Broken (15 page)

Chapter 22

August, 2010; The Present

“Oh, Gabby,” Bradley spoke softly and relieved, he leaned down and lifted her chin with his forefinger and thumb and he kissed her passionately as if his life depended on her touch. Their tongues twisted and turned and she used her fingers to tug on his hair and hold his head tightly.

She pulled away, “I didn’t mean to say that,” she closed her eyes and put her head down.

“I know you didn’t mean to say it, but you said it because you feel it. You had a moment where you didn’t let fear dictate your words and even though I know you want this, it was nice to hear it.”

“I do want it, Bradley. I just don’t see how in the world it is ever going to work.”

“It’s certainly never going to work if we don’t try.” He smiled.

“I know.”

“Gabby, I’m not ready for this night to end. Do you want to go change into these clothes and go for a walk on the beach? We could talk some more.” He gestured holding her clothes up in front of her face and cocked his head to one side. His eyes were filled with eager anticipation.

“Okay.”

Gabby and Bradley walked to the beach from her house. When they got to the sand, they removed their shoes and Bradley rolled up the bottoms of his pristine trousers. He took both sets of their shoes into his large hands and he had the bag they had prepared at Gabby’s with a blanket for them to sit on hanging from his shoulder. He placed his free hand in hers.

“I love the beach at night,” Gabby sighed as she smiled and looked over and up into his eyes.

“Me too,” he smiled back.

“Well, actually, I don’t think there is a time I don’t love the beach, but I really like it at night. There’s just something so calming about it at night,” she rambled.

“I would have to agree, Miss Gerhart. Shall we find a place to sit or do you want to keep walking?”

“No, I think I’d like to sit. Those shoes you bought me gave me quite the workout earlier,” she winked.

“Well, you looked lovely. You should always wear heels like those. You have beautiful legs, Gabby. You’re beautiful.”

Gabby blushed and smiled as she looked down.

“Let’s sit here. The tide won’t come back in for a little bit.” Gabby pointed to the spot in the soft sand where she wanted to sit.

Bradley spread the blanket out and put their shoes on each corner to hold it down. They both plopped down and leaned back against their palms.

“Gabby, what was his name?” he asked.

“Whose name?”

“The jerk.”

“Oh. Ian.”

“What did he do to you?”

Gabby shook her head and looked down.

“Please tell me. I don’t want to hurt you. I need to know why you are this broken. I want to know what the asshole did to you.”

“I’d had a crush on him for four years. We were at a party, he came onto me. We made out, but he said when we were done he wasn’t ready for a relationship. We just kinda kept our relationship a secret for a month or so. Then, he asked me to be his girlfriend. We dated for about a year. We were really serious. That February, he had set up a really special night for us to take it further. I turned him down. I just had him on this pedestal and refused to see that he was such a jerk. Things were never the same after that night. My best friend, Lindsey, had been dating his best friend, John. John and I are like brother and sister. That’s a different story, but John broke up with her. She apparently thought John and I were doing something on the sly, but we weren’t. Lindsey just quit talking to me. She never told me why. It was like one day she was my best friend and the next she was dead. She refused to talk to me, take my calls, and see me. I had no idea what I had done to her.

In August, Ian asked me to go to this party. I hated parties in high school, but there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for him. Well, in fact, there was only one thing I wouldn’t do for him. He left me at the party for a bit to be with his friends. Eventually, I went to find him. When I did, he was with Lindsey. I didn’t even know Lindsey was at the party. She had avoided us the entire summer, or so I thought. Apparently, she was avoiding me, but not my boyfriend. She gave him exactly what I refused to give him,” she shrugged her shoulders and put her head back down as a tear streamed down her face.

She could see in his profile from the light of the moon that his jaw was clenched and his teeth were grinding, his anger was palpable. His eyes were narrowed and were blazing into the ocean. He had sat up during her confession and he was hugging his knees and twisting his fists together.

“Say something. I’ve never talked about this with anyone other than Sam,” Gabby pleaded.

“I hope I never see the little prick’s face,” he hissed.

“Well, that makes two of us.” Gabby let out a slight laugh.

“I’m serious, Gabby.” He looked over at her and his expression softened.

“No wonder you’re scared to death and think you can’t meet my needs. The only man, no boy, you’ve ever been with was a total dick to you because you wouldn’t sleep with him. As if that wasn’t enough, he slept with your best friend and you had to witness their tryst. Sick S.O.B.”

“Yep, pretty much. And I am sorry, but your timing sucks. August is a month I loathe.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m not like him, Gabby. I promise. I won’t be him.”

“Part of me believes you. The other part of me never thought Ian or Lindsey would do that to me. If those two people could do that to me, what’s stopping you?”

“Let me show you. You don’t know me well enough for me to have earned your trust, but all I can do is promise and try every day to show you that I am not that little boy and as for Lindsey, if she did that to you, she was never really your friend.”

“I know that now. I had just gotten over that when I saw you at the wedding. My senior year was an absolute nightmare. The only friend I felt like I had was John, who lost his best friend in Ian. He was so pissed at what Ian and Lindsey had done. He could hardly look at Ian again. We spent our senior year watching them hang all over each other. It was disgusting. I couldn’t wait for the year to end. I basically went to school and that was it. I didn’t go to parties, or anything. I just tried to survive. When I moved in with Sam for college, she took me to some parties and I was so relieved to be around people whom I didn’t know and the alcohol I had never been a fan of took the edge off all the raw emotions. I was really in a dark place. It took all year to get me to finally open up again and come out of my shell. Then there was you.” Her confession was a relief and it had come so easily.

“Yeah, I can see why you ran away from me. I honestly wouldn’t blame you for running again, but really Gabby, I care so much for you already and I don’t know what is going to happen with this, but I think we both owe it to each other to give it a try.” He leaned over and cupped her face with his hand.

“I’m still so broken. There are other things you don’t know about me. There are things I don’t even remember that I have suppressed somewhere deep inside of me, things from my past. I just don’t know if I can do anything until I figure that stuff out and put it behind me, not buried deep inside of me.”

“Gabby, we all have a past. I get that. Maybe we should just slow down and get to know each other. If things are meant to be, I suppose they will be. I just find it very difficult to not touch you. But, there is the distance factor and maybe that would help if we weren’t in a serious relationship. If we were just friends at first, would that make you feel better?”

“I don’t know. I definitely feel this and it is hard not to explore it. Your touch, your proximity, as much as they scare me also make me feel safe and I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I do think this is moving too fast for me, though. We don’t even know each other. And, then there’s the whole distance thing. I’m not sure that’s something I can deal with. But, maybe if we’re just friends at first, we’ll be able to acclimate to that and it will make it more natural if it moves forward. Is it possible to go back though? Is it possible to forget that we’ve kissed and what it felt like?”

“I don’t know. I know I can’t forget it. I tried for months to forget it and here I am. I’m not going to lie, I have ulterior motives. I want this to go further, but I am willing to wait and give you some time. I want it to work, more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I don’t want to screw it up because I’m too impatient. I’ve already done that once and I will utilize all of my self-control to try to avoid that again.”

“You had said if we did this that you would be exclusive, but obviously if we’re just friends, there’s no way you will be happy. You’ll resent me. I’ve been there done that, remember?”

“He was an ass. He was stupid to not realize what he had. He didn’t and doesn’t deserve you. I don’t want to be compared to him. I am not him. I will work it out somehow. I am willing to try. If it’s not working out, I promise to talk to you about it. I won’t do anything until we’ve talked. Is that fair?”

“Bradley, you know well enough that when you are in a situation, you aren’t going to have the frame of mind to think
hmm, I need to talk to the girl who’s not my girlfriend before I do anything.
I appreciate your idea, but it’s not practical.” She let out a sarcastic laugh and shook her head disapprovingly.

“I honestly can’t see me putting myself in that situation. I haven’t for the past two months and there was no commitment, Gabby. If I give you my word, you will have my word. I understand that my word means very little to you, as I’ve done nothing to earn your trust. But, I’m here. I’m trying. Please, just tell me what I have to do. I’ll take whatever I can get. If it’s friendship, I’ll take it. I just can’t leave and never see you or talk to you again. That is not enough,” he closed his eyes and pursed his lips.

“I guess no one really has trust in the beginning, huh?” she pondered her words and his.

“No, I think in every relationship trust is built. I think when you’ve had someone break your trust, it is harder to trust again, but you can’t assume that everyone is like him. Not everyone is a slime ball.”

“So, we’d just be friends. Exclusive friends?” She couldn’t help but bust out laughing at the ridiculousness of the phrase. She realized it was the opposite of what she and Ian had started as. He was asking her to start her second relationship the way it should be, with the foundation being a non-physical relationship, the building of a friendship and if there was more, then eventually building that, as well.

“Gabby, I promise. I will wait for you. But, you have to promise to talk to me. I want to see you. We’ll work out the weekends. We’ll take trips and go to dinner. We’ll go shopping. We’ll do normal fun stuff that you have lost out on because of the jerk. You’ll get some help for these other issues and when it’s time, we’ll move it forward.”

“Sam has already said that she would find someone through school to help us.”

“Help you both? Gabby, what in the hell happened to the two of you?”

“I don’t know. Sam remembers. I know it was bad. I just have put it out of my mind for so long. I was only five. It was something with my dad, but I don’t know. The only thing I know is that my mom left him because of me.”

“Oh, Gabby.” He reached over and put his arms around her shoulders and pulled her in. “I don’t want you getting help from anyone who isn’t the best in their profession. You aren’t going to be some guinea pig for a med student or resident. I’ll find the very best in the area and I’ll arrange for sessions for both you and Sam.”