Boy in a Band (A Morgan Mallory story) (38 page)

             
I sighed. I was fighting within myself, a struggle I was not winning. I wanted to run but I wanted to stay. My body went limp and he let me go. I hung my head and my hair fell in front of me. I took a deep breath and pushed it back, looking at him.

             
“You don’t know me anymore, Mathew. I’m not that over-infatuated girl anymore,” I said, moving back to my chair and the champagne.

             
“I know you better than you think,” he said, returning to the other chair.

“How so?”

He grinned at me and I felt naked, like he had already undressed me.

“First
, I know you have absolutely nothing on under that dress, and it’s making me crazy. Second, you knew it would. Probably why you bought it. If you tell me differently, I’ll call
bullshit
. You knew exactly what you could do to me.”

I thought a
bout what he said for a minute. The slow dancing, he knew, I knew he could feel it, my breasts firmly pushing against his chest, his hand cupping my ass finding no underwear lines.

             
“Okay, fair enough. I wanted you to notice. I thought there would be some blonde on your arm. I wanted you to at least be sorry you brought her,” I said.

             
He smiled, and I leaned over and rubbed his leg, could feel the muscle through his suit.

“You’re complex
, Morgan, always have been. I’ve been around you too long, though. Some things you do, I get, others throw me. Me, I’m simple. I’m just a boy in a band. Give me the basics of life and my music, I’m good,” he said.

I was s
urprised at what he was saying.
He got me, I threw him? He’d always thrown me.
I waited for him to continue because I knew he was serious.

             
“You moving away took away any possibilities for
us
. Would it have happened if you hadn’t? I don’t think either of us can say, I think we were on the path for a while.”

             
He leaned forward, wrapping his hands around mine. I felt the electricity tear through me.

“What I’m sure of is
, if I had ever given in back then and said
let’s be a couple
,
let’s date
,
be my girlfriend
, you wouldn’t be here right now. You would have dated me for a while and been on to other things. I’ve managed to keep you in my life for the last ten years because I didn’t give you what you thought you wanted. I don’t think the thought was totally conscious, but I think it’s the truth.”

I stared at him dumbfounded.
I let what he said sink in.
Was it the truth?
This was deeper than he’d ever talked about us. I didn’t know the answer, as it had never happened. There had never been an
us
. I finished my champagne and held my glass out to him.

“I think you better order the second bottle
,” I said.

             
He called room service. While he was on the phone, I walked up behind him and put my arms around him. When he hung up, he turned around and kissed me, tenderly, lovingly.

             
“I need to call Gayle, so she doesn’t worry.”

             
He smiled and moved away.

             
“Okay,” he said, heading to the bathroom.

             
I watched him knowing I would be putty in his hands. Knowing what he’d just said was probably true. Knowing that I wanted to be here, now, with him. That I’d be staying the night.

             
“Gayle, it’s me.”

             
“Hey, how was the wedding?” she asked.

             
“Fun. Melanie was beautiful.”

             
I paused and looked around the well-appointed room, golds and reds in the satin type fabrics. I stared at our glasses on the small table.

             
“Where are you?”

             
“I’m with Mathew, at the Hyatt,” I said.

             
She was silent for a minute.

“Where, at the bar?” s
he asked, hopeful.

I cringed inside.

“No, in a room. We’re having champagne.”

             
She chuckled. I could see her shaking her head.

             
“Don’t make me feel bad; I’ll do that to myself later. It’s really good. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

              “You’re staying the night?” she asked panicked. “What if Max calls?”

             
“He won’t, but if he does, lie for me,” I said.

             
I hung up, feeling guilty. Mathew came out of the bathroom with his shirt off and I instantly forgot about it. I looked at his body, his slacks were slung low, I knew what was under them. My chest tightened.

              “Gayle okay with it?”

“So
-so. We quit shocking her a long time ago,” I chuckled.

             
The other bottle arrived. When Mathew closed the door and turned around, I burst out laughing, giggling, sort of uncontrollably.

             
“What?” he asked, flexing his arms forward like a body builder.

             
“Stop it,” I snorted.

             
He gave me a confused look as he opened the bottle.

             
“What’s so funny?” he asked, pouring us more champagne.

              “Us,” I said. “You and me.”

             
Between the wine at the wedding and the champagne, I was feeling very relaxed and giddy. Mathew certainly was not forcing me. I wondered if maybe he was honoring my earlier protests. We talked and laughed through the second bottle. He watched me as I stood up.

             
“So,” I said, setting down my glass, “you were right on your first point.”

I
lifted my dress up and over my head and let in fall from my hand. His eyes widened and he let me stand there naked a minute while he looked at me. What I saw in his eyes made me shiver. He grinned, seeing it, knowing what he could do to me with his eyes, with his mouth, with his body.

“I want to hear you say it,” I whis
pered.

I could feel the longing
between my legs and I spread them slightly. His grin faded and his eyes became blurred by passion. He moved to the edge of his chair and stood up. He came to me and ran his fingers down the side of my face, my neck, between my breasts. Then leaned into kiss me.

“No regrets,” he said, pulling me into his arms.

“No regrets.”

Chapter 43

I woke up with
my head throbbing. I remembered watching his hands while he opened the second bottle of champagne, my body on fire already. I smiled. Mathew was spooned around my back, his arm over me, his hand cupping one of my breasts. As strong and levelheaded as I thought I was, I’d come to understand Mathew could turn that upside down and backwards. I took his hand and kissed it. He rolled over, and I got out of bed. I took my dress from the floor and went to the bathroom, brushed my hair, and wiped off the mascara from underneath my eyes before I put the wrinkled dress back on. What a sight. I wanted to pull my hair back in a ponytail. I went back into the room and found my purse. Mathew hadn’t moved. I got a hair tie and grabbed my wallet. I took the key and quietly slipped out of the room. I found a pay phone in a hall off the lobby and called Gayle.

             
“Good morning,” I said when she answered. “Max call?”

             
“Nope,” she said.

“Good
. I’ll call later.”

             
“Wait—”

I h
ung up, pulled out more change and dialed Max’s number, checking
my watch. Just before nine, Sunday, he should be home.

             
“Hello,” he answered.

             
“It’s me.”

             
“Hey, me,” he said happily. “How was the wedding?”

             
His tone caused a brief moment of guilt.

“Fun
. I got to see a lot of old friends. You would have hated it.”

I realized if he had come, last night wouldn’t have happened, and the thought of that was worse than the guilt.

              “I’m sure I would have.”

             
“I wanted to check in. I’m off to breakfast with Gayle and Bridgett. They’re keeping me busy. I’ll see you when I get home Monday,” I said.

             
“Sounds like a plan, love you,” he said.

I hun
g up the phone without a reply. The lie about who I was with came entirely too easy.
“Love you”, did I love him? Could I be with Mathew if I totally loved Max?
I went to the restaurant and got two cups of coffee to go. If my wrinkled formal attire was unusual at this time of day, she didn’t seem to notice. I unlocked the door to the room to find Mathew propped up on the pillows.

“Glad to see that Cinderella didn’t vanish
. I looked to see if there was a glass slipper, but could only find a purse. I figured if you ran off, leaving me money, you were desperate,” he teased.

“Shut up, and just so you know
, there is no Cinderella, no glass slipper, no white horse, nothing; it’s all made up. I went to get us coffee. My head hurts,” I said, handing him a cup.

             
I set my coffee on the nightstand, took the dress off, and jumped back in bed. He set his coffee down.

“I know the perfect cure for a headache
,” he said, pulling me to him.

Walking out into the sunshine I laughed at our attire. We’d showered, but having no other clothes we’d had to put back on our wrinkled wedding clothes.

“Your pumpkin awaits,” Mathew teased.

“No prince either,” I said. “Life just isn’t a fairy tale, it’s messy. You’re messy.”

He smiled at me and took my hand.
When we left the hotel, he drove me to Gayle’s where we found Gayle and Bridgett sitting in the kitchen. They were dressed in Dolphin shorts and T-shirts, looking like they were just back from a run.

“Long night?” Gayle asked
, her forehead wrinkling.

             
“The clothes give it away?” I teased.

             
Bridgett laughed.

             
“Morning girls,” Mathew said with a grin.

“I’ll just be a minute,” I said squeezing his arm.

Mathew glanced at me and then sat down at the table with Bridgett as Gayle stood up and followed me into their spare bedroom.

             
“Do tell?”

             
Her tone was part scolding, part amusement.

             
“I spent the night with him,” I answered.

             
“I know that part. Talking, I presume?” she said sarcastically as she sat down on the bed.

             
The room was bright, painted white, with blue and white printed side panels on the window and a checkered patterned blue and white bedspread. The sunlight through the window spilled across her legs.

             
“It’s Mathew, Gayle.”

             
“I thought, maybe,” she emphasized
maybe
, “with you having a boyfriend and all, he wouldn’t be able to work his magic power.”

             
I was feeling deliriously happy and I didn’t need a lecture, not from her.

“I thought so too
,” I said somewhat annoyed.

I dug through my suitcase and pulled out
a pair of shorts and a T-shirt.

“Morgan…”

“I know Gayle,” I said pulling my dress off and changing.

I stuffed
my dress in the suitcase and closed it up. Gayle frowned at me and I gave her a cheesy smile.

             
“Leaving already? Lengthy stay. I assume you’ll be finishing your visit at Mathew’s,” she said.

             
“It doesn’t make sense. I’m cheating okay. I know. I want to be with him, wrong or right.”

“What about Max?”

“I’ve been told to try really hard not to think about that,” I said.

“I’m sure you have,
” she said.

Mathew had asked me not to think of Max. Being with him it was entirely too easy, and again I questioned my feelings for Max. I pushed the thought quickly away.

              “I’ll deal with that later.”

             
Gayle pulled at my T-shirt.

             
“Sit for a minute,” she said. “I need to understand what it is about him that makes you act crazy.”

             
“Me, act crazy?” I smiled at her.

             
“I’m serious. What does he have that can pull you back so easily? What is it about him, Morgan, besides the obvious?”

I s
at down next to her on the bed. I thought about it before I spoke.

“Gayle
, over the years I have asked myself that so many times, you can’t even imagine. Besides the obvious? I assume his looks are the obvious, his body obvious, our chemistry totally obvious. So besides the obvious, he makes me laugh, Gayle. Even when I am determined to be pissed off at him, he can make me laugh. He makes me laugh at myself, at him, at us. He has a way of taking life in stride that doesn’t make sense, so somehow it makes sense, like last night.”

“The wedding probably made you feel all romantic and shit,” she said.
“Add booze, oh, I’m sure he plied you with that, drugs too maybe.”

I sighed.
How could I make her understand?
When I didn’t understand it?
I adjusted myself and turned towards her.

“There’s a history Gayle…”

“Really? A fucking long history of stupidity,” she snapped.

“When you first had feelings for Bridgett, did you think they were stupid, wrong
?” I asked defensively. “When the butterflies filled your stomach, or your heart, or whatever feeling it was, did it feel stupid?”

“We aren’t talking apple
s and oranges,” she protested.

I inhaled deeply. She was wringing her hands in a way she did sometimes when she was frustrated. I was frustrated.

“Just listen to me, no snide comments. Since the time we were kids I’ve loved him and hated him.”

She started to say something and I put my hand up.

“He’s not perfect, terribly flawed in fact, but there is something that draws me to him, and him to me. I see through the rock star part, he knows I can see through it, in fact I’m not even interested in that side of him. I’m not some groupie he can have meaningless sex with and toss aside.”

She rolled her head
in irritation. I knew she thought that’s exactly what he did.

“I can see the little boy, see us jumping rocks in a creek, see us under the stars in a hot tub in Tahoe, remember the time he took my hand in his at the beach, the time he asked me to ride the merry-go-round on the Boardwalk
, remember the first time he kissed me. And,” I said drawing it out, “yes, I also remember my anger at him, the times he hurt me.”

I stared into her eyes. Eyes that had witnessed the majority of it and still couldn’t comprehend it. I smiled and tears filled my eyes.

“He can be so tender and kind that it rips at my heart. Yes, there is that part you don’t see. We can talk, and I guess, love and fight, and then in the end, we still care deeply about each other. He said something last night the blew me away and yet made perfect sense.”

I remembered his tender words
from last night about us.

“
Growing up together, we learned so many things about each other. Things sometimes I don’t even think we grasped at the time. Our time together has always been in small increments unfortunately, so we had to learn to not have expectations, unrealistic expectations.”

             
I looked over at her. She stared at me, saying nothing.

             
“You know I’ve always been obsessed with him. You were the one who told me I’ve loved him forever.”

             
I was just getting the look.

              “Oh yeah, and he’s a leader in a rock band, so he plays a mean guitar,” I teased.

             
She finally laughed.

“There have been so many times I thought you would get over him, but you don’t, it just worries me,” she said.

“Don’t worry, I still get on a plane at the end of the day and fly home. He can be very good in small increments,” I said smiling. “And the sex is awesome. I’d forgotten how hot it can be.”

I pictured Max’s face.

“You’re screwed up, Morgan.”

I picked up my suitcase and walked back to the kitchen
with her following me.

             
“Ready,” I said, feeling excited.

             
Mathew gave me a look like
where have you been
and took my suitcase.

“Nice seeing you
, girls,” he said, headed out the door toward the car.

             
“Thanks for the wonderful time we did spend together,” I said, hugging Gayle.

             
I turned from her and hugged Bridgett.

“Don’t let her spend too much time trying to figure it
out,” I whispered loud enough for Gayle to hear. “There’s no real answer.”

             
“Deep down she knows that,” Bridgett said smiling. “Love has no rhyme or reason.”

She put
her arm around Gayle and squeezed her.

“Love you both
,” I said and was out the door.

              “Okay, I’m all yours,” I said, getting in the car, leaning over to kiss him.

             
“She still hates me,” he said.

             
“She’s never hated you. There’s a lot of history between us, she knows about. Not all good. She sees me doing something I shouldn’t be. She thought Max would stop me this time. She’s worried about her crazy friend.”

             
“Is that what took you so damn long?” he asked.

             
“Yeah,” I chuckled. “I had to try and explain myself.”

             
“Not so easy, I’m guessing,” he said.

             
“Ya, think?”

             
We drove a ways in silence with the radio playing. I felt content and happy.

             
“She knows what my feelings are where you’re concerned; she just can’t understand them. She thinks you have some kind of magical power over me. That probably worries her the most,” I said.

             
He shot me a long glance like I was out of my mind.

             
“Keep your eyes on the road,” I scolded.

             
“So she believes I’m magic?” he teased.

             
“Only when it comes to me.”

             
He’d rolled the sleeves up on his white dress shirt, and it was unbuttoned and open at the neck. I could see a little bit on his chest, his tanned arms, and his hands on the wheel. Hands that could make me melt. He looked incredibly sexy and I couldn’t wait to be with him again, and again, and again.