Bracing the Blue Line (35 page)

“Can I come in, Neil?”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” I move aside for her to enter. “Let me go make sure she doesn't need any help. Make yourself at home.” Leaving her inside, I hurry to Audra.

“Who's that?”

“My mom.”

“Oh, should I go?”

I shake my head. I'll be damned if I'm about to make her leave. “I don't know what she wants, but you're not going anywhere but inside.”

“Okay,” she nods, her hand going to her stomach. “I brought dinner. It's in the passenger seat.”

“I'll get it then.”

She waits for me to grab the bag of food before taking my hand and walking with me inside as snow starts to fall. That simple act, of waiting so she can walk in with me, does wonders. I don't know why, but it does. My mother is waiting right where I left her. Guess she didn't feel comfortable making herself at home. Audra squeezes my hand as Mom gives her a tight lipped smile.

“Mom, this is Audra. Babe, this is my mom.”

“Nice to meet you,” Mom says, but even I can tell she doesn't mean it. Her words are too clipped, too formal.

“You too,” Audra replies, turning towards me. “Want me to go put the food in the kitchen?”

“Yeah.” I hand her the bag and she walks off. It's not until she walks around the corner that I realize she's never really been past the living room, so she doesn't know where the kitchen is. “What do you want, Mom?” I ask, guiding her into the living room. “I'm not really in the mood.”

She wrings her hand and suddenly, I realize she's nervous. I've never seen my mom appear anxious before. Not like this anyway. “I don't know why I came other than on the phone this morning, you sounded like the son I remember. I want to understand, Neil, and I want to be around to meet my granddaughter.”

“Does Dad know you're here?” My parents are pretty hard to separate. I mean, they are usually a joined force that doesn't deviate from each other on their view of something.

“Yes. He had to leave for a trip, so he couldn't come.”

“There's enough food if you'd like to eat with us.” We both turn at the sound of Audra's voice. “Well, Neil has extra to share,” she jokes with a smile.

God, I love her. I face my mom. This could either be a turning point towards progress, or she can take a step backwards by declining her offer.

“That sounds nice,” she answers.

“Hard to turn down a pregnant girl, isn't it?” Audra chuckles.

I laugh as we head towards the kitchen. “You need to let that go, babe. Sometimes, people say yes because they mean yes. Not because they don't want to tell you no.”

“Well, I choose to believe otherwise, so leave me alone.” Audra already has three plates on the table. “Oh! I forgot the drinks.”

“I'll get them.”

They sit as I fix everyone something to drink. It's not until after our plates have food on them and we begin to eat that Mom starts talking. She glances at Audra, who is keeping her eyes on her plate for the most part.

“I, uh...I've been thinking about what you said all day. You shouldn't have to apologize, Neil. We should. We weren't there for you like we should've been, but the Lanier's were and they still are. I'm thankful for that. I think that you continuing to go after her death, in part because of Alice, shows the kind of man you are. So, I am sorry we weren't there for you and I'm sorry that it's taken this long for you to hear that. Your father feels the same, and we would love to have dinner with your family,” she finishes, looking at Audra.

There is a part of me that doesn't believe her, but then there's a larger part that simply wants to move on. All I can manage to say in return are two words. “Thanks, Mom.”

After a brief pause, Audra smiles widely and shifts the conversation. “Would you like to see the latest sonogram?” My mom nods, and Audra adds, “Well, show her, Neil.”

I reach into my back pocket for my wallet and pull it out, handing it to my mom. She studies it for a moment before asking, “Does she have a name yet?”

“Liana, but we're still figuring out a middle name,” Audra answers. With that, I'm out of the conversation as Mom and Audra start talking about the pregnancy. I'm a good listener while they talk and talk and talk. By the time my mom decides it's time to go, I've already washed our dirty dishes. I want to groan when Audra asks, “Are you sure you'll be okay driving back?”

Luckily, Mom says, “Yes. Neil, I'll let you know a date soon. It was so nice to meet you, Audra.” They hug and my mom turns to me, giving me one as well. She kisses my cheek, tells me she loves me, and then she's out the door. Things seem better. They feel better. All I can do now is hope she wasn't lying when she said Dad was on the same page.

Audra turns to me with curious eyes, but I shake my head. I take her hand and silently lead her to the living room. She sits at one end of the couch before I grab the remote and lay down, resting my head in her lap. Her fingers weave their way into my hair as I turn on the TV.

“Are we going to talk about that?” Audra questions.

“Not tonight. I want to relax for a bit.”

“Okay.”

I turn the TV to
The Big Bang Theory
and we watch the marathon for about two hours before I break our silence. “How was your day, Audra?”

“Weird to say the least,” she chuckles softly. Her legs move underneath my head as she lifts her sock covered feet up onto my coffee table.

“And how was Liana's day?”

“Normal. Ooh,” she pats my shoulder repeatedly. “Up, Neil. Get up.” I sit up and she stands. Audra disappears down the hallway. “Oh my God! Which door is the bathroom?” she yells with frustration.

“Third on right,” I call back, trying not to laugh but not able to hold back a chuckle.

When she returns with her hands on her hips, she says, “Okay. I think it's time I get a tour. Plus, I'm ready to shower and change out of these clothes anyway.”

I show her everyone's rooms, the bathrooms, the laundry room, which room I think would be good for the nursery, and then the master bedroom. Her bag was sitting on my bed, waiting for her. While she's grabbing her things, I get her a towel and such for her shower. I even turn the water on for her.

“Neil?” I hear from my bedroom.

“Yeah, babe?”

“I need one more thing.”

“What's that?” I ask as I walk back into the room.

“You.”

What? The corners of my mouth slightly fall and my brows bunch together. Me? What is she talking about? I'm right here. Once I'm standing in front of her, she leans forward to kiss me softly. Those are the kind of kisses that make me want more from her because they are so simply sweet and full of...love? I don't know, but I sure do love them.

“Thank you,” she mumbles sincerely against my lips, watching me carefully.

“You're welcome. Go shower before the water runs cold.”

Audra nods and steps around me to go to the bathroom. While I change and then go back downstairs to the couch, I wonder what Audra will do with her furniture. We already have everything here, so she wouldn't need to bring all of that. Maybe her place was already furnished when she moved in. I'm not sure when she's going to make the move, but I figured it would be during our break. We need to do some more shopping, but Audra wants to wait until after her baby shower. At least, that way, it'll give me time to paint the baby's room, if she wants it painted.

With the end of the year, I can't help but think about next year. It's going to bring so many things. My first child, Audra's first Mother's Day, my first Father's Day, and our baby's first of everything. As for hockey, I'm too old to be drafted, but I'm an unrestricted free agent. According to my agent, there's a good chance I could get signed this year, but do I want to? Should I? Would I? Audra's going to finish her degree. I'll finish mine, and then we'll be looking to find jobs that those degrees were earned for. On top of that, we're going to have a baby to take care of. We would need time to be more settled before a change like that. It's now or never in my eyes. I won't be playing for school anymore, and if I don't get signed, then I'm done. It'll be time to move on. But what if I do? Do I want that life?

My thoughts are halted as Audra comes in, sits next to me, and rests her head on my shoulder. I place my hand on the inside her of left thigh. “You look like you were thinking about something,” she comments.

“I was.” Instead of mentioning hockey, I ask, “Was your apartment fully furnished? I was trying to figure out what you planned on doing with all the stuff if it's all yours.”

“It's not all mine, so don't worry.” After a pause, she lifts her head to look at me and says, “I'm ready to try out your bed. This day seems to have lasted far too long.”

I turn off the TV, stand, take her hand, and we walk up to my room. We crawl into bed, getting comfortable with me on my back and Audra on her side like usual. I lift my arm up to rest my head on it, staring at the ceiling. I'm tired, but I'm not sleepy.

“When are you moving in?”

“Whenever. I'll need to be out by the end of the month though. What did the guys say?”

“They're going to let me know what they're doing once they get back.”

She doesn't respond for a long time, but when she does, it's certainly not what I was expecting. “This doesn't seem too bad, does it? Us here together?”

“Was that what you were expecting?” There's no malice in my voice. Audra's comments don't bother me nearly as much as they did before. Now, I know that her intentions are usually nicer than the words that end up leaving her mouth.

“I didn't really know what to expect. You're nothing like I thought you'd be. We're just...I think we're going to be good together, that's all.”

“We already are, Audra.”

BETWEEN CHILDBIRTH CLASSES, Audra moving in, working, and the holidays nearing, I don't know how I have any time at all. Audra has been sleeping a lot better in my bed, but I know that's all due to the mattress and not who may own the bed. We're supposed to be having dinner with our parents tonight, and I'm almost looking forward to it. First, though, I need to get my present shopping done.

This past Sunday, Alice told me exactly what she wanted. She even got Mrs. Lanier to print off a picture of it, so I wouldn't buy the wrong one. Last year, I asked what she wanted and accidentally bought the wrong kind. Alice hasn't forgotten, so I laughed when she handed me the picture.

I need to figure out what I'm buying Audra too. She asked if I was going to decorate for Christmas and I told her no. It didn't seem like a big deal to me. However, that's unacceptable, apparently.

“We at least need a tree, Neil. It can be a tiny one, if you don't want a big one, but we need a tree.” Her eyes started to shine with unshed tears. “How can we be in the holiday spirit otherwise? Are you going to be like this with Liana, Neil? Is she going to grow up in an undecorated house for Christmas?!”

She was getting so worked up about it, we went and bought a small artificial tree that day. She let me know real quick too that Liana would need a real tree in the future. I'm pretty sure she's starting to lose it. I nod my head and go with it though.

It's not until I've bought everyone's present, including a little stuffed duck for Liana, that I know what I want to give Audra. I was heading home when I passed a spa place. She loves my little massages, and I've seen her nails painted a few times. After the baby is born, she could take a spa day for herself and come relax. So I buy her a gift certificate.

“Whatcha got there?” Audra asks as I walk into the house.

“Presents.” Thank God for gift wrapping services. I don't have the skill, patience, or time for wrapping presents. It works for secrecy too.

Coming home to Audra brings out a new emotion. It's strangely satisfying and for a moment, I barely hesitate when I go to kiss her. Being honest and, for lack of a more manly term, following my heart has never been an issue for me. But this is an entire new level of commitment that I've never had to deal with. Candace and I were young and never got the opportunity to reach this point in our relationship.

It's scary as fuck knowing that not only am I with this girl, but she's living with me and carrying our kid. We're bound for life no matter what happens between us. It's crazy to think about in such a large span of time. Am I ready for this? Probably not as much as I'd like, but as scary as it seems, I'm ready for it and I want it so badly. I wonder if Audra thinks about these things too.