Breaking Brooklyn (20 page)

That’s when I realized I was gripping the
kitten’s neck with my left hand and slapping it with my right. It
was frantically trying to get away, but I held it tight. I slapped
it again and again, each blow making me feel better. It released
something inside me I knew was wrong, but it felt good. I had
control! The slapping soon turned into punches.

"You motherfucker, I will fucking kill you!" I
screamed.

I wanted the kitten to feel my pain. I wanted
it to suffer just like I did. Putting both my hands around its neck
I started choking the life out of the kitten. It tried to climb my
arm with its back paws, leaving deep scratches. It thrashed to get
free. The more it fought the harder I squeezed. I could see the
fear in its eyes. It was so scared it shit itself. Only then did I
come to my senses.

Controlling the monster that was struggling to
get out, I started shaking. I put the kitten down.

I was mortified by what I had done. The look
of terror in the kitten’s eyes scribbled a haunting picture on my
brain that would torment me for the rest of my life. I couldn’t
believe what I had done. Worse, I couldn't believe what I had
become.

I was Sy.

Depressed, ashamed, and sobbing, I took
another swig of whiskey. I looked out the broken window in the
front of the abandoned house. The glass was so old parts of it were
sagging from its own weight. The objects seen through it were
obscured. The gravel driveway in front, lined with overgrown
mulberry bushes, looked blurry. The houses just beyond them were
oblong and wavy. The whole thing reminded me of the House of
Mirrors at the county fair. Over the past few months I had stood at
the window admiring the surrounding homes. Looking across the
street, I could see the flickering lights from the television sets
in their living rooms. I imagined a mother and father snuggling
together with their kids on the couch. I pretended I was with them.
These innocent daydreams turned into a new life for me. I wasn't
sleeping at night; instead I was watching a life I could dream
about.

I couldn't help but think how lonely the
abandoned house must have felt. Sitting there all day watching the
homes around it filled with families while it sat abandoned with no
one to love it but a broken down teenager.

I felt a drop of sadness slowly roll down my
cheek, leaving a cold trail of helplessness. Stumbling across the
room, I finished off the bottle of whiskey, then struggled home to
try and sleep it off.

To my surprise, Grandma Daisy was in the
living room when I got home. She had been waiting on me for several
hours. When I saw the shock on her face it stunned me.

“
Oh my God, what has happened to
you, Jack?” She asked.

She hadn’t seen me in months. I am sure she
smelled the booze on my breath. I knew I looked like crap. Even
Rich told me I looked sick a few weeks back. I had lost so much
weight, I was frail and weak.

“
Jack, you are so pale and you
have dark rings under your eyes. What has happened to you?” she
asked again with concern.

“
What are you doing here,
Grandma?”

“
Your grandfather called me. He
found out you haven’t been going to school.”

Taking a long look at me, she said, “I went
through this with your grandfather for many years, and then with
your mother. I’m not going to lose you like I lost them. You are
too good for this! I’m going to take you home with me and take care
of you. You need help, Jack."

The way she said these words in her
soft-spoken voice left me no other option but to go home with her.
I didn’t want to fight it. I was tired, hungry, and I was ready to
go back to sanity.

Cindy

Chapter
twenty-two

"Your perspective on life comes
from the cage you were held captive in."
~Shannon L. Alder

Cindy Napier’s Diary

May 28th 1995

After the car incident with my father, things
were very awkward for me. I don't know if he had any memory of what
he did or not. He never spoke of it and I sure wasn’t going to say
anything.

Up until the end of my junior year my father
was never around. When he was I did my best to stay clear of him.
On rare occasions he would stumble up to me and whisper in my ear
like he did when I was a child. Like then, I could smell the booze
on his breath. When he looked at me it was extremely uncomfortable.
I couldn't get the memory of what he did out of my head. I wanted
nothing to do with the one person I once loved so much.

When he picked up on my feelings he started
drinking even more. One night he stumbled into my room, drunk and
crying. He asked me why I was being so cold to him. I don't think
he had a clue about what happened that night in the car. He must
have blacked out. He was so sincere, it broke my heart. I love him
so much and I want to forgive him. So I did.

Brooke

Chapter
twenty-Three

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to
shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we're
settling for.”
~ Mandy Hale

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:09 am:

Nick called me the other night
drunk. He begged me to come over to his house. 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/28/2014 at 12:10 am:

Did you?

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:11 am:

No, but a part of me wanted
to.

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/28/2014 at 12:12 am:

That's not good, Brooke.  It
sounds like he just wants to have sex with you.

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:13 am:

What's wrong with that?

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/28/2014 at 12:15 am:

He just going to use you. 
Don't let yourself be taken advantage of.  You don't want to
be that kind of girl. 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:16 am:

I know.  I'm just lonely. I’m
asking Jack to move out this weekend?  Wish me
luck!

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/28/2014 at 12:17 am:

Good luck I guess. Are you sure
you want to do that?

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:18 am:

I'm done. I need to move on with
my life. 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/28/2014 at 12:19 am:

Okay, I’ll be praying for
you. 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:20 am:

Thanks :-)

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/30/2014 at 8:07 am:

So, what happened?

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:09 am:

I didn't go through with it
:-(  I chickened out and got drunk instead lol

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/30/2014 at 8:10 am:

This is a big decision so take
your time. It’s important you make the right decision for you and
your boys. 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:11 am:

I did something bad.

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/30/2014 at 8:12 am:

What did you do,
Brooke? 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:13 am:

I went over to Nick’s house last
night… 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/30/2014 at 8:14 am:

And? 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:15 am:

He was so sweet to me.  We
stayed up all night talking. He’s so sincere.  

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/30/2014 at 8:16 am:

Did you have sex with
him? 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:20 am:

Yes 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/30/2014 at 8:21 am:

You’re a married woman.
 That's not right.  

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:23 am:

I'm lonely, Tyler :-(

I need affection. I feel like I
have wasted the last 10 years of life, time I will never get back.
I want to live again! I want to explore my sexuality. I want to
have fun!

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/30/2014 at
8:24 am:

Then get
divorced! 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier
8/30/2014 at 8:28 am:

I don't want to hurt my kids.
 They are so young.  It would break my heart to destroy
our family.  I just can't do it. 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/30/2014 at
8:29 am:

Cheating on your husband is not
the way to do it.

Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier
8/30/2014 at 8:30 am:

I know, but I don't see any other
way. 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/30/2014 at
8:31 am:

Suck it up and file for divorce.
 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier
8/30/2014 at 8:33 am:

That's easy to say, Tyler!
 You're not happy, so why don't you file for
divorce? 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/30/2014 at
8:35 am:

I'm not ready to give up just yet.
 Marriage is hard and it takes lots of work.  You don't
just throw it all away because the sex gets old or things aren't
perfect.  

Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier
8/30/2014 at 8:38 am:

That's the thing, if two people
were meant to be together it wouldn't be hard. If they spoke the
same love language it would be natural.  Jack and I speak
completely different love languages. 

My grandparents spoke the same
love language and they were married for over 60 years.
 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/30/2014 at 8:40 am:

I think people were different back
then.  They didn't have the Internet and dating apps on their
cell phones. Our society is all about instant gratification.
 When things get hard it's too easy to move on.
 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:42 am:

I agree but I have fought for our
marriage for 13 years.  I can't take it anymore.  I'm
missing out on life.

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/30/2014 at 8:44 am:

So what are you going to do?
 Stay married and have flings?  That's not the kind of
life you want your kids to emulate. 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:45 am:

They won't know

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/30/2014 at 8:47 am:

Our kids are smarter than you
think. I feel it’s better for them to see what a good relationship
looks like even if that means their parent have to get
divorced.

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:48 am:

I'm not sure I was meant to be
married. 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
8/30/2014 at 8:49 am:

Just be careful,
Brooke. 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 9/2/2014 at 10:37 pm:

Nick keeps calling me when he is
drunk, begging me to come over.  All we do is have sex and
then he passes out.  When I leave I feel like shit about
myself. 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
9/2/2014 at 10:38 pm:

I told you he was going to use you
for sex. You need to stop it now or it's going to destroy your
self-esteem.  

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 9/2/2014 at 10:39 pm:

I know :-(   I just get so
lonely and Nick is easy.  

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
9/2/2014 at 10:40 pm:

You need to stop. 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 9/2/2014 at 10:42 pm:

I told my therapist and she agrees
with you.  She is encouraging me to seek marriage counseling
with Jack.  If he knew about Nick I don't know what he would
do.  I'm afraid he would snap. 

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
9/2/2014 at 10:44 pm:

You need to cut it off with Nick.
 When you feel lonely just call me.  I will help you work
through it. 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 9/2/2014 at 10:45 pm:

Okay

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
9/5/2014 at 7:49 am:

What are you getting into this
weekend? 

Facebook Message from Brooklyn
Page Napier 9/5/2014 at 7:51 am:

Jack is taking the boys camping
this weekend so I'm home alone.  This will be a good test for
me.  

Facebook Message from Tyler Ward
9/5/2014 at 7:52 am:

I’m here if you need me,
Brooke.