Breaking Brooklyn (19 page)

I knew it was only the beginning, but this
time I would be wiser. I wasn't going to let Leo do to me what Sy
did.

I overheard Leo and my mom having sex in the
living room one night. I had to do something to get the sound out
of my head. So, I crammed my headphones over my ears, turned my
Ratt album up as high as the volume would go, and started to cut
myself.

Then I heard my mother yell. I ripped off my
headphones.

“
Come on, bitch! I’m going to fuck
you in the ass!”

“
No you’re not!” she
screamed.

“
The fuck I’m not!”

I heard my mother struggling. She was crying,
begging, demanding Leo to stop.

“
Please, Leo, stop! Stop
it!”

Then, I heard a loud, painful moan

"AHHHHHHH!" There was a gasp then another moan
"AHHHHHHH!"

I didn't know what to do. This went on for
several minutes. I could hear my brother and sister crying. I went
to brother’s room first, picked him up, then got my sister. I put
them in bed with me so I could keep an eye on them.

“
I am scared, Jack, why is Mommy
crying?” Danielle asked.

“
Mommy and Leo are fighting. Don’t
worry, you are safe with me. It will be over soon.” I
whispered.

I was so upset I started shaking inside. Then
there was an eerie silence in the house. I could hear my mother
sobbing while Leo was breathing heavy.

After a few seconds, I heard someone turn on
the television. The sounds of “The Tonight Show” drifted up the
stairs. I felt helpless. All I could do was stare at the ceiling. I
didn't sleep a wink that night.

When I came out of my room the next morning,
Leo was walking around the house naked like he was the king.
Suddenly I was emboldened, angry, and absolutely pissed
off.

“
My brother and sister don't need
to see you walking around the house naked. Please have some respect
and put some clothes on,” I demanded.

“
Fuck you!” he fired back. “You
don’t tell me what to do!”

I couldn’t believe what my mother had invited
into our home. I loathed the hateful feeling I had in the pit of my
stomach. I wanted to kill him.

Grabbing a beer out of the refrigerator, I
could see Leo's bare ass as he stood facing the fridge.

Turning around he saw me looking at
him.

“
What the fuck are you looking at?
Don’t tell me you’re one of those queer boys.”

I glared at him standing there with his dick
in his hand and screamed, “You fucking ASSHOLE!"

Then I turned and ran up to my bedroom,
forgetting what I wanted from the kitchen in the first place. My
anger was growing like a volcano, ready to erupt. My thoughts
circled back to the only idea that made sense, I had to kill the
son-of-a-bitch.

The next day at the old abandoned house, I
told Rich about my plan to kill Leo.

“
Are you kidding?" Rich said in
complete shock.

Grabbing the bottle of whiskey Rich was
holding, I took a giant pull.

“
You’re kidding, right?” he said
again.

“
No, I’m not,” I answered. "He’s
an asshole! He’s smacking my brother and sister around and fucking
my mom in the living room right in our faces. My mom doesn’t even
give a shit, she just lets it happen! He’s going to end up killing
one of us one day, and it's most likely going to be me.”

“
Holy shit! He is fucking your
mother right in front of you? That's fucked up, man!”

“
Yes it is. I need your help to
take him out so he doesn’t kill one of us.”

“
What? I’m not helping you kill
someone!” Rich cried.

“
You won’t do anything that will
get you in trouble,” I slurred. “I won’t let you get in trouble.
You’re my best friend. I just need some help executing my
plan.”

Rich studied me hard. When I didn't back down,
he knew I was serious.

“
What do you have in
mind?”

"Come with me and I’ll show you."

The first part of the plan was to find the
right weapon. So, Rich and I got on the transit and headed to the
Walmart on the southwest side of Bloomington. When we got there we
checked out the shotguns in the Sporting Goods
Department.

"I am going deer hunting and I am looking for
just the right shotgun, what do you recommend?" I asked the
clerk.

"You look awful young to be buying a shotgun,"
the clerk replied.

"We're just looking. My friend here is going
hunting with his dad and is thinking about asking him to buy him
one," I quickly replied.

"Well, I would recommend this one right here."
The clerk pulled an all-black shotgun off the rack behind him and
started explaining all of its features.

This was exactly what I needed. We put it on
hold under Rich’s name until we could find an adult to buy it for
him. This part of the plan turned out to be easier than I
thought.

I asked Rich to get his uncle Tim to buy him
the shotgun. I explained that I was the only one with a motive, if
the cops found it after the murder it wouldn’t be traceable back to
me because it would be in Tim’s name. And it wouldn’t be a problem
for him because he didn’t even know Leo. I explained to him that he
could give me the shotgun a couple of days before the murder then
immediately report it stolen to the police. This way it was on
record that the shotgun was stolen. It made the whole deal sound
okay to Rich, so he agreed to do his part.

Asking Rich’s uncle to buy the shotgun wasn’t
hard at all. Tim was an avid hunter and all for it. In fact, he
told Rich it was about time he learned how to hunt. Tim even paid
for the shotgun out of his own pocket!

Several days later, I came home from school
and snuck into my mother’s bedroom before anyone else got home. I
unlocked the window so I could later enter the bedroom from the
outside.

The evening went along as usual. Leo slugged
down a few beers; around midnight, he and my mother went to bed. I
could hear the sound of the TV float upstairs to the attic as I
started to nod off to sleep.

At exactly two in the morning, my watch alarm
beeped. I tiptoed over to my bedroom window. Slowly, and very
quietly I opened it and stepped out onto the asphalt-shingled roof
over the front porch. Like cat, I found the lattice and climbed
down to the banister. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I took off
running through the backyard to graveyard just beyond our
house.

It was so cold I could see my breath in the
air when I exhaled. I had to jog pretty far, but I eventually found
Old Man Kregen’s tombstone. This is where I told Rich to hide the
shotgun. Looking around, I could see many of the names on the
graves were Kregen. One grave was new. I envisioned one just like
it for Leo. The shotgun was right where we had planned.

Grabbing the instrument of death, or as Jim
called it, “The Devil’s Right Hand”, I started back toward the
house. A part of me was feeling uncertain if this was the right
thing to do. If I got caught I would spend my life in jail. Was
Leo’s life worth it?

When I finally got to my mother’s bedroom
window I squatted down, waiting for the right moment. My heart was
racing and my legs were shaking. I wasn't ready to kill someone.
The act of planning it out felt so good, but right then and there I
was scared.

I don't know if it was divine intervention or
what but my little sister saved me by opening the door to my
mother’s bedroom at just the right moment. I could see her
silhouette swimming in the light behind her. She was crying,
telling my mother about a horrible nightmare she’d just had. My
mother picked her up and put her in the bed.

My body went limp with relief. There was no
way I could go through with my plan now. I sat against the house
watching my breath as I exhaled into the bitter cold. Although I
was relieved, I felt like a coward.

I put the shotgun back under the pile of
sticks and leaves behind the tombstone in the graveyard. then I
went back to the house, climbed up the lattice, and through my
window. Although I was back in bed, my eyes never
closed.

When Rich went to the cemetery at five in the
morning, he found the shotgun right where I had told him I would
leave it. Rich’s part of the plan was to get rid of the
evidence.

After discarding several other ideas he came
up with an ingenious plan. If he broke down the shotgun in to
pieces, hiding parts in different areas of the lake. No one would
ever figure it out even if they found one part. So piece-by-piece,
barrel, trigger, butt, chamber, bolt, sling and site, he divided
the pieces into three different plastic bags.

At six thirty sharp, Rich hefted his backpack
onto his shoulders and left for school. He wanted to drop the parts
into the lake before anyone’s prying eyes would be awake to see
him.

Rich threw the pieces of the first bag into
the main part of lake. Then he walked to the opposite side and with
sweaty hands despite the cold, he undid the top of the second bag,
scanned the lake for walkers, and threw the pieces into the water.
He then took the last bag to a dense stand of cattails in a sort of
swampy area and threw the rest of the pieces into the mud. Each
piece sunk like the lake was eating them for breakfast.

After that, Rich ran to school, breathing more
easily when he joined a group of kids all trying to avoid the tardy
bell.

I was already in class, sitting at my desk
yawning, when Rich walked in. He approached me with a look that
said, “Tell me what happened right now, or I will punch you in the
face.”

“
I couldn’t do it,” I
whispered.

“
What!?" Rich replied with a
stunned look on his face that quickly melted into a look of relief.
After a few seconds he continued, “Are you kidding me?”

“
No, my sister walked into the
room just as I was opening the window. I couldn’t go through with
it with her in the room.”

“
Well, guess what?”

“
What?” I said as I looked at Rich
and suddenly realized that he had gotten rid of the
evidence.

"Yeah, my uncle is going to go ape shit when I
tell him I lost it."

“
SHIT!” I shouted, which turned
all eyes on me.

“
SHHHHHHH! What did you expect?”
Rich fired back. “I thought you went through with it.”

I was secretly happy the plan fell through but
I felt bad for putting Rich in this position with his
uncle....

Weeks went by and Leo remained the asshole
that he was. It was event getting worse. I was starting to regret
my decision to not kill him.

The only pleasure I had was my secret, knowing
that Leo had no idea how close he came to dying. I visualized
killing him over and over again. Even though I knew I could never
do it, it helped me get through the day.

I was now spending a lot of time at the old
abandoned house. I was even spending the night there. I would drink
myself to sleep.

I remember waking up at the abandoned house
one morning to the faint sound of crying. I stumbled around the
house until I found where it was coming from. It was a cat. I found
it curled up in a ball in one of the broken-down closets. It didn’t
look like it felt very well. Not sick, just not well. It was a
billicat like Tom which made me smile.

Sitting down next to my new friend, I started
petting it. I noticed she had a tight, swollen belly.

“
Are you pregnant, girl? You look
like you are ready to give birth soon,” I murmured. "Don't worry
girl, I will take care of you."

I had to leave soon because it was getting
very late and I wanted to sleep in my own bed for a change. Maybe I
could sneak into the house, grab something to eat, and go to bed
without anyone knowing I was home, I thought.

Two days later when I returned to the
abandoned house, mama cat had given birth. I was the first to meet
the fuzzy little furballs that lay beside her. In fact, I was the
only one that even knew these little critters existed. The
abandoned house had become my second home. I spent more time there
than any of my friends.

This next part of the story is something that
I am very ashamed of. A few weeks after the kittens were born I got
drunk and something invaded my brain. I cannot fully explain why I
did what I did, but it’s something I relive in my dreams to this
day.

DREAM:

There is a stray cat in my house. I throw
it out but It keeps coming back. When I close the door it just
appears back in the house. I become angry and strangle it. It won't
stop so I try and kill it. It won't die. It just keeps coming at me
until I wake.

I bet I have had this dream a hundred times
over the years.

At the abandoned house I was playing with one
of the kittens when the image of Leo entered my head. He was
forcing my mother to have sex with him. The images rushed at me
like cars colliding. The sounds of moans, groans, and crying rang
loud in my ears. I wanted to kill him.