Boy O'Boy (13 page)

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Authors: Brian Doyle

BOOK: Boy O'Boy
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“And here’s another fifty for the shoes! That’s quite the uniform there, son!” he says. And moves on.

A hundred dollars! My horrorscope! My bounty!

I give back Buz’s cap and stuff the money in the left pocket of my shorts.

We start to walk a few steps toward the band on the stairs. The cymbals are crashing and the drums pounding and the trombones are flashing in the bright sunlight pouring in the high windows of the Union Station.

Now there’s something else flashing that sinks my heart and makes my knees weak and my stomach roll over. I swallow hard.

It’s a pair of glasses flashing in the sunbeams from the high windows of the Union Station.

It’s Mr. George. He’s looking at me and Billy.

25
Sorriest Organ Player

M
Y MOTHER’S sitting on the bed. She’s wiping her hands and face with a cold cloth I just got her. Now she wants her Blue Grass Eau de Parfum and I get it for her out of the smooth-as-satin drawer. She squirts a squirt of Blue Grass on each wrist. I take the bottle and before I put it back in the drawer I squirt it at Phil. Phil roars.

“Don’t do that,” my mother says. “You know he hates that!”

Too bad.

What are we going to do with Phil once the baby comes to live in Lowertown?

“Go and ask Billy if he’ll mind Phil for a few minutes while you go and get your father. Because I think it’s just about time for me to go to the hospital. And I can’t chase after Phil right now.”

“Billy hates Phil! He’s afraid of him!” I say.

“Tell him it’s just for half an hour. Tell him I’ll give him a dime.”

“Never mind the dime,” I say. “I’ll give him a
dollar!
I’m rich, remember?”

“I want you to hide that money. When I get back from the hospital with the baby I’ll put it in the bank for you. And don’t tell your father about it. He’ll probably hear about it anyway but let’s keep it a secret as long as we can.

I give the two fifty-dollar bills to Mrs. Batson to keep for me and Billy goes to mind Phil and I flap slap up to the Lafayette beer parlor to get my father.

Yesterday at the station Mr. George started walking toward Billy and me. Could he see that we were with Buz and the two sailors and Mrs. Sawyer and some Laflammes? Maybe not. It was so crowded that he wasn’t sure. That’s why he was coming so slow.

“Buz!” I said. Buz was talking to Mrs. Sawyer and some people.

“Buz!” I said. Buz didn’t hear me.

“Buz!” I said, reaching up to his ear and pulling on the hard cast on his wrist.

“Buz,” I said. He was listening now.

“See that man, the man with the thick glasses and the reddish brown hair coming over to us? That man is the choir organist and he put his hand in my pants and he made me do dirty things in Heney Park one night with him and he did Billy too.”

Buz heard every word I said.

Mr. George saw now that Billy and me were with some people. He was coming over almost sideways, being real polite.

“Excuse me, flight lieutenant,” he says to Buz. “I’d like to have, if I may, a few words with these two fine lads from our choir about their recent attendance. It won’t take long, just a little chat. Can you come along, boys?”

Buz says something to the two big sailors and steps up. He puts out his cast hand as if to shake hands with Mr. George and when Mr. George looks down at the cast Buz’s other hand shoots out and plucks Mr. Georges glasses off his face.

Mr. George now can hardly see.

“Hold him there,” Buz says to the two sailors, and they grab Mr. George’s arms and pull them back. Nobody seems to notice, it’s so crowded. Mrs. Sawyer is chatting with some people and the whole place is still buzzing about the nut millionaire and the band is blaring away.

Buz holds the glasses up near Mr. George’s ear.

“Listen to this,” he says and snaps the glasses in two. “That’s what’s going to happen to the rest of you if you ever bother these boys again.”

“My glasses. You broke my glasses…” says Mr. George.

Buz is feeling in Mr. George’s jacket and his pants pockets and comes out with his wallet and goes through the wallet. He takes out a card.

Buz reads off the card.

“T.D.S. George, 428 Rideau Street, Apartment 1201. Now get this,” says Buz. “You never, never go near these boys again. You never have anything to do with them. You don’t follow them, you don’t talk to them, you don’t look at them, you don’t even think about them. And if I ever hear about you ever again, I’ve got your address here and we’ll come for you, my friends and I, and you’ll wind up the sorriest organ player that ever had a fondness for fiddling with choir boys…”

Buz gave him back his wallet but kept the glasses and the I.D card.

“Away you go now,” said Buz.

And away went Mr. George into the crowd…

 

I go into the tavern and up to my father’s table.

“Mother says you better come home. Baby’s on the way!” I say, out of breath.

“I’ll just finish this beer and I’ll be right there,” says my father. “I hear you’re rich!”

I turn and head toward the door through the smoke and beer fumes and crashing bottles and glasses.

“And tell her not to be in such a rush!” shouts my father to me and gets a big laugh all around the table.

Really funny.

Going home, I’m thinking about when I told Buz all about how Mr. George was wounded in the legs in the war. Buz said it was probably a lie because with that poor eyesight, with those eyes, they would never let him in the army. All lies about being wounded and the woman with the truffles and shooting the German soldier who was squatting under the tree and everything…

“But what about his uniform? He had on an army uniform. And the medals. He had medals,” I said to Buz.

“Probably bought them,” said Buz.

FOR SALE:
Army uniforms. War Medals,
(ask inside)

Read everything.

Going home, I’m wondering about the baby that’s coming. He? She? Two of them? Not another Phil, I hope.

With some of my hundred dollars I’m going to get a really good pair of shoes. The best pair. And they’re going to fit! And I’m going to get a new sweater. Not a sweater with the sleeves unraveling. And new pants. Pants with two pockets, left
and
right.

Dramatis Personae

Granny — a beautiful lady who will be with Martin forever

Martin O’Boy — a victim

Father — he doesn’t care

Mother — tries to care, but can’t

Dr. O’Malley — a nodding doctor

Father Fortier — he says the words

Phil — not a normal twin

Cheap — a boy’s best friend with one ear

a man — he attacks from the slaughterhouse

Baron Strathcona — just an old baron with a fountain named after him

Miss Gilhooly — a teacher who tries to waste time

Grampa — a retired soccer player whose heart is somewhere else

Mrs. Sawyer — she waits for her son, Buz

Turkey lady — she has blue hair

Ketchup lady — her face is painted

Mrs. Laflamme — mother of Horseball and many others

Mr. Laflamme — the coughing father of all the Laflammes

Buz Sawyer — a war hero

Billy Batson — more prey for a predator

Mrs. Batson — a woman of mystery

Lenny Lipshitz — a gambler with a lying face

Lenny Lipshitz’s father — rag man

Mr. Lipshitz’s horse — he’s tired, except during celebrations

Aztecs — they killed the beautiful boy

baby in the belly — it wants to come out and live in Lowertown, or does it?

Mr. Skippy — he likes his summer boys

Billy Batson — the other one in the comics who turns into Captain Marvel by saying SHAZAM!

Captain Marvel — he wears a tight red suit with yellow trim

Dr. Radmore — an animal sadist

Ketchy Balls — another sadist, this time a teacher

Killer Bodnoff — accurate with an ice-ball

Bing Crosby — could cause trouble for a choir boy

Bob Hope — supposed to be funny but isn’t

Dorothy Lamour — her nightgown makes Billy say SHAZAM!

Mr. T.D.S. George — a predator

Billy’s father — supposed to be a very nice, kind man

Veronica Lake — she charms men’s hearts with her hair-do

Christian Brothers — they wear long black dresses

Abbott and Costello — two funny guys in the movies

drunk shoe salesman — an air-conditioning expert

Lefebvres shoe lady — she gives discounts

Old Faithful — a kicked pail with special contents

St. Alban — martyr

Sheena the jungle girl — not many clothes on

ice house man — a man with a specially shaped head

Dick Dork, Darce the Arse and Dumb Doug — three foolish summer boys

Fred MacMurray — he looks just like Captain Marvel except for the clothes

Barbara Stanwyck and Edward G. Robinson — an unhappily married couple

Alan Ladd — Veronica Lake wants to kiss him

Geranium Mayburger and Mr. Blue Cheeks — characters from Angel Square

Sixpouce and Goliath — different-sized lacrosse players

Yvon Robert and The Mask — two friendly wrestlers who try to kill each other

Percy Kelso — don’t call him Tomato unless you want to die

Imbro’s waitress — she wears a huge pencil in her hair

Old Man Petigorsky — a shoemaker who thinks he’s funny

hundred-year-old fly swatter — “They never knew what hit ’em!”

Andrews Sisters — they sing to Abbott and Costello

Reverend — he puts the Sandy Hillers to sleep

Sandy Hillers — they get blown out of their church pews

Merrickville Millionaire — he loves a uniform

two big sailors — nobody to hug them just yet

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