally dozens of photos, some of
which were ripped into pieces, and the remnants of a book were strewn from the
couch to the piano.

Madi
didn’t really look any better than the room did. Her clothes were wrinkled,
probably from wearing them all night, her braid was frayed and strands of hair
were flying out around her temples, and her eyes were bloodshot and swollen.
She’d needed him and he hadn’t been here. The military had taken him away for
the night and he hadn’t even known anything was wrong because he wasn’t here.
Was her well-being and sanity worth it?

Sitting
on the edge of the couch at her feet, he just sat for a moment taking it all
in. He pushed his six point cover back on his head, rubbed his forehead, and
took a deep breath trying to find the words. Finally coming to center, he tried
to rub her back, but she withdrew further into the cushions.

“Madi,
tell me what to do.” He sat back and looked at her, wondering if she was in
there somewhere.

“Go
away,” she said flatly.

“Well,
that’s not going to happen, so talk to me.”

“I
can’t, Rafe. This isn’t your problem. Why can’t you understand that?”

“Madi,
please, don’t shut me out like this. Tell me what’s going on.”

“I
told you.” Her voice was dull and void of any hint of the person he knew she
was. “I can’t talk about this. Please go away, Rafe. Please.”

She
knew from experience that when she was faced with something of this magnitude,
she was a very unpleasant person to be around. He needed to go before he found
out how horrible she actually could be. It didn’t happen often. Normally she
was the most even-tempered person on the planet, but she did have her breaking
point, and after everything she’d been through and then to find out that Gage
had been as bad as her father was, she was fractured.

“I
don’t think I should leave you alone.” He leaned up, put his elbows on his
knees, and laced his fingers.

“Well,
don’t think about it then, just do it.”

He’d
never seen someone turn into an empty vessel so quickly and completely.
Twenty-four hours ago she’d been full of life and tenacity, laughing and joking
with him. Now she lay here, totally devoid.

“Let
me help you, please.” He tried to touch her again only to have her flinch.

“Why
do you have to be so damn pigheaded? I said go away.” She seethed. “And if
Jared hasn’t gone yet, tell him to get the hell out of here as well. He’s a
traitor.”

Not
knowing what else to do except heed her wishes he left her.

“Can
I stay here a while?” Rafe stood at what used to be his door.

“What
did she do, kick you out?” Jared had come to the door not looking much better
than he did when he’d left their house.

“She
thinks she did, and I’m going to let her think that for a while, but in the
meantime I need somewhere to stay and being as I can see our house from here, I
can make sure she isn’t doing anything stupid.”

“Come
on in, Liz is making coffee.”

*
* * *

After
several hours of lying on the couch, staring at the mess, Madi got up and
retreated to the spare room. She sat down on the smooth oak boards in front of
another box and removed the things inside, placing them around her. The picture
of Gage in his dress uniform, that had been set on the casket, the carefully
folded flag, his beret with the 101st emblem prominently gracing the brim. Then
she found a small box that contained his dog tags and his wedding band. It was
a miracle those things had survived. The remnants of the man she’d believed
loved her. The pieces of a life that had never existed. At what point had the
train left the tracks? How could she have been so stupid not to have seen?

Blinded
by tears, she opened the tiny box, then closed it and clutched it to her chest.
She curled up on the floor and cried, and let go of the man she thought she
knew.

*
* * *

Late
in the afternoon Rafe had all he could take of pacing, waiting, and worrying.
He went back to the house and let himself in again. She was no longer on the couch.
He found her in the floor of the spare bedroom with some of Gage’s things set
around her.

“Hey,
you doing any better?” Rafe leaned on the doorjamb and watched her lying there
staring at Gage’s picture. He’d never hurt so much for another person in his
life.

“Yes,
I’ll be fine.” Her eyes were still dead.

“Did
you eat today?” He crossed the room feeling helpless, his hands fisted in his
front pockets. “I could fix you something. Or, if you want, I’ll take you out.
I’ll go get whatever you want…Sing Lei’s…”

“No,
no, and no thank you.” She took a tremendous breath and let it out slowly.

He
was beginning to think that what he thought they had started to build between
them was crumbling and falling down around them and he was powerless to do
anything to salvage it. The reality that she might never let him back in
squeezed his heart and made him feel sick.

“Madi,
please don’t shut me out. I want to help, but you have to let me in.” He
reached for her but she pulled away.

She
looked at him, hating how she felt. Part of her wanted to turn to him, tell him
everything, and let him help her get past this, while another part shouted at
her to run. It seemed to her there wasn’t a trustworthy man on the planet. Her
father, Chad, Gage, Jared…was Rafe lumped in the mix too, waiting to betray
her? Her heart felt like it was being shredded.

“Did
we make a mistake, Rafe? What if you die, too?” The panic in her voice was
evident. “You won’t even let me buy you a ring, how do I know this isn’t why?
So, you can do this to me, too?”

“A
mistake? You think we’re a mistake?” His eyes blazed with hurt and anger. She
couldn’t possibly mean that, she was just injured so badly right now, she
didn’t know what she was saying. “Well, I don’t, Madison. And I’m not Gage.”

He’d
never called her Madison before. “No, you’re not. I thought I knew him, but
you, I actually don’t know.”

He
knew nothing he could say or do at this point would convince her he wasn’t
going to deceive her for years, then leave her to the wolves. Defeated, he
returned to Jared’s.

*
* * *

A
bottle of wine and she still wasn’t numb. Maybe whiskey would have been a
better choice. Her soul lay open, raw and exposed, sending sharp pains through
her. How could he have done this to her? The cork on the second bottle made a
hissing pop as she pulled it free. A few more glasses and surely she wouldn’t
feel anything anymore.

Taking
another full glass, she went to the French doors and swung them open, letting
the muggy night air waft through the house. Her piano sat gleaming, begging to
be touched, demanding to take her away from all that ripped at her heart. She
ran her fingers across the glossy finish. Setting her glass on top of it, she
eased onto the bench and raised the jet-black cover that hid the keys. Taking
position, she took a breath, closed her eyes, and let her fingers begin to
wander over the keys, coaxing out the notes, needing them to wash over her and
make her forget.

Rafe
sat with Jared on his porch, watching her. She’d had a shower and was wandering
the house in nothing more than a long, blue t-shirt. He knew she’d had way too
much to drink and he had no intention of sleeping until he knew she was okay,
but he didn’t dare go back over there yet.

When
she took to the piano and began to play, he was reminded of the nights that
CeCe would sit in front of those doors and make the keys come to life. Some of
the happiest sounds he’d ever heard would waft out on the evening air. Madi’s
song was more like a requiem. Music so sad it stabbed his heart floated out
from the house. The feelings that plagued her infested every note she sent into
the air. With her eyes closed, her fingers found their marks with proficiency
and ease as an anguished look swept across her face. He wanted to grab her and
shake her back into the land of the living.

Where have you gone, Madi?

Then
just as he thought she would quit playing, she became more intent and tears
streamed down her face and throat. Why couldn’t she talk to him? With a few
intense strokes, the song she was playing ended, and she laid her head on the
keys sending a cacophony of mismatched notes into the silence as her arms hung
limp at her sides. Without any sort of prelude, she bolted up from the bench
toppling it backward. Screaming, she grabbed the glass of wine and thrust it
into the wall, shattering it, leaving a bright red blotch running down into the
floor. She collapsed to her knees, folded up, and buried her head in her lap,
sobbing.

“Go
to her, Rafe,” Jared said, running his hands over his head. “She needs you, go
to her.”

Rafe
stood and began to walk. She could yell at him, call him names, hell, she could
even hit him, but he was not going to sit by any longer and watch her go
through this alone. He reached the porch in a few short seconds, walked through
the doors, and knelt beside her.

“Madi?”
He spoke gently and touched her shoulder feeling her trembling. “Come on, you
aren’t getting rid of me that easily.” She didn’t move. “Come on now, let me
in.”

Slowly
she rose, peering at him through bloodshot, glassy eyes that spoke of too much
to drink, too many tears, and too much pain. He sat down and pulled her into
his lap feeling her relent to his presence. Not knowing what else to say or do,
he just sat there with her like a child in his lap, rocking and murmuring
hushes in her ear.

Finally
after a while she began to calm and the tears slowed until all that was left
was her breath, catching in short bursts.

“It
was all a lie,” she whispered into his shoulder.

“What
was?” He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead.

“My
whole life, Rafe.” Another sob caught in her throat. “That son of a bitch was
having affairs the entire time we were married. He had a complete other life
with his mistresses and I’m the one who paid for all the fun he was having. My
whole life was a lie.”