Bouquet Toss (27 page)

“Who the hell is Cece?  You said she was your
aunt
.” Tanner snaps.  My lies are unfolding.  Oh God, I am going to lose him.  “She isn’t, is she?”

“Please don’t be mad,” I whisper.

“Who is she, Daphne?  Your mom and I were talking tonight and she mentioned her sister’s name was Jennifer.  And I already know your Dad doesn’t have any sisters.  I was going to let it go, bring it up another time.  But, now I know she is tied to this ring, which means somehow she is connected to him…”

“She’s Mayson’s mother.”

“And she gave you an engagement ring?  Why?”  I stare into his eyes, pleading for him to stop his demands.  But, he presses on.  “Why, goddamnit?  Why do you have an engagement ring hidden in your drawer?”  His cheeks are growing red with anger and frustration.

“I don’t know.  She gave it to me and I couldn’t get rid of it.”

“He was going to propose to you?  I thought he had a girlfriend.  None of this makes sense, Daphne, none of it.  I thought you were past all of this, I thought you were ready to move on…with me.”

“I am, Tanner, I am!”

“No, you’re not!  That’
s clear now.  If you were ready for a future with me, you wouldn’t have
this
.  Here, take it, I can’t stand touching it,” He presses the ring into its slot and snaps the box shut.  I extend my hand and grasp the box.

“Tanner, please listen to me.”

“Tell me about Cece.  Tell me about why you have a relationship with her.  Why does she call you so often?  Why is she texting you?  I don’t understand.”

“We connected when Mayson had his accident.  We formed an instant bond.  It’s hard to explain, Tanner.”

“Okay, so why did you feel the need to hide this bond? Why couldn’t you just tell me about her?”

“I was afraid it would scare you away.  You were so afraid of being my rebound.  I didn’t want to tell you for fear that it would break us apart.”

“And so, instead, you lied to me?”  His voice drips with disdain.

“Yes, and I’m so very sorry.”

“Does she know about me?” Tanner persists.  My pulse races and panic sets in.  My mouth feels dry and parched.  I don’t know what to say. I glance away for just a moment, but that’s all it takes.  He knows me too well. 

“She doesn’t, does she?” he asks incredulously.

“I didn’t want to hurt her, Tanner!”

“And I mean so
little
to you that you were willing to lie
to
me
and
about
me for months?  How can I possibly trust you now?  You’ve been hiding this for our entire relationship!  I’ve been giving you my heart, giving you my
soul
and you’ve been lying to me.  And the worst part is, I’ve told everyone how crazy I am about you, everyone!  And you’ve been keeping me a secret, like you’re ashamed of what we have.”

“You know that’s not true, Tanner.  I love you.”

“I’m finding that hard to believe.  But, at least some other things are making sense now.  All of those text messages that you get when we’re together.  My god, the woman calls and texts you all the time!”

“She’s my friend.  We talk.”

“About what?  What do you talk about?  I’m obviously not important enough to come up in discussion,” he hisses.  Feeling trapped, I lash out at him.

“Speaking of friends, who is Tracey?” I ask defensively.

“Tracey’s a co-worker.  Why?”

“Earlier today, your phone buzzed.  I picked it up in order to hand it to you, but I saw your text history with her.  You didn’t tell me she went to
Japan
with you.  You must have hundreds of messages from her on your phone. Obviously, I’m not the only one who’s been keeping secrets.”

“I’m not cheating on you, Daphne.” Tanner replies matter-of-factly, his eyes rolling slightly.  He knows what I’m doing. 

“Well, I’m not sure I believe you.”  I attempt to stand strong.  But, he knows me too well.

“I would never do that to you.  You’re making assumptions.  I’m not
him
, Daphne.”

“How dare you say that?  How dare you bring him up just to distract me from what is obviously going on behind my back!”

“And what is so obvious?  A co-worker sent me text messages?  I hate to tell you this, but in the world of technology, co-workers send messages to communicate with one another every damn day.  Tracey and I were working cooperatively in
Japan
.  That’s it!”

“But, she wanted to see you after work.  And you agreed.  I read the messages, Tanner. There was no mention of a project.  More importantly, I can read you.  You’ve been so different ever since you got back from
Tokyo
.  How do I know you two didn’t hook up while you were there?”

“We didn’t know anyone else in the country, Daphne.  She’s happily married with two children.  I’ve met her husband several times.  He’s a great guy.  And me?  I’ve been the same person I’ve always been.  You’re jumping to conclusions because you’ve been down this road before, only you didn’t find out until it was too late.  I know you’re afraid to feel that way again.  But, I’m not
him
, Daphne.”

“You need to stop talking about Mayson as if you know what happened, as if you know how he felt about me.  Because, you don’t!  And you have no right to insinuate that, that---“

“That he cheated on you?  That he cheated on his girlfriend of several years with you?  I don’t need to insinuate anything, Daphne.  It’s all pretty transparent.”

“You didn’t know him, Tanner.  He cared about me.  He loved me.”  Tanner’s eyes widen.  He throws his hands up in the air, exasperated.

“God, would you listen to yourself?  Do you honestly think that man treated you the way he did and actually loved you?  And do you really think that I would be standing here, fighting for you as I always have, if I didn’t love you?”

“Stop it!  Just go, please.”  I regret the words as soon as they spill from my jaw.  It will kill me if he walks out that door.

Tanner walks to me, places his fingers on the bottom of my chin, lifting it up so that our eyes meet.  He looks forlorn, beaten and tired. “I hate him for doing this to you, Daphne.  I hate that you defend him all the time and that you allowed yourself to keep that ring.  How could you
do
that, Daphne?  I hate that you’re unable to move on from him and that you’ve attached yourself to his mother in order to keep him in your life, even in a minute way.  I hate that you keep comparing me to him...I hate that you compare me to…to… ”

“To a dead man?” I shriek in horror.

“No, damnit!  To a person who didn’t deserve you. A person who made you feel as if you weren’t entitled to all of the happiness in the world.  A person who couldn’t, or wouldn’t, give you all of himself.  And now, because of him, I fear you can never give me all of you.  And I need all of you, Daphne.  I won’t settle for less.”

Sobbing, I collapse into a heap on the floor, hanging my head in shame.  I would do anything to escape this confrontation, escape what Tanner is forcing me to deal with.

“I wish I could go back...just go back” I sob uncontrollably, choking on the words as they exit my mouth.  Tanner is silent for what feels like hours.  Then, he kneels before me, placing his hands gently on my thighs.  He speaks in a low whisper.

“I wish he had never shown up to Elise’s wedding.  I wish you had joined me for that drink after your speech.  Maybe then you could’ve gotten to know me before your world fell apart.  I wish a lot of things, Daphne.  But, it feels like your regrets are different than mine.  I should go.”

“No, no, wait.  I didn’t mean....” I’ve pushed too far.  Tanner has misread me. I want to go back and reject that ring.  I want to tell Cece all about him. I want to tell her that I’ve fallen in love.  I want to let her go, let the ring go, finally let Mayson go.  But, he is done listening to me.  It’s too late for redemption.

“It’s alright,” he says as he climbs to his feet, “Maybe I pushed too hard. Maybe this isn’t right.” Tears are forming in his eyes, but he won’t look away from me.

“You said you would fight for me.  Please, don’t go.”

“I can’t fight anymore, Daphne.  As much as I love you, this is killing me.”

“But, I love you, too, Tanner. You know I do,” I whimper.

“But, you still love him, too.  It’s obvious to me now.” He says, looking down sadly at the velvet box nestled in my hand.  “I can’t compete with a memory.  I thought I could, but I can’t. I don’t think anyone can.  You will always remember Mayson the way you
want
to remember him.  Over time, you’ll forget all of the bad stuff and focus only on the good.  You’ll focus on that ring in your hands and the future you could’ve had with him if things had been different.  How can you and I possibly have any sort of future together if you are clinging to the past?  You need to sort through your feelings. I can’t do it for you.”

“Tanner, I—“

“I’m not leaving to hurt you.  But, I must protect my own heart.  And right now, it’s breaking. I can’t take any more, no more rings, no more comparisons. 
No more
, Daphne.
” He leaves my apartment and I am completely alone.  My heart is broken.

Coffee

It’s been almost a week since Tanner left my apartment. He hasn’t called, hasn’t emailed or sent a text.  It’s like he was never here.  As if he was never in my life, never in my heart.  I’ve been unable to leave my apartment, torn between the man I lost and the man who I don’t think I ever really had.  My phone, my link to the outside world at the moment, interrupts my wallowing thoughts.  At first, I’m tempted to ignore the phone, until I hear a familiar voice talking into my answering machine.

“Hey Daphne, it’s Evan.  Are you home?  Pick up, Daphne.  Morgan told me you haven’t been leaving your apartment.  I know you’re there.”  Slowly, I make my way to the telephone, placing the receiver to my ear.

“Evan?”

“Ah, she’s alive,” his voice is dripping with sarcasm. “Hey, what are you doing in, say, thirty minutes?”

“I don’t know, sleeping?”

“Want to meet me for a cup of coffee?  It’s my treat.”

“Hmm, that’s a tempting offer.” My voice is laced with mockery, but the sadness that lurks behind my attempt at derision is terribly obvious.

“Come on, Daphne.  We haven’t hung out in a while.  I’d like to catch up.”

“I don’t think I’d be very good company, Evan,” I say softly, “Tanner broke up with me.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Morgan told me.”

“So, you and Morgan are buddies now?”  What the hell?

“Look, Daphne, she filled me in.  Thirty minutes, at the Starbucks on
Lake Street
.” He is not taking ‘no’ for an answer.

“Alright, I’ll be there in an hour.  I haven’t showered yet.”

“Yeah, definitely take care of that.  Bathing is essential.  I don’t want to feel like I’m hanging out with Pigpen from the Peanuts cartoons.”  A slight chuckle escapes my lips and it shocks me.  I haven’t laughed all week.

Walking into the Starbucks, I see Evan.  He is as handsome as ever, seated in a leather armchair near the fireplace.  His short brown hair has been recently trimmed.  His olive skin looks beautiful against the dark black t-shirt that clings to his muscular arms.  He gives me a sensitive and knowing smile as he stands to greet me with a warm hug.  As we pull apart, he glances at his watch.

“I thought we said we’d meet in an hour. You’re a bit late, my dear.” He teases.

“Yeah, I forgot to mention I needed to wash my hair multiple times.” He raises an eyebrow, “It’s been a while.” I shrug.

“Things are that bad, huh?” he winces.

I nod, holding back tears.  “Come on, let’s get something to drink and you can tell me all about it.”  He takes my hand and leads me to the register.  Evan orders my favorite pumpkin spice latte, handing it to me with a gentle smile as if I am too weak to do it myself.  Perhaps I am.  Moments later, we find ourselves seated back by the armchairs.  It is a secluded area of the small café and I am grateful that Evan has chosen this spot for that reason.  The thought of having strangers see my tears makes me sick to my stomach.

“So, spill it, Daphne.  Why did Tanner break up with you?”

“Well, you’ve been talking to Morgan, so I have a feeling you already have this information, Evan.”

“Guilty as charged.” He admits, shrugging his shoulders and blowing softly on his mocha latte. “But, why don’t you tell me anyway?”

“It’s about Mayson,” I pause, reluctant to continue, “Tanner thinks I’m still in love with him.”

“Well,
are
you?” Evan’s voice is stern and direct. I find it hard to make eye contact with him.

“No,” I snap.

“Daphne?  Come on, it’s me. I know how much Mayson meant to you; how much he hurt you.  You can tell me the truth.”  His no-nonsense approach is wearing me down.  I feel my resolve slipping away.  My heart is getting ready to spill.