Brutal (17 page)

“Yes.”

“Can we make each other come? No sex if you’re not ready, I just need—“

“Fuck, yeah. That I can do.”

Pulling her to me, I take her mouth hard, and she gives it back to me just as hard.

When her hands wander down, she breaks the kiss to watch herself touch me. Watching her is too much, so I take advantage of her exposed neck, burying my ugly face there.

My back is burning again. I’m afraid I’m gripping her too tight, but she isn’t complaining. Oh, fuck, I don’t think I’m going to last. She isn’t being rough, but the fact that she’s enjoying it is fucking amazing. I peek around her neck and see that she’s watching herself bring me off, while I work at bringing her off, and when I feel my balls tighten and my stomach drop, I know I’m gonna blow. I may have years to make up for, but shit I’d really like to last longer than this.

“I wanna touch you deeper, tell me no, if—“

“Just…please. I ache
here,
” she says, guiding my hands below. 

I can’t stand the thought of her in pain, so I span her hips with my hands. I take my right hand and gently make my way over to rub my palm over her, and she’s drenched for
me
. I take my other hand and cup her cheek, because I need to kiss her. So I pull her to me, needing to be connected to her. She kisses me back, and then starts stroking me again. When I finally find the heat between her legs, she starts to buck her hips, urging me on. We’re both sweating, moaning and seeking the same release.

This is a big deal for us, but especially her. She could have had this with anyone, but she chose me. Her right hand has my cock firm in her grasp, her left is holding onto my beard like a life line. I bury my face in her neck again, the need to clench my entire body can’t be denied. She buries her face in my neck, stiffening before letting out the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard. She lets go so completely, I can’t help but go where she leads.

Not knowing when to stop, we continue rubbing each other, but not as frantically. My cock is sensitive after the explosion, and I’m guessing she is too, so we both ease up. She moves to lie on my stomach, and I grip her tight, not wanting this to end.

“Stay,” she says, reading my mind.

“Not leaving.”

She gives me a quiet smile and, kissing my chest, wraps her arms around my waist. I’m thirty years old, and this is my first real hug. Tonight is my first everything, and hers too. I’m so fucking honored to be the only one she allowed to touch her.

She surprised me when she settled into my lap, then told me what her nightmares are about. She knows she screams and thinks it’s because when it happened she didn’t make a sound, because she didn’t want her dad to hear, so the screaming now is because she couldn’t do it then.

If I had a degree in this sort of thing, I’d guess you let out all things you kept in when you were being tortured.

It haunts you. But she shared it with me.  We spent the rest of the night and morning in the kitchen, talking over cups.

I told her about my childhood: my fucked up parents selling me for drugs. My life in the system, and why the law is so important to me. Why I don’t like people much. She told me about how she can’t tolerate normal social situations, but the club's atmosphere doesn’t bother her. How she loves mosh pits, and why she joined the circus. The circus threw me, but she said she’d show me.

It was quiet, it was comfortable, and it was new. As much as we were both sharing, I see that she’s torn, I see that she could run if she had reason to think she was hurting me. It’s more than a busted lip, but fuck if I know what to do with it other than never letting her out of my sight.

S
itting at my table having a cup made sense. It wasn’t awkward, or forced. We were both okay with silence, which I appreciate. The problem with silence is it gives me time to think, and sometimes that’s not a good thing. Especially when I’m running on less than two hours of sleep. I’ve had about six cups so far this morning, and if I plan to get through training Baby, then class with Macy, I’m going to need to stop for a to go cup. If I do manage to keep my eyes open, I’ll pat myself on the back. With an ax. Twice.

Last night is still on a constant loop in my head.

Nightmare.

Rogan.

Blood.

I meant it when I said I was no good for him. There will come a time when he’s had enough of my issues. I have never made it a secret that I’m fucked in the head. I
know
I’m fucked in the head. The fact that he’s still here and wanting to spend time with me just goes to show you he’s fucked in the head, too. Despite my head telling me to let him go before he wises up and leaves me first, it’s my heart that can’t stand the thought. It’s my heart that’s willing to take the risk. Since having a man and a heart at the same time is sort of new to me, I can’t figure out which one to listen to. For now, they can both suck it while I enjoy my happiness. Rogan is in the shower, and I need to make two quick calls — one to Macy then one to Tony — then we enjoy our day.

“Hola!” she says

“Hola?”

“You know it means hello, dumbass.”

“Of course I know what it means. What’s with you this morning?” I laugh.

“I got a call from Briggs.”

“I thought you changed your number?”

“I forgot, alright? I’m slammed with work, and school, and fucking forgot, and the dick called me from the clink.”

“What did he say?” I ask. “Word for word, Macy.”

“He said that he was sorry, that it won’t happen again. He also said he wanted me to drop the charges before his hearing.”

“You said?”

“I said no, you fucking piece of donkey fuck,” she yells. “No, seriously, you can quote me on that.”

“His response to that was…?” I ask, and you could hear a pin drop.

“He said, that if I didn’t, when he got out, he’d kill you first, then he’d kill me,” she says, fighting back tears.

“Listen to me, he isn’t getting out anytime soon, and I’ll handle Briggs, yeah? You, on the other hand, have class with me this afternoon, and I expect you to be there” I tell her.

“V—“ she starts.

“I’m bringing the Detective with me,” I say, baiting her.

“That was low,” she says. “Fine, he can spot me. He’s big, right? I suck at this stuff.”

With that, she disconnected. I know she’ll be there. I have a boyfriend (kinda) and so there is no way she is missing that. I dial Tony next, and to my utter distaste, he wastes no time in answering.

“Baby, I missed your voice,” he purrs, and seriously? This baby shit is played out.

“If you insist on babying me, I’m going to kick your ass, Tony, so knock it off.”

“If you insist on not even giving me a chance, then I’m going to baby you until you do. And when you do, I promise you won’t complain ever again.”

“I need a favor,” I say, getting to the point of my call.

“Name it,” he says, all business.

“Officer Jacob Briggs is currently in DPD’s custody for assault and other unmentionables. He’s harassing Macy from the inside, and I want you to make it stop, since as of right now I can’t,” I say.  The odds of the DPD letting me come in to castrate him are slim, and so Tony is my last option
until
he gets out.

“Done.”

“Thanks,” I say “I’ll talk to you on Frid—“

“What do I get in return,
Venessa
?” he says, drawing my name out, and I see red. “This
is
business, after all.”

“You get to keep full use of your mouth, Tony,” I say. “This being business means do not try and fuck me over or manipulate me. I know how much you need that mouth to talk shit.”

“I need you by my side, where you belong,” he says softly. “Even when you threaten bodily harm, it works for me.”

“Tony…” I say, gearing up for battle.

“I’ll handle it, baby,” he says and hangs up.

I’m ready to break my phone in half when I hear heavy breathing behind me. Shit. I didn’t hear him get out of the shower. I so don’t need this right now; I guess that post orgasmic glow wasn’t going to make it to lunch.

“Turn around,” he says, and I do. “You didn’t come to
me,
” Rogan grunts.

“No, I didn’t. I needed Tony’s help on this one.” I knew immediately I had just fucked myself.

“What, exactly, can that motherfucker do for you that
I
can’t?” he asks, and holy shit. That is a loaded question if I ever heard one.

“Will you open up Briggs’ cell so I can beat him to death?” I ask, sensing his anger. I take it further so he understands the gap that stands between us. “Because that’s what needs to happen, Rogan. Briggs needs to be taught a lesson and unless you have decided in oh, let’s say the last ten minutes or so that you’re willing to break the law to make that happen, I needed Tony’s help.”

“You keep letting this guy pull you in deeper and deeper, and you’ll be like him before you know it,” he says, seething, knowing he can’t help me in this.

“I’m already like him,” I say softly. “You’re the only one who refuses to see it.”

“You didn’t even come to me to give me the chance!” he yells in my face.

“I won’t ask you to break the law for me,” I say, raising my voice. “I will never ask you to break the vow you took to uphold the law for a fuck up like me! I’m not worth it!”

“Fuck! Don’t you get it? You are worth every fucking thing!” he screams, grabbing my face “Every god damn thing,” he says then drops his hands and backs away.

He won’t look at me; he just opens the door and waits for me to get my things. I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking about me right now. Whatever it is, wherever we end up, it won’t be because we don’t care about each other. It’s because he lives for the law, and one day I’ll be the reason he breaks it. And he will hate me for it. I already do. This fight isn’t over, and I’m pretty sure we both know it, but it can be finished later. In the meantime, we need to meet up with Baby.

“No answer,” I say after calling Baby. “What the fuck is going on?!” I yell at no one in particular.

“Where does she live?”

“I don’t get that close to any of the girls,” I reply. “I have a few numbers, that’s it.”

“I’ll call Rafe and have him put the word out,” he says. “Put the word out at the club, too. What time is your class?”

“In an hour.”

“Come here.” He sighs, pulling me to him. “We’ll figure this out.”

“About earlier,” I begin. “Don’t ever think I don’t want to come to you first, okay? But I won’t put your career or life in jeopardy by making you choose me or the law. I won’t do it. I will let you go first.”

“You ain’t fucking losing nothin’,” he growls. “You and me? This is forever shit. You come to me always; I’ll find a way to fix it.”

And that’s why I
know
I’ll lose him.

I
let the water run, knowing she was going to call Macy. I wasn’t anticipating Gallo, and I’m fucking lucky I was able to cover my ass when she found me listening in. He’s a problem I need to deal with, sooner rather than later. I’m not pissed at her; I’m pissed at the situation. He’s trying to steal
my
angel,
my
salvation, and that is what is driving me insane. No one and nothing will stand between us.

I shoot Rafe a text and ask him to meet me at this class. I need some help, since that’s what fucking partners are for.

We walk into the studio, and I’m pissed that I didn’t know this place existed. It’s tucked behind Eastern Market and this Italian spot, Roma’s, I order from, so who knows how many times I’ve been by while she was here. And I didn’t fucking know.

Before I can even get any more pissed off, I see a tall woman stretching out on the mats. I don’t need to get close to know it’s Macy. Venessa kicks off her shoes and floor tackles her. Macy wraps her long legs around my angel and they pretend fight. Fuck. I hope they’re pretending. As much as guys are supposed to get off on chicks fighting, it’s not so hot when it’s my chick.