Breathless (108 page)

I couldn’t let him get hurt, not because of me.

I reached for the handle, ready to yank it open when a loud voice boomed outside. “What THE HELL is going on out here?”

All the fighting stopped.

“Hey, Coach…” a voice strangled out.

“Hunt?”

“Yeah, Coach?”

I heard the hostility that was still in Jesse’s voice.

“Camden?”

A grunt was his response.

“You two, in Hunt’s room. Now.”

I sucked in my breath.

“Uh, Coach…”

“Now!” he barked.

I heard Jesse’s groan and grabbed my bag. Then I looked for a hiding spot. What the hell was I doing? I had no idea, but this was beyond embarrassing. I snatched my bra from the dresser and threw myself into the closet, just as the door opened again.

I could see through the crack between the doors. Jesse was the first one in. He paused as he scanned the room, then he hesitated to go further in.

“Hunt, let’s go.” The impatience from his coach was evident. “We don’t have all day and I don’t want my two best shooters to be fighting. I want this fixed and I want it done now. Camden, sit your ass down.”

He grunted again, and passed Jesse.

I couldn’t see where they all sat, but Jesse stood by the counter. I could see him clearly; he kept glancing towards the bathroom.

“Okay.” The coach let out a deep sigh. “What the hell is going on between you two?”

“Coach, he came out of nowhere—”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Camden. I heard what you said to him. My room’s across the hall and if I had a girl I cared about and you said the same thing, I’d beat the shit out of you too. This has been going on for awhile now. I want it dealt with, now.”

Jesse’s shoulders dropped down. He sounded regretful. “He’s got a problem with me—”

“He’s a fucking freshman and he acts as if he’s the entire team, Coach.” Camden was on his feet now. I saw his shadow grow in size. “I’m the captain. I call the shots—”

“I call the shots. Now sit down, Camden.”

He didn’t.

The coach stood now. His tone took an authority that made me grip my bag tighter. “You will sit down now, Camden. Now!”

He sat.

I almost sat.

He let loose with a string of curses. “I can’t believe my two best are pulling this shit now. Now! We have a big game tomorrow. We’re in Las Vegas and the two of you are trading punches in the damn hallway like teenagers who learned what their penises are for. Have you gone nuts? Are you high?” He shot a hand out. “Don’t even answer that. I don’t want to touch that with a ten foot pole.”

Jesse spoke now, softly, “We’re not doing drugs, Coach.”

“Then what the hell is going on?”

“He’s threatened by me.”

The statement was spoken softly, but clearly. There was no ego attached to it, and the simplicity of it had the rest of the room in silence.

“Camden?”

There was no response.

The coach prodded again, “Is that true?”

Then a fourth guy cleared his throat. “Walt, we should get going. We’ve probably missed our reservation anyway, but the rest of the guys are waiting outside. These two idiots can fix this later tonight.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” But the coach didn’t sound as if he was sure of it. Then he grunted, “Camden, if that’s true, that you’re doing all this shit because you’re threatened, then you aren’t the captain I thought you were. Straighten it up, lead the team, and leave your damn ego courtside. I don’t want this affecting us tomorrow.”

A soft curse was heard now.

“And Hunt?”

Jesse straightened.

“Keep doing what you do. You keep your head screwed on right. You come and play every time with the same consistency, and when you’re riled up, you dominate everybody. You hear that Camden? This ‘freshman’ can’t be beat when he’s pissed off. You really want to play that card with him? You the captain or not?”

There was silence.

“I didn’t hear you, Camden!” the coach roared. “You the captain or not?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Do you lead this team?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Then lead it, Camden. It’s not going to be the first time you’ll run against someone better than you. It’s how you handle it that’ll determine your future. That’s for you to fuck up or get it right. Just don’t fuck it up when you’re on my team, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Yes, sir what?”

“Yes, sir, Coach!”

He grunted in approval and passed the closet for the door. He stopped and sounded so close, I closed my eyes. I could’ve pissed my pants at that moment.

“And Hunt?”

“Yeah, Coach?”

“Get the girl out of the closet.”

It wasn’t long before the door slammed shut again. Everything on the wall and closet doors rattled from the strength of it.

Someone walked to the closet door, but I heard Jesse growl, “Reed, touch it and die.”

The doors swished open. I found myself staring at a tall guy, lean build, with striking blue eyes and blonde hair that looked styled to perfection. He was dressed similar to Jesse. He frowned at me, but offered his hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any disrespect to you. Reed Camden.”

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I certainly couldn’t shake his hand. He looked exactly like Ethan.

I bent over. I really couldn’t breathe. I started to wheeze.

“Hey!”

Gentle hands touched my shoulders. I bent my head between my knees and gasped for breath. I couldn’t—I couldn’t even see now. “Jesse.”

“I’m here.” He lifted me out of the closet and carried me to the bed. As he sat, I curled into him.

“Dude, what the hell?”

“Just go with the team. I won’t make it.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

My hands grabbed onto Jesse’s blazer and I pressed into him. I gasped for breath. His hands rubbed down my back in soothing motions the whole time. Oh god. He looked so much like Ethan, too much like him.

“Jesse,” I whimpered.

I felt him press a kiss to my shoulder, then he growled, “Fucking go, Reed!”

I trembled in Jesse’s arms.

He cursed under his breath and readjusted his hold on me. His arms were more secure around me.

Reed went to the door, but he returned again. He sat on the other bed with a fierce frown. “What’s wrong with her?”

Jesse shook his head and cursed at him. “This is when you decide to be friendly?”

He shrugged. His voice came out wrangled. “My sister has night terrors. This hits home with me.”

“Oh, god.” The disgust was evident with Jesse, but he lifted me on his lap again. This time, he propped me up and smoothed my hair away from my forehead. His tone gentled. “Hey, hey. Come on. Look at me. Please stop crying, Alex.”

His desperation did the deed and I swallowed all the pain away. He needed me. I might’ve been losing it, but I knew that Jesse was on the verge as well. He needed me to come back and I needed to be the strong one now. My hand slipped into his as I took gulping breaths to stuff my hysteria down.

The guy looked like him. So what?

There were lots of guys that looked like Ethan, but then I looked at him again. Everything stopped in me. Oh god. He was the spitting image of him. How could this be? How could there be another Ethan in the world?

“Hey, hey.” Jesse sat me up even more and ran his hand up and down my back in a brisk motion. “Come on. Breathe, Alex. Breathe.”

I breathed. Then I gulped for more air.

“You want me to call Angie?”

I shook my head. Some tears slipped down my cheek, but I ignored them. I had to deal with it. It was about time I started dealing with it. But I couldn’t look away from the guy’s piercing eyes. Someone stabbed me in the gut. And then someone reached inside of me, took hold of my heart, and ripped it out. I felt like my heart was beating in a stranger’s hands and I was staring at it. The trembling started in. Jesse cursed again, but lifted me in his arms.

“Jesse!”

“This is enough.” The resolve on his face made me pause. It was set and determined. He was tired, hell, he was exhausted. And then he carried me into the bathroom, turned the shower on full blast, and dumped me into the tub.

I screamed.

“Dude!”

Jesse held Reed back. Jesse’s eyes caught mine as I gasped against the onslaught of cold water. I couldn’t look away. There was a fevered determination in him, and I knew he’d had enough. It was time to stop.

I stood then. Something centered in me that I hadn’t felt in a long time, maybe ever. Ethan was with us in the room right then. I felt him. The hairs on the back of my neck stood upright, but I gasped for more breath. The water was so damn cold.

Jesse’s eyes blinked rapidly. His set face faltered for a second. I knew he felt him too. But then his impassive mask slipped back into place. His eyes bored me down and he leaned against the doorframe. His captain was behind him with an expression akin to terror and amazement on his face.

I rasped out, “He’s here.”

Jesse nodded. The wall was back in place. I couldn’t reach him, but I wanted to. I needed to.

As I stood in the tub with the cold water beating down on me, shivers wracked through me. Goosebumps ran up and down my arms and legs. Ethan was dead, but his memory felt so alive. I jerked my eyes to Jesse’s captain. He paled, but he didn’t look away. Then I held my hand out.

He looked at it strangely.

Jesse moved aside and Reed stepped forward. He shook my hand.

I was so cold. More trembling was starting to sink in, but I said through rattling teeth, “Thank you. It’s nice to meet you.”

His eyes were wide as he looked from me to Jesse and back, but his hand squeezed around mine. “Thanks. You too.”

He pulled his hand back and retreated into the hallway. “I’ll—um—I’ll see you later, Hunt.”

Jesse didn’t blink an eye or react when the door slammed closed. But he gave me a sad smile. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I think I will be.” And I meant it.

Fourteen

Jesse went late to his team’s breakfast, but not until I reassured him that I would be fine. I was warm. I was dressed. And I was hungry. An hour after he left, I made my way through the hallways to the room Angie had texted was theirs. I was emotionally exhausted. Seeing Ethan’s look-a-like had sent me wheeling. I hadn’t expected it, but it was for the better now.

I couldn’t explain what had been shared between Jesse and me, but I felt stronger because of it. I couldn’t keep crying. I couldn’t keep breaking down. It was time to start thinking of Ethan in a different way; when I would feel him around me, I wasn’t going to be scared anymore.

Then I took a deep breath and ran my hands down my pants. My stomach was all twisted inside, but it was time to be strong again. It’d been so long. And then I stopped outside of Angie’s door. A whole different storm started inside of me. This was it. She knew about Jesse and me. She’d always known, but she had assumed it had stopped. It hadn’t. Now what? I knew she’d be disappointed in me. Angie felt a girl should only sleep with a guy if they’re committed and in love. I loved Jesse, but as for his feelings or the committed part, I knew not to hope for that. When I was stronger, when I could bear the idea of losing him, I’d walk away. I only hoped I wouldn’t be too shattered at that point. I raised my hand and knocked on the door.

It was time.

She opened the door and didn’t disguise her anger at all. Her shoulders were rigid and her eyes were hard. With a gesture inside, she murmured, “Let’s talk.”

Oh boy.

Marissa was on the dresser. Her legs were dangling and she was twiddling her thumbs in her lap. When she looked up, panic came over, but she bit her lip and looked back down. When I perched on the end of the bed, Angie stood beside her. She crossed her arms and raised her chin. Marissa didn’t look back up, but that didn’t matter.

Angie started. “So?”

“So?”

She rolled her eyes. “Are you going to explain it now?”

“Explain what?”

“Jesse Hunt!” Her arms went wide. “My god, you left with him. You haven’t been answering your phone. I mean, what is going on with you two?”

A spark of anger lit in me. “You knew about us. You’ve known since August. You just assumed that he would’ve forgotten me, didn’t you?”

“I…” She sighed. Her mouth opened, and then closed. She gaped at me like a fish. “I don’t know what I thought. Yes, I thought it stopped with you two. He’s going to destroy you. Don’t you see that? Can’t you stop it?”

My blank face was my response. It was now none of her business. Her opinions had been heard, but it didn’t stop me. It wasn’t going to stop me. Seeing that, she threw her hands in the air again. Then she twisted to the side. “Marissa? Don’t you have anything to say?”

Her shoulders lifted and then lowered. She glanced up, but there was such fear there. “Um, I don’t feel like I have anything worthwhile to share.”

“Are you kidding me?”

She gave her a helpless shrug. “What do you want me to say? She’s going to do what she wants to do. I mean, we’ve told her our worries, but that’s all we can do. We can’t make her not see him.” Then she bit her lip again and looked down. Her thumbs were twiddling a second later.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe the two of you.” Angie jerked to me again. “You don’t have anything else to say?”

I kept my voice calm. “I’ve never lied to you, not openly. I might not have shared certain information with you, but I never really lied to you. You guys knew about Jesse. I just didn’t tell you that it hadn’t stopped when I realized you thought it had.”

“But, there.” Her arm shot at me, pointing. “Right there is a lie. You lied to me by not correcting me. I’m your friend, Alex. Why wouldn’t you share this with me?”

“Because of this. You don’t like him—”

“That’s not true.”

“—you don’t like the idea of him and me—”

“That’s true.”

“—and you’re only saying all this stuff because you think there’s no chance that Jesse would ever be with me.” I finished out of breath. My chest was heaving.

Her mouth twisted into a frown. “I didn’t, that’s not all true.”

“Yes, it is,” Marissa spoke up, now timid.

“What?” Angie whirled around to face her. Her arms got tighter over her chest. “You agree with her?”