Bouquet Toss (28 page)

“I still feel connected to him, yes.  But, I’m not in love with him anymore.  I love Tanner.”
             

“Well, I think he’s great, and I saw how you were with him at the bar.  You seemed so happy.  Morgan is certain that he’s the one for you.”

“I’m guessing that’s why she sent you?”  Disdain fills my voice once again.

“She didn’t
send
me, Daphne.  I was concerned. I wanted to make sure you were all right.  And I wanted to help if I could.”

“And how can you help me, Evan?”

“Well, you’ve heard my sob story.  You know what Kate did to me.  She ripped me to shreds.  And from what I gather about Mayson, he did the same thing to you.  I hate to think that his ghost is haunting you and keeping you from being happy with someone who’s actually worth your time.”

“Well, it’s not all about Mayson.  It’s about his mother, too.”

“His mother?” A large crease forms between his eyes.  He looks genuinely perplexed. 

“Morgan didn’t fill you in on that part of the story, huh?”

“Nope, I honestly have no idea how Mayson’s mother could possibly fit into your break-up with Tanner.”

“I know; it’s bizarre.  She and I formed a friendship after Mayson’s accident and I neglected to tell Tanner about her.  In fact, I lied about it.  Tanner is someone who has no tolerance for dishonesty.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?  I would think you’d be so thankful to be with a man like that after all of the lies Mayson told you over the years.”

“It is, but I didn’t want to hurt him.  And I didn’t want to hurt her.”

“So, let me guess---she didn’t know either?” Nodding, I hang my head. 

“That’s messed up, Daphne.  I’m sorry, but it is.  He had every right to walk away.  I think I’d have done the same thing.”  As the words pour from Evan’s mouth, I suddenly realize how ridiculous all of this sounds. 

“Well, there’s more.”

“Tell me,” he says, sitting back, taking a sip of his coffee.  I take in a big breath.

“There was a ring.”

“You need to be more specific,” Evan raises an eyebrow as he speaks.

“An engagement ring,” I say softly.

“From Tanner?  Did he propose to you?” Evan presses.  I shake my head as I stare at the floor.

“Cece gave me a diamond ring that she found in Mayson’s apartment.  She felt it was mine.”

“But, that doesn’t make much sense.” He looks skeptical, “You told me months ago, that he had a very serious girlfriend.”  I nod again.  He groans, shaking his head in obvious disbelief at the tangled web I’ve weaved.  “So, you kept the ring and Tanner somehow discovered it?”

“Yes, and all my lies began to catch up with me.”

“Listen, here’s the deal, Daphne.  I really do think this relationship is salvageable.  He didn’t walk away because he stopped loving you or because he wanted to see someone else.  He broke up with you because you
hurt
him.  We may act tough, but men’s egos are easily bruised.  We don’t like competing for a woman.  And if we genuinely care for her, we don’t want to be hidden from her friends or family.” Evan takes a deep breath, assessing my eyes for tears before he continues, “Listen, this is like a storm.  You must decide if you want to weather it.  Do you want to weather the storm with Tanner or not?”

“I do.” I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.

“Then, you must let go of Mayson’s ghost.  That’s all he is now, a ghost who is haunting your every decision. He’s your “coulda-woulda-shoulda.”  You need to let that go.  It’s not going to get you anywhere.  You have some big decisions to make, Daphne.  And once you make them, that’s it.  You can’t go back.  The question is, is Tanner worth it?”

“Yes, he is
so
worth it.”

“Good.  You’re lucky.  I still haven’t found someone who has been enough.  No one has been enough for me to let go of Kate, even though I know I should.  But, learn from my mistakes.  There have been so many women who I couldn’t let in.  They’re quickly becoming my ‘coulda-woulda-shouldas.’  Don’t live your life like that.

I’ve been involved with wonderful women who wanted to pursue something real with me.  But, I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t commit because I couldn’t let go of her.  It sucks.  So, have a glass of wine, sort through your emotions, tell Tanner how you feel.  Fight against the storm and let go of the ghost.  And for the love of God, get rid of that ring.  It has no place in your life.  You will never be happy if you keep holding on to the past.  And that ring is part of your past.  It’s not your future.”

Evan’s right.  I’m not ready to let go of Tanner.  I want nothing more than to weather this storm together, to be with him fully and completely.  I need to let go of the mirages, let go of my vision of happily ever after with a man who was never faithful to me.  I must let go of Mayson’s ghost and convince Tanner that I love him. I need to fight for him as he has always fought for me.  He is worth it.  His love, his devotion, has been a gift.  I can only hope he will be willing to weather the storm with me after all I’ve done to push him into the rain, covering myself with my fantasies, with my mirage, with my ghost.
             

But, first, I must go to
Charleston
.  I need to return the ring to Cece.

Charleston
 

“Daphne, dear, I’m so happy to see you,” Cece hugs me tight then grasps me by the shoulders.  “It was such a pleasant surprise to hear you would be in town.” We are standing outside of Blossom Restaurant in downtown
Charleston
.  Cece insisted it was the very best seafood in town.

“Well, my aunt has a place in
Charleston
.  I’ve been meaning to check it out.  I thought it would be great for us to catch up in person.”  My nerves are flaring.  I’m terrified to hurt this kind, gentle woman who has welcomed me with open arms into her family, into her life.

“This is a lovely restaurant.  The smells are incredible,” I muster, trying to sound casual.

“Let’s go in, dear.  I’m sure our table is ready.”

After ordering lunch and chatting briefly over garlic rolls and iced tea, I know it is time to admit why I am really here.  It is time to end my friendship with Cece in order to reclaim my relationship with Tanner.  Taking a deep breath, I begin the conversation I’ve been dreading for weeks.

“Cece, I have a confession to make.  Yes, my aunt really does live in
Charleston
.  But, I’m really here to see you.”

“Oh?  Well, I’m flattered.  That’s so nice, Daphne,” Cece replies, not sensing the regret in my tone.

“Well, this is going to be hard to say.”

“Go ahead, dear.  You know you can talk to me.”

“Yes, I know and I love that about you.  You see, I’ve been hiding something from you, something really big.  I’ve met someone.”

Cece breathes in deeply, leaning back ever so slightly in her chair.  “Oh.  Well, Daphne, of course you must know that I didn’t expect you to stay single forever.  I didn’t expect you to never date again.  Besides, you told me your date with that strange movie snob.”

“That was different.”

“Why is it so different?  You didn’t make me uncomfortable telling me about your date.  You’re a young woman.  I knew, on some level, that eventually you would start seeing other men besides Mayson.  Life goes on.”  She shrugs, her eyes growing moist as she speaks.  She lifts her spoon and stirs her tea, avoiding my prying eyes.

“It was different because I didn’t have any feelings for Abram.  I’m in love, Cece.  And I’m terrified that I’m going to lose him.”
             

“Why would you lose him?”  She pauses, looking deep into my eyes.  She sighs before continuing, “Does this have something to do with Mayson?   Are you still in love with Mayson, honey?” Her expression is pained and ridden with guilt.

“I think a part of me will always love your son.  Part of me will always wonder what could’ve been.  But, the thing is, I’ve met someone incredible.  Someone who makes me feel alive for the first time in so long.  He makes me feel things that even--” I hesitate, not wanting to make her hurt even more. I feel like a terrible person.

“It’s ok, Daphne.  I can handle it.  How does he make you feel?”

“He makes me feel things that even Mayson did not.  He knows me; the real me.  I don’t think Mayson ever did.  And that wasn’t necessarily his fault.  I never let Mayson see me for who I really was. The thought of losing him scared me so much that I wanted to be perfect all the time.  It was exhausting.  And I’m finally realizing that with Mayson, I was always on edge, always afraid of it coming to an end.”

“And you don’t feel that way now?”  Cece asks.  I shake my head in response, happy tears forming in my eyes. 

“No, I don’t.  He understands me.  He loves me for who I am.  He knows the deepest voice in my heart and he cherishes me for it.  It has got to be the best feeling in the world.” I smile from ear to ear, a lone tear gliding down my face.  I am feeling elated and guilty all at the same time.

“Well, that is fantastic.  Truly, it is.  I don’t really understand why you felt you had to hide this from me.  How long have you been dating this young man?”

“We were together for about six months, until a few weeks ago.”

“Oh, no!  What happened, darling?”  She seems genuinely concerned. I love that she is pressing me for more information and not walking out of the restaurant.  She is truly the beautiful person I’ve always believed her to be.  Her response helps me to open up and I am comfortable sharing more with her.  I remove the ring box from my purse and place it gently in front of her.  She gasps softly.

“He was tired of competing with a memory; tired of competing with Mayson.” I say, looking down at the box, “I denied it, I fought him every step of the way, but he was right.  It took losing him for me to realize how ridiculous I was behaving.  I can’t keep the ring.  And so, I am giving it back to you.  I realized it doesn’t belong to me; and it never really did.”

“Oh no, did I cause this?” her skin turns ashen, “Did you lose him because I gave you this ring?” her voice is shaky.  She is terrified.

“It’s not just the ring, Cece.  But, it was wrong of me to keep it.  And worst of all, I hid it from him.  He came upon it innocently.”

“But somehow, I must be connected to all of this in some other way,” she pauses, searching my eyes, “You’ve never mentioned him to me in all this time.  Did you fail to fill him in on our friendship, as well?”  For the first time in our conversation, Cece looks disappointed in me.

“Yes.  He had no idea.”

“I see.” Cece stares at the table.  “Look, I’m not going to pretend that this conversation is easy for me.  But, Mayson is gone and so you
must
move on.  You can’t spend your life thinking about what could’ve been.  I know that I didn’t help matters by showing you that ring, but I want you to know that I really do support you in moving on.  I want you to be happy, dear.  Truly, I do. Selfishly, I don’t want to lose our friendship, but if that is what you need to do in order to move on with this young man, then I will support that, too.” 

“Oh, Cece, I don’t know what to do.”

“I do.  You need to go back to
Chicago
and regain his love and trust.  You need to do whatever it takes.  You had too many regrets with my son.  I don’t want that for you this time.  No regrets, Daphne.”

“No regrets?” I swallow hard, forcing back the tears that are threatening to spill from my eyes at a feverish pace.

“That’s right.  Proclaim your love, make a gigantic gesture, do what it takes for you to be happy with this young man.”  She pauses briefly and then laughs, “I just realized you never told me his name.  He means so much to you and I don’t even know what to call him.”

“Tanner.  His name is Tanner and he is
the love of my life
.”

Boombox

Morgan’s clunky old boombox bangs into the passenger door as I pull it out of my car.  His SUV is parked in front of his garage.  The lights in his condo are on and I can only hope he is inside alone.  If not, I am about to be one embarrassed redhead. But, it will work.  It has to work.

Approaching the light of his living room, I notice that Tanner is seated in his armchair, his reading glasses placed gently on his perfectly shaped nose.  Concern is spread across his face and I know instantly that he is devouring another dystopian novel.  Grateful for his concentration, I position myself in front of his front door, ready to make a complete ass out of myself.  It is worth it if only to show him how I truly feel.

Deep breaths, Daphne, you can do this. It’s show time!  Pressing ‘Play’ on the tape player, I am grateful to my library for having this song in their ancient music selection.  Cranking the knob as far to the right as it will go, the notes of the song pour out into the open air.  The guitar riffs are enough to grab my love’s attention.  He quickly jumps from his chair and walks cautiously towards his front door.  I place the boombox above my head, just like Lloyd Dobbler in “Say Anything.”