Boy in a Band (A Morgan Mallory story) (34 page)

             
“Stop, you two,” I said laughing.

             
I was glad the mood was more bantering than finger pointing. Gayle’s comment took me back to the day she’d met him when I lived across the street. The day I’d convinced her he wasn’t just in my imagination.”

              “Fun day?” he asked when we got in the car.

             
“Different,” I said.

             
He glanced at me sideways and smiled.

“I brought a swim suit for you in case we decide to
get in. The bright blue one, I like.”

“Thanks
, I didn’t even think about that.”

It felt strange pullin
g into the O’Conner’s driveway. So many times I had been here, so many Mathew moments. I felt nervous. I could feel it in my nose as my eyes filled with tears.

             
“What, Morgan?” he asked as he went to kiss me and noticed the brightness in my eyes.

Concerned
, he cupped the side of my face with his hand, his thumb brushing my cheek.

“What’s wrong?”

              “Nothing, memories, a lot of memories,” I said, shaking my head and pulling myself together.

             
Ann had a spread of appetizers out by the pool. In the early evening the view over the Alamaden Valley was breathtaking. The sun was low in the sky hitting the big gnarled oak trees on the golden hills below.

             
“Morgan, how have you been?” Ann asked as she came forward to hug me. “My gosh, you have grown into such a lovely young woman.”

             
“Thank you,” I said, embarrassed, as I hugged her timidly.

             
When she let me go, she hugged Mathew. I gave Brad an embrace, kissing him on the cheek. We sat out back and chatted while Ann flitted back and forth in preparation for dinner. The sun felt warm on my skin. I glanced at Mathew several times as we talked. He seemed comfortable and relaxed. She served a lovely pork chop dish, a caesar salad, and scalloped potatoes. Ann had served this same meal, on a ski trip to Mammoth, one night I recalled. I could see the condo so clearly in my mind and remembered my unreturned feelings for him.

Chapter 39

“Are you seeing any
one?” Ann asked in general conversation.

My stomach cinched and I was afraid to look at Mathew.

              “Not really,” I answered.

             
“You’ve got time, don’t rush it,” she said, waving her hand at me. “Have fun while you can.”

             
“You sound like my mom,” I chuckled nervously.

             
Mathew shifted sideways and a little forward in his chair.

             
“She’s seeing me,” he said, putting his arm around me.

             
Brad and Ann looked at us surprised. Ann’s mouth fell open and Brad grinned. I was as shocked as them; I thought I might faint. My throat constricted and felt dry.

             
“Oh,” Ann sighed.

              “While I’m here anyway,” I said, trying to downplay it.

             
Mathew and I had always been friends; very few knew us as anything else. I’m sure his disclosure was not something they had expected.

             
“Well that’s nice,” Brad said smiling, his lips twitching slightly.

After dinner
, Mathew suggested we take a swim and hot tub and excused us to go change. I walked with him down the hallway towards his old room. The carpet felt the same, smelled the same, so much had happened here. He’d thrown our suits on his old bed. Even his room still smelled like him. He had taken most of his things, although his sports trophies and some other memorabilia remained on the shelves. The guitars and amps had all gone over to Jack’s. He handed me my suit.

“Brings back a
flood of memories, doesn’t it?” he asked.

I looked around slowly, my head feeling like it was jerking
. The drywall dent was still in the wall, from the weight I’d thrown at him so long ago.

             
“Tons,” I murmured.

             
He threw his arm casually across my shoulders.

“
Oh my god, Mathew, I didn’t think you would say something to your parents. Between you and Gayle, I feel like I’m living in the
Twilight Zone
.” I laughed. “Remember that old crazy TV show?”

             
“It was a good one, especially stoned. Put your suit on,” he said.

             
“Here?” I asked, pulling away from him.

             
“You think, after what I said, they would think of checking on us?”

“No
, but I’m still using the bathroom,” I said frowning. “I wouldn’t want your mom to feel awkward.”

             
As I changed in his bathroom, it came flooding back. It was like the dam broke: the first time he kissed me, him asking to see my tits, him playing his guitar, Kim, Thanksgiving with Gayle, the first summer, when he told me to lose Ben. I wrapped the towel around me. Overwhelmed, I followed him through the house. Ann was cleaning up, and Brad and Sara were watching TV in the family room. Sam had left with some friends shortly before dinner. When we walked out back it was almost dark, the sun sinking just below the horizon, reds and browns radiated into the sky.

“It’s warm
,” he said, stepping down gingerly from the patio into the hot tub.

             
I followed him, bending my knees, lowering one leg and then the other, down to the bench and then sinking into the water up to my neck. He moved closer and put his arms around me.

             
“Lovely young woman,” he said pulling me to him, mimicking his mother.

             
“Shut up,” I laughed.

             
“I’m in agreement is all I’m saying,” he reassured.

             
He kissed me. With the pool being dark, I was confident the O’Conner’s couldn’t see us. It was a little nerve-wracking, them knowing he was seeing me. It didn’t seem to faze Mathew, but I felt a bit timid knowing they were home. He ran his hands down my back under my suit, feeling my ass.

             
“That’s not very nice,” I said.

             
“Why’s that?” he teased, leaning into kiss me.

             
“Because. Because you know what you do to me, and I can’t do anything about it here.”

             
He smiled and then kissed me passionately and I could feel the warmth spread between my legs. I pulled away and inhaled deeply.

             
“Um,” I sighed.

             
“I wish you were here longer,” he said.

             
I put my hand on his leg and squeezed. I could feel the muscles and ran my hand down to his knee.

              “I know. This living so far away sucks. I might as well be living there,” I said, pointing up at the moon, which was not full, only about half, but still beautiful and romantic.

             
“Remember that time you asked me if there was other life out there?” I asked.

             
“That was in the old house, right? You remember that?” he asked.

             
I could see Sam and Pat and the tetherball going round and round, smack, smack.

             
“Why did you ask it?”

             
“I don’t know, I guess I wanted to know if you ever thought about things like that. I didn’t think many people did.”

              “I thought you were being stupid, and then I realized you really cared about my answer. It’s about the last time I thought you did.”

             
He leaned forward and splashed me. The water hit me in the face and went over my head.

             
“Hey,” I protested, as he broke the moment.

             
The water dripped from my hair, and down my face. I leaned back and pulled my hair back.

             
“I care about what you say.”

             
“Really?” I asked sarcastically.

             
I stood up and learned over the edge and pulled a towel to me to dry my face.

             
“Okay, now seriously, I want to talk to you about Gayle, and it’s very private, so it can’t go any further,” I said, settling back in beside him.

             
“Okay,” he said, “talk.”

             
I tried to get my thoughts together, tried to think what would be the best way to approach this with him.

             
“She told me today at lunch that she’s seeing a woman,” I said slowly. “She hadn’t told me before because she’s been so worried about my reaction.”

Mathew threw back his
head and let out a huge laugh.

             
“I said
seriously
,” as I splashed him again and again.

             
He kept laughing as he reached to grab my arms. When he had his hands tightly around my wrists he shook his wet hair and small water droplets flew from it hitting me in the face.

             
“Okay, seriously,” he laughed again.

             
I pulled my hands from him and wiped my face.

             
“I haven’t stopped wondering since you picked me up at the airport, why? I couldn’t figure out why she was so willing to let me be with you, why she wasn’t protesting. You get it in your head life is working one way and then, it's not.”

             
I shook my head.

             
“Do you think I was so bad that one time, I drove her to the other side?” he asked, at an attempt to be serious. “Like I made her want the other side immediately.”

             
I cocked my head and frowned at him.

             
“Hardly. For one, you weren’t that bad.”

             
“Oh, but you two were wanting me so bad,” he teased.

             
I ignored him. I didn’t have the energy to argue about a night that was long past. A night I’d never imagined, ever.

             
“Gayle’s taking me tomorrow to meet her girlfriend. We’re going to hang out poolside for a few hours. Drink margaritas,” I said.

             
He leaned back and gave me a sly grin.

             
“Just don’t let them convince you to switch sides,” he said.

             
He pulled me towards him, then off the bench around in front of him, in-between his legs where he applied pressure to hold me as he lifted my face to his. I stared into his eyes; his hair was wet and pushed back. I lifted one hand and traced his hairline with my fingers.

             
“Hmm,” he groaned cupping my chin.

             
My lips hungered to touch his. He let his knees relax and I pushed into him and could feel his erect cock, which made me tremble.

             
“With you around, I don’t think that would be possible, might be easier, though,” I said licking my lips playfully.

“You’re comin
g back tonight with me, right?”

I put my hand on his heart and could feel it beating inside his chest.

              “My suitcase is at Jack’s, so I was figuring so,” I teased, ducking in for a quick kiss.

He
tugged me into him, but I pulled away. We were already excited and we had no place to go here at his parent’s house.

“
I about passed out you know when you told your parents you were seeing me.”

             
“Why?” he asked.

             
I stared at him, his face part in shadow from the moonlight.

             
“'Cause you’ve never said anything like that. Not even to me,” I said, my breath catching in my throat.

             
He sighed and wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight.

“Let’s get showe
red and head back, night's young,” he said.

We used separate bathr
ooms to shower. Ann had set out bath towels for us, and pointed out where shampoo and things were for me. Mathew met me in the hall.

             
“Let’s go say goodbye,” he said smiling.

              “It was so good to see you,” Ann said.

             
Brad gave me a hug. I almost thought after the initial shock of it he might be actually pleased Mathew was seeing me.

“Morgan
, you’re welcome anytime.”

             
“Thanks,” I said.

As we rode back to Mathew’s place
, I wished it could be different. I wished, as I hadn’t in a long time, that we could be together for more than moments. I watched the lights coming at us, cars coming, coming, brighter, brighter and then gone; moments. I reached across the car for Mathew’s hand. He took mine and gave it a squeeze. For only being eighteen I sure felt like I had dealt with a lot of grown-up feelings.

There was no one home at Jack’s
.

“Sit,” Mathew said. “Beer or wine, if we have any.”

“Beer is fine.”

I sat down on the worn white leather couch. Leaning back I rubbed my hands over the cushions and could feel the cracks.

“Here you go,” Mathew said sitting down next to me and handing me an open beer.

I took a big
sip; it was very cold and tasted refreshing. It made my mind jump back to beach when we’d gone to get his guitar.

“I was nervous at your folks. Guess I hadn’t expected you to tell them you were seeing me. You always surprise me, Mathew.”

He moved closer and put his arm around me, and I curled up against him. I nestled my face close to his, breathing him in. I slid my hand under his shirt and ran my hand from his stomach up his chest. I felt so relaxed, and my body melted into his. We sat that way in the quiet living room while we drank our beer. For some reason it made me happy we didn’t have to fill the space with words.

“Let’s go to bed
,” he whispered.

“Ok
ay,” I said, letting him take my hand.

He was off early the next day for a meeting and practice with the band. He left me in bed, reminding me Gayle was to pick me up about ten thirty. I tried to go back to sleep after he left, but couldn’t. I lay there staring at the ceiling, thinking about all the pieces, which made up my relationship with Mathew. This summer I had gotten the good Mathew, the playful, sensitive, fun one. I had to remind myself there was another Mathew, the bad one, the one who could crush me with his words “we’re not a couple”. We had been alone most of the time, away from outside influences, away from the band.