Broken Glass (16 page)

 

 

 

each of us has his own worries, but the Pampers guy sure has had some really big ones hanging round his neck since the dawn of time, I never set out to provoke anyone, I've often said that, and it was the first row I'd ever had here, and that's why I thought it was time to throw in the towel, I could have gone on many more rounds, I wasn't played out, I shouldn't let idiots like him screw up my life, my empire of the clouds, I'll stand proudly on stage, as it is in heaven, guardian of the ruins of this place, we all have our shit to shovel, the guy must have a truly litigious intelligence quotient, he thought I couldn't kick him up the ass, just because I'm a precious antique, and what he discovered was, a dinosaur's a dinosaur for all that, so ever since the fight I've resolved not to
listen to him and his shitty story, I very nearly tore out all the pages about his death on credit and set fire to them, but I decided it would be interesting to leave them and to write up our little falling-out, because it's important to spice things up a bit so the reader doesn't doze off, but I don't speak to the Pampers guy now, I've adopted a new philosophy in life which is simple and to the point, tell every painter he's a genius, or he'll fly at your throat, but I've forgotten who it was coined these fine words of wisdom, some well set-up guy, I expect, some serious guy who honored the memory of his late mother, and thought she was a real belle du seigneur, so the Pampers diapers, the changed lock, the police officer of feminine persuasion, to hell with all that claptrap it's nothing to do with me now, I won't be hearing any more about it

I've just asked a weird-looking guy sitting drinking a couple of tables away for the time, I haven't seen him here before, he's got a book in his hand, the title's in English, not a language I speak, but I can see a drawing on the front cover of a raging horse, from here I can't read the whole title, I can only read the words
in the Rye
, the rest is hidden by the man's enormous hands, but I ask him the time anyway, and he takes a good look at me, smiles as though he knows me, and tells me somewhere between six and six-thirty, and since I really don't like that kind of neither-here-nor-there reply, I say “that's a funny way to tell someone what time it is, either it's six in the evening or six-thirty” and he looks me up and down, and says quite clearly “why don't you just go and fuck yourself, you old lush, your hair's turned white while you've been sitting here, you stink of shit, what you doing hanging round here, you should be reading the tales of Amadou Koumba or Mondo to your grandsons instead of sitting around here looking at other people, writing whatever it is you're writing in your shitty notebook there,” I couldn't answer him straight off, he was so obviously trying to pick a Querelle of Brest with
me, and I said to myself times change, customs differ, here come the
margouillats
wagging their heads at the aged lion who asks only for a little respect and consideration, and here sits the aged lion, getting kicked by Aliboron, the mangy ass” and I had an urge to shut him up, the pompous jerk, and again I felt the viper in my fist, like the day I got into a row with the Pampers guy, but there's no point, surely there are more important things in life, why waste your time with people who read books in English, after all, but I was so angry I had to say something, and I said “young man, who d'you think you are to talk to me like that?” and he sits looking at me for a while before he says “I'm new here, my name's Holden” and I shake my head, I think to myself that a while ago I would have been interested in this guy, he'd open up to me, he'd read me the user's manual to his shitty life, his disappointment with his little world, because he's out of another age, this guy, he must think he's still living in the postwar era, but I lost all interest in these heartrending stories, and this guy who calls himself Holden, he's weird, he looks like an adolescent in crisis, though he must be getting on for at least thirty, something like that, he's really plump, his face is all puffy, he's got holes in his shoes, he's no stranger to the way the knife of destiny has wounded the lives of the clients of this bar, anyway, I don't care now, I don't have to listen to anyone anymore, and I look away from him, but the guy keeps at me, and says “I'm going to ask you a question, since you're so wise, and so old,” so he really knows how to get me interested, and I wonder what kind of question he might ask me, I anticipate the worst, and he puts his question, saying “can you tell me what happens to the poor little ducks in cold countries during winter, do they get put in the zoo, or do they migrate to other countries or do the poor little ducks get stuck in the snow, I want to know
what you think” and I look at him and my eyes are wide in disbelief, he must be taking the piss, he's really the craziest of the lot, and I have to walk past him now, so I just say in passing “I don't want to listen to you, I don't want to listen to anyone in this bar anymore, I've had enough, I don't give a shit about the ducks, I don't give a shit if they put them in cages, or if they die in the snow, or migrate to other countries” and I turn my back on him, and he comes back at me again “you better listen to me Broken Glass, that's an order, I want my place in your book, it's not fair if you don't mention me, some really interesting things have happened in this rotten life of mine, and believe me, I'm the most important guy who comes in here, I've done America” and I say to him, “you might as well save your breath, you won't win my heart with those tricks, I've already had someone else come up and tell me he was the most important because he'd done France,” and he says “yeah, but I've come from far away, really far away, that's different,” “I don't give a damn, my friend, you can't come from farther away than me, Broken Glass,” and he shouted, “what d'you mean, are you trying to say you come from far away, when you've never even been in a plane, that's a laugh, if there's anyone who's stood as still as a mountain round here, it's you,” and I don't answer, I walk off a little, “come on then, d'you want me to tell you my story or not?” “no thank you, my cup is full,” and I move off another two meters, and he shouts “I come from far away, really far away, I spent part of my childhood in America,” and I say to him, “America is never going to make me change my mind,” and I turn my back on him once and for all while he's still muttering “shit, America's America, the greatest power in the world, I don't care what it takes, you'll listen to me in the end, you'll write down my American story, your book will be good for nothing if you don't,
absolutely nothing, only toilet paper,” I hear him shouting after me, “hey, Broken Glass, I'm not kidding, I really want your answer, can you tell me what happens to the poor little ducks in the cold countries when winter comes, do they put them in zoos, do they migrate to other countries, or do they just get stuck in the snow”

I look up from my notebook and glance over at the entrance, I don't believe it, here comes Robinette, she's braided her hair, which is normally really wild, she's wearing new wraps, her backside imprisoned in an amazing Dutch wax
pagne
, the Stubborn Snail gives an irritating smile, he looks like he thinks I should get myself in there, tell Robinette how I feel about her, but I'm not doing that, no way, I couldn't do that, it's not worth it now, but she comes walking past me, I look at her for a moment, she clocks me, and says “what you checking me out for like that, you want my photo or what?,” and I say “I don't know what you're talking about, Robinette, I hadn't even noticed you were there,” she points her finger at me and shouts, “liar, you gunning for me or what, I see, just because I'm dressed up like this, you think men don't notice me, you're gunning for me, oh yes you are, Broken Glass,” “I promise, I didn't see you, but that doesn't mean the other men here didn't see you, I'm just me, nobody else,” and she shouts again “shit, you make me angry, now you're really making me angry, why didn't you see me then, eh, why didn't you see me, I don't care about other men, I want to know why You didn't see me,” “well,
actually I did see you really, but I pretended not to see you, so you wouldn't know I'd seen you, that's why,” she says “you mean to say I'm fat, is that it, that's why you pretended not to see me, I'm fat, that's it, go on, tell the truth,” hey, why are they all starting to gang up on me, could it be they've realized that, as patriarch of this place, I am approaching the autumn of my days, and now everyone's got an opinion about me, they're not afraid of me now, they think I'm finished, not worth a kopeck now, not a single Congolese franc, and I do feel rather as though I've grown old, that the years weigh heavy on my shoulders, that there's nothing more to live for, everything irritates me, that I'm losing the thread, feeling vulnerable now, that when an ass kicks me below the belt I can't kick back, first there was the guy in Pampers, doing my head in with the endless story of his wife changing the lock at five in the morning, and while I'm busy sympathizing like an honest soul, or like Ulysses' faithful dog, he has the nerve to assault my mother's memory, and when we started fighting I felt a viper in my fist and then there was the Printer, even if things hadn't turned sour with the guy in Pampers, but the Printer was really stirring it with his
Paris Match
, it's just one thing after another, today there was the guy with the puffy face who says he comes from America and claims his name is Holden, worrying about what happens to ducks in winter, calling me a has-been, an old man, and asking me to spend my final autumn as a patriarch reading the adventures of Mondo and the tales of Amadou Koumba to my grandsons, does he know I have no grandsons, does he really know that, and it seems people are all on edge as though I'd done something wrong, and here's Robinette now having her go, it's like some kind of curse, I say tactfully “I don't want to get into a row with you, Robinette, I really care a lot about you, I promise,” she says “that's not true, you don't care about me, you don't care about anyone round here,
never have, except for the Stubborn Snail,” and I retort “why do you think I don't care about you then,” “because you're a first-rate liar, it comes as easy as breathing to you, even if you're old and grey you don't care you just go on and on, always lying,” I can't find my voice, but still I murmur “I don't think that's true, Robinette,” and she carries on regardless “yeah, you're a liar, a real liar,” and I feel I can't let that go, so I challenge her “give me an example, tell me when I've lied, and how,” and she looks skyward and thinks for a moment and says “have you ever bought me a bottle, just one single little bottle of wine, no, you haven't, not once, you're just a selfish money-grubber, a jerk, you never even looked at me, you loathe me like the plague, that's what it is, have you any idea how many people are after my ass” that completely floors me, I look her straight in the face and I say “help yourself to a bottle, I'll pay for it, this is an important day for me,” and to my great surprise she refuses, “no I certainly will not, who do you think I am, a beggar, a poor woman, don't you say that to me, I never asked for anything, you want to get me drunk, then, so you can have your disgusting way with me, is that it, you asshole,” and since her voice is really loud, it rises above the general hubbub in the bar and people start to turn round, and I hear the sound of distant laughter, now everyone is watching us, and I feel really embarrassed, I'm going to have to find a way out of this situation, but I can't think of one, and I want to get away from her as fast as possible, I try to see the time on someone's watch, it's Holden's, the tearaway guy who yelled at me a while ago, he's still sitting two tables away and asking the others “can you tell me what happens to the poor little ducks in the cold countries when winter comes, do they put them in zoos, do they migrate to other countries, or do they just get stuck in the snow” and from here I can see his great big watch, hanging round his neck, that's a weird way to wear a watch, it could almost be
an alarm clock, maybe that's how Americans wear their watches, those guys must really love everything big, and I manage to make out the time, and I exclaim “my God, it's already nine o'clock in the evening”

 

 

 

I get up to leave the bar “don't you move an inch, Broken Glass, you promised me a bottle, if you move now things are going to get nasty between you and me, you pay for my bottle now,” says Robinette, “for fuck's sake, I'm sick of this, make your mind up,” I finally start to get mad, “why you getting mad my poppet, it's not good to get mad, it puts lines on your face, you've already got too many of those,” says she as I go up to the bar, the Stubborn Snail smiles at me and hands me a bottle of red and whispers in my ear, “so, you going to get it on with Robinette or not,” I shake my head and say no, “I think she must be crazy, she's accusing me of all these things, I don't want to leave this bar with things on my conscience, I'm going to buy her this drink she's going on about,” and the boss says “no, Broken Glass, you're not going anywhere, you're part of the family, so stop feeling sorry for yourself, go with the girl, she'll take your mind off things, believe me,” and he starts sniggering and adds “she wants you, it's as plain as the nose on your face, she really wants you, she's working you over, go on, make an effort, she'll take you to a hotel room or upstairs here, it's fine by me,” and I'm not feeling too sure, and I don't really want to get involved with Robinette, I'd rather just forget about her altogether, I'm tired of her unprovoked attacks, my batteries are worn out, I can't imagine getting on top of her, I'm finished with all that, I'm a man who longs for a distant love, so I turn full circle, I want to take a walk along the Avenue of Independence before calling it quits at midnight