Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why It Often Sucks in the City, or Who Are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me? (39 page)

Acknowledgments

I’
d like to acknowledge my husband, Fletch, for allowing me to make our private lives public and also for saying the kind of hilarious stuff I immediately claim as my own. I love you so much that I promise to eat whatever you cook next without complaint…or at least with slightly less bitching and moaning.

Many thanks go out to my lovely agent and friend, Kate Garrick, as she continues to make the impossible anything but. Without you I’d be trapped in a boardroom somewhere, listening to a jackass prattle on about mission statements. In short? You (and the rest of DeFiore) rock.

More thanks go out to Kara Cesare at NAL, who would totally win the Best Editor pageant for making me feel like I’m the only author in the world, never hesitating to discuss even the most inane of my concerns. Thanks for always getting it; you’re the best!

For Mary Ann Zissimos of Penguin: YES, YOU WERE TOTALLY RIGHT. See? There it is in big letters, to live on in the Library of Congress for eternity. I can never thank you enough for your hard work. (FYI, you’ve ruined me for every other publicist.)

For the rest of the folks at Penguin, sincere thanks and much admiration to Kara Welsh for everything, the art department for the second phenomenal cover in a row, the sales team (I so owe each of you drinks), Lindsay Nouis (and Nindsay Louis, of course), and everyone else who worked so hard to make this a reality.

I must say a special thanks for the support of the booksellers, particularly Barnes & Noble and Borders, for taking a chance on a foulmouthed polar-bear-pajama-wearing nobody. I pledge to devote the rest of my life to forcing your café campers into actually buying books and snacks. (It’s not an ad hoc library, damn it!)

Much love to my family and pets for endless hours of amusement (and material), and big thanks to MySpacers Benjamin Kissell, Don Purvis, Sean Faulk, and author Nicole Del Sesto for their invaluable feedback, to Patrick Dester for the subtitle that made me snort coffee, and to Linnea Beasley for, well, everything. It’s simply not a party without you.

For Stacey Ballis, Jolene Siana, Martha Kimes, Caprice Crane, Jennifer Weiner, Lori Jakiela, Allison Winn Scotch, Jennifer Coburn, Robert Rave, Karyn Bosnak, Melanie Lynn Hauser, the city of Chicago, and all my neighbors—thanks for inspiring me on a daily basis.

Finally, a million thanks to all the fans out there! I may not be great about returning e-mail, but I promise I pore over every word you’re kind enough to share with me. For each of you who wear pink, green, and pearls to my events and for every photo you send of your Miller High Life–drinking book clubs, you make my heart go
squee
!

You guys are the reason I do this.

¹
Of course, not laying employees off without giving them a reason also reduces stress, but that’s another story.

²
Harry Burnett Reese. Because I? Am all about the Trivial Pursuit answers.

³
Gentlemen, a bit of advice, if I may? The fine staff at Brooks Brothers will never allow you to leave the store looking like a well-tailored rodeo clown. Just so you know.

⁴
And he even bought her a toaster off her Williams-Sonoma registry!

⁵
Vanilla latte, full fat, extra foamy, two Equals, and make it snappy.Ooh, and get me a maple scone, too!

⁶
Read stupidity.

⁷
Seriously, I’m so lazy that many a time I’ve considered whizzing in our kitchen sink rather than climbing the stairs to our bathroom on the second floor.

⁸
Do you care to guess? How helpful she was?

⁹
Bonus superiority points awarded if you leave without stealing any office supplies.

¹⁰
The farmer says, “Be sure to use a cover sheet!”

¹¹
Oh, yes. That’s right. My mother was counting.

¹
Yes, I only wore Dior J’adore. But I had to smell everything to make sure it was still my favorite.

²
White and white only, thank you very much.

³
Really, with the schlepping? Oy.

⁴
Do not give me the “Oh, but most cashmere comes from China now” argument. My point remains the same.

⁵
Ever seen Carrie Bradshaw in a Target coat? No? I didn’t think so.

⁶
Uphill! In the winter! With no shoes on! For five miles! With hungry dogs chasing us!

⁷
Really not a problem for me. At least until I hit my thirties. Ha! Kidding! (Or am I?)

⁸
Yes, I know exactly how old that makes me sound.

⁹
Probably not true, although technically not confirmed one way or the other. But wander around the joint for four or five hours and it will certainly feel true.

¹⁰
You know what we need more of in this country? Lingonberry products.

¹¹
A.k.a. Two Buck Chuck.

¹²
Master?

¹³
Believe me, if I wanted to eavesdrop, I would.

¹
In fairness, I haven’t seen
The Butterfly Effect
. Maybe it’s
not
a lousy movie. But based on his performance in
Dude, Where’s My Car?
, my expectations aren’t terribly high.

²
Through the magic of science, humidity, and possibly Steven Spielberg.

³
Meaning I made it up in my own head.

⁴
Eating “a mess of ribs” is also an excellent way to procrastinate.

⁵
Colors chosen during a heroic bout of creative avoidance.

⁶
Fletch works down here instead of in our office on the second floor. Something about the pink walls making him feel all stabby?