Bringing Stella Home (27 page)

“
Oh, nothing—only that it
goes against everything I know and believe. ‘Why are you making
things so complicated, Sholpan? Being a whore is so much
easier—’”

“
Who are you calling a
whore?”

Stella cringed as she realized her
roommate was glaring at her. “That’s not what I meant.”

“
Then what did you mean? Do
you think that you’re better than the rest of us?”

“
No,” Stella said quickly,
“it’s not that at all.”

“
Oh, come on, Sholpan,”
said Tamu, rolling her eyes. “Ever since you came here, you’ve
acted like you’re something else. You won’t come to the lounge, you
won’t eat meals with the rest of us—you haven’t even met any of the
other girls. Do you know what they’re saying about you behind your
back, honey? Do you?”

Stella said nothing.

“
They’re saying you’re a
self-righteous prude. They’re saying you don’t want to have
anything to do with us because you think we’re all sluts and
whores. And they’re taking bets right now, honey—bets on how long
it takes you to crack.”

Stella’s stomach
dropped.
Please no,
she thought to herself.
No drama. Not
here.

“
Up until now, honey, I’ve
taken your side,” Tamu continued. “‘She’s not that bad,’ I told
them. ‘Give her some time, she’ll come around.’ But you know what,
dearest? The way you wallow in your self-pity, I’m starting to
think that they’re right.”

“
No!” Stella cried.
“Please, Tamu—it’s not like that at all!”

“
Then what is it like,
dear?”

“
It’s just—I just can’t do
it,” she stammered. “It’s so—it goes against—” her voice caught in
her throat, and for several moments she couldn’t speak.

“
Look, honey,” said Tamu,
“I know you wanted your first time to be special—hell, everyone
does—but even if it’s not the way you wanted it, it’s not the end
of the world. I can’t even remember my first time. When it was
over, that was it. I was still the same person I was before—nothing
had changed.”

Stella buried her head in
her hands and drew in a deep breath. “You wouldn’t
understand
.”

Tamu said nothing for a while. When
she spoke, her voice was soft.

“
You want to know how I
came here, sweetie?”

“
Yes,” said Stella, a
little surprised by the question. “How?”

“
I was on an illegal deep
space pleasure yacht when the Hameji took me. I’d worked there
since I was fourteen standard years old.”

“
What did you do for
work?”

Tamu laughed. “I worked the pole,
dear. What else would a girl do on one of those ships?”

Stella’s mouth dropped open in shock.
“Fourteen?”

“
Yes, dear,” said Tamu.
“And I wasn’t the youngest one either—not by a long shot. There’s a
reason those pleasure cruises only operate in deep
space.”

“
I’m so sorry,” Stella
said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Tamu sighed. “It was bad, dear.
Whatever the men wanted, I had to give them. I lived out of a
closet, with two other roommates. We had no doctor, only pills that
made us throw up. The owners fed us shit when they fed us at all.
They’d tell us we were getting fat, and use that as an excuse to
let us starve. After all, if we got fat, what good were
we?”

She paused and looked Stella in the
eye. “Here, honey, things are different—much different. I only have
one man to please, and that only every other week. I have a doctor
who keeps me healthy. I eat three meals a day—good meals, filling
meals. I live in a comfortable dormitory with all the luxuries I
could ask for. So don’t go feeling sorry for yourself, dear. Life
is good—even here.”

Tamu smiled and lifted her hand to
Stella’s cheek. Even though she clearly meant well, the gesture
gave Stella little comfort.

“
You can do it, dear,” said
Tamu. “Don’t be afraid—you can do it.”

I think I’d rather
die.

Tamu stared at her in silence for
several seconds. Without a word, she rose to her feet, walked to
her dresser, and pulled out an ornate ivory canister.

“
Here,” said Tamu, taking
something from the canister and holding it out to Stella. “Take
this.”

Stella caught the object as it fell
from Tamu’s hand. It was a small white pill.

“
What is this?”

“
Something to loosen your
inhibitions, dear,” said Tamu. She knelt down and started rubbing
Stella’s back. “The Hameji don’t like their women drugged—that’s
why Borta didn’t just slip this into your food. She knew Qasar
would suspect something if you gave yourself over to him too
quickly.”

Stella stared at the tiny little pill
in her hand. It felt as if she were holding a bomb.

“
Take this right before you
go into his chambers,” Tamu continued, “and you’ll be yourself long
enough to fool him. After that, the pill will take care of the
rest. Don’t worry—you won’t remember anything after you wake
up.”

Stella shuddered, even as Tamu gently
massaged her shoulders.

* * * * *

The boy without a name lay awake in
his bunk, staring up at the dull gray ceiling. Except for a dim red
light from a sign outside the door, the barracks were completely
dark. Around him, his platoon brothers slept peacefully. No sudden
emotions or flights of passion gripped them; only the calm, dead
emptiness of sleep. Yet the boy lay awake, his mind sorting through
his disjointed thoughts.

As he stared at the ceiling, images
flashed across his mind’s eye—fragments of memories from a life he
could no longer remember. He saw the corridor of a ship—a cozy,
well-lit corridor that somehow radiated familiarity. Windows
flanked him on either side, and through them he had a stunning view
of a verdant world below. Rich, green continents speckled with
clouds sprawled across the planet’s surface, surrounded by deep
blue seas. It was beautiful.

Then he was in another part of the
ship, a small circular room ringed by a vinyl couch along the wall.
Two people sat opposite each other—a boy and a girl. The girl
looked up and smiled at him, her short brown hair swinging as she
turned. The young boy pouted, clearly unhappy to see
him.

Something about their
strangely familiar faces called out to the boy.
Don’t you remember us?
they seemed to
cry.
Come back to us—come back.

“
Hello,” said the girl,
sliding over to make room for him. The boy without a name nodded
before sitting next to her.

“
I think we all know why
we’re here,” the other boy said.

“
Because you don’t think
it’s fair that it’s your turn to stay behind,” the boy without a
name watched himself say.

“
But it’s not. When was the
last time we were all together, anyway? I’ve flown dozens of
freight runs with Dad since then—and I unloaded every
time.”

“
All I know is that it’s
not my turn. I unloaded the last time.”

“
Don’t look at me,” said
the girl. “I haven’t been home for over a year. Besides, how many
times did I get stuck with dock duty when we were growing
up?”

The girl had a wounded look on her
face. The memory stirred something deep within the boy—something he
didn’t quite understand, but was still there nonetheless. A great
yearning in his heart struggled against the empty calmness of his
platoon brothers, and he tossed and turned restlessly on his
bunk.

“
I always get stuck with
dock duty. Have you forgotten that I’m still living at home? While
you guys are off seeing the universe, I’m stuck here, making all
the local runs with Dad. I bet I’ve unloaded this ship more times
than all of you.”

“
Oh, for all the stars,
don’t start this again.”

“
Please, James—I’ll love
you forever.”

Love.
The word brought tears unbidden and unexpected to the boy’s
eyes. He blinked as the reddish glow reflecting from the ceiling
swam before his view.

“
Why are you being so
selfish? How many times do you get to see
Kardunash IV
? Can’t you cut her a
little slack this once?”

In his memory, the younger
boy bit his lip and clenched his fists. The boy without a name felt
tears streaming down his cheeks at the image, so crystal sharp in
his mind’s eye.
What is happening?
he wondered. Beneath him, his platoon brethren
stirred in their sleep as his emotions struggled to rise above
their own.

“
Maybe we could draw
straws?”

“
Fine by me, but James has
to agree to it—even if he loses.”

James.
The name struck the boy like a grenade blast. He knew that
name.

The memory grew fuzzy for a moment,
but soon he watched himself hold out a fist with three wires poking
out of them. “Pick one,” he said, walking over to the other boy—to
James. “Shortest one gets dock duty.”

James pulled out a longer wire and
sighed in relief.

“
Stella, you’re
next.”

Stella!
The boy’s heart leaped in his chest, and shivers
passed down his spine to the ends of his fingertips. He mouthed the
name over and over across his lips—
Stella.

“
Come
on
—c
an you
please let me go?”

“
You’re
hopeless.”

“
Please?
Just this once?”

“
Go on,” the boy watched
himself say to the girl named Stella. “Fair is fair. Take
one.”

“
Oh, all right,” James
abruptly said. “You can go.”

The face of the girl named Stella
immediately lit up with glee. “Thank you thank you thank you thank
you!” She ran up and gave James a hug before scampering out of the
room.

“
Your turn again, James,”
the boy without a name said. There was cruelty in his
voice.

“
No. You go.”

“
Don’t be an idiot. I know
where the short one is.”

“
Fine, fine.”

In his bunk, the boy’s tears came
harder now, soaking into the cheap synthetic bedsheets. Around him,
his platoon brothers began to come awake one by one, while inwardly
his heart strained harder than ever against the Many.

“
Come on, pick one
already.”

James pulled out the short
wire.

“
No!”

“
You drew it, fair and
square.”

“
Come on!”

“
Don’t be a
crybaby.”

“
I am
not
a crybaby!”

“
Yes you are.”

“
No I’m not!”

“
Yes you are. Listen to
yourself.”

“
I am not. Shut
up!”

“
Honestly, when are you
going to grow up? It’s been three years, and you’re still the same
pathetic, whiny little brother you’ve always been.”

“
Shut up,” James screamed.
“I hate you!”

No,
the boy without a name realized.
I
love you.

In that instant, several things
happened at once. All of the boy’s platoon brothers came awake,
several of them falling out of their bunks in a series of soft
thuds against the hard metal floor. And inwardly, the boy felt a
terrible stretching of his consciousness. Pinpricks of light
flashed across his eyes, and pain exploded all over his head. He
opened his mouth to scream, but before he could utter a word, he
was free—free of the Many, free of his platoon brethren, free in
both mind and heart.

Free—and alone.

He felt as if he were flying through
the void, falling down an abyss, with nowhere to go. A tunnel
seemed to open to him, and at the far end of it, a light. Somehow,
he knew that it would take him to the identity of his past life, to
James and Stella and all the disjointed memories that called to
him. But the light was so distant, and between them lay a gulf as
empty and terrible as the vacuum of space. Without his platoon
brothers, the boy felt weak, like a helpless infant without so much
as the power to stand. He stared into the void, and the void stared
deep into his soul, filling him with terror.

An instant later, he returned to
himself. The Many swept him up into its emotional consciousness,
and together he and his platoon brothers shifted from panic and
fear to calm once again.

The danger was over—the monster had
passed. They were One again.

Those who had fallen rose slowly to
their feet and climbed without a word to their bunks. The boy
without a name felt their fears subside as calmness turned to
slumber. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and let himself drift away
in sleep, safe, comforted, no longer alone. Never alone.

But as he fell with the others into
sleep, his lips formed the names of the boy and the girl from his
memory.