Bracing the Blue Line (28 page)

“No, but you told Christina after she badgered you for weeks about what was wrong.” Christina was Dave's ex-girlfriend from high school. They broke it off over the summer and Maddie was close to her. Really close apparently. “Wait. Are you telling me that was Winston?! She said you were heartbroken. What the hell are you doing back with him? I can't believe this shit.”

“You acted like you suffered so much because you kept it a secret. But you did talk to someone. You lied to me,” I say to her. I can't believe it. Yeah, it's probably not something to be that upset about, but she made a big deal over having to deal with it all by herself.

“Have your couples quarrel later,” Dave snaps.

“No.” I take the phone from her and end the call. “What the hell, Maddie?”

“Winston.” She leans forward to touch my arm, but I get out of bed, slipping a pair of sweatpants on. “I don't even remember telling her! We went to a party and I remember her asking me about it. She kept refilling my drink, so I guess I told her at some point. I wouldn't have said what I did if I thought I actually told her. Come back over here,” she finishes softly, holding her hand out for me to take.

I allow her to pull me back onto the bed, sitting on the edge beside her. I'm not so sure how I feel about all of this, so I stay quiet for now and let her do the talking. My phone is vibrating again with another call from Dave.

“Don't answer it. You can call him back later.”

“You don't remember telling her?” I ask. “I don't care if you told someone, Maddie, but there's no need to lie about it now.”

Her hazel eyes gaze at me sadly. “You know I wouldn't lie to you.” We're silent as we process what just happened. Dave knows because he saw his sister half-naked sitting on top of me. He also knows part of what happened in high school with us. “What are you thinking?”

“I'm thinking that was a shit way for him to find out.” Maddie's phone starts ringing. “Go talk to him. Doesn't look like he'll stop until you do.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod and she leaves my side to go answer. I don't really want to hear it, so I grab some clean clothes and head for the shower. Honestly, it feels like things could be worse. Maybe Maddie can calm him down and talk some sense into him. I doubt he wants to listen to me. When I finish, she's still on the phone with him.

As I walk into the room, she says, “Okay. Hold on.” Maddie holds the phone out to me. “He wants to talk to you. I'm going to take a shower.”

I take the phone from her and press it against my ear. “Yeah?”

“I've known you practically my entire life. I know everything you've ever done, good and bad. Why the fuck should I be okay with this, especially knowing what you did to her?”

“What did she tell you?”

“Seriously, Winston? That's what you want to know? You're supposed to be my best friend, not my baby sister's boyfriend. If you hurt her, how could we still be friends? If things don't end well, I'm going to have to choose sides. Do you realize what you're risking by doing this?”

He's starting to really piss me off. “Of course I know! Why do you think Maddie ended things with us the first time, Dave? That was because of you! I wanted to keep my best friend and my girl. When I didn't tell you fast enough and didn't stand up for her to you, I lost her. Don't you fucking tell me I don't know what's on the line. That's the exact reason why I know I'll do everything I need to to make it work. Either learn to deal with it or don't, but I'm not going to lose her again.”

Dave's quiet for what seems like a long time. Maddie reenters my room, frowns when she sees I'm still on the phone, and sits next to me on my bed.

“Well?” I ask, tired of waiting.

He sighs. “I gotta go. Tell Maddie I'll talk to her later.”

Without saying anything further, I hang up. “He'll talk to you later.”

“That's it?”

“That's it.”

“He'll come around, Winston. Once he sees how we are together, he'll look disgusted, tell us not to kiss around him, and things will be back to normal.” She kisses the corner of my mouth because I haven't turned to look at her yet.

“Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Let's hit the gym. It's going to be a long day.”

I'M CONVINCED THAT Maddie is addicted to exercising. She seems to do it even more now that we're dating. Sometimes, she'll run beforehand or it'll be her second, sometimes third, workout of the day. It's insane. When she only eats a protein bar for “breakfast,” I want to say something about how she should eat more, but I don't. I'm sure she'll eat more later. The only reason I'm really noticing is because of a nagging thought in the back of my mind about how what her brother said that night made her start exercising so much in the first place.

We usually chit chat a little, but today, we exchange few words. Dave was right. He knows about all the shit I've done over the years. The stupid, the not-so-respectful, but also the good and the thoughtful. There's a very good chance that he doesn't want to deal with this because of the simple fact of who I'm dating. I hope not because we've been friends for too long. Knowing Dave, he's probably more pissed about how long he was kept in the dark about it. Smart move, Winston.

“Are we going to keep not talking or what?” Maddie's voice sounds from next to me.

I put down my weights and face that small body with hands propped on her hips. “Figured we were just thinking this go round.”

She shakes her head, stepping closer to pull the fabric of my shirt at my waist into her hands, absentmindedly rubbing it between her fingers. “I was waiting for you to freak out. You're much calmer than I expected.”

“You wanted me to give you my everything, so that's what I'm doing. Am I a little concerned about it? Sure, but if you're okay, then I'm okay. Like you said, he'll come around.”

“And if he doesn't? You're going to be fine with that?” She tilts her head to look up at me.

I lean down to kiss her forehead. “I could be fine with it for you.”

“NEIL, I THINK you went overboard,” Audra says as we look at all our purchases from todays shopping trip. The week has flown by between school, games, and work. I never knew that I could actually enjoy shopping. Well, I somewhat did. Audra ooh'd and ahh'd over every little thing we saw. That part was fun to watch.

“I didn't go overboard,” I laugh. Okay, maybe I did, but can you really ever have too many baby clothes? I didn't buy the entire store, so it's fine. Next time, we'll buy the other practical things she'll need. “Come sit.” I sit on the couch and pat the space next to me. When she does, I pat my lap. She doesn't even make a remark, which tells me she either really likes me doing this, or she really wants it. Maybe both.

I rub her feet and her calves over her jeans, earning an appreciative moan. “Y'all still coming tonight?”

“Yep. Ma's excited, which surprises me. I don't know why, but I think she likes you.”

“Hey!”

Audra smiles. “I didn't mean it like that. I just mean she hasn't really been around you enough to have a valid opinion of you.” Her hand goes to her stomach. “Do you still want me to go tomorrow?”

“If you're willing.”

“I am.” She swallows hard. “Are you nervous? I'm nervous.”

“Yeah, a little.” My honesty surprises her. “I'm not worried about how they are going to treat you or react because they are the best people I know. I'm more worried about myself and how you're going to feel. It has to be a little scary that you're meeting her family.”

She nods. “What about you? Why are you worried about yourself?”

With a deep breath, I answer, “Before I told you, I haven't talked about her since the funeral. It's...” I gulp, my throat tightening. “It's hard, Audra. My past and my present are clashing.”

She pulls her legs out of my lap, moves closer to me, and takes my hand. “Thanks for being open and honest with me, Neil. I really appreciate it.”

I smile at her, really wanting to get away from this topic. “Can I do something for you?”

Audra looks at me skeptically. “What?”

“Is that a yes?”

“You aren't going to tell me?”

“No, but I promise it'll be worth it.”

Reluctantly, she nods. I stand, and she follows me to the her bathroom. Wordlessly, she follows my orders when I ask her to take off her pants and get her legs good and wet. When she finishes, she puts the toilet seat down and sits. I grab her razor and shaving cream, sit on the edge of the tub, and pull a leg onto my lap.

“Really? You're going to do this?” she asks surprised.

“Yeah. You said it was too much work, and I figured it would make you feel better, so...”

“Okay.”

I lather up the shaving cream, rubbing it over the top and sides of her leg, and then lean back to rinse my hand under the spigot. I'll have to get the back of her legs later. Carefully, I begin to shave her legs. When I glance up at her, she's looking at me a bit strangely.

“What?”

“I just...I never thought you would be this type of guy.”

I grin. “It's amazing what you learn when you actually get to know a person.”

She sighs and frowns, making me stop what I'm doing to look up at her. “Don't make me feel bad, Neil. I feel like I always say the wrong thing to you anyway.”

“You're saying what you think. There's nothing wrong with that, Audra.”

That seems to satisfy her, so I go back to shaving her legs. It takes a while because of how we're doing it, but when I'm done, Audra surprises me by giving me a soft kiss on the lips.

“Thank you.”

“You're welcome. I need to go. I'll see you later.”

When I leave, I realize something. There's an odd feeling inside me, and I'm not sure about it. It feels good, but it doesn't at the same time. I feel...content. Happy. I hate that it almost feels wrong and foreign. My mind is lost in this for the rest of the evening. I should be happy, should be happy about being happy. All this talk about Candace is why it doesn't seem right, I believe. I'm waiting for something to go wrong, and I know I won't be able to handle it if it does.

Her death broke me. Bo wasn't kidding when he said I haven't been the same person since. How could I be? She was everything to me and then one day, she was gone. She didn't exist anymore. Our baby didn't exist anymore. It didn't seem real, much less possible. I struggled through the rest of hockey season, debating wanting to quit and never touch the ice again and trying to hold on to the only thing I had left.

And now Audra is here, carrying our baby, and being excited about it doesn't fit. It feels like it shouldn't. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should talk to Bo about it. Though, his advice always ends up pissing me off in the end, whether he's right or not. I try to push these thoughts away when I mess up a pass to Winston during our game, but I can't help it. Audra and her mom are here. How the hell am I supposed to focus on hockey when I'm wondering if she's still tired from our shopping trip? Wondering if baby girl is moving around in her belly right now?

“Neil,” Bo cuts through my thoughts. “Focus,” he grits.

“Fuck off.”

With a deep breath, I do focus. I can't be a reason we lose this game. Not with who is in the crowd. I push myself, push my teammates, and try not to worry about anything else. We come away with a 2-1 win. Back in the locker room, my phone beeps with a text. Like I promised, it's never on silent. There's a text from Audra.

Audra: Tired. We're going ahead home.

I text her back:
okay.

At least I won't have to tell the guys yet. I ignore questions from the guys about my play tonight. It wasn't awesome, but it was enough. I go to the house, take a nap, and then go to work for a few hours. I can't shake this bad feeling. It's probably nerves about tomorrow. My phone beeps with another text as I'm leaving.

Audra: Will you come over?

Me: Need to run home first, then I'll be on my way.

Audra: Thanks.

I wonder why she wants me to come over. This is a key reason why we should live together. Then there wouldn't be any of this back and forth mess. I'm not sure how to bring it up to her or the guys, despite what Bo told me. When I get to the house, Winston is awake, sitting on the couch watching TV. I mutter a hello and go about my business. Once I have my things to spend the night, I head for the door.