Broken Pieces (5 page)

He really laughs then. “You really are oblivious,” he says, still giving me his hundred watt smile. I start to think I could get used to looking at that. Wait, what am I saying? I can’t get attached this soon. I don’t even know what his intentions are. Intentions? Am I crazy? He only felt sorry for me. There is no way that this insanely sexy as hell guy could want me. Boring ol’ brown hair, brown eyes, but why would he notice other guys looking at me? I need to find out what he is expecting from this because I’m not one for one-night stands.

“Why did you ask me to come eat with you?” I ask, curious.

He scrunches his forehead together, giving me a look like he is trying to get inside me. I really don’t like it. I don’t like when people try to get inside me and figure me out. I am too complicated, and I want to tell him it’s not worth his time.

“Okay, change of subject. Well, first was because I didn’t think that you and your friend could make it home okay. After I realized that y’all had a safe way back, I had to figure out a way to get to know you better. Also, before you ask, I didn’t ask you to come so I could get into your pants. Like I said, you’re different and I like it.”

I stare back at him. I’m shocked because no one has ever been that up front and honest with me before. It’s … nice. I can tell he is not bullshitting me because he stares into my eyes when he talks. He does not act like he is hiding anything. After everything that I’ve been through, learning how to read someone has become a bad habit of mine. I try to pick them apart before they have the chance to pick at me. It keeps me at a safe distance, and is a way to make sure that I don’t get hurt again.

“Oh.” Is all I could think of to say to that? “Thanks for being honest.”

He just nods, and the waiter comes back to take our order. Then, I
do
notice that he is very smiley and being extra nice to me. So I look down at my menu and hope I don’t give the impression that I’m interested. I’m not interested in a guy at all right now. I look up at Drew as he orders, and want to rethink my whole position. I could just sit and admire him all day. He turns to looks at me, and he catches me staring. Oops, it’s my turn to order.

“Um … I’ll just have a small order of pancakes, please. Oh, and an order of bacon, thanks.” I hand my menu back over to the waiter.

He walks off and I look up at Drew to find him staring at me. At least I’m not the only one staring. He has his eyebrows raised, making his forehead wrinkle. How can he make that hot? “What?” I ask.

“Nothing, I just didn’t expect you to order that.”

“It seems that I don’t do or like anything you expect.”

“Nope, seems like you don’t. You are full of surprises yourself, I see,” he said.

He looks all relaxed, leaning back and crossing his arms. My eyes start to wander to his broad shoulders, down to the short sleeves on his black shirt stretched tight over his perfectly defined muscles. Then there are the tattoos. He has what looks like a tribal coming out of his left sleeve, while his right forearm is maybe sporting a quote, but I can’t tell what it says. If you look at my past boyfriends, you’d never think I’d be attracted to somebody that looks like this. Why am I comparing him to my past boyfriends? We’re just eating.

“Maybe.” I sat giving him a small, sweet smile. Wait, are we flirting? I don’t think I would even know how to do that anymore.

“Well, I can’t wait to find out what else your hiding,” he said, winking at me with a smile covering his face.

I blush and look down at … what? I don’t know, but I know I can’t watch him break down the walls. I can feel myself wanting him, wanting to fall, but I can’t let myself. I wouldn’t have anyone to pick up the pieces, not like I did before. I know I can’t do it alone again; it would break me for good.

“Don’t hide. Look at me,” he says, with a voice that makes me instantly obey.

I look up to find a face that I can’t read, and it scares the living shit out of me. There was a second where I thought I saw sadness in his face, but that was gone the moment I locked eyes with him. We sit and stare at each other, until the waiter breaks the spell and brings our food. We eat in silence, just sharing looks the rest of the meal.

I tell him I can pay for my meal. He slowly looks at me and gives me a look that says I better not even think about it. So I dropped it. We walk to his car and he opens the door for me. His hand grazes my arm and it gave me chills all over.

He starts the car and turns to look at me. He just sits there, not making a move to leave. Puzzled, I ask, “What now?”

He chuckles. “You have to tell me where you live, sweetheart.”

“Oh … um …” I look around. I don’t even know where we are. I hope he knows where the college is because I don’t know the address, either. “Do you know where UT is?”

He scrunches his eyebrows together. “Please tell me you know where it is and how to get there.”

“No,” I say in a small voice, hanging my head. This is embarrassing.

“Karaline, you seriously just went and ate with a stranger, and you don’t even know how to get back to your dorm room? I could have been some serial rapist for all you know.” He sounded irritated.

Rapist?
Oh, my god. One word, and it all comes back. Aaron laughed at me when I told him I was
raped.
He told me that I was lying and I probably asked for it because I was a whore. That was the only time I had ever said the word “raped”. I refused to believe that was what happened, even though I knew that it was.

My hands started to shake, my breathing accelerated. I think I’m having a panic attack. Everything around me is a blur. To think I could be so stupid as to get in a car with a stranger after what happened to me with someone I knew! How stupid can I be?

“Karaline, are you okay?!” he said sounding worried.

I don’t look at him. He reaches for my arm, but I flinch away and he backs off. I remember that Lauren said she knew him, and she told the security guy to not kick him out. If she thinks he’s a good guy, then why am I freaking out? Because I don’t even know my roommate that well to start off with, and I really don’t know who this guy is. I am sitting in his car and don’t know where I’m at in the city. I am so stupid.

“Hey?” he said, in a softer tone.

“L-Lauren said she knew you, that you were a good guy.”

“Lauren?” he said, looking confused. “Oh, is that your friend?”

OH, MY GOSH! She lied! “I’m s-sorry. I have to go. I’ll find my own way back.” I open the door, jump out, and start walking. I’ve gotten myself into this mess; I’m sure nothing else can happen.

I start to walk faster, as I hear his door slam. Shit! This is where he grabs me, pulls me back into his car, and has his way with me. Please God, not again. I don’t know why this can be happening to me twice.

“Kara!” he yells.

It didn’t take much for him to catch up with me. He grabs my arm to get me to stop. I shrink back, waiting for the blows or for him to drag me back to the car. That night flashes through my mind … the look on Jeremy’s face, the headlights, blow after blow. I can feel myself freaking out, but I can’t stop it. Then the sickness comes. When the past likes to revisit my present, I get sick. I make it to the side of the building and let everything come up in their flower bed.

“Hey … it’s okay. What’s wrong?” He sounds genuinely concerned, but it could be a trick.

I try to pry my arm away from his hand. “I’ll let go, but you have to promise me you will tell me why you’re freaking out?” he says, sounding uneasy.

“Just get it over with, please,” I say, in a small pleading voice.

Instantaneously, he lets go of my arm. I stand there frozen, not knowing what to do. I’m still shaking, going through a hundred scenarios in my head. Should I run? If I did, could I find my way back to the dorms? Why would it matter? I would probably find a bigger creep trying to get back on my own. It’s late and I’m a helpless, clueless girl. I could go back into the restaurant and use their phone to call Lauren or the guy I used work with, but it’s late and I don’t know if they would be up. Who knows how many IHOP’s there are in the city. I’m royally screwed either way.

“Kara …,” he says, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m sorry if I said something wrong, but I would
never
hurt you.”

He slowly reaches for me. I jump back staring at the ground. I’m hoping he will just go get in his car and leave. We just stand there like idiots in the parking lot of IHOP. Just breathe. If he wanted to do something, he would have already done it … or at least tried to get me back in the car so we wouldn’t make a scene. I can feel myself starting to calm down.
He is giving me space, but still staying close by. While I stand there, I can see that he’s really concerned. I realize I have made a complete fool out of myself. I can’t stop the inevitable form happening, but I need to live my life. Fate will happen either way. I wish I could have realized this before now. Before I found myself standing at IHOP with a complete stud and embarrassing myself. Life would have been a lot easier.

I look up at him to find him running his hands through his black hair, worry etched on his face. When he looks up, our eyes meet, and I realize that he is at a loss as to what I’m going to do next. The first guy that I’m attracted to in years and I have a freak out in front of him.

“I’m s-sorry,” I say, looking down again.

He takes a timid step forward, slowly raises his hand (making sure that I see what he is doing), and gently lifts my chin up. We are so close I can see that there are specks of gray in those meticulous hazel eyes of his. They are so pure that I instantly feel guilty for accusing this nice guy or assuming what his intentions were tonight. “I don’t know what that was, but will you please come back to my car? I will take you home if you want, but I would really like to talk … just talk,” he says, placidly.

“O-okay …,” I say, guarded.

I start the walk of shame. I’m so humiliated. He opens my door, and I cautiously climb in. Before he gets in, I take the time to take a deep breath and calm my nerves. He doesn’t say anything, just begins to drive. I’m guessing he knows where the university is. I don’t want to ask, though.

We drive for what isn’t more than twenty minutes, and I start to recognize my surroundings. I see the corner mart where I go to buy my food, then we pass the coffee shop that I worked at for the first three years of school so I know that we are not far from campus. I watch the street lights go by, one by one. Maybe he will just drop me off and we will go our separate ways. No way am I going to start a friendship, let alone any sort of relationship, with him after the way I acted.

He turns onto the campus and without looking at me, says, “What building is it?”

“B,” I say, while twisting my hands in my lap.

He pulls into a parking spot and turns off the car. He just sits there with his hands on the wheel. He looks like he is contemplating something.

“Thank-you for dinner and the ride back … and I’m sorry for the way I acted,” I manage to say.

I take a deep breath and reach for the door handle. “Wait …” I stop and look back at him. “Maybe, it would help if you talked to someone about it …”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, hoping that he buys that. He didn’t because he gave me a look that says, I’m not stupid and I can’t believe that you’re trying to play me for a fool.

“I-I … um …” I have only ever told one person the story, and it was an agonizing ten minutes … and I knew him. I honestly don’t know if I can replay that night to a stranger. He is asking a lot and I’m not so sure he really wants to hear it; he only thinks he does.

“I don’t think you know what you’re talking about,” I say, in a more forceful voice.

“I saw the way you went white as a ghost when I said … um … that word,” he says, sounding unsure of how to proceed with this.

I just sit here, indecisive if I should tell him. I only just met him, and I’m still shocked that what already happened has not scared him off yet. If I tell him,
that
sure will.

“You’re not going to scare me off, if that’s what you’re thinking. Listen, I know you just met me, but I honestly do want to get to know you. Kara, there’s something about you that makes me want to get to know you better. That means the good
and
the bad.” He stops talking for a minute. How did he know what I was thinking? He continues, “But if you don’t want to get to know me, I understand and you’ll never see me again.”

Okay, not what I thought he was going to say. I want to tell him, but I’m scared. Just the thought of reliving all that, even if it is only in my head, makes me feel sick. I have never wanted to tell anyone before, but maybe I should. What would it hurt if I just let loose and told all my secrets to a complete stranger? It might help me, and I might not see him again. You know what? Fuck it!

“Okay, you asked for it,” I say throwing my hands up in a gesture of giving up. I turn my body to face him, and he visibly relaxes.

Forty-five minutes of gruesomely revisiting the past, stopping to cry a few times, I am done. Actually, I do feel better, but I don’t know what he is thinking. He just sat there the whole time. A nod of the head, and some facial expressions I hope to never see again, was all I got out of him throughout the whole thing.