Breathe Me (11 page)

“I’m sorry to spring it on you, but I had to, before I change
d my mind,” he said as we approached his vehicle. It was running, the AC humming under the hood as the fan clicks on and off. I stopped in my steps, already not wanting to know what was next. Obviously someone was in the car, the same car I’d had Joss follow me in to drop off at his house a few days before, after my sudden attack of fear, when I’d left him abruptly.

“This sounds bad.”

“No! Not bad at all. I’m just excited and nervous at the same time.” He waved me over. When I still didn’t budge, he returned, took my hand and tugged me along. “It isn’t bad, I promise.”

He unlocked the
car and a blast of cold air escaped as he reached inside. Sasha stepped back and let a small boy slide out of the seat. The kid just stared at me with large, hard blue eyes which looked extremely familiar. I’d seen them in my dreams for years, and here were a small pair that matched them perfectly.

“I want you to meet my son,
Cameron. Cam, this is Piper. She’s a really special lady.” The kid couldn’t have been more than five. His baby fat still clung to his bones and smoothed out his features. He eyed me up and down, observant and coy, just like his father.

“Hi,” his small voice responded
, and he held out a tiny hand. I took it, feeling its smooth yet perpetually sticky little kid skin. I didn’t know what to think. What did this mean?

“
Hello there, Cam.” I shook his hand and let mine drop to my side. His soft wisps of blond hair were neatly brushed to one side, and his shirt had a Spider-Man logo displayed brightly against the royal blue of the fabric. Small stains lined the collar, as if he’d been eating candy recently.

“
Cam, I knew Piper a long time ago and luckily just got to see her again after hoping I’d be so fortunate.” Sasha shifted on his feet, making us both turn toward his nervous shuffle. “I’m really glad you guys could meet. Let’s go get some lunch!” He helped Cameron back into the back seat and opened the door for me on the passenger side. I plopped down into the frigid interior of the car, stunned and speechless.

I sat
there in silence, unsure of how to react. Sasha has a son. If I calculated right, and the kid was about five years old, Sasha had knocked someone up pretty soon after we had broken up. I glanced back toward the kid, who was busy watching the cars pass outside with great interest. He must’ve felt my eyes on him because he suddenly turned and met mine. I gave him a small smile, but he just continued to stare curiously at me. I wondered what was running through that little brain.

I turned away and faced the side window, feeling a small pinch of sad
ness. He could’ve been my child if Sasha hadn’t messed it all up. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Having kids wasn’t something I’d ever really thought about. If we’d stayed together, would things have been vastly different between us? Maybe it was a good thing he’d knocked up someone else; he obviously wasn’t with her anymore. That might’ve been us, broken anyway.

Clearing my throat
, I returned my gaze to Sasha. His fingers drummed on the steering wheel, alternating between gripping it and laying them casually on his thigh.

“What happened?”

“What happened to what?”

I lowered my voice and l
eaned toward him, hoping Cam wouldn’t hear me. “To his mother and you. Why aren’t you together? What happened there?”

His throat tightened;
I could tell by his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as his lips pressed together. I hadn’t thought it’d be that sensitive of a subject, and I immediately regretted asking him.

“She died.”

“Oh, okay.” I waited for him to elaborate, feeling my cheeks flush in embarrassment. Thank goodness he was driving and had to keep his eyes on the road. I flicked my eyes once more to Cam, who was busy tracing the window with a wet, licked finger.
Ew.

“Leukemia, when Cam
was two years old. It was pretty fast, treatment was useless.”

“I’m terribly sorry, didn’t mean to pry.”
I rubbed my palms on my thighs, feeling really uncomfortable and sweaty.

“No, it’s perfectly fine. I wouldn’t introduce him
to you and leave you wondering. It’s just not easy talking about it. We weren’t together when it happened. We’d been broken up over a year before, but I was there for her and Cam, of course.” He sighed and ran his fingers though his hair. He looked somewhat tired, if my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. The dark shadows under his eyes and five o’clock shadow along his jawline made me wonder just what he did all day long besides work. He obviously had obligations, which seemed to soften up something inside me, but what else was going on his life? I felt almost desperate to know more.

“Well, that’s admirable. I’m glad he has you. Must be hard to be, you know, a single dad.”

“Yeah.” Sasha threw me a smile, his fatigue immediately erasing from his face. “It’s really hard. They don’t tell you that in the parent’s manual, you know. I’m pretty much just flying by the seat of my pants.” His chuckle made me grin, and I wanted to give him a big hug right there. Holding it in felt like torture, so I avoided looking at him anymore.

“Here we are! Best Italian food in town.” He parked t
he car and hopped out so fast I barely realized he was at my door when he pulled it wide open. I took his hand, and he opened the back door to let Cameron out. The kid really was a quiet one, but his saucer eyes were drilling into me now, making me just a bit nervous.

“Hey, Cam
, do you like Italian food?” I bent down to squat at his level. He searched my face, looking slightly petrified and relieved at the same time.

“Yes,” h
e whispered.

Definitely
not one for words
,
I thought.

“Great! Me
, too!” He smiled, and I offered him my hand. He accepted, slipping his tiny fingers through mine. Standing up, I found Sasha looking no less than shocked.

“He doesn’t really talk much
,” he offered, following behind us.

“Neither do I, thank goodness!” I laughe
d, which brought a wider smile to Cam’s face. “Talking gets kind of noisy, doesn’t it?”

He nodded madly and skipped ahead, reaching the doors and shoving with all his little
, bony body’s strength. He was a cute one, and I hoped he wouldn’t be too mad when I broke Sasha’s heart. That little fact made my stomach clench, but I tried to ignore it.

“I think he likes you.”

“Nah, he’s a kid, they love getting asked questions.”

“No, I mean, he never warms up to anyone. Ever.”

I peered curiously at Sasha as he opened the door for me. His words made me wonder what was going on with him.

“What do you mean?”

“His teachers, they say he never speaks in class, not even to his classmates. Sometimes I wonder, you know, if he remembers his mother and all that happened, and it somehow affected him.”

“Maybe. Kids are smart, they understand more than you know. Not that I would really know anything about that.”
I bit my lip. Why was I offering advice to a parent when I wasn’t even one? I kicked myself mentally for opening my big fat mouth.

“I wonder sometimes
,” Sasha said, unaffected. “She had an abusive boyfriend who’d yell at him a lot. I really tried to get custody faster, but then she got sick, her boyfriend left her and she was all alone with Cam. I did what I could to help and ended getting him a lot more of the time than I thought I would, almost full-time right away. I wasn’t prepared. She and I just weren’t a good couple, and she never wanted to try harder to make it work. At least we got along in the end, for his sake.” He paused at the hostess, who immediately directed us to an open booth.

Trying to change the subject, I scanned the room, feeling somewhat underdressed. “Why didn’t you tell me to wear something nicer? I didn’t know we were going out to eat.”

He laughed, making me feel even more self-conscious. “This is Vegas. Everyone is in shorts, tanks, bikinis and flip flops in the middle of July. You’d only be underdressed if you were in a bathing suit without a cover up.”

I frowned and picked up my menu
. I felt a small finger tap my arm. “Can I sit by you, Miss Piper?” I turned to find Cam standing next to me and I nodded, shifting over to make room for him.

Picking the menu up again
, I scanned it, unsure of what to eat.

“The A
lfredo pasta is my favorite!” Cam exclaimed, as if reading my mind. It sounded more like “afado” when he said it, which brought a smile to my face. His own face was brilliant, just like Sasha’s, and it melted my insides.

“Really? That’s great because I didn’t know what was good here. I think I’ll get that
, too.” I winked at him, and his face lit up even more. He grabbed the set of crayons and coloring menu placed before him, looking determined as he began scribbling.

“See? He likes you.
” Sasha was grinning a thousand-watt smile that made me just have to reciprocate. Why did he have to be so intoxicating? It made me lose focus every friggin’ time!

“Thanks for inviting me to lunch.”

“I should be thanking you. It’s always nice to have such beautiful company.” His face was serious now, and I tried in vain to rip my eyes away from his. Those jeweled orbs sucked me in, and I wanted to melt into them right there and then. It made me think that maybe, just maybe, he knew what he was doing, and I was the one falling for his game plan all over again.

No.
I looked away, acting like I was still studying the menu. He wouldn’t get to me again. It was just for fun now, I could do this. I could be the heartbreaker for once. I had to do it.

Glancing toward Cameron, I wasn’t so sure anymore. Every step I took
in the direction I wanted to go kept leading me around to a place I never expected to be. Why did it have to be so hard? Why did I feel like I was being pulled along by some unseen force? Maybe I needed to let go. Maybe it was something I had to keep an eye on. Maybe I wasn’t as sure of myself as I’d thought I was. Whatever it was, it was confusing as hell.

Cam
’s little blue eyes flicked up at me and crinkled with his wide grin. One pair of indigo eyes was bad enough, but two? That was just a fatal amount of blue. The fates were messing with me epically this time.

Lunch was pleasant if uneventful. B
ack at my apartment, I bade them goodbye and watched as Sasha led little Cam away. Toward the end of our meal, the little guy had been chatting my head off about his drawing, what color was his favorite and why while managing to get me to name five types of pasta. I couldn’t believe it, the kid was a little walking genius, still wet behind the ears. I was impressed, but I hadn’t had any time to talk with Sasha.

But h
e hadn’t seemed to upset about that; in fact I’d never seen him look so happy. I hoped that next time I’d have a little more time with him.

Watching the car
pull away, I was pretty sure there would definitely be a next time.

Piper

“THIS IS YOUR
house?” I asked, peeking around the foyer and taking in the expanse of staircase that made up the entire front entrance. It was enormous and looked like it was pulled right out of a plantation in
Gone With the Wind
. The banister was polished to a bright, reflective shine, and the travertine tiles extended in an ocean of stone from the foyer to deep into the house. It was a mini mansion, and I’d never stood in such a big house before. I felt underdressed, like I had just stepped into a movie star’s home. I peeked down at my shorts, tank top and plain flip flops and really felt like a bum. I’d only seen part of the house the day I’d spent the night, and it had been mostly the bedroom. I’d left through a side door off the kitchen which led to the driveway and hadn’t looked back as I drove away. Who knew the place was so big? I fought the urge to spin around and fly out of the house as fast as I could.

“Yep, had it custom built. Though I think
it’s way too much house for just me and Cam.” Sasha walked back into the foyer and handed me a cocktail. I stared at it with a slight horror in my eyes. It was two in the afternoon. Way too early to get slammed.