Breathe (14 page)

I stopped at the public beach. A walk would help calm me down before I went home to face Jessica. Amanda started coming down from the lifeguard stand. When she saw me, she shot her carefree, bubbly grin at me.

“Sadie! I called you just this morning, but I didn't get an answer. I left a message though. So, are you coming?”

I’d forgotten about the party. “Um, sure, I’ll come.”

She appeared genuinely happy. I couldn’t figure out why this nice, cheerful girl seemed so anxious to be my friend.

“About the lifeguarding job. How much does it pay?”

She beamed at me again, apparently thrilled at the idea of my being a lifeguard. “Twelve dollars an hour, and you get the benefits of being on the beach all day!”

That was good money. Not as much as I made now, but close enough. “All right, if I were interested, what would I need to do?”

She grabbed my hand and led me over to the building located off the boardwalk, with bathrooms, a beach bar and some offices. “You need to go in there and see Jerry in the morning. He can give you all your info. There is endurance training and a few days of classes. Depending on how well you do is how long it takes. But Cherry just quit last week, and we are short a lifeguard, so now is a good time to go see him.”

I nodded and tucked the information away. “Thanks, I will see you tomorrow night then.”

Amanda smiled brightly. “Cool, see ya.”

I turned and walked down the beach. I’d worn shorts and a blue tank top, but the evening breeze still held the day’s warmth, so it didn’t matter. I walked to the edge of the public beach and sat down on one of the deserted wooden chair rentals. Without the cushions that came with them, they were a little painful, but not so much I’d sit on the beach and get all sandy.

I lay back and closed my eyes, letting the sound of the ocean waves soothe me. I’d let this happen. I knew when I agreed to spend time with Jax I would end up caring way too much. He’d never said we were exclusive. He never said he loved me. Yes, he said many other things, like me being his air and needing me, but now all of those words seemed almost unreal. Frustrated with myself for doing exactly what every other girl in America would do, I wasn’t any different from the rest of them. His eyes and smile melted me and sent warm shivers down my spine. I needed to get a grip and get over it. Jax liked spending time with me because I happened to be a no strings attached deal. He liked being around me because I didn’t think everything he did was wonderful. He had enough admirers. He didn’t ask or require my love. I went and fell in love with him of my own free will. I rubbed my eyes with my fist and fought the stupid tears spilling out. Crying would not help this or make it get better. Yet, here I sat alone on the beach crying like a lovesick loser.

“Ugh!” I sat up and wiped my face with my shirt and decided I wouldn’t cry another tear over Jax Stone.

My chest ached at the thought of leaving Ms. Mary and Mr. Greg and Marcus...heck I would even miss Ms. Fran, but could I stay there and see him and be at his house, loving him the way I did? I let out a sigh, not sure what to do. At times like this, I really needed a mother with common sense and wise words.

“Sadie.”

I turned. Marcus was walking toward me. I wiped the rest of my tears away and stood. He still wore his white dress shirt from work, but it was untucked and the collar loosened.

When he got close enough to me to hear my voice over the wind and waves, I asked, “Marcus, what are you doing here?”

Marcus grinned sheepishly and pointed back at the lifeguard station with his thumb over his shoulder. “I’ve got an inside source.”

Confused, I frowned and looked to where I’d talked to Amanda.

He saw the frown on my face and gave a dramatic sigh. “Do you know Amanda’s last name?”

I shook my head slowly, trying to remember if she’d told me her last name.

“Amanda Hardy, aka my little sister.”

My mouth formed an “O,” and I turned back to him, studying his attractive features. Suddenly, I realized he and his sister shared the same eyes and smile. “Does she know I work with you?” She’d never said anything to me before, and her friendliness made a lot more sense being the sister of my friend.

He nodded as if found guilty of a crime. “Yes, I mentioned you on your first night of work when I got home, and she remembered you from school.”

I nodded, still shocked at the connection. I really never thought about the fact Marcus had family around here, and I might know the people in it.

And then it hit me: she knew about Jax. “Does she know...?”

Marcus shook his head. “No. No, I can’t tell her about Jax. She would freak out and start stalking my work place.”

I smiled sadly, but a wave of relief washed over me. “I don’t see her as the stalking type.”

Marcus laughed and raised his blond eyebrows. “Jax Stone happens to be all over her bedroom walls.”

I smiled and sat back down. “Why did you come to find me?”

Marcus sat down in the chair beside me. “You’re my friend, and I didn’t like knowing you were hurt. I wish you would have waited on me to take you home, but I understand why you wanted to leave.”

I didn’t reply because I wasn’t really sure what to say. We stared out at the water for some time.

Finally, Marcus said to me, “You knew he would only be here for a little while. He is going to leave, and you’re going to be here. Your worlds are too different.” He stopped and cleared his throat. “You’re not like other girls, Sadie, and that is attractive to a guy. We get tired of the same stuff, and when someone as beautiful as you comes along, with all your sweet, naive, accepting ways, someone like you is what we are all searching for.”

I started to argue, but he stopped me with his hands.

“I am not saying any of this right, so let me finish and see if I can explain this better. When I first saw you, I was immediately attracted to your outward appearance.

However, after talking to you, getting to know you, and watching you at work, I realized I would have been attracted to you if you were plain and mousy. My guess is Jax hasn’t been around anyone with your traits in a long time, and mix it all in with the fact you’re a gorgeous blonde and ‘bam’ he got hooked. I can’t blame him for wanting you.” Marcus’s hand fisted in his lap. He seemed angry now. “But I can fault him for acting on his interest in you. He unleashed all his charm on you, knowing it could only be for a short time. And for that, I'm going to make sure he pays.”

A sudden knot of fear formed in my stomach, and I immediately shook my head. “Marcus,
no
! I chose this. You’re right, I knew it wasn’t as serious to him, or even long term. I let myself care too much, and it’s my stupidity. Nothing he did was wrong.”

Marcus shook his head. “He is older and more knowledgeable about the ways of the world than you. I blame him.”

I laughed, not sure how, but I did. “I need a friend, Marcus, not a white knight.”

Marcus grinned. “I am your friend, Sadie, and that will never change. However, I wouldn’t mind being your white knight either.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t really choose him, Marcus. My heart did. I didn’t want to love him. I knew it would end up breaking my heart, but I couldn’t stop it. Every time I got around him, I fell harder. He isn’t the guy everyone sees on television. He isn’t some rich, shallow rocker. He has a kind heart, and there is this little boy inside of him who still needs approval from those he cares about. He accepts others for who they are, and he never judges anyone.”

Marcus’s expression seemed so sad. “You got inside the star and found the heart. It will only make this harder on you.” He reached over and took my hand. “I’m here with a shoulder to cry on, whenever you need it.”

I wanted to cry now, but I knew I couldn’t do so in front of Marcus. I didn’t want him mad at Jax because I’d turned into a silly lovesick fool. Instead, I stood up. “I need to head home.”

I slipped my hands into the pockets of my shorts. The evening wind had begun to cool.

“Can I take you home?”

I thought about it, and then shook my head. “I’m too close to home, and the ride will be good for me.”

“Okay, if that is what you want.”

“It is,” I said.

“Will you be at work tomorrow, or are you going to be up here for the life-guarding job?”

“I’ll be at work.” I hadn’t realized I’d made my decision until I said it aloud.

Chapter Eleven

I lost count of the times I’d attempted to talk myself out of returning to the Stone mansion. I kept reminding myself we needed the money, and I would not act like Jessica. I did not run away from life. I faced my problems and dealt with them. I could be stronger than a broken heart. Foolishly, I gave my heart away to someone who didn’t need it, or expect it. It was my fault, and my fault alone. However, I would not continue to do so. Lesson learned. I learned a long time ago not to make the same mistake twice. I opened the kitchen door, and Ms. Mary turned to look at me. Relief washed over her face. She must have worried I wouldn’t come back. Her expression, and the fact I would have been missed, made my returning worth it.

“Morning, Ms. Mary.” I glanced over at the table expecting it to be empty, and I froze in place at the sight of Jax, sitting in his usual spot. A concerned frown wrinkled his forehead.

I nodded a silent “hello” and forced myself to face Ms. Mary. “If it is all the same to you, I would like to get an early start on the garden this morning. Can I come back later to help you with the food prep?”

Ms. Mary cleared her throat. She seemed a little unsure and finally managed to nod. “Mr. Greg will be happy to see you so early.”

I went straight to the laundry and changed. I couldn’t deal with him this morning. I needed time. Besides, I needed to work and didn’t have time to talk. My uniform would be cleaned and pressed, hanging in the closet with all the others. I sifted through until I found mine. Yesterday, when I’d been doing this exact same thing, my heart had been racing wildly, knowing Jax would be waiting on me. So much could happen in a day. My heart broke a little more, and I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I could not keep going like this. I needed to find some form of control over my emotions. Why was it when I finally fell in love, I had to choose a teen idol. Couldn’t I be like normal girls and fall in love with a guy from school? Or a guy from work? Take Marcus, for example. Why did my heart have to do the tango for Jax, but not even skip a beat for Marcus? I growled in frustration at my own stupidity. I would find a way to get over this. I buttoned up my shirt and took one more deep calming breath, just in case Jax still sat in the kitchen.

When I opened the door to the laundry room and stepped out, Jax blocked my way. I should have expected him to follow me. Jax Stone didn’t get blown off by a girl. This couldn’t be something he knew how to handle. I sighed, knowing I couldn’t get through without him letting me by, so I backed up to put some distance between us.

“Sadie, please, come talk to me.”

“I need to get to work.”

He reached out for my hand, and I immediately snatched it back and pocketed both of my hands.

“Sadie, please.”

I hated the insecure, little boy I saw in his eyes and the fact it got to me. Dang it. “There is nothing to talk about, Jax. I work here, we are friends, I guess, and you spent some extra time with me. Your girlfriend is here. No big deal. Now, if you will move.”

He took my arms and gently, but firmly, pushed me back into the laundry room and closed the door behind him.

“What are you doing?” I asked when I realized he’d locked us in.

“We need to get a few things clear, and I can’t let you go to work until I know you understand.”

I hated the way he acted as if I needed to be reminded of reality. I stiffened and turned to glare out the window.

“Do you remember when I told you I have to get my picture taken with every female teen star in the vicinity for publicity?”

I didn’t turn or acknowledge his words.

He sighed. “I know you do. Anyway, Star and I have been thrown together since we were fifteen. She is the female me in the teen world, and people like to dream up romances between us. Because we have both spent our teen years in front of the camera, we have become friends.”

Nausea boiled inside me. I didn’t need a reminder that Star would be a much better match for him.

“But friends is all we have ever been. I’m not going to lie because, in the beginning, we did try out a relationship. It seemed natural for us, but it failed miserably. We were able to call it quits and remain friends. I didn’t know she was coming yesterday. She has been in love with a boy from her hometown for years. They have struggled to make things work, but, with her lifestyle, they never had enough time together. She just found out he is getting married next week. He got a girl pregnant, and Star is torn up about it. So she came here to see me. She needed a friend.”

He stopped talking, and I knew I needed to turn around and respond. I just wasn’t sure how, without acting like the hopelessly lovesick idiot I’d become. I took a deep breath and exhaled, hoping to calm my emotions, and turned around.

“You didn’t have to explain anything to me. I’ve known all along you live in a world I know nothing about, nor will I ever know anything about. Even if she is your girlfriend, the only thing you would have been guilty of is kissing someone else. You don’t owe me an explanation. I am just someone you spent time with for a couple of weeks one summer.” I forced a smile and nodded my head toward the door. “Now we have all this cleared up, I need to get to work.”

I stepped toward the exit, and Jax’s hand shot out and grabbed my arm. I closed my eyes and waited for him to speak.

“You think you’re just someone I spent time with?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. He looked at me incredulously, and I wasn’t sure what to say. I returned his stare. He seemed angry and hurt. I hated knowing I’d hurt him.

“What am I, then, Jax?” I heard myself whisper. “How can I ever be more than that?”