Brand New Friend (17 page)

‘Can you pass me the pepper?’ asked Ashley.

He handed her the peppermill. ‘Anything else I can do?’

‘The table’s set?’

‘Yes.’

‘The merlot’s open?’

‘Yes.’

‘The chardonnay’s in the fridge with the mineral water?’

‘Yes.’

‘You’ve put some music on in the living room?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then that’s it,’ she said. ‘We’re ready – apart from one thing.’

‘What?’

‘You need to kiss me.’

He kissed her so intensely that she dropped the peppermill.

‘I’ll have more of that later,’ she said.

Now was the moment to tell her everything. ‘Listen, babe,’ Rob began, ‘there’s something I need to—’

The doorbell rang.

‘There’s something you need to what?’ asked Ashley, straightening her clothes.

‘Nothing.’ He was all out of time. ‘I’ll tell you later.’

‘Okay, sweetie,’ replied Ashley. She twirled in front of Rob. ‘How do I look?’

She was wearing jeans and a grey-patterned floaty top that showed off her bare shoulders. Rob thought she was more beautiful than he had ever seen her. ‘You look amazing, babe. Absolutely amazing.’

‘Thanks. You look great too. You’d better go and let Joe in.’

‘Yeah,’ said Rob. ‘Of course.’

He got as far as the kitchen door before he was compelled to stop and turn around. As this was what he imagined would be one of his last moments on earth he thought he should say some poignant final words by which Ashley might remember him. ‘Listen,’ he began, ‘I just want you to know that this means a lot to me. You’ve been really cool about it.’

‘It’s no big deal,’ said Ashley. ‘Honestly. I’ve got a really good feeling about tonight.’

‘Me too,’ lied Rob. He crossed the room, kissed her lips again, then headed back into the hallway. At the door he paused in front of the mirror to check himself, and wondered if he had chosen the correct attire for the first meeting between his platonic female friend and his girlfriend. What was the etiquette? Smart? Casual? Ever one to hedge his bets, Rob had gone for smart-casual and was wearing jeans and a short-sleeved shirt. He wiped a smudge of Ashley’s pink lipstick off his lips, took a deep breath and opened the front door.

A grinning Jo was standing on the doorstep in a linen jacket and jeans, holding a bottle of wine. She looked prettier than ever. She had done something different to her hair, and her skin was glowing. And for the first time (albeit briefly) the thought popped into his head:
If I was single I could actually really fancy her.

‘I think I’m a bit early,’ she said, apologetically, as she offered him the bottle of wine. ‘This is for you and Ashley.’

‘Cheers,’ said Rob, taking it as she stepped into the house. ‘That’s really kind.’ He kissed her cheek.

‘How have you been today?’ she asked, as she unbuttoned her jacket.

‘Fine,’ said Rob. ‘No worries. How about you?’

‘I’ve been feeling a bit jittery all day,’ said Jo. ‘Are you sure Ashley’s okay with this?’

‘It’s fine,’ Rob reassured her.

‘And she’s not just saying that?’

‘No,’ said Rob. ‘She’s not.’

‘And she’s not going to suddenly reach for a steak knife and stab me to death for hanging out with her boyfriend?’

‘I’ve told you a million times,’ said Rob, ‘she’s been the coolest girlfriend in the world. She’s just pleased that I’m feeling a bit more settled.’

‘I’m so glad,’ said Jo, and breathed a sigh of relief, ‘because if she wasn’t this could be a long, painful evening—’ She stopped and stared at Rob. ‘What’s wrong?’

Rob was staring intently at her top – a floaty grey-patterned thing that showed off her bare shoulders.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked Jo, nervously. ‘Do you think it’s horrible?’

‘No.’ Rob found his voice. ‘It’s not that. It’s just that . . . It’s nothing,’ he said. ‘It’ll be fine.’

And that was the moment when Ashley stepped out of the kitchen to meet ‘Joe’.

The second Jo saw Ashley and Ashley saw Jo everything – for Rob – went into slow motion.

On seeing Jo, Ashley looked momentarily confused.

On seeing Ashley’s top, Jo looked momentarily crestfallen.

But in keeping with the ability of their sex to cope in a crisis both women recovered their composure in an instant. With a beaming smile Ashley held out her hand. ‘Hi,’ she said, as Jo took it. ‘I’m so pleased to meet you. You must be Joe’s girlfriend. Rob didn’t tell me his new best friend was bringing a guest,’ she glared at Rob, ‘but I always cook more than I need to so I’m sure it’ll stretch.’

Had it been possible to view the inside of Rob’s head at that moment, one would have seen what is known technically as ‘total brain meltdown’. For a few seconds he was convinced he couldn’t hear and that his vision was blurred. His knees were weak and he had an overwhelming urge to use the toilet. At the same time, his mind was chanting in time to his rapidly accelerating heartbeat.
How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so stupid
? Which after a while was modified:
Two women wearing the same top. Two women wearing the same top. Two women wearing the same top.
And then, seconds later, became:
I am going to die. I am going to die. I am going to die.

As his panic subsided Rob opened his eyes to see that the two women wearing the same top were staring at him, one for explanation, the other for leadership, and then at each other.

‘Er, Ash,’ said Rob, throatily, ‘can I see you in the kitchen?’

‘What’s up?’ asked Ashley. ‘Where’s Joe?’

Rob looked at Jo, who was now looking only marginally less worried than he was, and said, ‘Erm . . . do you mind taking a seat in the living room while I have a quick chat to Ash?’

Jo obediently left them, and they headed for the kitchen.

‘What’s going on, Rob?’ asked Ashley, when they were out of earshot. ‘Is this about Joe’s girlfriend wearing the same top as me? I don’t know which of us was more embarrassed. She looked horrified. I can go and change mine if it’s going to be a problem.’ Ashley laughed. ‘Still, it’s one way to break the ice. She’s very pretty, don’t you think?’

‘She’s – she’s – she’s all right,’ stuttered Rob.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ asked Ashley, impatiently. ‘It’s only dinner with another couple.’

‘There’s something you haven’t quite . . .
understood
,’ began Rob. ‘It’s like this . . . There’s a little bit of a problem to do with Jo.’

‘What is it?’

‘Well, the problem is . . . Jo is not exactly . . . I don’t know how to put it . . .’

‘Just come out with it.’

Rob took a deep breath. ‘Well, you know the woman sitting in the living room wearing the same top as you?’

Ashley nodded.

‘That’s Jo.’

‘I don’t understand. Are you saying your friend Joe has got a girlfriend called Jo?’

‘No. I’m saying that the person in the living room
is
Jo. She’s who I’ve been hanging out with all this time.’

Ashley looked confused. ‘But Joe’s a man, isn’t he?’

‘No,’ said Rob. ‘Jo is a woman.’

‘A woman?’

‘I met her at that party Miranda threw for Carl and then I bumped into her in the Lazy Fox the night I decided to become a pint-and-crossword man. We got talking and, well . . . we got on. At the time I wondered if you’d mind me hanging out with her and I decided you would so I didn’t see her again. But then I had that bloke-date with Veejay and . . . well, my resolve crumbled. I told myself I was making a big deal out of nothing – after all, you and Neil are mates and nothing’s going on there – and I decided . . . why not? I’ve been hanging out with her ever since.’

Rob could see from Ashley’s face that his explanation was far from adequate.

‘You’re telling me that all the time you’ve been talking about Jo, spelt J-O, you let me think you were talking about a J-O-E?’ she asked, teeth gritted.

‘Look,’ said Rob, defensively, ‘I didn’t—’

‘That explains everything,’ said Ashley. ‘I could never understand why your sentence construction went all weird whenever you spoke about
your friend
Jo. It was because you didn’t want to use the words “she” and “her”, wasn’t it? You must think I’m really stupid.’

‘No,’ said Rob. ‘And I can explain. You know as well as I do that I’ve tried a million and one ways to make new friends up here and nothing’s worked. It’s not your fault or mine. It’s just the way things are. We want to be together, and I moved here so that we could. But I haven’t found it easy to make friends and, well, Jo was the first person in Manchester I met whom I can hang out with and just be me.’

‘Well, I’m very pleased for
you
,’ snapped Ashley, ‘but you’ve made a right fool of
me
.’

‘I didn’t mean to,’ said Rob. ‘You said yourself I didn’t need your permission to do anything.’

‘I can’t believe you’re saying this to me,’ said Ashley. ‘Do you think that after the underhand way you’ve been skulking around behind my back I’m going to be okay about you being friends with a woman?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Rob. ‘All I know is that everybody needs friends. And no matter how much I love you, you can’t be everything to me, can you?’

‘Well, that’s tough,’ said Ashley, ‘because now you’ve got no choice. It’s up to you. Her or me.’

‘You’re not really trying to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with?’ said Rob, part dismayed and part indignant. ‘Are you really issuing me with an ultimatum?’

‘It is what it is,’ said Ashley, coolly.

He knew she wasn’t bluffing, just as she hadn’t been when she’d told him it was all over unless he moved to Manchester. When it came to brinkmanship she was a master and Rob a mere amateur. He didn’t want to lose Jo – but there was no way he could afford to lose Ashley: she was The One.

‘So, what’s it to be?’ asked Ashley, after a few moments.

‘Doesn’t look like I’ve got much choice, does it?’ replied Rob, despondently. ‘I’ll tell her to go.’

He had got as far as the kitchen door when Ashley said, ‘Stop.’

‘What now?’ He turned to face her. ‘Do you want to start telling me what clothes I should be wearing?’

‘Forget it,’ snapped Ashley. ‘Just make sure she’s out of my house right now.’

Rob slammed the door after him and stormed into the living room, where Jo was sitting, clearly pretending not to have overheard the heated conversation coming from the kitchen.

‘I’m really sorry about this,’ said Rob, ‘but you’ll have to go.’

Jo stood up. ‘I knew this was a bad idea,’ she said.

‘It’s got nothing to do with you. This is about me and Ash. I can’t believe she’s being such a hypocrite. I mean, she’s been close mates with a guy called Neil for as long as I’ve known her and I’ve never even raised an eyebrow.’ He exhaled angrily. ‘What does she think’s going to happen? That you and I are going to have an affair? If we were going to do that why would I introduce you to her in the first place? She’s not thinking straight.’

‘Take a deep breath and calm down,’ said Jo. ‘Getting worked up isn’t going to help anyone.’

Rob sat down on the edge of the sofa. ‘Will this do?’ he snapped.

‘There’s no point in biting my head off just because you didn’t go about things the right way,’ said Jo, as she sat down too. ‘It’s not me you should be angry with, it’s yourself. What did you think would happen, Rob? You’ve been practically lying to Ashley all these weeks. Did you think she was going to forgive you just like that and open her arms to me?’ Rob didn’t answer. ‘That’s exactly what you thought, isn’t it?’ said Jo, incredulous. ‘You thought you were in the right, so Ashley would just forgive your deception
and
accept me. Honestly, Rob, I thought you were better than that. It could be that Ashley isn’t angry with the situation as much as she’s angry with you for not being upfront with her.’

‘You’re right,’ said Rob, ‘and I’m sorry. This is all my fault. What do we do now?’

‘You have to sort it out with Ashley,’ said Jo. ‘I’m not interested in coming between you and her.’

Rob sighed. ‘Do you want me to call you a cab?’

‘No,’ said Jo, and stood up. ‘It’s still early. I’ll get the bus.’

‘I’ll get your jacket for you,’ said Rob, standing up. They went into the hallway where Rob took Jo’s jacket from the coat rack by the front door and helped her on with it.

‘Look,’ he said, as they stood by the open front door, ‘I don’t know if—’

‘I know,’ said Jo, ‘but you have to think of Ashley first. And that’s fine. That’s how things should be.’ She looked away, and Rob thought she was crying. ‘It’s such a shame,’ she continued, ‘because we could’ve been really good friends.’ Without looking back, she stepped outside, walked along the path, opened and closed the front gate, then turned towards the main road and disappeared from sight.

It was one o’clock on Saturday afternoon, two days after Ashley and Rob’s failed dinner with Jo. Ashley was having lunch at Wagamama on Corporation Street with her friends Mia and Christine. She had told them about meeting Jo and how she and Rob were now barely on speaking terms.

‘I can completely understand you not talking to Rob,’ said Mia, once Ashley had finished telling the story, ‘but where does he get off on not talking to you when he’s just turned up with another woman he’s been seeing behind your back and expects you to like it?’

‘But she’s just a friend,’ said Ashley.

‘But how do you know she’s just a friend?’ asked Christine.

‘Because Rob said so and—’

‘But he’s a man,’ interrupted Mia. ‘And don’t get me wrong I like Rob but in this case he’s being more than a bit naïve. It’s highly likely that he believes this woman wants to be friends with him – he’s that kind of bloke, an absolute sweetie who doesn’t realise how scheming some women can be – but, come on, we’re women. We know better. There’s only one reason why a woman hangs out with someone else’s boyfriend.’