Boxed Set: Steel: Blacthorne MC Romance (11 page)

N
ick

I wasn’t really sure what just happened between us, but I knew that I couldn’t fight this urge to tell Ella how I felt for much longer. It was all I could do not to blurt it out when I’d been buried deep inside her.

I raked my fingers through my hair and looked down at Ella. Her breathing was already deep and steady, so I thought she was sleeping. I sat up and reached for my jeans.

Frustrated with myself, I yanked them on and tried to fasten my belt buckle. My fingers felt numb and awkward. How had I let it get this far? How had she gotten under my skin like this? The situation was driving me crazy.

I tried to convince myself that I could do this. I would get through it. Soon she would be gone and this thing between us would be over. Things would get back to normal. But even as I tried to reassure myself, I knew it wasn’t true.

Things would never go back to normal for me after Ella.

Ella stirred in her sleep and turned over. I held my breath as the sheet shifted, revealing the soft curve along her upper thigh and hip.

I licked my lips and felt myself harden in response. Damn. I’d always been quick to recover before, but that had to be a record.

“Where are you going?” Ella asked me sleepily.

She looked so beautiful lying there. I fought against the desire to get back into bed and wrap my arms around her. I wanted to tell her I would never let her go and that I would leave with her tomorrow. I would do anything she wanted me to.

I shook my head, trying to shake some sense into it. I needed to get out of there fast before I did something stupid.

“I’ve got to go and check in with Victor. I didn’t see him when I got back, and he likes to see us all straightaway after we return from a job.”

Ella raised an eyebrow. “Straightaway? Then won’t he be mad at you? I’m sure someone would have told him you’ve been back a while already.”

I grinned at her. “It was worth it.”

I headed for the door and then looked back one last time as she curled up on the bed and covered herself with the sheet.

“I won’t be long,” I said as I slipped through the door and closed it behind me.

At the bar, I ordered a bourbon and threw it back, swallowing it down in one gulp. I ordered another and took it over to Victor’s table.

Jackson was sitting beside Victor as always. He gave me a tight smile, which I didn’t bother to return.

“Steel, did you have a good trip?” Jackson enquired with an infuriating smile on his face.

I sat down in the chair opposite Victor. “It was fine,” I said curtly.

Victor looked at me with a cold, assessing stare. “Any trouble?”

I shook my head. There were a couple of places on the outskirts of Victor’s properties that had been a little reluctant to pay, but it hadn’t taken much to persuade them, so I didn’t bother to mention them.

I shrugged. “The same as usual.”

Victor nodded and then said sarcastically, “Well, Nick, don’t let us keep you from your lady friend.”

Jackson smirked again beside him and then raised his bottle of beer to me.

I shook my head. Screw them.

I picked up my bourbon and left the table, heading back to the bar. I wanted to go back to Ella, but I couldn’t trust myself not to say something stupid. So I went to stand beside Chad and Tom, only half listening as they argued over the merits of Victor’s new Harley compared to his older model.

One of the girls, a stripper called Amy, a girl from Dorset city, came over to say hello. I guessed she was on later that night as she was already decked out in her sparkly costume.

“I haven’t seen you over the past few days,” Amy said.

“Victor sent me away on a job.”

Amy’s eyes widened. “Oh, I hope it was successful.”

“Successful enough.”

She chattered on for a while and I zoned her out. I carried on ordering drinks as Chad and Tom’s argument about the Harley started to get more heated.

I needed the alcohol to stop me thinking. I didn’t feel in control of the situation and I hated feeling like that.

Amy had paused in the conversation and was looking up at me expectantly like she was waiting for a reply. I smiled and hoped that was good enough.

I wasn’t really listening. My mind was racing. I knew that time was slipping away from me and I was losing all hope of figuring a way to get out of this mess and keep Ella by my side.

E
lla

My emotions were all over the place. I couldn’t think straight, let alone sleep. I sighed as I stared up at the ceiling. Nick had been gone for quite a while and I wondered whether he would still be at the bar. I could only hope the Victor hadn’t sent him away again.

I climbed out of bed and quickly got dressed before making my way to the bar. I had a horrible hollow feeling in my chest, and I knew that was down to the fact I was leaving tomorrow.

I would have given anything to have met Nick under different circumstances.

Maybe I could ask him to leave with me…

New York was a big place. He was smart and talented and was bound to be able to find a job. At first, he could move into my apartment, and later, when we got settled, we could find somewhere bigger or maybe move out to Jersey. Renting in New York was ridiculously expensive.

I almost laughed at myself when I realized how carried away I was getting. Did I really think that Nick Steel was the type of man to settle down with a couple of kids and a dog in New Jersey?

I reached the entrance to the bar and took a quick look around. I couldn’t see Victor’s table from where I stood, but I could see the bar clearly, and I was surprised to see that Nick was there, propped up between Chad and Tom and talking to one of the girls, who was dressed in an extremely revealing outfit.

I had a horrible sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and my hands were shaking. I shoved them into the pockets of my jeans.

He was just having a drink. That was all. There was nothing wrong with that.

But a nasty voice in my head taunted me –
you’re leaving tomorrow and he’d prefer to spend your last hours here drinking with his buddies and chatting up one of the strippers. He just wanted to get laid.

My cheeks felt hot as I took a step back. I needed to stop this before it went too far. Where was my self-respect? What had I been thinking?

The bar was much louder than usual. Another crew had arrived and people were singing raucously along to the music and spilling beer on the floor.

I blinked away the tears that was stinging my eyes. I was such an idiot. I thought he’d come back early because I meant something to him. I thought he wanted to say goodbye. But he had just wanted sex. That was all I was good for.

He wanted to scratch an itch and then get rid of me.

I was leaving tomorrow, and he didn’t care.

I felt a strong hand grip my ass and squeeze it painfully. I squealed and stepped to the side, turning on the man responsible. It was a long-haired biker. He leered at me and then reached again to grope my ass.

My temper flared and I elbowed him sharply in the stomach. “Keep your hands to yourself!”

My eyes were stinging as I ran back to my room. I couldn’t believe I’d been taken in. I thought it was more than sex between us. It’d felt like so much more today, but that had just been me projecting my feelings onto the situation. I didn’t mean anything to him other than a way to have a good time.

I sat down on the bed and tried to control my breathing. It was a good job I’d realized the truth now. I couldn’t believe I’d been close to asking him to leave with me. My cheeks flamed hot with embarrassment as I imagined him laughing in my face.

I groaned. What the hell had I been thinking?

It hadn’t all been my fault. He’d led me on. Nick made me believe he cared. He was a jerk and I deserved better.

There was no way I was spending my final night here in the same bed as Nick Steel.

My eyes focused on the heavy chest set back against the wall. I smiled. That would do the trick.

I moved over to the chest and put my shoulder down against the wood, heaving the chest across the floor. It was even heavier than it looked and took me a good five minutes to get it into place, blocking the door and barring Nick in case he decided to grace me with his presence later.

I was nobody’s plaything, and I wouldn’t be treated as if I was disposable.

I stripped off my clothes angrily and climbed into bed, looking with satisfaction at the heavy chest leaning against the door. He would definitely get the message if he tried to get back in.

I plumped up the pillows and got comfortable, trying to calm myself down as I waited for Nick to come back.

But he didn’t.

N
ick

I was feeling pretty hazy after drinking so much bourbon. I swayed a little on my feet at the bar, and Chad laughed, slapping me on the back.

“I haven’t seen you drink this much in a long time,” Tom said.

I nodded. “Ella is leaving tomorrow.”

The two brothers paused and exchanged a look. Then Tom said, “I know, man. It’s tough.”

“I think I love her,” I said.

The expression on both Chad and Tom’s faces was comical. They looked absolutely terrified. We’ve known each other for years, but we weren’t exactly over fond of talking about feelings.

“Hey, you’ll get over it,” Chad said, giving me an uncomfortable smile as he slapped me on the back again.

Tom scratched his bushy beard. “You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you, Nick?”

Chad frowned. “Ella, is a nice girl, but she’s leaving tomorrow. You can’t screw that up for her.”

Chad was irritating me. I pushed him away. Why would I listen to anything he said? What did he know about it?

“Hey, take it easy,” Tom said. “I think you’ve probably had enough tonight, Nick.”

I picked up what was left of my bourbon from the bar and drained it. I set the glass down on the bar and then swayed slightly on the spot before I turned to walk away from them.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Chad called after me.

Stupid? I was finally going to do the sensible thing. The thing I should have done earlier tonight. I was going to tell Ella how I felt. She might laugh in my face or tell me to leave her the hell alone, but I couldn’t let her leave without her knowing how I felt.

In the corridor, I walked past a couple making out and stumbled into them.

“Sorry.” I held up my hands. I was finding it difficult to walk in a straight line.

Despite the effects of the alcohol, I started to get nervous as I approached the room. What the hell was wrong with me? I could handle this. I just had to tell her how I felt. How hard could it be?

I put my hand on the handle and tried to open the door. What the hell? I stared at it in confusion. It only opened an inch before colliding with something hard.

I peered through the gap and despite my blurred vision, I saw heavy wooden chest in front of the door. That chest had been back against the wall a couple of hours ago.

The realization that she didn’t want me in the room hit me like a ton of bricks.

I let my hand drop from the handle and leaned back against the wall. I forced myself to breathe steadily. I was such an idiot.

Did I really believe she could want someone like me? Ella had her whole life ahead of her. She was going to be successful. After a few years of medical school, she would probably settle down with some over-educated jerk, a lawyer or a surgeon or something. They’d live in some fancy big house in the suburbs and join a tennis club.

I shook my head. What could I offer her in comparison?

I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor beside the door. I was berating myself for being such a fool when Amy, the same stripper I’d been talking to earlier, walked past.

“What are you doing out here, Nick?”

She stared down at me with a confused frown on her face. She was still wearing her skimpy stripping outfit and was covered in glitter, tottering on crazy high heels.

I shrugged. “There are outsiders in the bar tonight, and there is no lock on the door. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

“Aw that’s so sweet, Nick.” She smiled down at me but then the confused frown returned to her face. “But why…?”

I suspected she was going to ask me why I just didn’t go inside with Ella, but she thought better of it. Instead, she just gave me a confused smile and a shrug before heading off to do her second show of the evening.

I watched her leave, and then leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes.

This was the end.

I’d lost my chance.

E
lla

When I woke up in the morning and realized that Nick wasn’t beside me, the first thing I did was look at the door. It was still closed, and the heavy chest was still in front of it.

I groaned with embarrassment. Nick hadn’t even
tried
to come back.

I was actually surprised I’d managed to get some sleep. I thought I would be up all night worrying about things that could go wrong. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to be going home today. It would feel so strange to be back in my small apartment, getting ready for the new semester at college.

I’d over reacted last night. I shouldn’t really have been that angry with Nick. He hadn’t promised me anything. The first night I’d seen him, a hot tattooed biker, I’d wanted him for sex.

I’d definitely gotten that.

Eventually I might even be able to look back on my time with Nick and not feel hurt.

I sat up in bed and pushed back the sheets. My head was thumping, and from the state of the sheets tangled around my legs, I guessed I’d had quite a disturbed night’s sleep.

I’d planned to pack first thing this morning. I didn’t have much to take with me and I hadn’t wanted to tempt fate by doing it earlier.

Over the weekend, one of the girls had shown me to the laundry room, so I had managed to wash the things I’d borrowed and would be able to return some clothes. I still had the tank top and jeans that Martha had loaned me and that’s what I was planning to wear to go home.

I had folded up all the other clothes and left them in a pile on the chair in the corner of the room. Soon I would be back home with my own closet and my own clothes. I tried to smile and feel cheerful, but it wasn’t easy.

I got dressed and then decided that I would go for breakfast. I wasn’t sure where Chad and Tom would stop along the road back to Vegas, and I figured I better get some food inside me before we left.

I shoved the huge chest and was shocked to realize just how heavy it really was. I guessed being angry last night had given me a bit of extra muscle power.

I managed to move the chest far enough away from the door so I could slip outside, but as I pulled the door open, Nick fell back against my feet.

He’d been sleeping outside the door.

He stretched and looked up at me sleepily. He was clearly hung over, and he squinted at the light coming in from the window on the other side of the room.

“Did you stay there all night?” I asked in disbelief.

He got to his feet with a groan, and massaged his temples. “I don’t suppose you have any aspirin, do you?”

I shook my head.

“To answer your question, yes, I did stay there all night. There was another crew here last night, and it got a bit rowdy.” He nodded at the door handle. “There’s no lock on the door, and I didn’t want to leave you alone.”

I opened my mouth to try and explain. I was starting to feel embarrassed. What could I say? I saw him talking to another girl and got jealous? It did sound ridiculous.

“I’m a man who can take a hint, Ella,” Nick said. He pointed at the heavy chest. “And that is one hell of a hint.” He smiled to soften his words, but I could see from the pain in his eyes that I’d hurt him.

I looked down at the floor. “Yeah, about that… I…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Nick said. “I’d had a lot to drink last night, so it was probably a good thing. I’ve slept in worse places.”

We stood there for a moment looking at each other without saying a word.

This was even harder than I had thought it would be. I swallowed hard.

“I’ve already packed,” I said and turned around, gesturing to a small holdall on the bed that Teresa had lent me.

Nick nodded, his face grim. “I can see that.”

I nodded. “I guess this is goodbye,” I said and tried to smile.

I really wanted to leave and get back to my old life, but this hurt. Deep down, I had a reluctance to leave Nick. Something was pulling at my very core, something I couldn’t quite understand.

Nick nodded, but he didn’t return my smile. “Take care of yourself,” he said.

“I’m not going just yet. I was about to go get some breakfast,” I said. “Are you coming?”

Nick shook his head. “I’ll leave you to it. I’ve got some things to do.” He leaned forward and his lips grazed my forehead so quickly that I didn’t even realize he kissed me until it was over. He pulled away and walked off down the corridor.

I had a huge lump in my throat, and for some stupid reason, I wanted to cry.

I took a deep breath, scooped up the borrowed clothes and headed out, closing the door behind me and walking along the corridor towards the kitchen.

I found Teresa helping Nancy in the kitchen. I set the clothes down on the counter. “Thanks for letting me borrow these. I’m returning them now.”

“You can keep them, Ella,” Teresa said. “Honestly, it’s fine. I’m going to the city tomorrow anyway to buy some new stuff.”

I smiled and nodded. I didn’t really need the clothes now. I had plenty of my own at home, but I felt rude turning them down.

“We’ve got used to having you around, Ella,” Nancy said as she broke a couple of eggs into a pan. “We will miss you. Maybe you’ll come back and see us one day.”

I smiled again, knowing that I would never be able to come back. Victor had expressly forbid it.

I ate the bacon and eggs Nancy had prepared for me in the bar, which was strangely quiet. Normally, most people gathered around this time for breakfast and there were usually at least two or three tables occupied.

The tables were arranged differently in the morning. Instead of being around the stage, they were in the centre of the room so it was easier to serve.

The food was as good as always, but it was hard to eat with the lump in my throat that wouldn’t go away.

I tried to convince myself that I was so emotional because I had been forced together with Nick under these unusual circumstances and that had intensified my feelings. As soon as I got back to New York, I was sure that things would soon get back to normal, and Nick would be a distant memory. A very
pleasant
distant memory, but a distant memory just the same.

I took my plate out to the kitchen and helped Nancy load the dishwasher before I left. I hugged her and Teresa and Tabitha who had joined them in the kitchen.

“Thank you for being so kind to me. I’m going to go and find Chad and Tom now. I’m sure we’ll be leaving soon. It’s been a strange situation, but I’ve enjoyed getting to know you all.”

After we said our goodbyes, I took the pile of clothes back to my room and added them to the holdall I had borrowed from Teresa. Despite the extra clothes, the holdall didn’t take up much room, which was good since I was going to have to take it on a bike with me.

I had half hoped that Nick would come back to say one last goodbye, but he hadn’t materialized, and I was starting to think that was a good thing. I didn’t want to cry in front of anyone today.