Bringing Stella Home (26 page)

James scowled. “I’m not
clumsy.”

Danica narrowed her eyes. James stared
right back, the tension visible in his face. For a moment, neither
of them said anything. Then, careful to keep her face an unreadable
mask, Danica opened her mouth.

“
Come with me.”

She turned on her heel and walked
briskly down the corridor. A few seconds later, she heard his
footsteps clattering behind him.

“
Where are we going?” he
asked.

“
Training
exercises.”

“
Training?” he cried. “But
I thought we’d—”

“
The others will not be
participating.”

“
But—but what about
cleaning the corridor? I thought you wanted me to—”

“
The corridor will still be
there when you get back, Ensign. You’ll have time enough when we’re
through.”

James said nothing more. In a few
moments, they entered the empty gymnasium, door hissing shut behind
them. Danica keyed the access panel on the wall, and a cache of
hand-to-hand weapons slid open for her to peruse.

“
What are we doing?” he
asked. “Why did you bring me here?”

“
You need some one-on-one
attention,” she said, picking out a long brown staff.
“Catch.”

Instead of catching it, James ducked.
The staff hit his elbow and clattered on the ground.

“
Ouch!” he said. “What was
that for?”

“
That staff is called a
pujilion,” said Danica. “It’s a standard piece of training
equipment for hand-to-hand combat.”

He picked up the pole and stood up,
examining it. It was perfectly straight, came up to about his
shoulders, and was made of a firm yet spongy substance, like
hardened foam.

“
What is this?”

“
It’s a super-dense elastic
fiberfoam pole,” she said, “built to withstand heavy shear and
yield to compression. Try jabbing it into the floor.”

He did. The tip collapsed almost half
a meter, startling him.

“
The pujilion is designed
to minimize physical injury,” Danica continued. “Still, you’d
better wear some protection for your knees and elbows. You’ll find
them in the bin to the far left—you should probably pick up a
helmet as well.”

Danica finished suiting up
in half the time it took James to put on his pads. She spent the
extra time spinning her pujilion staff in quick figure eights,
loosening up her muscles.
I’ll have to go
easy on him,
she reminded herself as she
savored the whistling noise the staff made as it sliced through the
air.

“
What good is this thing?”
James muttered. “It’s not like we’d ever use it in
combat.”

“
The pujilion is an elegant
tool,” Danica answered. “It’s useful in training your mind and
building your reflexes. Anyone can pull a trigger, but not everyone
has the fortitude to square off with one of these.”

To make her point, she shouted and
lunged, the staff moving so fast that it practically sang. James
jumped away and slammed into the wall.

“
Ouch!” he cried. “What are
you doing?”

“
Are you ready?”

She took a step back and assumed a
defensive position, left foot forward, ready to strike or
deflect—or both.

James held his weapon from the end
like a sword and charged straight at her. She easily parried his
blow, knocking him away. He regained his balance and swung again,
only to have his weapon knocked from his hands. As he bent over to
pick it up, Danica struck him across his backside and sent him
sprawling to the ground. He cried out in pain and
surprise.

“
You need to be faster,”
said Danica. “Stay on your guard.”

James grabbed his staff and rose to
his feet, mimicking Danica’s pose. He stepped forward; she took a
step back. He took another step forward; she moved to the
side.

Without warning, she lunged and jabbed
at him. He barely had time to react, but managed to deflect it; her
blow only lightly grazed his stomach.

“
Good,” she said. “You’re
getting the hang of this. Now come at me again.”

James edged his way around her, then
lunged forward in an attack. Danica deflected his blow, stepped
aside, and sent him to the floor in one smooth movement.

“
Relax,” she said. “Your
body is so tense I can see every move before you make it. Let your
body react naturally; let all your movements flow
together.”

He stood up again and took a deep
breath, putting himself in the ready position. Though he tried to
relax, Danica could still sense the tension in his body.

She came at him again, slicing the air
with her staff. He braced and blocked it, but before he could
counter, she went for a jab. The tip of her staff jammed into his
stomach, knocking the wind out of him. He fell backwards onto the
floor.

“
Ahh,” he moaned, holding
his stomach.

“
Get up. You’re not
hurt.”

He stood up again and halfheartedly
lifted his staff as she circled him like a crab. Without warning,
he lunged forward, but his pujilion glanced harmlessly off of her
upper arm.

“
Is that the best you can
do, Ensign?”

He clenched his teeth and jabbed. She
took a quick step back, not even bothering to knock it away. His
jab was so weak that the tip of his staff didn’t even touch
her.

“
You’re not putting your
heart into it,” she said. “You’re holding back too much. And when
you do manage to loosen up, you have no control, no
focus.”

“
So?” he said, breathing
heavily. “This is my first time—give me a break.”

“
This isn’t just a problem
with your pujilion technique,” she said, easily deflecting another
of his attacks. “It’s a problem with you.”

He glared at her.

“
Listen,” she continued.
“If you want to rescue your brother and sister, you need to learn
control and self-discipline. You need to be able to strike quickly
and efficiently. Recklessness will not only get you killed, it will
get your friends and companions killed as well.”

And your loved
ones,
she thought grimly to
herself.

“
Okay,” said James,
brandishing his pujilion with renewed vigor. “What do I need to do
then?”

Danica set down her weapon against the
wall. James blinked.

“
Realize that half the
battle is here,” she said, pointing to his head. “‘Know thyself and
thy enemy, and thou shalt be victorious in every
engagement.’“

“
Right,” he said, nodding.
“So where do I start?”

“
I can’t tell you how to
know yourself, Ensign. I can guide you, perhaps take you partway
there, but you’re going to have to figure the rest out on your
own.”

He frowned. “How am I supposed to do
that?”

“
Let your enemy teach you,”
she said, pointing to his staff. “That’s what these training tools
are useful for.”

“
But I’m never going to use
this,” he said, “and anyways, we’re only a couple of weeks from
Kardunash IV as it is. There’s not enough time.”

Danica sighed. “If that’s what you
believe, then nothing I can do will help.” She turned and walked
toward the wall with the weapons cache.

“
Wait!” said James.
“Please, teach me. I can learn.”

Danica stopped and turned to face him.
She stared at him silently for some time. James returned her gaze,
but shifted nervously from foot to foot.

“
Let me ask you a question,
then,” she said. “Have you ever killed a man?”

James’s eyes widened. “No,” he said.
“Of course not.”

“
Do you think you ever
could?”

“
Yes,” he said, a little
too quickly. Danica stared him in the eye. “I mean, maybe,” he
stuttered. “I don’t know. I think I could.”

“
There are two kinds of
people in this universe,” Danica said, folding her arms. “Those who
can kill without hesitation, and those who cannot. Sheep and
wolves, in other words. You know what a sheep is?”

“
Yes,” said James. “They
had pastures for them in the agri-domes on Kardunash IV,
before—well, before the Hameji came.”

“
And you know what wolves
are too?”

“
No,” he
admitted.

“
The Old Earth Archives
tell of a time, long before spaceflight, when humanity lived off of
primitive agriculture. According to these records, most
of the Earth’s surface was unsettled—roughly
analogous to the Outer Reaches today. Wolves were untamed beasts
who lived off the land, eating sheep or men or whatever else they
could hunt down and kill.

“
In civilized society, most
people are like sheep. They live in large, comfortable communities
where they think they’re safe from those who would harm them. But
out on the fringes, you’ll find the wolves. Those are the people
who can—and will—kill without hesitation. Those are the ones who
fight and win wars. Those are the ones who have the power to
destroy civilization.”

James tensed. “Those are the Hameji,
you mean?”

“
Yes,” said Danica. “Those
are the Hameji.”

“
So what do I do, then?” he
asked. “What does any of this have to do with me?”

“
If you want to fight a
wolf, you have to become one.”

James’s face paled. “You mean, I have
to become like the Hameji? A monster?”

“
No,” said Danica. “Because
you see, on Old Earth, there were two kinds of wolves: those who
lived in the wild, and those who were tamed by man. The tame wolves
became sheepdogs—protectors of the sheep. They used their killing
instincts to hunt down the wolves.

“
You see, Ensign, the only
reason civilized society isn’t overrun by barbarians and criminals
is because of the sheepdogs. We think of our soldiers and policemen
as great heroes, when really, they have more in common with the
murderers than with the people they protect. Instead of becoming
monsters, however, they learn to channel their natures for good—to
serve and protect, rather than to kill and destroy.”

Danica paused. “You may be surprised
when you discover how easy it is to kill a man,” she said softly.
“When that time comes, though, you need to know yourself—know
yourself well enough that it doesn’t turn you into a
monster.”

“
How can I do that?” James
asked.

Danica smiled grimly. “That’s not
something I can teach you,” she said. “That’s something you’ll have
to discover for yourself.”

* * * * *

“
I’m not surprised,” said
Tamu from the top bunk. “I told you Borta would see you as a rival,
darling. You should have slept with Qasar when he summoned
you.”

Stella’s cheeks flushed
red, and she bit her lip.
Why are you
telling me this
?
she wanted to scream.
Can’t you see
that I just need someone to talk to?

Instead, she stared mutely
at the ceiling. The purple and pink curtains dangling from the
ceiling reminded her of an aurora. She closed her eyes and pictured
the one she’d seen from orbit at Auriga Nova V on the first voyage
of her apprenticeship. Such a beautiful sight; it had helped her to
get over the homesickness from leaving home for the first
time
.

Now, in the windowless prison of the
concubines’ quarters, she felt the terrible homesickness returning.
The faces of her family flashed across her mind even as tears
burned in her eyes. Her two brothers, Ben and James—Ben with his
characteristic grin, James with that serious look in his eyes that
Ben always mistook for pouting. She saw her mother and father,
too—holding hands and smiling at her, as if to say they loved her.
She choked back a sob and clenched her eyes shut, forcing the
images out of her mind. That life was worlds away from where she
was now, and she didn’t know how to get back.

“
Don’t cry, honey,” said
Tamu. “Things will get better—you’ll be used to this place before
you know it.”

“
How could I possibly get
used to this?” Stella said, barely aware of her words even as she
vocalized the thought.

“
Easy, dear,” said Tamu.
“Don’t fight it—you’ll just end up hurting yourself.”

Maybe that’s what I
want.

“
Really though, honey, you
don’t have to make things so complicated. All you have to do is
sleep with the man, and your problems will be solved.”

Stella clenched her fists to keep from
screaming. “Oh, is that all?” she said sarcastically. “Thanks.
Thanks a lot.”

“
Why not, honey? Are you
afraid?”

“
No,” Stella said quickly.
“It’s not that—”

“
Then what is it,
dear?”

“
It’s just—it’s just wrong,
that’s what.”

Tamu’s face fell. “Wrong? What do you
mean?”